Clary's POV
I walked down to one of the lounge chairs and took a seat, I knew Sebastian was following me, but he didn't say anything the whole walk down.
"Alright. Out with it." I spat as I stared out at the water.
"I want to tell you what the big hoopla in the living room was all about." I nodded still staring at the water.
"This should be good." I caught whispers here and there, but everybody brushed me off when I asked about it.
"Well…We were all having a dispute in the living room about whether you had slept with Jace." My head snapped towards Sebastian. He had his hands in his tan cargo short pockets and was wearing a black collared button down t-shirt, untucked, with the top two buttons undone. He had a black hoody draped over his arm. The moonlight made his black hair shine. He was looking at me like he was deliberating what to say.
"You what?" I snapped.
"You see, everybody thought you slept with Jace…because I told them you did. Not that it makes it right, but I had thought at the time you did. You were leaving his room with just that t-shirt on. Jace is a player, it was the obvious answer. The fact you were in there sleeping with Alec, come on, like anybody would have guessed that. That's not the whole thing either. After I thought you slept with Jace, I was sure you were one of those girls that just liked to have a good time. You're gorgeous, you have a great body. I was interested. I'm not going to deny that. You're sexy and I wanted to get with you. I thought you were easy, and I may have said something to that respect. I didn't see what the big deal was. Izzy's such a slut, everybody knows it, it would make sense you, being one of her closest friends, would be too. The way I hear it, Jace is with a different girl practically every week, why would it be any different with you." I was frozen, looking at Sebastian in disbelief. He was being so direct, but so, so vile.
"Anyway. I'm a player Clary. I don't pretend to be something I'm not. I just was looking for a good time and I thought you were too. Come on, you were parading around in a tiny bikini, silk robes, and skin tight dresses. It made sense. At Pandemonium when I asked if you wanted to have some fun, I thought you knew what I meant. I thought the Fairy Dust would add to our pleasure, and you seemed more than happy to try it when I told you it gives you the feeling of euphoria. I didn't drug you. I don't know if they told you I did, but you took the stuff willingly. Yeah I would have slept with you, but that doesn't really matter right now." I was speechless. What he was saying was so horrible, but yet somehow seemed to make sense. I knew all those clothes Izzy picked out for me were to make me look more attractive, I felt kind of sexy wearing them. Though I'd never admit that to her. Wasn't that the point, to get guys to notice me? Was it really all that surprising, that a guy like Sebastian, would get the wrong idea? I remembered him asking me if I wanted to try the Fairy Dust. God, after talking to Alec, I was sort of depressed, feeling euphoric sounded pretty good. I watched him put it in a shot of tequila for me at the bar; it wasn't like he slipped it my drink when I wasn't looking. It really wasn't one of the smarter decisions I've made.
"I'm not going to say I care about you, I don't. I don't have feelings for you, I never will. I'd sleep with you in second, but it wouldn't mean anything." Well that was pretty harsh. I was feeling really sick. I felt like I was going to throw up, nobody had ever talked like this to me, been so blunt, so forward, so appalling.
"Why are you telling me all of this?" I spat.
"A couple reasons. First, I want to set the record straight, everybody here seems to make me out to be a monster and I'm not. I didn't do anything wrong. I might not be the world's best boyfriend, I'd give you that, but I'm not a bad person. I came here to have fun, I didn't come here to cause problems. I want to apologize to you if I upset you. Based on a few things, I judged you wrong. I thought you were somebody you weren't, and I wouldn't have acted the way I did if I had known then what I know now. To a girl like you, I probably seem kind of creepy. If you were the kind of girl I thought you were, you would probably be turned-on right now." Sebastian let out an uncomfortable sounding chuckle. That was the weirdest, creepiest apology I've ever heard.
"Anyway, I did have a good time last night hanging out; even though we didn't have sex. You weren't like the girls I usually hang out with granted, but you weren't all stiff like the Lightwoods either. The stories I hear from Aline make you sound like you're really understanding and you judge people fairly. The Lightwoods, well they act like they're better then everybody else. I just don't want you to think I'm the monster they're trying to make me out to be. I'm sorry I judged you unfairly, I hope you don't hold it against me." I was looking at Sebastian hard trying to read him, but his face was so guarded. I was torn between wanting him to go on and just wanting to get away from him. I hated what he was saying, but some of it, I had to admit, sounded accurate. The Lightwoods didn't really give me the warmest reception when I met them either. Alec was discreetly nasty to me those first few weeks before he met Magnus, when he thought I was going to try to steal Jace from him, not that Jace was ever his to begin with. Jace, well Jace was his unpleasant pompous self. Izzy, she down right hated me openly for a couple practices until she realized I wasn't going to be any competition at all for the guys she wanted to date, and then she took pity on me for being so anti-social when it came to the opposite sex and decided to take me under her wing. Max was always nice to me, but he was just a sweet innocent kid. I hated that Sebastian was kind of right. The Lightwoods could be a little hard on people. I hated that I could see a little legitimacy in everything he was saying. I braced myself to hear him out.
"You said there were a couple of reasons."
"Yeah…Well the other one…I get the feeling that all those people in there, that you call friends, pick and choose what stories you should hear. Aline told me how they were avoiding telling you what happened in the living room. I thought that was so odd. Why not just tell you? It wasn't really that big of a deal, they blew it completely out of proportion…" Unfortunately this sounded all to true.
"I think you should know…" Sebastian hesitated.
"Yes?" I pried.
