Magnus's POV
It had been a very long night. Simon, Jordan, Maia, and Jace walked around looking for any signs of Clary and Sebastian, while Alec and I drove. Izzy hid in her room crying most of the night, unable to face Alec and would only talk to Simon. Around 5:00 we all met back at the house exhausted. Alec called the police to report a missing person, but with Clary being an adult, having only been gone for a few hours, and having left with an acquaintance we knew, they nearly laughed at Alec. They almost belittling informed him it was not against the law to be missing and as an adult she is in control of her own faculties and has the right to go wherever she chooses, but if she's gone more than 24 hours we can call back and they would file a report.
Alec, Jace and I made coffee to help us stay up and waited for her to come back or to at least call. Jace went out several more times on his own to keep walking around, while Alec and I waited up in the living room. Alec left a few messages and text on Sebastian's phone. Every time Alec called it went immediately to voice mail, and Maia had said the same thing had happened to her. It was nearly 7:00, I was sitting on the couch still wide awake off coffee. I had changed into more comfortable clothes, black warm-up pants and a fuchsia fitted tank. Alec had never stopped long enough to change; he was still wearing jeans and a faded black t-shirt. He had just fallen asleep with his head resting in my lap. I stroked his hair gently and wiped away the last few tears on his cheeks. He was so distraught with Clary being missing; it had been a really difficult night. Jace sat opposite of us on the loveseat still drinking coffee. He was wearing the tan cargo shorts and dark green collared polo he had worn to the bar. His hair was a mess from all the times he had run his hands through it. He had drunk a lot of coffee and was visibly shaky. His mood had shifted so drastically throughout the night like a rollercoaster ride shifting repeatedly between enraged and distressed. At present he sat staring at the blank television with a deeply troubled look on his face.
There was a faint knock on the front door. Jace came to life, but unfortunately, he quickly shifted to furious before we even knew who was here. I couldn't see the entryway from where I was sitting, and I didn't want to jostle Alec, but Jace stood up and immediately bee lined to the door and threw it open
"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?" Jace shouted with one hand on the door knob and the other hand balled into a fist at his side. Alec jumped awake and we both shot up. Clary stood in the doorway alone arms crossed clenching her body. She had on an off white dress that was dirty. Her hair was disheveled and her face was pale. She had noticeable dark circles under her eyes that indicated a sleepless night. She shrank back slightly and looked startled by Jace.
"Clary. Thank God." Alec said gently as he rushed over to the door and placed a hand on Clary's back and ushered her into the living room.
"I thought you'd be asleep." Clary said timidly as she glanced between all three of us, resting her eyes the majority of the time on Alec. Jace slammed the door shut hard and stalked back into the living room.
"YOU LEFT WITH A FUCKING ASSHOLE, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING NIGHT, WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A FUCKING NOTE, WHY THE FUCK WOULD WE BE ASLEEP-" The fury and rage rolled off Jace and he was visibly shaking from the combination of anger and caffeine. Clary flinched as Jace screamed at her and tears started to roll down her face as she looked down and clutched her arms around her body tighter.
"ENOUGH JACE." Alec yelled cutting off Jace's rampage. Alec put his arms around Clary, and she gratefully collapsed into his embrace. He stroked her hair and whispered gently to her.
"YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME." Jace crossed his arms over his chest and had a manic smile on his face that didn't cover the aggravated look.
"JACE ENOUGH! JUST GO TO YOUR ROOM." Alec shouted.
"NO! SHE SHOULD GO TO HER FUCKING ROOM AND THINK ABOUT WHAT SHE FUCKING DID." Alec shot Jace a nasty glare. He looked at Clary softly and whispered to her again and she took off down the hallway. They were very loud, I had to gently interject.
"Might I make note, that if you keep screaming, not only will Darling Clary be able to hear you, but the whole house will wake?" I got two glares, but they both seemed to continue their discussion more quietly.
"What the hell do you think you're doing? She's not a child Jace you can't just scream at her and send her to her room. What are you going to ground her next?" Alec walked right up to Jace obviously angered.
