Sorry I haven't updated in a while - been having family problems that have kept me from writing too much.
This is also a pretty sensitive chapter with a little bit of a blood and gore warning. This chapter is also largely AU and I know I stole a scene from Maggie and gave it to Tessa but I don't think anyone is complaining. Also, don't review asking for tissues because I'm pretty sure I've used up all of mine writing this chapter :(
Smittendebs and HermioneandMarcus - Glad you guys are enjoying it so much! I've been writing whenever I can and hopefully I'll be updating a little faster soon :)
Maddy-MarieXO - I'm pretty sure that the whole Carol and Daryl thing is done in my fanfic for now (all depends on what AMC has planned for the fourth season etc etc). So yeah, you don't have to worry about that for now.
Anyways - onward to the chapter! Read, enjoy and please! Review my shit! XD
- Nagiana
Favorite Line(s):
As Rick began moaning 'no' over and over again, Tessa felt her legs buckle and Daryl expertly followed her to the ground, shushing her gently as he rocked her back and forth. He knew what the blood on her hands was . . . he knew even if Rick didn't . . .
"How have the twins been doing?"
Tessa gave Hershel a smile as he moved to stand beside her, and then nodded. He had come out of the cellblock on crutches while being helped along and supported by Lori, Beth and Carl while everyone else kept themselves busy by moving the cars that were needed to help transport all the wood they needed for the fires that all the walker corpses would go into. A smile immediately broke out on everyone's face when they saw him and Tessa had to admit – she was glad he was back on his feet.
"They're doing well - thriving, even!"
"And you? How have you been feeling lately? I'm afraid I haven't . . . been able to inquire lately." He asked her with a little chuckle, although his keen eyes took in everything about her as she followed him to the chain-link fence at the edge of the yard. Tessa glanced at him before she released a slightly exhausted sigh.
"I'm as good as I can be, I suppose . . . considering all that we've been through lately."
"Been taking it easy?" She nodded.
"Of course – Wren, Ethan and Beth have been making sure too, so you don't have to worry about me lying or stretching the truth! The day you came back, though, the shit kinda hit the fan and I was on my feet all day, but . . . I bounced back from that pretty quickly," She gave a little shrug then. "I'll be fine. Its Lori you need to worry about." Hershel's eyebrows furrowed slightly in both interest and confusion and he opened his mouth to say something, however, they were interrupted by Glenn shouting up from the grassy yard below:
"You okay, Hershel?" Tessa and Hershel grinned and laughed when they saw Daryl quickly rein the younger man's excitement back by gesturing to the walkers lumbering towards them from the woods.
"How has he been acclimatizing to all this, you know?" He asked, nodding to the two men and Tessa glanced at him.
"You mean Daryl?" He nodded and she gave a bark of a laugh. "You don't need to be worried about Daryl. He's stepped so damn effortlessly into the father role that it was almost like he was born to it! He loves the twins like no other man could ever love his children and he's been helping me out with everything he possibly can," She smiled a small smile and nodded. "In your words, he's acclimatizing quite well."
Hershel nodded as they stayed in silence then, Tessa, Hershel, Carl, Beth and Lori just standing there, gazing down at the people in the yard and feeling, for the first time in a long time that they were going to be okay.
Until Tessa heard Daryl roaring her name as he took off at an immediate sprint down the gravel aisle between the two chain-links fences. Tessa, eyebrows furrowing in slight confusion, turned around with the others, only to immediately gasp out in shock when they saw the herd of walkers lumbering towards them from further within the prison courtyard.
Everyone down in the yard made an immediate sprint up towards the people now being faced with a daunting amount of walkers, Daryl keeping a firm lead before all of them. They could hear gunshots as they fired at whatever walker head they could get their sights on but it seemed futile. They just kept coming.
"TESSA!"
"Go, Daryl – GO!"
"Tessa – go! Get out of there, babydoll – GO!"