"Clary. Well…both my parents are gone, ok…I live with my uncle…well he's not really my uncle…not biologically…anyway…we're not really close. I have one person left that means anything to me, Kaelie. You met her at the bar. When I was talking to you she came over and I left to go talk to her. She's tall, skinny, blonde, striking blue eyes." Regrettably I remembered her all too well. I was nodding.
"Well, she's like a sister to me. I've known her for a really long time. She's really close friends with Aline. She's been dating Jace on and off for years. You can ask Aline or Alec if you don't believe me. He means everything to her, Clary. They go out for a while then he breaks up with her, then they go out, then they break up again. It's like what Aline says Izzy does to Simon. Jace kind of keeps stringing Kaelie along and she keeps hoping one day he'll wake-up and realize he loves her. She's a good girl. She's foolish, and love struck, but she's a sweetheart. She thought they were working things out before he came on this trip. You saw them kissing at Pandemonium, I know you did, I saw it too. She really thinks he still has feelings for her." When Sebastian stopped to take a deep breath, I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding. Was it true? I always hated the way Izzy treated Simon, I always wished she would figure out how she felt for him so he wouldn't suffer anymore. I knew it killed Simon to see her date guy after guy, and God knows all those guys were either players or fell hopelessly in love with her. Then she'd just crush them and never look back. Izzy's words echoed in my head: He doesn't know how to be in a relationship anymore than I do, and that's not saying much. I had never really given too much thought about how Izzy and Jace were so similar with relationships. I never asked her about Jace's ex-girlfriends. I never asked Jace either. I never asked anyone. I knew as much as I thought I wanted to know. Everybody always joked about Jace sleeping around, it wasn't a big secret, but could he really ever be serious about one person, or was there really somebody out there that he always went back to between his escapades? Did Jace have a Simon?
"Clary, I think you should back off. I'm asking you to back off." I could feel my eyes beginning to burn. No. NO. I wasn't going to believe this. I barely knew Sebastian, he was lying. I had no idea why, but everything in my body was screaming at me that he was lying. He had to be. He just had to be. It couldn't be true. I wasn't going to let him get to me. I stood up to face him.
"I don't believe you. I don't believe any of this." I snapped.
"Don't you? I'm not lying about what happened in the living room, I wouldn't make something like that up, and anybody in the house can verify it for you. Do you think they're doing you favors by keeping you in the dark? I know you saw the kiss at Pandemonium. I see how you reacted when I asked. I see the way you and Jace look at each other. Everybody can see how you guys act together. The tension between you two, that's not because you hate each other, that's for sure. I see the way you are reacting right now when I talk, you're visibly upset, you look like you are going to break down and cry at any second. You care, you care a lot about what I'm saying and you know what I'm saying is true. There is something definitely going on between you and Jace, you might not acknowledge it, but I can see it. Not to mention I have a few bruises that would argue that point as well. I just want you to think rationally for a minute though. Did he tell you he kissed her? Do you feel he should have at least been forthcoming about that? No, he kept it a secret from you…Didn't he?…Like all the other secrets he's keeping…You know the lake, coming out here, this use to be like their thing. Kaelie was so hopeful that this was what they needed to get back together. They'd spend the day horseback riding and go out to the clubs at night. Kaelie loves horseback riding, I'm a pretty good rider, and we go sometimes, but I know she loves to ride with Jace." My eyes had drifted towards the ground while he was talking.
"We went riding today." My voice was just above a whisper. My eyes were full of threatening tears. Maybe what he was saying was true. I was kidding myself. I was in complete denial that a Greek God like Jace would ever really end up with a Raggedy Ann doll like me. Maybe I was jealous of Kaelie too. I wasn't striking, not like her. She was tall with blonde hair and amazing blue eyes, she looked just like a model. I was short, with stupid red hair. He put his hand gently on my shoulder and I looked up at him. His eyes almost looked concerned, but there was still a very reserved look about him.
"Clary you know he's a player. I don't know if he's playing you or not, but just think about it ok. You've seen what Izzy does to guys. Aline tells me she always goes back to Simon in the end. You seem like such a remarkable person, and I've barely spent any time with you. I already know you're better off without jerks like me and Jace in your life. It's too late for Kaelie, this has been going on for years; she's completely in love with him. She's so sweet and meek though, she'd never fight for him, and she'll just die inside while she loses him again and again. I can't watch that happen over and over, I care about her and I want her to be happy. I tried to tell her to just get over him, but she can't, I just keep praying he'll realize how amazing of a person she is and treat her how she deserves to be treated. Please just think about it. I'm not trying to be mean. It's just, this is Kaelie, I'd do anything to see her happy. If things were different, and you weren't Izzy's friend, don't you think you would have tried harder to help Simon make things work out with her?" My eyes drifted back towards the ground with a few tears escaping. I would have. I would have fought for him, helped scare all those guys away so Simon had a fighting chance. In a way, I had been all these years. The pep talks I would have with Izzy, trying to get her to figure out her feelings and stop messing with Simon if she didn't love him. Now they were moving in together, it just took her forever to figure it all out. This was all too much. I was starting to hyperventilate, I needed to get away. It was late. The guys would be back soon and I just didn't want to be here when Jace got back. I just needed some time to think. Some time to process everything. I needed to go somewhere, anywhere. It was so late though, I was too afraid to go off by myself.
"Sebastian can you take me somewhere?" I asked softly as I continued to stare at the ground. My breathing was irregular and I was too much in shock for any more tears to fall.
"Where?" His voice was soft.
"Anywhere but here." He walked over to the lounge chair and gently took my arm. I didn't resist. I couldn't think. He put an arm around my back and started to walk me into the night along the dirt trail next to the lake.
