Chapter 27: Jake: Jake's Decision
*** (Earlier that day) ***
David walked over to me and began to whisper in my ear;
"Alright, Jake," He started, "Here's the deal, Crayak and the Ellimist have come to an agreement, about Crayak's revenge, I mean. They agreed that because of the pain in the ass you've been to him that he can have revenge against you Animorphs. But the catch is that Crayak can't directly interfere, that's where I come in, he gave me my morphing ability back and a small group of morph capable humans in order to kill you. Unfortunately the Ellimist really likes you guys and says that you're too important to all be killed so he made an offer, that only one of you Animorphs shall after one of you dies I will let the others go free. That was the deal."
That practically stopped my heart, one of us would die, but who? Would he kill me for being the one who he blamed for everything? Or would it be Rachel for threatening his parents? I don't know. And the Ellimist, did he really allow this to happen? How could he do that after all that we've done for him and the Hork-Bajir? I couldn't think straight, my mind was racing. Oh, god, I thought, don't let him kill Cassie for being the one who planned to trap him in morph, I don't know what I'd do if she were to be killed.
David could see how this news shook me, I couldn't hide it. He loved seeing me like this.
"Do you wanna know the best part of all this is?" He asked with a grin on his face. "The best part is that you have to decide who among you dies." My heart sank.
"And," he paused for dramatic effect. "You have to be the one who kills whoever you decide."
My eyes fell to the floor, I couldn't believe what David was saying, I had to decide who died and kill them? How would I be able to look at any of my friends and condemn them to death by my hand? I know that David would force me to pick, but who would I pick?
"So here's what you're going to do, Jake, you're going to keep you're mouth shut about this to the others until I tell them, if you don't then I'll just kill them all in front of you right then. Do you understand me?
I couldn't fathom what was going on, I had to kill one of my closest friends, my mind was racing.
"Do you understand Jake?" David asked, a devilish grin on his face. "Do you know what I want?" He stepped back then smiled.
I couldn't think, I had to kill one of my friends. Who, I thought, who?
I looked at David, he wanted an answer, he looked impatient.
"Understood." I said, fully knowing that I had just agreed to kill one of my friends, I had a sickening feeling, I disgusted myself, I had just killed one of my friends.
************************************** (Later that day)
Tobias was here with me, so was Marco, Ax, and Rachel, Cassie was the only one of us still out there. Please, keep her safe, I thought aloud, not knowing who I was actually talking to, God? The Ellimist? Who knows.
The others had tried to talk to me when they first arrived, trying to be reassured by their leader that everything was going to be okay, that I had everything under control. But everything was not okay and I was not in control, the very opposite. So I remained silent, silent to their questions, silent to their concerns, silent to their begging, silent to their pleading and praying to say something. But I didn't say a word, I was too busy trying not to collapse from mental exhaustion, I was almost killed earlier today and have been chained to a pillar for almost twelve hours now, and on top of that I had to decide which one of my friends must be killed, by me. I thought it over, debated with myself on it for almost twelve hours straight without stopping. Weighing the pros and cons about killing each of my friends. Weighing the pros and cons, I thought. Makes me feel like a monster having to even think about that.
Who should I kill? I asked myself. My mind first jumped to Cassie, she is definitely out, I thought. I could never kill her, I would rather die than be without her, I know that we have confessed our love to each other before but I don't know if she knows how much I depend on her being there at the end of every mission, I need her to be there. Cassie is my girlfriend, there is no way I'd kill her. Hold on, debated back, that, is not a reason, is she really that valuable enough to keep around? What role does she actually play on the team? Yes she knows a lot about animals and lives with animals we can acquire but we could always research animals ourselves and go into the Gardens anyway without her. She isn't really that impor-. Stop it, I thought, Cassie is the world to me, she is my moral compass, while I sometimes disagree with her I always turn to her to know if what I'm doing is right or wrong. Without her we, no I, would be too reckless, we need our moral compass. So as of now Cassie is out, I thought. As of now? I asked myself, I sicken myself. Hold on, come up with the pros and cons of killing her, that's how you decided who you'd kill.
Pros? She's smart, kind, comforting, she knows when there is a problem and how to solve it. She always keeps her eye on what's right.
Cons? She's too kind, and caring. She does not like this war, she would rather not fight at all. From a tactical standpoint she isn't a good fighter, too timid and afraid to fight.
Marco? What about him, I asked myself. My best friend, we've been next to each other since we've been in diapers.
Pros, he is very intelligent, very cautious, and paranoid. He can out think anyone once he stops telling old, warn out stupid jokes and puts his mind to use.
However, I thought, he causes problems within the group, he gets on everyone's nerves everytime he opens his mouth. There is no way I'd be able to kill my best friend, Marco was a pain but he is my best friend.
What about Rachel? She is by far our best fighter, a mindless killing machine in battle, but outside of battle she's temperamental and honestly loves this war too much, she might not want the war to ever end. She's my cousin, how could I kill her? How would I tell her mom and sisters? That I, her cousin killed her. In fact, how could I tell any of their parents how they died? I couldn't mention David so how would I tell them that their child, whom they love more than the world, is dead?
