Rule 2: Inquisitors and Acolytes in the Ordo Malleus are not allowed to use captured Daemons as "Pokémon" to battle each other.
Hello there! Welcome to the world of Voenus IV! I am Inquisitor Oak! People call me the Daemon Prof! This world is inhabited by Daemons! For some people, Daemons are pets, those people are usually Heretics. Others use them for fights like you will be. Myself...I study Daemons as a profession.
"Of course you are! You're in the Ordo Malleus, idiot!"
"Shut it, acolyte!" The Lord-Inquisitor exclaimed as the lights came on, and the video cut out, "Continuing from where the video left off, This will be your tool to capture any Daemons you defeat." He said as held up a heavy looking ball, the size of his hand. "Inside this, is pure warp energy. It creates a small world that will contain one Daemon, and one Daemon only. When you want to release your Daemon for battle, you will press this." He said, his finger pointing to a circular button holding the ball closed.
"But, if you free the Daemon, won't it kill everything in sight?"
"Usually, yes. But due to the warp, our scientists have found out a way to pacify the Daemons for a short period of time." The Inquisitor had every eye focused on the ball. "They will be nigh obedient, now here is a demo-" There was the sound of screaming and shuffling as every acolyte in the room was now brace against the far wall as the ball opened and a purplish cloud spawned the Daemon two feet away from the Inquisitor on stage.
"By the Emperor, its the Arch-traitor Horus!"
"I know, but don't worry. The Daemons will never attack its owner-"
"That thing is going to murder us all!"
"You see," The Inquisitor said as he began circling around the blank-eyed Horus, randomly poking him as he goes around, "The Daemons are completely obedient. They are your best friend and your worst enemy, like Slaanesh."
There was then the sound of stumbling and chairs being knocked out of the way, before nearby curtains parted showing another Inquisitor. "Hey! What do you have against Slaanesh! I will have you know that he- er, she- er, it? It! It is perfectly acceptable to use its Daemons!"
"Yeah, like you do when you 'interrogate' them?" The second reeled back as if physically struck.
"What are you insinuating?"
"Well, it is perfectly legal in the order, I suppose."
"I-I-I..." He stammered, red faced.
"But still, half of your Daemons are cheating sluts!"
"I'll have you know that charm is a perfectly legitimate tactic! Like camping!"
"Bullshit! I've lost several battles to that 'legitimate tactic'."
"Okay, first off, its actually warpshit. Secondly, You're just pissed because you're a sore loser!"
"Uh, are we dissmissed?"
"Shut it acolyte!" They shouted simultaneous
"Horus, use lightning attack!" There was a flash of electricity and the spot where the previous Inquisitor stood was now charred stone.
"You son of a bitch!" A shout came from behind a podium. "That's it, I'm pulling out the big guns now!" Suddenly, a massive ball bathed in a purple glow was held above the podium. "Slaanesh! I choose you!"
"Wait, what?" Everyone else in the room asked simultainously. There was this sudden feeling of uncleanliness in the room as a horrid laughter echoed around the room.
"YoU hAvE rElEaSeD mE, mAsTeR?" The voice mocked.
"That sounds so wrong, and yet so right."
"Yes, I did, now attack Horus!"
"NO! Horus, use harden!"
"Hmmmmmm." Groaned Horus as seemingly nothing happened.
After nearly five hours, the planet now found itself the prime hotspot for a well placed Exterminatus. Great job, guys.
Authors note: Horus just came out of nowhere, and we thought Slaanesh would be funny.