"Well she's acting like a child. What the hell do you think you're doing? After everything she just put us through you're just going to baby her?" Alec walked over and collapsed onto the couch and I sat down next to him and put my arm around his shoulders. He looked completely depleted.
"She's back safe and that's really all that matters." Alec rubbed his hands over his face.
"That's not acceptable." Jace shook his head. Alec glanced up at him.
"What do mean that's not acceptable?" Jace put his hands on his hips and spoke with a stern voice.
"Do you think if she did that to Luke, if she did that Jocelyn, they would just be grateful she came home, no they'd be pissed she pulled a stunt like that in the first place." Alec shook his head and spoke evenly.
"Well her mother and stepfather aren't here are they? It's not like they would have screamed and swore at here anyway. You were way over the line the way you talked to her. Plus, I'm not her father. I'm not going to reprimand her for her actions." Jace narrowed his eyes.
"You know how many times I ran off growing up, you know how many times Mayrse was waiting for me when I got back. Waiting to scream at me about how inconsiderate, thoughtless, reckless and irresponsible I had been. Waiting to tell me how scared and afraid I'd made her." Alec leaned back in the couch letting his head droop back and closed his eyes.
"You were a kid Jace. The last time she screamed at you I bet you were only fifteen. She seemed to give up somewhere around there. Clary's an adult, it doesn't work the same way." Alec put his hands on his head.
"Seriously you're just going to let her get away with thinking what she just did it alright?"
"I'm not going to sit here and scream at her that's for sure."
"Well somebody has to." Jace snapped.
"What do you think that would accomplish Jace? You yelled at her for thirty seconds and she broke down in tears. Do you think that's going to help the situation?" Alec sounded so somber. Jace was still obviously annoyed and speaking in a forceful voice.
"Do you think pretending she didn't do anything wrong will help the situation? At least if you yell at her and tell her what she put you through, she'll know she made an impact. You think she ran off because she didn't want anyone to notice? She ran off because something's wrong. That's not alright. That's not a healthy reaction. Mayrse use to tell me that if I run away every time something is broken, she couldn't help me fix it. Clary can't just run away from her problems Alec, she has to learn to fix them, to face them. You're enabling her to suppress everything that bothers her. You think she's on the verge of breaking into a million pieces; well she wouldn't be at risk of that if she wasn't suppressing so many damn things…Are you even going to say anything to her? Tell her what kind of hell she put us through?" Alec was silent."
"I'd take that as a no." I mumbled. Alec sat forward and looked at Jace, I rubbed his back; he looked so lost.
"Well not everybody deals with things the way you do Jace. Not everybody is use to brutal honesty twenty-four seven. This is about Clary, it's not about me. I'm not going to do anything to make her feel worse than she already feels. I agree that the truth is important Jace, but sometimes, to protect somebody, it's better to just not say anything at all." Jace was shaking his head adamantly and he spoke in an even tone.
"She should know what she put you through last night, God what she put us all through. Tell her how we looked for her for hours, how you called the police and they wouldn't do a damn thing, how you screamed at your sister through the door because she was too afraid and guilty to come out and face you." Jace was starting to get worked-up again.
"You have no problem screaming at Izzy and this isn't even her fault. She isn't Clary's keeper. You can bring Izzy to tears and make her feel guilty, but you won't do that to Clary?" Alec leaned into me and I tightened my arm around him.
"No. I won't. It's not the same. Clary's not my sister." Jace's face softened some and he ran his hand through his hair. He spoke with a slightly gentler tone.
"No, but I see the way you two are Alec. You treat her better than you do me or Izzy. Admit it. She's just as close to you as anybody in this family. Right now you're probably the most important person in her whole life. I bet she respects what you say over what anybody else tells her. What are you afraid of Alec?" Alec leaned forward and put his head in his hands, elbows on his knees. I rubbed his back.
"Jace you just want to yell at Clary because you're jealous she left with Sebastian. You don't understand her, so just drop it." A flash of rage crossed Jace's face and his hands balled tightly into fists. I looked at him with a silent plea to give Alec a break. He rolled his shoulders back and cracked his neck, obviously trying to compose himself some. He walked over and sat down next to Alec and put his hand on Alec's shoulder. He spoke gently.
