Jace's POV

Clary looked a mess. Her dress was dirty and her hair was in tangles. She had bags under her eyes like she never slept at all last night and she looked very pale. She watched as Alec vanished down the hallway before turning back towards me. I half expected her to walk away without a word, go anywhere, I wasn't sure, but she walked tentatively back into the living room. Her arms were wrapped around her body and she looked very nervous, she kept her eyes down. She looked like a remorseful child waiting for their parent to reprimand them for their bad behavior. I found my feet taking me the few step towards her and my arms automatically taking her in for a hug. She didn't resist, she just collapsed into me. I held on to her tightly, tucked under my chin, her little arms folded up in front of her, her face buried in my chest. She seemed so small in my arms, and cold, so cold. Although the days were hot here, the nights fell into the upper fifties to lower sixties. She was outside a long time with so little on. I held her tightly, neither one of us speaking for a long time. God I was turning into Alec. All I could think of right now was how thankful I was that she was safe. I justified my sudden lack of perseverance on the fact she probably already overheard much of mine and Alec's conversation. No use beating a dead horse. I was just so grateful she was back and she was in my arms. Holding her like this sedated all the rage that kept me from losing it during the night, and I was left with just this daunting realization of how much worse it could have been.

"I was so afraid something happened to you. I was so afraid I could have lost you." I said quietly with a strained voice. I kissed her hair and squeezed her tighter.

"I'm sorry." She said softly.

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that."

"I heard what you said, all of it, and you're right, well mostly right anyway." I chuckled.

"When am I not right, come on?" I tried to sound sarcastic but I really didn't feel it. I felt like Clary was turning into sand, like she was slipping right through my fingers before my very eyes. I could feel the difference in her body. The tension. She wasn't leaning against me as mush as standing next to me now. She started to stir and I held her tighter.

"Jace." She whined.

"I can't let go. I just can't. I'm so afraid if I let go you'll never let me hold you again. I love you so much. Please just talk to me. What happened Clary?"

"I will talk to you Jace, just…" She let her words trail off. She was pulling away as she was talking, but I kept my arms firm. She looked up at me and I looked down at her. It was the first time I had really looked in her eyes since she came in the house. She must not have had any make-up on when she left, because she had no smudges, but her eyes were bloodshot and screamed of recent tears. I didn't know what she was going to say. She looked a mess, but not terrified. She had spent the whole night gone with Sebastian. Maybe she didn't want to be with me anymore. Maybe she wanted to be with him. I didn't know what had happened, but I needed to, and right now, holding her in my arms was the only way I could bear hearing whatever it was that made her up and leave with Sebastian, and then stay out all night without so much as a word.

"Please just let me hold you. It's easier this way. Whatever you have to say, just let me hold you while you say it." I could hear the desperation in my own voice. She collapsed into my arms, her cheek against my chest, the tension eased. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding.

"Thank you." I whispered as I kissed her hair and tucked her back under my chin.

"Why do you love me Jace?" Well that was a loaded question. I use to be more eloquent with words, but lately I was always at a loss for what to say when it came to Clary. Of course, after a sleepless night, my stress level through the roof, the heated argument I just had with Alec, and the amount of caffeine I drank, my mind was completely wrecked. My ability to rationalize and think clearly was gone and my body was using pure caffeine to keep from shutting down completely. I had very little reasoning ability left. The question seemed so heavily weighted, and I wasn't sure I had a good enough answer right now.

"Clary…I don't know…I just know I do…You're so beautiful…I love the way you make me feel-" She scoffed.

"I'm beautiful? Is that in a player's handbook somewhere? Lines to make girls swoon-"

"Clary-"

"-and this feeling you have Jace? Is that emanating from your pants by chance?" She sounded so sarcastic.

"Clary. Come on. I'm tired. I can't think straight. It's not like that. I love you. You know that right? Why don't we go to sleep? We'll both be able to think clearer when we wake up." Clary sighed.

"I just don't know. I'm not sure if this is a great idea." I felt my heartbeat starting to accelerate.

"What do you mean? What's not a good idea?" Clary pulled away and looked up at me. Her eyes looked sad and distant. I still kept my arms around her.

"Jace you know what I mean. Us. I don't know if we are a good idea. I just need some time." I was shaking my head.

"Clary. Don't do this. I love you. I-" Her face looked slightly amused as she slapped her hand playfully to my mouth and shook her head.