Tessa had immediately twirled around at Daryl's shouting and nodded as she hooked her hands around Lori's elbow and then Carl's before spinning them blindly towards a nearby open door as Hershel and Beth both scrambled for a chain-link enclosure safe from any walker grip.
"The lock – it's locked!"
"Goddammit, Glenn, throw me tha fuckin' keys!"
It was the first time in a very long time they had seen Daryl start to lose his legendary coolness under pressure, and Glenn nodded as he threw the man the keys, barely missing the hard swallow he forced himself to do as he caught them. His hands trembled as he desperately moved to fit them in the lock and he felt tears stinging his eyes. He prayed to God that Wren, Seth and Ethan would have the common sense to hear the commotion outside and the stay inside – to lock the gate to the cellblock if they needed to!
If those walkers managed to get inside the cell block . . . if they . . .
Daryl found himself unable to finish the sentence running through his head and instead, was brought back down to earth when he felt Rick gently take the keys from him and calmly open the gate. Daryl nodded to him in thanks and Rick nodded back before they darted through the new opening.
Lori, Tessa and Carl found themselves plunged into darkness as they entered the abandoned cellblock, Tessa pulling the gate firmly closed behind them. Walkers pounded on the door outside and their chests heaved as they stood there for a moment and caught their breath. Eventually, she shook her head and swallowed the lump that had been forming in her throat since she heard Daryl roaring at her to get out of there. "We can't stay here, guys . . . we gotta keep moving . . . find a way back to the others or a way to loop around to the cellblock . . ." She spoke up and Carl and Lori nodded in agreement as Tessa's eyes quickly scanned the room. She wished Ethan or Daryl or someone else was here with them. She didn't feel safe with a pregnant woman with a gun, a kid with a gun and her with a hunting knife. They were practically walking walker bait!
Her eyes landed on an opened gate on the other side of the room and she walked quickly towards it, withdrawing the hunting knife from its sheath strapped to her thigh, only to end up cursing violently under her breath as walkers began lumbering out of it. She immediately backpedaled and hurriedly pushed the two Grimes' past the walker-spewing gate, in the direction of another one left luckily open down the way. She entered after them and pulled it closed behind them, satisfied when she heard it lock.
"Oh God, give me strength . . ." Tessa found herself muttering under her breath as she fought to control her breathing and her heart rate. The twins had been left behind in the cellblock with Wren, Seth and Ethan. Hopefully they were safe . . . Daryl would make sure they were safe before moving to look for her, she knew it! He'd know that, that would be what she would want before anything else. But still . . . she couldn't help but worry for them – for all of them!
"Come on, Tess, we gotta keep moving . . ." Lori murmured to her gently and Tessa nodded as she swallowed hard again and turned around. She could barely see her friend through the gloom but noticed when she smiled a small smile and took her hand. Tessa returned the smile as they moved cautiously down the unfamiliar corridor, hoping to Hell that it eventually led out to somewhere they recognized.
"Where's Lori?! Where's Carl?!"
Daryl could hear Rick shout the panicked words to Beth and Hershel still standing safely behind the chain-link enclosure, but he didn't stop to hear what they said. His pulse pounded in his ears as he cruelly cut a bloody swath through the walkers to the cellblock where the kids were holed up in – his vision narrowing to only see the doorway that held part of his family. He was vaguely aware that Glenn was standing between him and Rick, torn on who to stay with and eventually decided on Rick when he saw Daryl safely reach the door of the cellblock.
"Ethan! Seth – Wren – you guys in here?" He shouted when he opened the door and jogged into the cellblock after closing it securely behind him. Immediately, he heard the pounding of booted feet on cement as Ethan and Seth came running into view and Daryl let out a relieved breath, almost never so happy to see his son and Seth in his life.
"Deddy, what's happening out there?" Ethan asked, his eyes wide with an emotion that Daryl didn't feel like deciphering at that moment, and he simply shook his head.
"Where are the twins – are they alright? Are all of you alright?" He quickly asked him, and the both of them immediately nodded.