"No. This isn't just jealously. Though I am jealous as hell, but no, last night I was more terrified that something would happen to her. I think I do understand though, I think I understand very well. You're afraid she'll push you way, like she tries to push everyone away. You're afraid she'll kick you out of her life. Well she won't Alec. She loves you and she wouldn't just stop loving you. She doesn't live in a bubble; she needs to know what's going on around her." Jace squeezed Alec's shoulder.
"No she doesn't." Alec spat. I rested the side of my head against the side of Alec's.
"Yes she does Boo. We talked about this. I thought you were going to help her grow-up. Part of growing up is learning to make good decisions, she didn't last night. What she did hurt the people that love her. She should know how she made you feel, she should know how worried everybody was. You can't just not tell her the things that you think will upset her. She's like a flower in a garden, if you protect her from the rain, she'll never grow."
"Magnus is right. You can't protect her from everything. You can't just pretend everything is sunshine and rainbows. Bad things are out there. Sometimes life sucks, sometimes the truth hurts, but it doesn't mean you should ignore it and cling to fantasies and lies. You should tell her the truth Alec. If you told her what an asshole Sebastian is, maybe she would have used better judgment and never left with him. You didn't protect her there. That completely backfired. It's completely irresponsible that she took off like that and let us all think the worst. She had no cell phone, no money, no keys, no nothing. She's known Sebastian for all of one day and she just leaves with him. Something horrible could have happened to her. She needs to know she can't just do that. You don't just do that to people you love, people that love you. She needs to know how petrified we've all been for the last five hours. Not only did I just spend the last five hours in complete misery, I had to watch you and Izzy falling apart, not to mention Maia and Simon. She may not give a damn how she hurt me, but I'm sure as hell going to make sure she feels guilty about how she hurt you." Alec sat up and shot a glare at Jace.
"No she doesn't, alright! This isn't like you or Izzy. She's not family alright. She doesn't have to forgive me for everything I say or do; she doesn't have to love me anyway. I won't give her any reason to hate me. I can't lose her Jace." I put my arm tightly around Alec's shoulder. Jace stood back up, arms crossed over his chest, and raised his voice slightly.
"It's called tough love man. I get the feeling nobody ever makes her confront the truth and accept the consequences. It's like the accident, you say she's not dealing with it, she's not coping, that's because nobody is making her face the facts. She doesn't want to talk about it? Well she can't just go through her life ignoring it. She's just suppressing how she feels, she's denying it ever happened. You're encouraging her to pretend everything is alright, when it isn't. You say she's acting withdrawn, the fire's gone, well that's because she's in a perpetual state of shock right now, she's not mourning, she's not coming to terms with what happened, she's not moving on. You need to push her to come to grip with reality. She needs to talk about it; she needs to acknowledge it so she can get passed it. It's been what, two months; it's time for her to accept what happened. It's not going to be easy, but it's important. Simon said she feels guilty. You think holding that in is good for her? Maybe if you stopped trying to protect her from everything she'd be a little tougher." Alec shook his head.
"No. She wouldn't. Alright. She's not strong enough. She'll deal with things when she's ready. I'm not going to push her or do anything that adds to her pain. She already hurts too much." Jace turned his gaze to me.
"You think she's different since I've been here. You said she's reanimated." He turned his gaze back to Alec.
"That's because I don't treat her like she's breakable. I treat her like she's strong, and she is, she just needs to be reminded of that. She needs to be pushed sometimes. Yeah if you push her too hard she might just snap, but right now she needs to snap out of whatever the hell she's going through and get back to reality. You know what happened to me after my father died, I became self destructive. I'd run away, I'd attempt to drive everybody that cared about me away; then I started smoking, drinking, sleeping around, and doing all kinds of stupid shit, without any thought of who I might hurt in the process. You think her drinking, her trying Fairy Dust, the way she sabotages all her relationships with guys, her running off last night, isn't something worth making a big deal about. You're wrong. She's on the threshold of self destruction Alec, just face it; and somebody needs to slap her back into reality. She may not want it, and she may not like it, but she sure as hell needs it. She's not going to find anything but trouble if she keeps going down the path she's on. Maybe you want to keep looking the other way, but I won't."
