Gah, what is wrong with me? I tell you guys I'm gonna update sooner and I never do! Again, apologies for unintentionally lying to you, but here is the next chapter. Sorry if its slightly rushed, I didn't exactly know how I wanted to go about writing it at first. I also changed around Merle's death scene a little bit - he doesn't die right away and Daryl doesn't find him a walker but hey, it works for this story, I think :)
I had also intended on writing a full love scene at the end but for some reason I didn't think it would fit. So I kinda . . . romanticized it for you (if that's the word that I would use?) and again, I think it fits the story much better.
As always, thanks HermioneandMarcus for reading and reviewing. Luv ya :)
HaloHunter89 - It always made me smile when I saw how much Daryl had grew up and matured in that scene between him and Merle in the generator room from the last couple of seasons - Hell, even from the scene between him and Merle in the woods where they had gotten into the semi-cat-fight. And I think Daryl rationalizing that it was because he had the twins and how they made him grow up, was a nice touch to this story. Thanks and keep reviewing! :)
PS: This chapter has maybe a little bit of foreshadowing in it as far as the Epilogue goes, as well as towards a certain character that is going to be popping up in the Epilogue and Part 4, so yeah . . . have fun with that :)
"Don't make me sad, don't make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough
I don't know why
Keep making me laugh
Let's go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime
Come on take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane . . .
Choose your last words,
This is the last time
Cause you and I
We were born to die . . ."
- "Born to Die" by Lana del Rey
"Excuse me mister, but where in the Hell are you going?"
Daryl turned around mid-way across the prison yard on his way towards his bike when the voice reached him, where he saw Tessa quickly approaching him. He heaved a sigh and looked away as she quickly continued crossing the distance between them. "I'm goin' to go find Merle and Michonne. They can' be far and since Rick can' track for shit, tha' leaves me." He replied and she nodded stiffly as she continued her quick way over to him. He tensed at the stiff nod, whole-heartedly expecting an angry, snappy tirade at his words about how he shouldn't be abandoning the group with someone like the Governor breathing down their necks, only to find two people who were probably long gone, when she finally reached him.
However, she shocked him by doing the opposite. She reached him in seemingly record time but instead of immediately lighting into him like he thought, she simply ended up standing on her tiptoes after grasping his shoulders and pulling him down to her. Her lips connected with his in a chaste, loving kiss and when she broke apart from him and lowered herself back down on her feet, the look of stunned shock he gave her was almost comical.
"What was tha' -?"
"Be safe, okay?" She interrupted him with a terse smile and as her hand tried to smooth out a wrinkle on his leather jacket. "I know you have to do this and I don't like it, but I also know that we have no choice. And I'm not going to throw a little hissy fit about it to Rick because I know that, that is immature and not-to-mention stupid and selfish," Her terse smile grew just a little bit bigger then as she swallowed hard. "So like I said: be safe, okay? You're going out on your own, so don't do anything stupid and don't do anything reckless. Like I always tell you, you come home to me, okay – safe and sound and without a scratch on you!" Daryl forced himself to keep back the grin of amusement that wanted so desperately to split his features then as he playfully rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug.
"Yeah, yeah, I know ma - ya preachin' to tha' choir!" He gently teased her and she gave a little laugh as she hugged him back for a moment. Her hug was lingering and a little longer than necessary but eventually she pulled away and when she did, she quickly averted her eyes to the ground. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and hugged herself tightly as she gave a shiver. It was quickly turning Fall and it was starting to grow cold again. She didn't want to think about what they would do for warmth in that cavernous prison behind them and she reckoned they would do what they always did: big oil drums and homeless fires mixed with a healthy dash of every blanket, jacket and other article of clothing they could find, packed and layered together.
"Hey, hey, hey, aren' ya tha' one who said it, Tess?" He asked her gently and she furrowed her eyebrows in gentle confusion as he continued: "I'll come home to ya – I promise ya!" He shook his head as her eyes turned up to his. "I learned ma lesson tha' last time. Ya, Ethan, tha twins – this . . . hell-hole . . . whether I like it or not, this is ma home and ya guys are ma family – ya always have been. Ya damn right I'll come back to ya – I ain' goin' out there with the intention of dyin' and leavin' ya alone – ya don' have to worry 'bout tha'!"
Tessa shot him a grateful smile as she moved closer to him again. Her hands fisted in the tough sleeves of his leather jacket underneath his leathers and his hands curled around her hips, bringing her closer to him still as he pressed his lips to the top of her head. They stood like that for a moment, in the Fall cold, relishing in each other's presence and silently promising each other that they would be together again before they knew it.