"Save it for if I tell you no…Right now I'm just telling you I want to think about everything and clear my head. Just give me some time to think. Ok?" She stood there with pleading eyes. I closed my eyes for a long moment. She wasn't completely pulling away from me. Now wasn't the time to panic. She'd come to the realization we belonged together, and I wasn't that far away, I could definitely help encourage her in the right direction. I nodded reluctantly while my mind started to make plans to win her over.

"Ok. I'll give you time, but I'm not giving up on us, so prepare to be persuaded." She rolled her eyes.

"Jace."

"What? Those are my terms. You can have space starting in two minutes, but don't expect me to sit back silently and watch you walk out of my life. I'm fighting for you. I told you I wouldn't let you go ever, and I intend on making good on that." She furrowed her eyebrows.

"Why two min-" I slammed my lips to hers before she could even finish, and was thrilled when her hands snaked up around my neck and ran through my hair. I wrapped my arms around her body and pulled her tightly to me. I wasn't going to try to deepen the kiss, I was going to just kiss her quickly, but before I knew it our tongues were caressing each others and she was leaning deeply into me. I heard a door open somewhere in the house. It was just enough of a disruption that Clary pulled away from my lips. She was smiling but looked amused and irritated mixed together.

"Ok. Your two minutes are up hot lips." Clary pulled away and I dropped my arms reluctantly. I smirked before my face became serious.

"Can you just promise me one thing?" She nodded very slowly.

"Promise you'll stay away from Sebastian. Ok?" She tilted her head sideways and shook it slightly.

"Jace. What's your problem with Sebastian?"

"I don't like him. I really don't trust him. I get a bad vibe from him." She laughed.

"Would that vibe be jealousy by chance?"

"Come on Clary. He's bad news. You know how many times we tried to call him to check on you? He can't answer his phone? He just let you go God knows where without a word to anybody. He let you take drugs-" Her eyes narrowed as she threw her hand up and cut me off.

"Ok. Just stop right there Jace. If you say he let you one more time I'll scream. I make my own decisions, I'm accountable, not anybody else. The Fairy Dust was a bad call, I'll give you that, and I won't be doing it again. Last night though, I asked him to come with me, I would have left either way. Sebastian talked to Izzy, told her we went for a walk, told her not to worry, and then turned off his phone because he realized how low his battery was. We were walking around in the middle of the night; he wanted to make sure his battery didn't die. I didn't go off by myself; I was with somebody, so somebody knew where I was. I shouldn't have gone off like that, but if I had left with Alec, or Simon, or even you, do you think anybody would have thought twice about it? No. One quick phone call, she's with me and she's fine, and everybody would have gone on with their evenings. You guys all have some big prejudice against Sebastian and I think you're judging him unfairly. I think you see him as an outsider and you don't want to let him into the group. Maybe you should just take some time to get to know him. He's not a bad person." I was getting increasingly agitated as she spoke. My hands were in fists at my side.

"Take some time to get to know him? Is that what you were doing last night? Is that why you want some space? Some space for Sebastian?" I swallowed hard. I didn't even want to think about what I was implying. She glared at me and put her hands on her hips.

"Judging me Jace? You know, I don't really think that's any of your business right now. You act all high and mighty. You were sucking face with Kaelie at Pandemonium right in front of my face. I think you're just jealous and blowing everything out of proportion."

"Well you must not have been watching that closely, because I pushed her away. Kaelie's a bitch Clary. She kissed me, I didn't kiss her back-" She cut me off.

"Whatever Jace. Next thing you're going to tell me you never dated her. That she doesn't mean anything to you." I rolled my eyes.

"God Clary. She doesn't mean anything to me. The only person that means anything to me is you. I don't know what this is about, but I've never lied to you. At least I'm honest. Yeah, maybe we kissed in front of your face, but that's better than whatever you're doing behind my back." She narrowed her eyes at me leaning forward slightly.

"I don't have to account to you. God knows what you've done that I don't know about." I felt my face tighten.

"I'm not intentionally keeping anything from you. If there is anything you want to know, any questions you have, just ask me." She huffed and crossed her arms, leaning her weight back.

"Do you like her?" I scrunched up my face. What?

"No. I don't like her. I've slept with her, but I wouldn't say I liked her." She rolled her eyes.

"Just once, twice, a million times? How long have you known her?" I shook my head.

"I've known her for a few years. She's friends with Aline. I never saw her that often, but then she ended up going to the same college as Alec and I. We started hooking up at the beginning of the school year. It lasted for a while, but it never meant anything." She started tapping her foot.