"Maybe Jace is right." Alec shot me a glare.
"What?"
"I just mean…Well…Perhaps he should talk to her." I gave Jace a reassuring look but both he and Alec were shaking their heads at me, Alec still glaring.
"Jace is all over the place. She doesn't need all this thrown at her right now. I'll say something to her about last night. Ok? Ask her to be careful from now on…tell her to call next time…something. Plus I don't know what this thing with Sebastian is all about, but I've got a bad feeling Jace is right at the center of it. She trusts me Magnus, I'll talk to her." I put my hand on Alec's cheek for a moment and his face softened to one of defeat. He could always see it in my eyes when I was about to change his mind.
"I'm with Alec on this one." Jace muttered. I nodded and placed my hand on Alec's knee, gazing back and forth between him and Jace. When I spoke, I spoke to Alec, and I spoke gently.
"Well let me put it this way. First of all, we all know after this conversation that you don't intend to be as honest to a fault with her as Jace would be, he's prone to be borderline insensitive and that's just not your style. Not that I think she should be yelled at, that's awfully extreme, and a little sensitivity wouldn't hurt, but you'll tip toe around like you're walking on egg shells, you always do, while Jace is apt to be straightforward. Second, if you're correct Boo, and I'm inclined to agree with you, then this is about Jace, and Clary, and potentially Sebastian. So it's not about you at all. She does trust you, I'll give you that. Quite possibly you are the last man alive that she trusts implicitly, but if you are always there to pick up the pieces when she falls apart, all you'll accomplish is reinforcing that you are the only man she can trust. Maybe you should let Jace try to pick up the pieces this time. Hm? If he fails, I know you'll be waiting in the wings. She'll come find you, she always does. When her world comes crashing down, you can be there for her, but you can't keep shielding her from everything you think is unpleasant in the world, because you're afraid she'll get hurt." I gave Alec a kiss on the cheek, he looked so overwhelmed. It was so hard for me to side with Jace against him, but this was what Jace was talking about, that tough love. I caught sight of a head full of red hair peeking round the corner from the hallway into the living room and stood up quickly
"Clary Darling?" Alec jumped up and Jace spun towards my gaze.
"Babydoll, I thought you were going to lie down in your room? I was just about to come and check on you." Alec bee lined towards Clary as she took a step into the living room. She hadn't changed; she was still wearing the same dress. I'm sure Alec and Jace were wondering just like me how much she had overheard.
"The door is locked. I didn't want to bother Izzy." I saw Alec and Jace's faces pale and their eyes slightly widen. With everything going on it was overlooked that Izzy barricaded herself in her room last night. If Clary never went into her room, odds are she was listening in the hallway the whole time. Alec stood beside Clary and put his arm over her shoulder. She leaned her head against him.
"You know I love you right? There's nothing you could ever say or do that would change the way I feel about you Alec." Though Clary's words were soft and gentle, they were loud enough to hear. A single tear rolled down Alec's face as he kissed her cheek and whispered into her ear. Clary turned into him for a full hug. They stood that way for a short time and appeared to be whispering. Jace was looking at the ground with a solemn expression. He looked so troubled. As Alec pulled away from Clary they both had small smiles on their faces. He put his hand affectionately against her cheek and looked into her eyes. He glanced in Jace's direction, but Jace's eyes were still fixed on the floor. Alec looked back at Clary.
"Always." He said softly.
"Come on Magnus we're going to bed." Alec's voice was almost cheerful. Like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. I was shocked, this was most definitely one of those times where he'd kick me out of the room and hold Clary until she fell asleep, and then he'd be depressed for the next day or so. It appeared the crisis had been adverted. I didn't look a gift horse in the mouth. I put a hand on Jace's arm as I passed him giving him a reassuring smile and quietly wishing him luck. I skipped quickly over to Alec and gave his derriere a gentle pat as I scooched by, throwing a quick wink at Clary. Alec caught up to me quickly in front of our door and put his hands on my hips planting a kiss against the side of my neck. I had a feeling it was going to be a very good morning after all.
