Clary's POV

I walked a few more steps before I realized the warmth at my side was gone. I stopped and wrapped my arms tightly around my body as I turned to see Sebastian ten or so feet away looking at me, arms crossed over his chest. It was surprisingly light outside for the middle of the night, the moonlight danced across the water casting shimmers of light everywhere.

"We're probably a good mile out right now. I'm not walking all night with you. I'm sorry." Sebastian gently shook his head.

"No I know. You can go back if you want." He chuckled.

"I'm not leaving you out here to walk around alone either."

"No I'll be fine. You can go." He laughed.

"I'm not so sure of that. I already have a few bruises with your name on them, I don't need anymore. Leaving you out in the woods in the middle of the night ranks right up there with giving you Fairy Dust, I think your bodyguards would rough me up. I may know where we are, but do you?" I looked around. I had no idea where we were. Things always looked different in the dark and even if I had ever seen this place in the light, which I wasn't sure I had, it looked so foreign to me right now. I had no idea how long we'd been walking, time seemed to just not matter. We had taken a trail, but it split so many times I wasn't sure if I'd be able to find my way back alone. We were next to a large stream, or a river, or maybe it was even a smaller lake, I wasn't sure, but it had to connect to the larger lake somewhere. Right? I didn't even know what direction the water was flowing, there were so many rivers and streams in this area, I probably couldn't just follow the water. If I was honest with myself I knew I couldn't make it back on my own.

"So I guess you want me to go back now?" I asked hesitantly. He walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder very gently, I could just see a ghost of a smile across his lips.

"We don't have to go back now, but we're done walking." He walked over to a grassy area on the side of the trail closest to the water and laid his sweatshirt down on the ground.

"Here. Sit." He gestured to his sweatshirt. I glanced between him and the sweatshirt.

"No thanks. You sit on the sweatshirt. I can sit on the ground."

"The ground is a little damp, and you're wearing white, you'll get stains if you sit on the grass." I shook my head slightly as I walked over next to him.

"You sit. I'll stand. I'm fine." He sat down on the ground next to the sweatshirt and reached a hand up and grabbed my hand, and yanked downward. I jerked my hand away. He rolled his eyes and looked out at the water.

"Anybody ever tell you you're kind of stubborn?" I gave a halfhearted chuckle. Yeah only a million times every day of my life.

"You could also call it, opinionated, determined, persistent-"

"Nope, you're just stubborn…Now sit. I feel like an ass sitting while you stand." I rolled my eyes and sat down next to him.

"Happy?" I shot sarcastically.

"Immensely." He laughed.

"Your funny. You act like I asked you to do me some big favor by sitting down. I'm guessing you don't do what you're asked that often." I shook my head. He leaned towards me bumping my shoulder with his and I quickly pulled away giving a couple inches of space between us.

"Can I ask why you're so bent out of shape about this whole thing? I mean if you don't want to back off it's not like I could make you?" I shot Sebastian a sideways look.

"I feel like you're giving me the third degree. The silent walking was better." He laughed.

"Really. After all the shit you told me. Did you think I would just be cool with everything?" He put his arm around my shoulder and I shrugged it off. He dropped it back to his side.

"I don't know. I didn't think you'd completely freak out. So what's going on with you two? I take you for a lust struck puppy dog." Sebastian raised one eyebrow to me. I scrunched up my face.

"Don't you mean a love struck puppy dog?" He closed his eyes and shook his head with an amused smile on his face.

"Nope. I mean what I said. Somebody that's love struck is suddenly completely in love with somebody. Lust struck is just that you suddenly have an uncontrollable and completely unreasonable physical attraction to someone. I don't really think people get love struck, lust struck on the other hand definitely happens all the time. The puppy dog part, well I'm sure you know that's just somebody that pathetically follows someone around hoping for the slightest shred of attention, hoping that the person eventually notices your existence…" I rubbed my hands over my face. Yeah I could be considered a puppy dog. I pathetically spent the last two years with some sort of perverse infatuation with Jace. I never had a real relationship with any other guy because some part of me couldn't get the thought of Jace out of my mind. He spent the last two years barely giving me the time of day. Occasionally teasing me with a touch or a kind word, but it's not like we hung out, it's not like I really know that much about him. I just couldn't get him out of my mind, his unimaginably attractive body, that gorgeous face, golden eyes, stupid smirk, soft blond curls, washboard stomach, rippling bisects...My heart was beating like crazy. I tried to shake the thought of Jace's body from my mind.