"Yeah, Wren's up in the office with the twins. We were sitting around doing nothing when we heard the gunshots. We immediately ran for our weapons but stayed put and that's when you ran in." Seth explained and Daryl nodded as he began pacing the floor, although he had barely heard him. The twins were okay – Seth and Wren and Ethan were okay . . . but where was Tessa?
Ethan must have been thinking along the same lines, for when he spoke next, his voice was quiet and slightly frightened. Tessa hadn't gone missing since the night they escaped from the farmhouse. "Deddy . . . Deddy, where's momma?"
Daryl stopped and turned to face his son then. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the door to the cellblock clanging open. They spun around, their weapons immediately moving to point at the opened doorway, only to find that it was Rick, chest heaving and eyes wide with fear. His eyes connected with Daryl's and as a blaring alarm began to sound, he shook his head.
"Tessa led Lori and Carl into the cellblock across the way," He shook his head. "Daryl, we gotta go find them!"
The three of them violently flinched when an alarm began to blare, the sound immediately bouncing off of the concrete walls, making it seem even louder than it actually was. They continued onwards, though, Carl always staying slightly ahead and with his gun at the ready in case they happened upon a walker or two as Tessa stayed with Lori, giving the woman any verbal assurances she needed to keep them going. Tessa too was on high alert and didn't notice the rigidity of her friend's body posture and the way she clutched at her massive stomach.
They rounded a corner and Tessa immediately felt her heart drop into the pit of her stomach when she saw Lori squeeze her eyes shut, grit her teeth and then turn to lean on a nearby wall. "Lori . . . Lori, oh my God, honey – are you alright?" The words flew from her mouth before she could stop them and Lori nodded.
"Yeah, but something's wrong . . ." She shook her head. "Tess, I think the baby's coming . . ." Tessa's eyes grew wide and she shook her head.
"Lori, we need to get you back to the cellblock – to Hershel and Carol! Come on, we gotta -!"
Lori's hand enclosing firmly around her wrist kept her back and she turned to face her friend, only to see her shaking her head. "Tess, I'm not gonna make it back in time. This baby is coming fast," Her eyes sought hers out through the gloom. "You're gonna have to deliver it."
Tessa opened her mouth to speak but didn't have time to as a group of walkers came snarling and lumbering around the corner. Carl raised his gun but Tessa shook her head as she quickly moved to support Lori's weight with her own as she pulled her friend's arm around her shoulders. "There's no time. Come on – we gotta find a secure room!"
They backtracked back down the corridor, tears starting to fall down Lori's cheeks as they sought desperately for a secure enough room to lay her down. They were once routed by walkers but managed to backtrack again and go down another corridor before sliding into a room, Carl slamming the door behind them. They moved deeper into the room and stood there with bated breath as the walkers lumbered past them. Tessa's eyes shot onto Lori, however, when the woman gripped the chain hanging in front of her and squeezed with all her might as another contraction ripped through her, Tessa shook her head as her hand moved to her shoulder, her eyes growing wide again.
"What are those alarms?" Lori asked to keep Tessa from saying what she was terrified of hearing, and Tessa shook her head as she took her arm and helped her down the room.
"Don't worry about the alarms, honey." She spoke and Carl shook his head.
"What if they attract them?" He asked and Tessa glanced at him over her shoulder but largely ignored him as her attention returned to her friend. Lori was going into labor – she was going to have this baby here and there was no stopping it. She needed to keep her cool and think.
"Lori, honey, we need to keep going, okay?" She urged her, but Lori shook her head.
"No, Tess, the baby is coming now!" She told her, her voice going scarily quiet and Carl stood there, at a temporary loss of words.
"Well then, we need to get you back to our cellblock – to Hershel and Carol -!"
Tessa shook her head, interrupting him. "No, we can't risk it in her state, Carl. Lori, we're gonna need to give birth to this baby here." She told her and although Lori hated the words with a vengeance, she knew they were true. She heard Lori mutter 'Great!' under her breath before her breathing started to tear ragged from her lungs. Carl's body immediately went rigid.
