Sorry for the delay guys. I want to thank all of you who read, review and follow, have a nice day, I hope you enjoy it.

All the mistakes are mine and all that jazz

TW: Suicide, Self-harm, Violence (?), eating disorders (?), addiction, and yeah.


A drink to win the game

After the last stunt I pulled, Maura broke.

I vaguely remember waking up and seeing Maura's angry (and concerned) face, I cannot recall what she yelled at me after I got up the floor, I just keep picturing the way Maura kicked the pipe and pushed me against the wall.

"Why?" tears streamed down her face

I just shook my head and closed my eyes, trying to block the image of a crying Maura off my mind, it never worked, every single time I closed my eyes I saw her beautiful and broken face, pleading me with her eyes to tell her 'Why?'.

Why what? Why I hated myself? Why I loved her with all my heart? Why was I this way?

The answer was always the same "I don't know" I responded in a hoarse voice.

She slapped me the last time I said it, exactly five weeks ago.

In these past five weeks so many things have changed: I've been staying with Maura, got back to work under the condition of going to a therapist, going to said therapist two hours a day, three times a week; and my relationship with Maura took a really strange turn, we weren't girlfriends but we weren't the best friends we were before, somewhere along the way the line between love and friendship blurred.

Two weeks ago, in the midst of a fight she kissed me. Maura Isles kissed me; after that we had sex in the kitchen (I refuse to call it 'making love'), the living room and her bedroom; that wasn't the only time we've done it, which leads me to where I was twenty minutes ago: at Dr. Gale's office.

I can't tolerate that guy, he's an annoying prick that hits on Maura every time we have joint therapy; he believes that he's God's gift to women and takes advantage of it, an if it weren't for the fact that he is an old 'friend' of Maura, I'd have been out of his stupid office in the blink of an eye.

There was also the fact that he was good at his job –not that I would ever admit it out loud- but he just loved to push my buttons, which is what happened today.

"Last session you told me there was a change in your relationship with Maura" his face was serious but I could see the glint on his eyes "Which happened two weeks ago, right?" at my nod, he continued "Why don't you tell me about it?"

I just stared at him, a frown adorning my face. "I don't want to tell you about it"

He let out a little laugh and shook his head "Well, let's talk about your old nemesis, Charles Hoyt" I immediately tensed "or maybe your old boyfriend Charles Jones"

I wanted to wipe that smug look off his face, he knew I hated referring to Casey as Charles, and thinking about Hoyt –and the similarities that he had with Casey. Did I mention that Casey is back?

"I don't want to talk about them" I said through clenched teeth.

"You never want to talk about them or Maura" he pointed out "Maybe you're just afraid"

"I'm not afraid" I glared at him, trying (but failing) not to show how easily he got into my nerves.

"Then how would you explain your reluctance to talk about people that made a huge impact in your life?" he wrote something on his notebook "This past weeks you have just talked about your family and how where you growing up, you don't talk about your job, your friends… the only thing you do is change the topic"

"I don't have time for this" I stood up and left the room, not looking back when he said "See you next week"

After I left, I went to the nearest liquor store and bought three bottles of tequila, two lay empty at the end of the couch and the other one is half empty now.

Wow. That was fast.

For a moment I expect Hoyt to appear out of nowhere, make a remark of how I drown my sorrows in alcohol, but he doesn't show, he hasn't been near since the incident.

"Jane, I'm home" I hear Maura's voice coming from the door.

"Hey, babe" smiling when she's in front of me, I say "How you doin'?"

Maura scrunches her nose "Have you been drinking?"

"No…" I laugh as I take her hand, pulling her close to me "What do you say we repeat what happened yesterday?" I wiggle my eyebrows

"You've been drinking" she states with a frown on her face "I thought you were going to stop"

Have I mentioned that tequila has become my best friend these past weeks?

"Thasnottrue" I said, my words tumbling from my mouth in a rush of barely distinguishable syllables.

God, even drunk I sound like Maura. I think while rolling my eyes and looking around for the other bottle of tequila "Where's the tequila?" I raise my arms and turn around in circled, stumbling forward and grabbing Maura for support.

"Jane, you need to stop" she grabs me by the shoulders, a frown adorning her face. "You promised"

I lean over to talk into her ear, Maura frowned and I start to believe that she can smell the tequila on my breath "I just love you so much!" then I start kissing her neck.

"Jane…" she sighs before pushing me away "We can't do this"

"Why?" I whine, tilting my head to the side "Y'like it"

"I'm sorry" Maura bites her lip before walking away

I stand there, slack-jawed and slumped over, for a long time before I say "You can't leave me, Maura!"

My words make her stop for a second, she doesn't turn around, but I see the way her shoulders tense. "Please don't" her whisper is barely audible, but I hear it anyways.

I walk up to where she is, my arms sneak around her waist, my front pressed against her back.

"C'mon babe" I whisper into her ear, one of my hands drawing lazy circles in her abdomen "I want you, Maura"

"We can't, Jane" I feel her holding back, but that doesn't stop my hands from wandering around her body; a moan escapes her lips when my right hand grazes her breast.

"Your body says otherwise" are my last words before turning her around and pulling her into a kiss.

We kiss for a while, my hands roaming across her body and hers tangled in my hair; she knows it drives me crazy when she does it.

Let me make love to you, are the words that nearly fall out of my mouth, but I can't do it, it'd ruin everything; not even with a high amount of alcohol in my body should those words come from me.

"Please, Jane" Maura whispers before pulling me with her, our mouths still attached to each other. "Love me…"


We're nearing the end, there's going to be one or maybe two chapters left.

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*I don't own Rizzoli & Isles (and its characters), if I did Rizzles would be canon (more than it actually is)

Ps. If you want a more fluffy (is that the word?) and less dramatic/angsty/sad Rizzles fic, go check out my new fic Color Me Surprised (I'm currently working on chapter two) or if you want something sad, read my one-shot Getting Ready (which may or may not have more chapters in the near future, we'll see)