Yeah I definitely wanted Jace with every fiber of my being, but it was deeper than that. Right? It wasn't just lust. The way he held me in his arms in the hallway while I cried, when he told me he loved me when we went horseback riding, the way he made me feel, I loved Jace, I did. Right? Though, I was ready in a heartbeat to just jump right in bed with him after a few hours of getting to know each other. I don't just lust over him. Do I? Do I really know the difference though? I didn't have any experience in either of these areas. Think, what do I love about Jace? I love his super hot body…his passionate kisses…his hands all over my body…ahhh…bad girl…get your mind out of the gutter…that doesn't count. Think, focus, I love when he's gentle…the way he held me in his arms when I was crying…the way he rubbed my back…kissed my forehead…dammit…that's all physical too…is that still lust? I love that he makes me laugh…but he makes everybody laugh, and lots of people make me laugh…I love hanging out with him…but I have fun hanging out with Simon too, but I don't love him, friends hang out that doesn't mean they are in love…I love that he's protective… but what if that's domineering and not protective, I wouldn't love that…I love that he'd fight for me, literally…but what if he's fighting because he's possessive, that's not cool…I love that he cares about me…but what if he only thinks he cares about me because he's having this same friggin issue and doesn't know how to tell the different between love and lust. God I was so confused. Sebastian was jostling my shoulder.

"Earth to Clary." I jerked my shoulder away and blinked my eyes a few times and looked over at Sebastian. He chuckled.

"I've been talking to you for like five minutes. I doubt you heard anything I was saying." He shook his head.

"Sebastian, do you know how to tell the difference between love and lust?" He laughed pretty hard.

"You're barking up the wrong tree baby. Hey, lust I definitely know, but love, you're on your own there." I looked at him intently.

"Go on." He smirked.

"Go on what?"

"Explain lust to me then." He chuckled.

"I'm starting to think you're kind of a goodie two shoes. I don't really see you doing things that could be considered wrong. I wouldn't want to distort that perfect little world you live in. You really want to color outside the lines?" Wow, that was extremely patronizing. I shot him a glare.

"I'm not a goodie two shoes. I don't do everything I'm told."

"I believe that. You're stubborn, but that doesn't mean you do things that are immoral. Lust is one of the seven deadly sins." He said the last part extremely sarcastically. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm sick of being treated like a naive little girl. I want to get this straightened out. You think you're such an expert…shoot…I want to know everything you know about lust. Plus, Izzy corrupts me all the time, so don't feel like you're tainting me or something."

"You sure? We are talking about lust here, I'd hate to get you all turned on." I rolled my eyes.

"I think I can control myself." I spat sarcastically

"Ok. Lust is a want for physical gratification, so I'm going to have to show you lust." Oh I don't think so. My eyes bugged out and I automatically leaned away from him shaking my head adamantly. He laughed.

"Hey you asked. It's up to you. Think of it as experimenting…or a learning experience…a practical lesson have you…and I'll be your instructor. Don't worry, I can control myself too. We're not going to do anything you don't want to…but of course, I won't hold it against you if you want to stay on the path of righteousness." I glowered at him. Path of righteousness, did he have to sound so condescending? Why was I so confused? I just wanted to know what lust was, really understand it. If I understood lust, by default I would understand love. Right? We won't do anything I don't want to. I could keep this within reason and still get the answers I'm looking for. Yeah it wasn't the most ethical way of going about this, I could just Google it, but what you read online isn't always easily applied, a practical lesson though, I could get a lot more out of that. I could do this. I straightened myself up a bit and swallowed hard.

"A practical lesson…Sure." I nodded for him to continue.