"What's happening to her – can she breathe?" He asked, the words coming out rushed and nervous, and Tessa glanced at him.
"The baby is coming, Carl, and it's painful – that's why she's breathing hard. And I know you're worried for her – I am too, but I need you to be quiet, okay? I need to think . . . now, Lori, come here, we need to get your pants off." Tessa spoke as her hands immediately moved to her front, where they began working at the button and fly of her jeans. Lori grabbed onto the pipe in front of her for leverage as Tessa snaked her pants down her legs along with her underwear before helping her to the floor. Her eyes moved up to Carl's. "You wanna help deliver your little brother or sister?" She asked him and Carl nodded but swallowed hard nonetheless as Tessa's eyes returned to Lori's. "I'm gonna do a quick exam – make sure your dilated, okay?" She told her, and Lori nodded as Tessa grasped her knees and gently spread her legs. After a moment, she shook her head. "I-I can't tell -"
"Tess, forget about that - I gotta push!" Lori immediately spoke up and Tessa nodded as she helped her to her feet. She helped maneuver her to her feet, and guided her to the nearest wall, where Lori immediately latched onto a pipe bolted there. Lori didn't have the luxury of giving birth with her husband there like Tessa had. She needed to give birth then, as quickly as she could and without Rick. Hopefully nothing would go wrong.
She pushed along with the contraction and stood there for a moment, body rigid as she gritted her teeth and tried her best to cope with the pain. Eventually, though, she shook her head and held out her hand. "Somebody . . .!" Tess jumped forward and took her hand and when the contraction ended, Lori nodded and released her hand, where she took another hold on the pipe. "I'm okay – I'm okay!" She assured her with a hard swallow, and Tessa nodded.
"Just keep doing what you're doing Lori; your body knows what to do." She assured her in turn, and her hand smoothed comfortingly up her back as the next couple of contractions hit her friend, causing Lori to cripple somewhat with the continuous pain. Eventually, Tessa shook her head and put a warning hand on the small of her back. "Lori, don't push – don't push! Something is wrong!"
She reached her hand up in-between her legs as a scream tore from her friend's throat. When Tessa withdrew her hand from between her thighs, her heart sank when she saw that her fingers were covered in scarlet red blood.
Her eyes widened in horror and fear. "Oh dear God, Lori . . .!"
It was then that the woman collapsed, her eyes closing and Tessa quickly moved to catch her, Carl hurriedly moving to their side. Her skin was cold and clammy to the touch and Tessa felt her heart jump up into her throat as she quickly moved to lay her down. "Mom, mom, keep your eyes on me – keep them open!" Carl urged her as he took her hand and Lori shook her head as her eyes focused on Tessa's.
"Tess, I'm not gonna make it . . ." She murmured and immediately Tessa and Carl adamantly shook their heads as Tessa moved to kneel in-between her legs.
"Lori, with all this blood, I don't even think you're fully dilated!" She told her, fighting to keep back the tears that insisted on bubbling up in her eyes. "No amount of pushing is gonna help." Lori nodded.
"I know what it means," Her eyes met her friend's and she held them unwaveringly. "And I'm not losing my baby, Tess, you know that. You gotta cut me open." Tessa stared at her in horror for a moment before adamantly shaking her head.
"Lori, no, I can't!"
"Tessa, please, you have to -!"
Tessa had tears brimming in her eyes as she shook her head again. "Lori, I can't – please don't make me do this! I don't have the equipment – no anesthetic . . .!" Lori let out a laugh.