Daryl opened his mouth to say something but Beth's voice from the doorway leading into the cellblock, interrupted him. The youngest Greene was hanging her head out the door, shouting that they needed her help with something, and Tessa gave an amused roll of her eyes as Daryl chuckled. They reluctantly parted from the other a few slow seconds later.
"You heard her – I'm being summoned. You -"
"Be careful – yeah, I know. Like I said, ya don' have to worry." He finished for her with a loving smile and she returned the smile as she turned and moved towards the door that Beth's head had so recently withdrawn into. Daryl stood there and watched her go for a minute before giving a shiver of his own when another cool wind blew through. He turned around then and crossed the remaining distance to his bike, pulling his jacket closer around him as he did so. Hopefully this wouldn't take long. He didn't exactly relish being out in the cold when the Fall frosts would hit again that night.
The last person he expected to find after having spent one or two hours tracking the two of them down, was Michonne.
A solitary Michonne with Merle nowhere in sight . . .
And standing in a roadside clearing with her sword plunged through a dead walker's severed head currently being pinned to the ground underneath her boot.
"Where's Merle?" He called to her before he could stop himself and Michonne's eyes fell onto his as she coldly – unfeelingly – yanked her sword from the walker's head. His eyes lingered on the head for a minute before they landed on her again. "Ya kill him?" She slowly shook her head.
"No . . . he let me go." She told him and Daryl shot her a look as he pushed past her.
"Yeah, well, do me a favor – don' let anyone come after me, okay?" He told her and she turned around to watch him go, slightly bewildered.
"What's got you so in a rush to find him?" She asked and Daryl came to an abrupt stop before he turned around to face her again.
"Like I said, just do me a favor and make sure no one comes after me. Can ya do at least tha'?"
"Are you coming back this time? You know . . . after you find him?" She asked him, curiosity evident in her voice more than any other emotion and Daryl gave a small smile that temporarily surprised her. She had rarely seen Daryl smile outside of the company of Tessa or his kids and she had to admit . . . he looked better when he smiled.
"Tell Tess I'll be home in time for dinner. And make that a promise."
"Hey Tess, Rick wants us all to get together – he has something to tell us. Tess . . . Tess are you listening?"
Tessa smiled and nodded as Wren moved to join her in the fenced-in prison yard. She nodded again in the direction of the couple currently standing across the way talking. "Yes, I'm listening Wren, but I'm watching something important right now. You see . . ." She gave her another smile. "Glenn over there, is about to propose to Maggie." She told her and Wren's eyes widened as she glanced up at Tessa before turning her eyes onto the two people. Sure enough, Glenn was standing front of Maggie, her hand in his and when he took out the ring and pressed it into her palm, the look on her face immediately made their hearts warm as she nodded and then fell tearfully into his arms.
They stood there watching them for a minute before Wren turned her eyes up to Tessa. "Can I ask you a question?"
"When have you not?" Tessa teased her with a grin and a laugh and Wren returned the laugh as Tessa turned to face her
"You and Daryl have been together for a couple of years now. Why . . . why haven't you guys gotten married? You guys refer to each other as 'my husband' or 'my wife' whenever you're introducing yourselves to new people or referring to each other in conversation – why not make it official? Hershel could probably do it." She asked and Tessa gave her a small smile and a shrug.
"I don't really have an answer for that. I mean, yeah, Hershel could probably do it but it's never really been an issue of religion or faith for us. Yeah, I believe in God, but I'm not exactly what you would call 'devout' and Daryl has never been the religious type to begin with, so . . . it would probably just be empty words, more than likely. And besides, it might sound cheesy but we've been married in our hearts for well over fifteen-years now, and not-to-mention, we have kids together. Getting formerly married now, at this point, it just seems . . ." She trailed off and thought for a minute before finally thinking of the word she wanted. "It just seems redundant, that's all. And besides," She said with a laugh. "Daryl's never been the type who just . . . grabbed up a girl and had his semi-charming way with her – oh Hell no, I can say that from personal experience! He is the type, though – and Ethan is the same way - that when he falls in love with you, he falls in love with you for life and so far, that's held true for us. I pray that it always does, in fact."
"And . . . and if it doesn't?" Wren couldn't help but ask and the smiled slowly disappeared from Tessa's face as she turned her eyes onto Glenn and Maggie still standing together - joyfully - in each other's arms and the new (or semi-new) engagement ring on her finger. Even though she knew the likelihood of that ever happening was slim to none, she couldn't help but silently admit that she had given that thought more than enough attention in the short years that they had been together since reuniting.