"Ok, so going into this you only have a lukewarm attraction to me. I'm a seriously attractive guy so you have some sort of primitive desire towards me that you can't help and me to you." Yeah. No. I started to shake my head.

"No. It wasn't a question. I'm not asking you to admit it. It's just true. It's in our genes to find a mate, and genetically we're both attractive, so there is a subliminal attraction. Though, every time I reach for your hand, touch your shoulder, or try to put my arm around you, you act like you're going to bolt, red flags start going off telling you to stay away from me. That's predominately because I get the impression you're not that experienced in physical contact, so you're not that comfortable with me being a player and everything that I represent." I guess if I had to admit it Sebastian was right, there was probably a tiny attraction, and that last part about me being uneasy around him because he's a player, well that was definitely spot on. I nodded slightly.

"Ok. How comfortable are you? I don't want to take this any further than you want me to. We're talking about lust, so you can't tell me no touching, but I'm fresh out of condoms, so… " He smirked as he just let that last part hang. I glared. Did he have to be so despicable? Was this what I was resorting to, a player trying to clarify lust to me? I must be out of my friggin mind right now. I could stop this at any time though. I would maintain total control over this situation.

"Ok, touching, but no kissing, and absolutely no touching anything that would normally be covered by a bathing suit." That left like arms and legs and I could deal with that. He shook his head.

"Yeah, I can't work with that. You're going to have to give me kissing." I rolled my eyes.

"Fine, but no tongue." He laughed.

"Why don't we just see what your body wants when we get there? I'd like to leave the tongue in play. I'd hate for you to miss the opportunity to see what I can do with mine, and you've already taken away my favorite areas of the body to work with." I glared at him.

"Well the verbal foreplay has been great. So come on stud see if your moves make me want you." He smiled.

"Ok. So I'll start small, but expand, I need to desensitize you to my touch first, so that's going to take a little time. You can tell me to stop at any time if you don't wish to continue." I nodded.

"Give me one of your hands." I reached out my hand tentatively and Sebastian took it in both of his.

"I'm going to trick your body into being attracted to mine. Into wanting me. Just to reiterate, this is a lesson. It doesn't mean anything. It's purely physical. I'm not trying to make you fall in love with me. Try to keep that straight. I don't want you stalking me when this is done." I rolled my eyes.

"Please. You're so full of yourself. You have nothing to worry about." He smirked.

"Ready?" I nodded.

"Class is now in session." He said sarcastically. He scooted closer to me so we were both facing each other. He sat in front of me with bent legs on either side of me, while my legs were crossed. My feet actually weren't that far from striking distance if things got out of hand, but seeing as I had kicked off my flip flops, my bare feet wouldn't be as effective as a pair of Izzy's six inch heels. Our bodies were only a foot or so apart and we were both facing each other. I took a deep breath and tilted my head as if to say I'm waiting. He smiled and took my hand like he was checking my vitals.

"You're pulse is steady and calm right now. Your breathing is normal. I'm going to try to change that." I nodded once. He rested my hand palm up in his hand, and with his other hand, he started gently tracing shapes over my palm and running down my fingers. He leaned in close to me and breathed a very gentle breath of warmth against my face. His breath smelled of mint with an undercurrent of an evening of drinking beer, actually not unpleasant, minty and sweet. He also smelled faintly of a cologne, but not overpowering at all.

"Close your eyes." His voice was heavy and seductive. I obeyed with a smirk. I felt his warm breath again and almost a ghost of his lips against mine, my body leaned towards the sensation ever so slightly, but found nothing. He held my hand, but not intertwined, much like you would grab a child's, his thumb gently rubbed the skin against my wrist, it was not quite ticklish, but there was something there. I felt a hand pushing my loose strands of hair behind my ear, then a hand against my cheek and I absentmindedly leaned into it. A gentle warmth against my ear as he whispered into it.

"Clary, you are so beautiful." Little butterflies fluttered at the sound of him saying I was beautiful. I could feel the heat rushing to my cheeks. What girl doesn't want to be told they're beautiful? He kissed my temple lightly, then my jaw line, then my forehead; again warmth tempted my lips and was gone before I could lean into it.