"You have a knife, Tess, and Daryl has always said that you were a surgeon with it. And didn't I tell you – didn't I tell you that you would be the one out of the both of us who would make it? Didn't I tell you that you would be the one to have the smooth birth and the one that would live through this?" She swallowed heavily then. "Didn't you promise me that you would take care of my baby like it was your own – like it was Danny or Aayla?" Tessa had no choice but to nod and she opened her mouth to retort but was silenced by Lori shaking her head as she reached up a hand up to curl around hers. Her eyes flickered to the hunting knife lying on the floor beside them – the hunting knife that had formerly been Daryl's. "You're the only one here, Tess, who knows this stuff. You're the only one who would be able to do this right – without hurting the baby!" She swallowed hard again, her eyes wet with tears. "You're the only one I trust to do this, honey!" Tessa shook her head.
"Lori, you won't survive! You have to know this!" She told her as a tear ran down her cheek and Lori nodded.
"But my baby has to, Tess. Please, do this for me – for my baby!" Tessa sat there for a moment before shaking her head.
"You can't ask me to do this, Lori, you just can't – it's unfair! For God's sake, you're my best friend! I can't even begin to do this!"
They held gazes for a moment and it was then that the tears started to flow between them and Lori shook her head. "I'm so sorry . . . for what I said earlier. I've been meaning to tell you that but I . . . I never had the courage. You're my best friend, Tessa – you're the only one I trust to do this right!" She shook her head. "I love you, honey, don't for a moment think that the reason I ask you this is because I don't!" She told her as she moved up her shirt, revealing to her the faded caesarian section scar that she had earned with Carl. "See my faded C-section scar? That's where you start." She told her and Tessa shook her head again.
"Lori, you don't understand! I can't -!"
"You can, Tess, you have to! Your strong – you can do this! And Daryl . . ." She shook her head. "Daryl will help you cope - he won't let you drown! He's a good man, Tess and he loves you so much . . . don't ever think he's not and that he doesn't!" She told her and Tessa nodded, wondering why she was telling her something that she already knew. Lori's eyes landed on the tear-filled ones of her son kneeling beside her then. "And Carl, I don't want you to be scared, okay? This is what I want – this is what is right," Carl nodded as she continued. "You take care of your daddy for me, alright? And your little brother or sister, too -"
Carl shook his head, interrupting her slightly, but she continued on nonetheless. "You are going to be fine!" She assured him with a smile. "You are going to beat this world – I know you are! You are smart and you are strong and you are so brave! And I love you."
"I love you too." He murmured back with a sniff as Lori continued.
"Promise me you'll always do the right thing. It's so hard to do wrong in this new world, so if it feels wrong then don't do it, okay? Don't let the world spoil you!" She told him as she reached up her hand and began wiping away his tears. He nodded as more continued to fall, and it was then that she shook her head as they all began to break out into sobs. "My sweet, sweet boy – I love you!" She cried as she pulled him into a hug. Tessa kneeled there as tears began filling her eyes as well and it took a moment before Lori was finally able to return her eyes to Tessa. She had picked up the hunting knife then in a shaky hand and swallowed heavily when her eyes connected with her friend's.
"Tessa, when this is over, you know that you're gonna have to -!"
"Shh!" Tessa immediately shushed her and Lori shook her head.
"You're gonna have to do this and not Rick!" She finished and Tessa nodded as Carl took up his mother's hand. Tessa shook her head and placed the edge of the blade against her stomach.
"I'm so sorry honey!" She murmured, tears still managing to fill her eyes as she slid the blade along the smooth flesh, feeling it sever like tallow underneath the blade that Daryl sharpened to a dangerous edge every day almost religiously. Lori immediately began screaming bloody murder again and Carl, tears still streaming down his cheeks, yelled that she was killing her. However, Tessa couldn't hear him over his mother's screams and tried not to notice when she closed her eyes and allowed her head to loll to the side, body jerking.
"Carl, sweetie, give me your hands . . ." Tessa murmured as she struggled to gain a handhold on the slick fetus and Carl gave her a stricken look, one that Tessa returned with a hard one. "You need to keep the sack out of the way. If I cut too deeply, when I'm gonna hurt it." Carl didn't nod but he did as he was told nevertheless as Tessa continued on with what she was doing. Carl's eyes turned onto the now still face of his mother.
"Tess . . ."