How about Tobias? That made me almost cry inside, I had already ended his life once by letting him be trapped as a hawk, how could I kill him for real? He was our eye in the sky, our airforce, our lookout, our spy, my friend, my greatest failure, my fault for ruining his life. But, I thought, he doesn't have any family, any family that cares about him anyway, no one would notice if he were to die. But we would, I thought, especially Rachel. Oh god, Rachel, how would I be able to look her in the face and kill the love of her life? I have no idea. Is Tobias even important enough to let live? Yes he has his ability to morph again but he has the least morphs and experience fighting the Yeerks as the rest of us. Plus, he only fights in his hawk body, so he is our worst fighter. The war is reaching it's peak soon, we may need to stop our stealthy hit and run tactics and go on a full, all out assault on the Yeerks. Do we really need an eye in the sky for that?
Then what about Ax? He's the last one. Ax is our local expert on aliens and the Yeerks. Without him we would have all been killed years ago, but that's true about all of them, everyone of them is important and irreplaceable. I was his Prince and he was my loyal soldier, he would follow any of my orders, even to the grave. Would he let me kill him if I said that it was the best and only way out? I don't know, but it sickens me to think that he might. That any of my friends would agree if I said that I had to kill one of them in order for the others to go free. How could I live with myself if I killed them? How could I face them after killing one of them? How would they think of me, their leader, their friend, that came up with the decision of who was not needed and replaceable?
I can't, I thought, I can't kill one of them, but I have to anyway. Who was replaceable? Who could the team live without? Our moral compass, my girlfriend and love of my life? Our tactician, my best friend? Our warrior, my cousin? Our spy, my failure? Our alien expert, my mindless soldier? Who is replaceable, who is not needed? Who could they live without?
How could I do this? How could I kill one of them? I have told myself from day one that if I ever got one of them killed then I'd quit as leader and leave the team. Now, as leader I have to kill one of them.
Then it hit me, I was perfect. Yes I am the leader but I never wanted to be and the others could decide among themselves what to do. They could even select a new leader, but who? Not Rachel, she's too violent, Marco's too paranoid and wouldn't have the respect of the others. Cassie is too kind, and I would never in a million years want to give her this burden of leadership. It feels like it has been slowly killing me since I've become the leader. Everyday I grow more tired, defeated, cold and lost, I could never do that to her. Ax is too rash when it comes to the Yeerks, he may do something foolish to hurt them. He is also an alien so he doesn't understand our culture enough. Plus, I don't think that he'd want to be leader if I were to die. Then what about Tobias? He's timid and shy, but he is also a fighter, a survivor, a predator. He may be the best one of them to take my place. I'll tell the others that he should be the new leader after me. The others, I thought, it almost made me collapse, how could I tell them my decision? They didn't even know what David's plan was yet, he hadn't told them anything yet. I'll have to convince them that I'm the one who must die, that they could go on without me and that we couldn't go on without one of them. I know they'd never go for that, especially Cassie and Marco, but in the end it's my decision, not theirs. How would they tell my parents? That I was just killed by some random guy in an alley or something? That it was just a case of being in the wrong place in the wrong time? How?
Then it's decided then, I thought outloud, you'll tell David that you are the one to die and kill yourself to let the others go free. It sounds so simple but at the same time not, it terrifies me to die, where would I even go, what would happen? Would I die and stand before God or the Ellimist? I have no idea, sometimes I can't even discern between the two. It doesn't matter, I thought, snapping my mind back to the task at hand, the only thing that matters is that the others will go free. If I die the so be it.
I was thinking how to tell the others my plan when someone said something that brought me back to reality for a split second;
"Put her next to Jake." It was David, his men were dragging Cassie in, chaining her to the pillar next to me. I didn't even flinch, I was only thinking how much this was going to hurt her, that I was going to kill myself to let her go free.
Then the sound of a familiar voice, it was Cassie, but she sounded far off, almost like I was somewhere else listening to faint thought speak. Before I realized it I could see the others from above, and myself. I could see the top of my own head, I was like a phantom watching from above. The me that was floating over the others did not have a body, nothing, I was just watching from above, but still standing on the floor. I looked around the air above me when I saw an old man with long, white hair, dressed in a grey robe. The Ellimist.
"I figured that it was you, either that or I'm just going crazy, bound to happen eventually I guess." I said this expecting to get a reply from him, but nothing came. He just stood there, I looked down, now I could see myself standing over the others, but they couldn't see me, was this all in my head or was The Ellimist really there?
Then he spoke;
{Jake, I see that David has told you what is going on.} It wasn't a question, it was a fact, he knew that I knew what was going to happen.
"Ellimist, isn't there some other way?" I begged, practically crying. "There has to be another way, you can't let this happen, you can't."
{I cannot interfere.}
"Then at least tell me what to do, you can do that can't you?"
{I can not. You must decide who among you must die. But be warned, to not trust David. Look to the person on your right with the covering on his head. That person is close to you. David has brought someone who is not an Animorph here, that person might change your mind because I have no power to save them because they were not in the deal.}
"Who is it?" I asked, knowing full well who it was.
{You know who it is.}
"Yes." I muttered.
{You must decide Jake, who among you seven Animorphs shall die.}
"Seven?" I asked, but before I could say another word I was back in my body.