"Keep your eyes closed." Again his voice came out heavily seductive. He held my hand, but I could tell he was in motion. He dropped my hand ever so briefly before I felt two hot, strong hands against my shoulders. My body tensed at his touch, but as soon as he started to apply a kneading pressure the tension left. Based on the position of his hands I could tell he was now behind me. My head rolled forward at the relaxing touch. I had so much tension, so much stress. Not just today, but over the last couple of months, the pressure of his hands massaging my shoulders, my neck, my arms, was welcome. I hadn't really noticed how cool the night air was, but everywhere his hands touched felt hot, and everywhere they left a stronger ting of cold chilled me. I don't know how long he massaged my shoulders, but he had slowly incorporated the full length of both my arms by this point and halfway down my back. I felt like putty in his hands. His lips against the side of my neck where unexpected, and shot a wave of heat through my body, my head leaned away from his kiss, exposing my neck further, but after one short kiss, his lips were gone. He continued to massage my shoulders, at some point he had worked the scrunchy out of my hair and his hands incorporated massaging my scalp, my neck, and even my earlobes. He gently manipulated my neck and my head flopped around completely relaxed.

I felt his body move closer to mine. I could feel the heat he gave off. He ran his hands up and down my arms from my wrists to my shoulders with just a moderate amount of pressure. He gently grabbed my forearms, one in each hand and wrapped my arms and his in front of my body, effectively wrapping his arms lightly around me, the cold air nipped at my bare back. He had spent so much time massaging me, warming me, that the air felt so cold. The chill only lasted moments before he pulled me into him, my back against his chest, his body felt hot against my bare back and arms, very hot, and close, skin on skin, my body pressed gratefully into the warmth. I could feel his breath against my neck, as my head leaned to the side. His lips and cheek brushed gently across my exposed neck, I could feel the gentle tickle of his hair near my ear. He pressed his lips against my neck passionately and my body melted into him. He peppered kisses along my exposed neck, up to my ear, taking my ear into his mouth and sucking on it gently. He kissed my temple, my jawbone, my cheek. I turned almost automatically towards him as his lips caressed my face. I felt the warmth, the tease of a kiss again and this time I leaned in quick. My lips captured his and his arms loosened around me. I felt his arms gently manipulating my body, turning me around to face him, as my lips parted on their own accord. His sweet tongue caressed mine.

My hands quickly flew to his exposed chest, exploring his firm abs, his defined pecks, his toned shoulders and arms. He must have taken off his shirt before he ever started, because his hands had never left my body the whole time. His hands reached for my waist repositioning me closer to him. My body obliged, as my legs wrapped tightly around him, and he placed me gently onto his lap. My hands tangled into his hair, as his mouth explored mine and his lips peppered my neck with kisses. I hadn't noticed that at some point, probably while he had repositioned my body to face him, my dress had risen up to around my waist, but as his hands grazed my bare skin by my waist and trailed up the sides of my body as he pulled my dress up to my chest, I raised my hands up so he could pull it over my head. His lips returned to mine and I eagerly returned his kisses.

I wanted to feel the heat his body gave off. I wanted to feel my bare skin against his. It felt amazing. He wrapped his arms back around me and my hands rushed for his hair. His hands explored my hair, my shoulders, my back, my legs. The pressure in his hands varied from soft to firm throughout my body, sending signals of pleasure all over. He held my body close to his as he repositioned us again and laid me on my back, my legs still wrapped around him, his body against mine, but not in a crushing way. His lips danced across my body, my mouth, my face, my neck, my shoulders, my chest. My hands ran over his chest, down his back, and through his hair. My hands moved down his chest, down his abdomen, to his shorts and pulled at his belt buckle. He kissed my lips, and my neck. He licked a long trail up my neck making my body quiver. He brought his lips to my ear whispering gently.

"Do you want me?" My breathing was fast, my heartbeat raced, and I could feel light perspiration on both of our bodies. I had already gotten his belt undone and threw it. I was fiddling with the button on his shorts.