Finally, she replied, and when she did, her voice was quiet, small and slightly pensive. "Then I pray, Wren, that he has the courtesy of giving me a head's-up first."
When he had first seen Merle lying there in the clearing, he had found himself stunned into speechlessness.
He supposed he was stunned and shocked about how the man was still alive considering how many were walkers were crawling around the bodies littering the area surrounding the abandoned barns and buildings and it took an even longer minute to see the bullet hole in his stomach and the one that was currently causing his right lung to either fail or fill with blood, he couldn't tell. Tough as nails, his brother was, and when his eyes settled on his, Daryl wasted no time in making his way over to him and dropping to his knees beside him.
"Merle . . . Good Lord, bro, what happened to ya?" He asked as his eyes quickly scanned him, assessing the damage done, but was stopped when he felt Merle's hand clench onto his arm, a surprisingly strong grip that drug his eyes upwards to connect with his brother's.
"That don' matter right now, but I can tell what does: ya listenin' ta me! So for once in ya life, baby brother, listen ta me, okay?" He gasped out and Daryl nodded as he remained squatting there beside his brother, feeling tears well up in his eyes despite the amount of emotions he had currently reenacting the Battle of Gettysburg inside him at that moment. He should hate his brother – he should hate his guts for what he done to Tessa but for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to fully hate him. Merle was his brother and although he no longer considered him much of anything in lieu of the close family category, he was still family, nonetheless, just . . . more like extended family that no one cared to see. And that certainly didn't change the fact that he had still grown up with the guy, he had still hunted with him, played with him as kids, escaped their mother and their old man's punches together . . .
He knew he shouldn't be crying – that Merle didn't deserve his tears - but for some reason he couldn't help it.
"Yeah, I'm listenin' . . ." He assured him with a nod and Merle shakily grasped the collar of his leather jacket in a remarkably strong grip before he brought him closer to him. He was sweating despite the coolness of the Fall day; his skin was cold and clammy and Daryl knew that he was getting close to pushing up daisies. For a minute, he wondered if his brother was going to Hell but then he quickly discarded the thought into his mental trashcan. He shouldn't be thinking things like that on his brother's deathbed and when he was trying so damn hard to tell him something. "Yeah, bro, I'm here, and I'm listenin', ya don' have to worry 'bout tha'."
Merle nodded and swallowed hard before speaking. "Tha' girl ya got – Tess . . . don' ya walk away from her, again, ya hear me? And for the love of God, don' ya let her ever walk away from ya too, ya understand?" Merle told him, his face firm and brooking no argument and Daryl shot him a confused look as he nodded.
"Bro, ya don' have to tell me that -!"
"Yes-yes I do! Ya left her once for me, but ya went back and I 'ave ta give ya tha'. But I'm tellin' ya this now, tho', in case, for whatever reason, ya want ta do it again or ya think 'bout doin' it again: don', Daryl – jus' don'. She's different from our ma – she's a good woman, Tess is – a good mother and nothin' if not a survivor. And I know I never did anythin' but hurt her, but I jus' want . . ." He swallowed heavily and his eyes became unfocused for a minute before clearing and resettling on his little brother's face again. His eyes were softer this time and Daryl knew it wasn't because he was clinging to life on a thread now, but because he was talking about Tessa in his final moments. Daryl felt the tears well up in his eyes even harder. "I jus' want ya ta know tha' wha' I did was out of ma sick, twisted love for her – I never wanted to hurt her. I've always loved her – always imagined a competition where there never was one and I'm . . . I'm sorry, Daryl. Tell her tha', will ya? Tell her I'm sorry for forcin' myself on her and for forcin' her to live a life with another man tha' she never wanted ta live. Tell Ethan I'm sorry for not lettin' him know ya for thirteen Goddamn years, tell . . ." He stopped and swallowed hard again, trying desperately to remain clinging to a life that was already gone and Daryl shook his head.
"It's okay, bro . . . I understand. I'll be sure to tell 'em." Merle nodded and his eyes suddenly cleared with fresh anger. His hand tightened in his jacket with a renewed burst of strength and he pulled him closer to him still then.
"And I swear ta God, Daryl – if there is a God, anyways – tha' if ya ever hurt her again – if ya walk out on her again, I'll come back and I'll kick ya ass to high heaven, ya understand me? Ya cling ta tha' woman like she's the Goddamn Holy Grail and ya don' let anyone come 'tween ya or let 'em take her away from ya and ma niece and nephews, ya understand? 'Cause if ya do . . . and ya go down ta Hell when ya die . . . I'll be waitin' fer ya and it ain' gonna be pretty wha' I do to ya!"