"Does she know that? Maybe she likes you." I took an exasperated breath.

"Clary. She's not that kind of girl. Trust me. She doesn't like me. It was just physical." Clary glared at me.

"Have you ever taken her horseback riding?"

"What? No."

"When was the last time you saw her?"

"Saturday, at the club."

"No, I mean when was the last time you saw her before that? When was the last time you slept with her?"

"Well it's been a couple months since I slept with her. April. Though I see her at parties. We hang around with some of the same people, so we tend to run into each other. I saw her at a party a couple weeks ago."

"How do you know she doesn't like you though? Like Simon and Izzy?" Like Simon and Izzy? What the hell does that mean? I rubbed my hands over my face and cracked my neck.

"I just know alright, but even if she did, I don't like her. I've told her that. She knows it. I never pretended it was anything more than it was. Just fooling around. Now I want you to answer my question. What were you and Sebastian doing all night?" She stopped tapping her foot, her cheeks flushed and she diverted her eyes. I clenched my teeth, my hands balled into fists at my side. I felt heat ripple through my body.

"We spent most of the night walking around and talking and he came back at like 3:30, I wasn't with him all night. What else do you want to know Jace?" She looked back at me apprehensively, bright red cheeks, her eyes looked anxious. She was keeping something from me. I was so pissed off right now. I raised my voice.

"You're being such a hypocrite Clary. You want me to answer a million questions about Kaelie, when you won't even answer one and fess up about whatever happened last night. You're a terrible liar. I know you're keeping something from me. Dammit Clary. Just tell me. Did you sleep with him?" She put her hands on her hips and shot me a deadly glare. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I didn't want to know the answer. I could taste bile in the back of my throat. I'd be sick, so sick if she said yes.

"I'm sure that's what you would have done alone in the woods with a damsel in distress. Sebastian has more integrity than that. No. We didn't have sex. I kissed him alright. I kissed him, and quite a few times too. Pretty serious make-out session if you ask me. What do all you players say? It didn't mean anything though, it was just physical. Maybe Izzy's constant notion of me needing a distraction finally got to me. I'm not sorry either. Is that what you want to hear?" A pulse of rage rushed through me, part of me wanted to yell and scream at her. Part of me wanted to find Sebastian and kill him. The jealous part of me no doubt. Though I'm a big sucker for that little red head and my heart went out to the sound of her voice and the look on her face.

She sounded malicious, and I was outraged at what she was saying, but her voice wavered as she spoke and her eyes shined. She was upset and afraid; afraid of how I would react most likely. She was being overly defensive; trying to guard her emotions. Her face looked agitated and shaken, not cute and fiery, just uncomfortable and full of anguish. I could see it in her eyes that if I pushed anymore she would breakdown in tears. Her cheeks were bright red, not just from anger, but from embarrassment. Although she said she wasn't sorry, she was. I could tell she was just lashing out because she felt cornered. She didn't want to be deceptive, she was willing to be evasive, but I asked her a direct question, and she didn't want to lie to me. I wanted her to be honest with me, but dragging the truth out of her and then yelling at her for what she told me wasn't going to help her to open up; all that would accomplish was encouraging her to lie in the future. Maybe this was what Alec was talking about, me not knowing her. I didn't have to yell at Clary to make her understand what she did; make her understand how she hurt the people around her. She already knew. She already felt guilty. There was no need to make her feel worse.

I couldn't argue with her. I didn't want to. I just knew if I made a bigger deal out of this right now, she'd push me away completely, she'd close off her heart to me. In the grand scheme of things I didn't really care that she just told me she kissed Sebastian; that she wasn't sorry. I didn't really care that she implied I had no integrity and Sebastian did. I was completely off the wall when she was gone, terrified something happened to her, livid thinking of her sleeping with him, and petrified I lost her forever; that right now I was just so grateful she was safe, so relieved she hadn't, and so thankful I might still have a chance with her. I wasn't going to blow it. My shoulders dropped and my fist and jaw unclenched, all the stress rolling off my body. I reached out with two arms and pulled her quickly into a tight hug. She was tense for a moment, but immediately relaxed and put her arms around me and buried her face into my chest.

"God Clary I don't want to fight with you. I'm just grateful you're safe right now." We held each other for several minutes, neither one of us saying a word. I tried to collect my thoughts, tried to figure out what I wanted to say to her. I took a deep breath.