"I'm so sorry sweetie, but I can't worry about you right now. I need to focus." Her cheeks were tear-streaked as she suddenly nodded. "I see it – I see the ears!" She announced, and Carl turned his eyes onto the bloody hands of Tessa moving within his dead mother's stomach and had to close them in order to block the vision from his head. "I'm pulling it out . . . I can't tell if this is the arm or the leg . . ."
Carl opened his eyes, just as Tessa was withdrawing a completely silent, blue baby from his mother. Both their eyes filled with tears as Tessa, heedless of the blood, fluid and white vernix caking the baby's small body, took it in her arms. She ran her hands over it, trying to warm it before she turned it over and gently patted its back. After a moment, a cry filled the air and the both of them let out sighs of relief as Tessa cut the umbilical cord and as Carl shed his jacket, where he handed it to her.
"It's okay, sweetie, it's okay . . ." She murmured to the baby as she quickly wrapped it in the jacket she took from Carl, barely noticing that it was a girl as she did so. She got her feet then, only giving her friend's corpse a cursory glance, of which almost made her heart split in two. "Carl, we gotta go." She told him and Carl shot her a weak look as he too got to his feet.
"We can't just leave her here, Tess! What if she turns?" Tessa's weak gaze settled onto Lori then as she shifted the struggling baby in her arms, and moved to get the knife she had so recently slid into the holster at her side. A tear ran down Carl's face as he shook his head.
"No . . . no, I'll do it." Tessa gave him a pleading look.
"Carl, sweetie, you don't have to -!"
Carl shook his head as he tightened his hold on the gun in his hand. "She's my mom, Tess. I should be the one to do this." He told her and Tessa stood there for a moment, holding his gaze before slowly nodding and turning around, where she headed towards the door, her grip tightening on the baby in her arms ever-so-slightly. Carl watched her go before he turned towards his dead mother, tears streaming down his cheeks.
As Tessa heard the gunshot that split the air and which meant that Carl had just put a bullet through his mother and her best friend's head, her grip tightened on the little girl in her arms yet again. She found herself wondering what the Hell she had done to be so lucky, where Lori had earned nothing but the world's contempt.
They hadn't found them. They had shut off the generators after being attacked by a halfway insane Andrew, found a dead T-Dog and a missing Carol but not hide nor hair of Lori, Carl or Tessa. Daryl was starting to panic and as far as he was concerned, Rick had already lost it.
They had ran back to where they had left Hershel and Beth and were lamenting over how they had not yet found them, when a baby's cries caught their attention. They twirled around, Daryl's heart giving a leap of relief when he saw Carl and Tessa make their careful way down the steps of another cellblock towards them.
Then they saw the struggling bundle in Tessa's bloody hands.
Tessa was trembling, trying her damndest not to cry as they made their slow, sorrowful way towards them and when Daryl ran to meet them, her eyes connected with Rick's over his shoulder. She shook her head as he limply dropped the ax he had been holding. "Rick . . . Rick, I'm so sorry!"
"Where's Lori, Tess? W-where is she? Where the Hell is she, Tess?" He asked and she shook her head as tears filled her eyes and as she felt Daryl take a gentle hold of her arms. When he instead moved to head past her towards the cellblock they had so recently come from, Tessa shook her head as she lunched out and took a firm hold of his arm.
"N-No, Rick - don't!"
Rick turned and he held her gaze for a moment. When he saw the truth echoing in the beautiful brown depths of her eyes, he turned around. His hands flew to his face as he broke down too and as Maggie quickly came forward to take the baby from her, Tessa allowed her to, gratefully. She fell into Daryl's arms then and he readily allowed her to. She wrapped her arms around him and broke down into as furious sobs as were the ones that were tearing forth from Rick's chest.
As Rick began moaning 'no' over and over again, Tessa felt her legs buckle and Daryl expertly followed her to the ground, shushing her gently as he rocked her back and forth. He knew what the blood on her hands was . . . he knew even if Rick didn't want to.