"Yes." I breathed through heavy sighs. His lips found my neck again as I popped the button and reached for his zipper. His body moved slightly, most of the pressure was predominately off of me, and his hand quickly restrained mine. He whispered gently.

"Told you I could make you want me." One more gentle kiss on the lips and no more kisses followed. His body gently touched mine and the only hand on me was the one keeping my hand from his zipper. I snapped out of the moment. My eyes shot open. He still laid partially on top of me looking down at me, but he seemed to be holding himself up in almost a one handed push-up. He had a big smirk on his face.

"You need to get laid." He kissed my nose. My mind was starting to bring reality back into focus. Now I knew what Izzy was talking about all those times when she said she needed a distraction. You could definitely lose track of everything this way. I couldn't believe he had the restraint to stop, God knows I wasn't slowing down.

"I know where all that sexual tension in the cottage is coming from, you." He laughed and let go of my hand, rocking back into almost a full push up position over me. I glowered at him. Alright lesson over.

"Get off." I pushed at him, his body moved against my hands willingly, but he didn't get up.

"I'd love to, but we made an arrangement when we started it wouldn't go that far." He smirked. I continued to push and he continued to move under my hands, but not actually get up. What the hell?

"I'd move, but your legs are still wrapped around me." Crap. I quickly unwrapped my legs and he got up and found his belt and shirt. After putting them on he grabbed my dress and his sweatshirt. He handed both to me. I grabbed my dress and quickly threw it on. I was thinking clearly now. Wow, I was pretty surprised about everything. First of all, I did get a certain amount of enjoyment out of that. Did this make me a slut now? No, it was one guy, not multiple guys, and we didn't take it that far. I made a conscious informed decision. I knew what I was getting into when I started, well kind of, had he explained this to me ahead of time I wouldn't have gone through with it. Although, I guess he got his point across, by the end I was pretty willing. My God what was I thinking? I guess I knew what lust was now. He stopped, not me. I wasn't really sure if that made me feel better or worse. Oddly enough, it did give me a new respect for Sebastian, a certain amount of trust. How messed-up was that? I felt my soul getting a little darker. Sebastian was right; I think I just fell off that righteous path I was on.

"Here put my hoody on. You're a little sweaty and it's cool out. You don't' want to get sick." I didn't take the sweatshirt.

"I'm fine. You wear it, you're probably sweaty too." He laughed.

"I sure am, but we talked about the stubborn thing. Just take it." I reluctantly took the sweatshirt and put it one, it was noticeably cold out now, especially with my skin being covered in a light sheen of sweat.

"Thanks. I guess."

"You're impossible, you know that?" He shook his head and held out a hand to me and helped me up.

"I'm actually surprised you even let me help you up." I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not that stubborn."

"Yes you are." He chuckled.

"So, get everything straight? You know what lust is now? You can tell the difference between love and lust?" I glared at him. Right now all I knew was what lust felt like. I definitely lusted for Jace, but apparently given the right turn of events I could just as easily lust for Sebastian, and God knows who else. Oh I was a slut wasn't I? I went from pristine to a slut.

"I'm not so sure if that was helpful." He smirked and looked at me amused.

"You've got that look. Guilt. You're not as innocent as you once were. You did something out of character, something naughty. Don't get all in a tizzy. You were in an excellent mood up until a minute ago. I bet you only feel bad right now because you think other people will judge you. I'm not judging you, that's for sure. Well unless you want me to tell you how good you were?" He raised his eyebrows up in down suggestively.

"Seriously though, if you're worried about the Lightwoods, don't be. We talked about that. They are judgmental, but they won't care that much, you're already in their little click. Worried about Jace? Don't bother. Compared to what he's done, you'll always be a saint. None of your friends back at the cottage can fault you for our little rendezvous, we didn't do that much. Izzy told Aline she thought we should hook-up. All we did was made-out, completely PG-13." I looked out at the water. He was right. I had no reason to think I did anything wrong. Had this been a date, Izzy would have been looking for all the juicy details. She was the one that said Sebastian would make great vacation sex. She keeps telling me I need to get laid, which apparently is turning into a general consensus. All we did is made-out, we didn't have sex.