"I know you want space. Just…if you care at all about my sanity…please, stay away from Sebastian. I know you're going to try to fight me on this, but please just don't be stubborn for a change. I'm not trying to control who you hang out with…it's just…I really think he's a bad influence and I swear he's just trying to get you into bed…Ok?" She chuckled and pulled away, just enough for me to look into her beautiful green eyes, and still keep my arms around her. She looked a lot better, lighter, relieved even, a bit amused, but almost happy. I just wanted to bring my face to hers, to kiss her lips, but I knew I shouldn't.

"Jace. This does come across as rather controlling, but I do care about your sanity. I won't go anywhere alone with him if it makes you feel better. Ok? I'm not going to avoid him in or around the cottage though. Is that fair?" Her voice sounded heartfelt. I closed my eyes for a long moment. I guess that would have to do.

"Ok. Fine…Oh and stay out of his bedroom." I might have said that a little too callously.

"Well now I have to change all my plans for the day." She spoke playfully with a smirk on her face, but I still felt the anger boiling up.

"I'm kidding Jace. Just kidding. Relax. You look constipated." I let out an exaggerated breath, dropping my head into the crook of her neck as my body slouched. I mumbled into her hair.

"You're going to be the death of me." She laughed softly and rubbed my back gently as I heard the distinct sound of flip flops approaching. I looked up to see Izzy frozen staring at us from the entrance between the hallway and the living room. A big smile lit up her face.

"Bad timing? I seem to keep showing up during your romantic embraces." Clary rolled her eyes and we broke away from each other.

"No. You have impeccable timing this time. I was just going to lie down. I need to get some sleep." Clary walked over to Izzy and gave her a huge hug.

"I'm so sorry about last night. I'm tired, and we can talk more later, but I wanted to let you know I feel horrible for making you worry all night." Izzy and Clary pulled apart.

"No worries. I'm glade you're ok and we will talk about everything else later." Izzy winked. She looked Clary over suspiciously and rested a finger on the side of her neck, leaning in close.

She spoke too quietly for me to hear and when she pulled back she batted her eyelashes theatrically at Clary.

"That my dear is from him." Clary sounded a little annoyed as she half turned towards me, pink cheeks, and jerked her chin at me. I just raised a quizzical eyebrow at them. Izzy pulled away from Clary as she turned towards me and glared with her hands on her hips.

"Really Jace? You had to mark your territory? You might as well of pissed on her." I cackled. Oh, they were talking about my hickey from yesterday. Clary and Izzy both rolled their eyes.

"What can I say? That real estate is very desirable. I wanted to stake my claim on it." I winked and smirked at Clary, but she just glared at me. It was a cute glare. A nice fiery Clary glare. Izzy looked back at Clary.

"Now. Get some sleep you look atrocious. Jace you don't look any better. You'll be sleeping in his room then?" Izzy raised her eyebrows up and down suggestively.

"No Izzy. I said I needed sleep, not a distraction. I'll be sleeping in our bed...Wait…My bed…I'm kicking you out…You can leave your things, but consider yourself bunking with Simon for the rest of this trip…The bed is mine…You have no more rights to it." Izzy laughed.

"Fine, but that makes me very suspicious, especially after you were gone all night and then you came back looking like this." She gestured her hand up and down at Clary.

"We only had one rule about that bed Clary and this gentleman caller -" She gestured her hand at me.

"-has a room two doors down."

"Izzy." Clary said irked and shook her head. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"What rule?" Izzy smiled a mischievous smile at me and shrugged.

"Oh Jace. Just no boys in the bed…Can't wait to see your competition." I stood there speechless mouth gapping. Izzy laughed and shot me a wink, then walked through the living room into the kitchen. I walked over to Clary and took her shoulder turning her to face me straight on so I could look directly in her eyes.

"Hey. Rule still applies. No boys in the bed." I blurted out, half panicked. Clary laughed.

"I don't know…That was Izzy's rule…Your rule was…What did you say again?...I could only interact with Sebastian alone while I'm at the cottage, but I had to stay out of his bedroom." She smiled an almost vicious smile.

"Not funny Clary. Not funny at all. You twisted what I said. You're joking right?" She laughed and shook her head.

"Let's just say…You keep all the girls out of your room, stay out of their beds, and keep it in your pants everywhere in between, and I'll do the same. Deal?" She put her hand out to me. I took it and shook it.

"Deal." I watched her walk out of the living room and into the hallway, turning left into the bathroom. I almost felt like I ended that with the upper hand, but I was too tired to really know for sure. I had to get some sleep. I bee lined to my room.


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