Daryl knew Merle was being serious but for some reason, he couldn't do anything but smile. He nodded as tears started falling from his eyes and Merle let out a groan as he released his shirt and fell back against the earth. "Now go and get – leave me be! I don' want ma last sight ta be ya ugly mug with eyes full of tears!" He told him and Daryl swallowed hard and nodded as he got to his feet then. He stepped back and he watched, solemnly and as tears continued to stream down his face, as his brother took his last couple of breaths. Merle deserved that much and when he finally died and Daryl waited the full two hours for his brother to finally change, he slowly withdrew his hunting knife from the sheath strapped to his side at his belt as the walker Merle stumbled to his feet. And when he lunged at him and plunged the knife deep into his brother's head, he did so more times than he could count and with extreme prejudice, tears still shining in his eyes.
Now, Merle owed him that much.
When Daryl finally returned to the prison later that evening after finding and dealing with Merle, Tessa hardly recognized her man. Neither did anyone else, but when they saw that Merle wasn't with him, they got a pretty good idea of what was wrong or what had happened.
His eyes were red, his body language was tense as he handed his crossbow off to Ethan and his voice when he thanked their son was soft-spoken and slightly husky. His eyes also refused to meet with anyone else's gathered in the common room that evening, and everyone's confusion and alarm grew when they saw how he had gently pushed Tessa away when she moved to ask him what was wrong. He instead, moved to disappear through the gateway located on the other side of the cellblock. She had a pretty good idea where he was going, but she left him be and continued to help with dinner with a still slightly alarmed Maggie and Carol, knowing that when Daryl Dixon was that torn up inside, it was often best to just let him be.
"I'll find him later. Right now, he just wants to be left alone." She murmured to the two women standing beside her and while Maggie nodded in understanding, her body language relaxing as well, she felt Carol's eyes linger on her somewhat.
"How can you tell?" She asked her quietly, and Tessa's movements slowed as she turned her head to gaze at the woman. When she finally lowered her eyes to the pot bubbling in front of her and her movements returned to the speed they had been going at before Carol's quiet question, she answered her, her voice lower than it had been and slightly thoughtful.
"I've . . . I've always just been able to tell, with Daryl. There's this . . . he gets this look in his eyes when he wants to be left alone – this anger and this vulnerability that's not there when he's angry or he's feeling normal. I think it stems from his childhood, but . . ." She gave a sigh and a shrug. "I've never been able to validate it. Best I can describe it is a . . . a hunch or an intuition or something like that." Carol nodded in understanding as the three of them descended into complete and total silence then, Maggie and Carol's focus on the dinner while Tessa's was on the man who had pushed her away.
He never pushed her away.
They ate dinner together that night in almost complete silence in the common room and when they were done, Tessa helped Wren and Beth put the babies down for the night while Maggie and Carol cleaned up. After making sure that there was a bowl of food saved for him that she made sure to keep at least lukewarm by wrapping it in a clean checkered dishrag and making absolutely sure the twins were fed and asleep and not wanting for anything else, finally set off to find him. She didn't have to search for long, for he was indeed where she thought he was.
When Tessa found Daryl that night, it was under the hot spray of one of the showers in the (almost) completely dark prison shower room – the only place in the entire prison where one could be completely sure that they were alone.
Naked and wet flesh gleaming in the bright moonlight falling in through the windows high above them - the only things that were not shining silvery white was the jagged edges of the scars that littered his entire torso - he was standing underneath the falling water, head bowed underneath the hot spray. His hands were splayed out on the chipped mint green linoleum wall in front of him and he didn't show any sign of noticing that she had entered when she did. This alone shocked her. Thanks to his hunting and tracking skills, Daryl knew every person by their footsteps and knew almost immediately when someone had entered the room he was in, even when his back was turned. Since he made no move to greet her or show her that he knew she had entered, she couldn't help but allow her eyebrows to furrow gently in worry as she approached him slowly, not knowing what Daryl she was liable to get at that moment.
"Daryl . . . baby . . .?" She asked him hesitantly and when he didn't answer her, she pursed her lips and stood there for a minute, at the very edge of the showers, where she was completely out of the way of the spray. Eventually, she stripped off her clothes and after placing them in a pile beside Daryl's blood-soaked ones, stepped into the shower as well, where she soon found herself underneath the spray behind him. He jumped when he felt the tips of her fingers ghost over the particularly horrifying scar that stretched across his right shoulder blade (the one that made her stomach churn and her heart to thrum like a wire in her chest whenever she saw it and wondered what he had to do to earn such a gruesome abuse) and she could practically feel his body trembling when she gently, lovingly, placed her lips to it. Whether his body was trembling in anger or sorrow or some other emotion, she couldn't tell. "Daryl baby . . . are you okay?" She asked him as her breath fanned out across the puckered, raised flesh, and his body tensed underneath her lips and fingers at her question. He didn't answer her for a long time and when he finally did, she wasn't surprised when his voice appeared quiet and faraway.