Jace…Should I feel guilty because of Jace? He was sucking face with Kaelie about 24 hours ago, but that was before we went horseback riding, before he said he loved me. Maybe it was easier before, I know before I felt this lust feeling towards Jace, but before nothing was clouded with this question about whether I loved him. What was going on with me and Jace? What did I want? God, I don't know. Maybe Izzy was right. Maybe I should have just spent the vacation with Sebastian, he may have lacked anything related to morals, but he'd been surprising good company last night and today. Maybe I should have gone for a simple, uncomplicated vacation, just had some fun. Instead, I have to decide right now, when I'm already completely confused and stressed out in life, that this might be the best time to figure out my feelings for Jace. I was such an idiot. Izzy's words floated into my head: I didn't want to feel in love or rather brokenhearted. Lust is easy; it's over when the sex is over. Love, well it hurts and it just feels so scary. I was the one that gave her that pep talk, told her she was wrong, but what if she was right, maybe it's love you have to watch out for, not lust. No. I would not feel guilty about this one bit. I wouldn't dwell on it for a second. It was just a lesson, just physical, it didn't mean anything. I saw a hand waving in front of my face.

"Do you always zone out like this?" I nodded and laughed. I felt pretty good.

"Oh no…I see that look in your eyes…I warned you about falling in love with me." He said sarcastically. I hit him in the arm.

"You're so full of yourself." He snickered. I shook my head slightly.

"You look better. I never knew I was so great at motivational speeches." I laughed.

"You know, I am better. There's no reason to feel guilty for having a little fun."

"It sure as hell was fun wasn't it?" He smirked.

"I was surprised to tell you the truth. You must get a lot of girls." He winked.

"I can't complain."

"I'm shocked you could just stop like a light switch." He laughed.

"Well, I am a player. I'm use to this a lot more than you are. I don't get as caught up in the moment, and we weren't really that intimate, girls may get carried away with kissing, but guys get carried away with touching, so I was mostly in control the whole time. It also helped that I already got some this morning. However, I must say, this was very enjoyable, and had you gotten your hand down my pants, this lesson would likely have ended differently…" I glared at him and he laughed.

"Seriously though. You have a great body and this was a lot of fun. If you ever want to take this all the way, or just want anymore lessons, you know where you can find me." He smirked at me. I rolled my eyes.

"In your dreams." He winked.

"It will be tonight." I gave him another good whack on the arm.

"Oh and next time…" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Don't give me that look…Just you wait…Your hormones are on fire, you'll be looking for something to quench that fire soon enough. You don't have to worry about anything with me, no strings attached. It'd just be physical." I gave him a deliberating look. Izzy making sense should have been a red flag, but for some reason, all the craziness over the last day, the recent pain that came from letting my guard down earlier, maybe Izzy was right, maybe love wasn't what I should think about, maybe lust was. I put my hands on my hips and tapped my foot.

"Ok. Where were you going with that?" He laughed.

"Next time…you can't keep your eyes shut…I want to make sure you know who you're with…I don't want you calling me Jace if we do this again." I bit my bottom lip nervously. I didn't remember saying Jace's name. I didn't remember any sounds at all; I was so absorbed in what I could feel, my other senses kind of shut down.

"Sorry." He smiled.

"Don't worry about it. I'm use to being called the wrong name occasionally, but you only called me Jace, if you did it one more time, I think it would have completely killed my mood." He took my arm in his, and for some reason it didn't feel weird or uncomfortable, I just looped my arm with his without thinking. Maybe he did desensitize me to his touch a bit. I shook my head. What a crazy couple of days. We started to walk back.

We walked back most of the way carrying on trivial conversation. By the time we were about five minutes out I knew where we were. It was nearly 3:30, but I decided to stay and just think, while he ended up going back to get some sleep, though he did insist I keep his sweatshirt.