"I need ya right now, Tess . . . please?"
The words surprised her but when she slowly moved to wrap her arms around his waist, her front moving to press into his back, she felt his body shake in her arms. It took her an even longer moment to realize that his body was shaking because of the silent sobs that were wracking through the entirety of his leanly muscular frame, and she immediately recoiled, her eyes growing wide with shock. Her mouth opened to say something but she was interrupted by him suddenly turning her around and pulling her into a fiercely protective embrace. His face buried in her hair – in the crook of her neck and she heard his quiet sobs as he sought solace in her arms – the only place in the entire world that he knew, without a doubt, that he would never be judged.
"Daryl . . . Daryl, I don't know . . ." She shook her head weakly when words temporarily failed her. "Baby, what happened out there? Why didn't Merle come back?" She asked him and Daryl shook his head. She could feel his Adam's apple moving against her shoulder as he swallowed heavily.
"He's dead . . . he's fuckin' dead, Tess."
Tessa couldn't help but feel the thrill of relief and happiness that shot throughout her body at the words, however, she knew better than to say that at that moment. Daryl might hate him for what he done to her, but Merle was still his brother. He still had the right to mourn. "He's dead? What do you mean - how?"
"At first . . . at first when I saw him lyin' there, I thought a walker had bit him and he was 'bout to change. But when I neared him, I saw he was alive. Some fucker had shot him up, Tess. And I'll bet ya anythin' tha' it was tha Governor."
"What makes you say that?"
"I found him not far from where we had met 'em tha first time – where we were supposed to meet 'em today. Tha' and tha gunshots wounds don' exactly leave room for any other speculation."
"Wait – wait a minute, Daryl!" Tessa exclaimed as she grasped him by the biceps and pushed him away. His eyes when they fell down and captured hers were dull and weary – downright exhausted, in fact. But she shook her head and continued on nonetheless. "He had Michonne so why . . . why did he let her go and then went alone? He had to know that the Governor and his forces would be there – that what the Governor would do to him if he found him there!" Daryl gave a weak, careless shrug.
"I don' know. I don' know and I don' really care. He's gone, Tess, and I know I should mourn him – and I do – its jus' . . . I can' help but feel glad tha' he's gone too, ya know? I thought I had put what he done to ya behind me but . . ." He shook his head. "When he changed, Tess, I . . . I lost count of how many times I stabbed him in the head. I mean . . ." He swallowed hard as he weakly gestured to the pile of bloody clothing by hers. "Jus' look at ma clothes! Tha' blood had to come from somewhere and it wasn' exactly from walkers!"
Tessa swallowed hard as she glanced behind her where he had gestured. Her eyes lingered on the pile of bloody clothing for a minute before she turned back to him. Silently, her arms wrapped around his waist, where she hugged him to her tightly. He quickly and gladly returned the embrace seconds later. "He told me to tell ya tha' he was sorry . . ." Daryl finally murmured to her and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as they continued to stand there underneath the hot spray, hardly noticing the water as it fell down onto them.
"What?"
"Merle . . . he told me to tell ya tha' he was sorry for everythin' tha' he had done to ya. He's sorry tha' he made ya leave me – tha' ya had to live without me for thirteen years. He jus' . . . he wanted me to tell ya tha', tha's all." He repeated and for a minute, Tessa didn't answer him. She didn't know how to answer him, to be truthful. Eventually, though, she swallowed hard and gave a shrug.
"The past is the past, Daryl – especially our past. And hopefully, with Merle gone, we can close that shitty, horrible chapter of our lives and finally move on with one less stone to drag behind us. Hopefully I can close it because I am sick and tired of having to live with it - of having to constantly drag that stone. Thank God, too . . ." She spoke before trailing off, her voice quieting somewhat. "I . . . I feel free."
Later, when he sought the solace in her body that he couldn't find in her mind and heart – as she clung to him with the same fevered abandon that she did every time they made love, Daryl once again felt like he was home. And as he lay there afterwards on his back beside her, feeling their sweat dry to an almost uncomfortable coolness on his skin and with her body tucked so protectively into his side as she slept, he realized that maybe . . . maybe Merle's death hadn't hit him quite as hard as he had thought.
