Jace's POV
Around 11:00 I finally had to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. I used this as an opportunity to finally take the ring out of my pocket and put it in my nightstand drawer. It was starting to feel like a great weight. After I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth I ran into Izzy in the hallway.
"Jace?" Izzy said as she walked down the hall towards me from the kitchen. I looked down the hall in her direction with one hand on my doorknob.
"Yeah." I said quietly.
"Do you want me to tell her to go home?" I furrowed my eyebrows at her.
"Why would I want you to tell her to go home?" Izzy shrugged.
"Why wouldn't you Jace? She's being a bitch." I glared at her.
"She's overtired give her a break." I snapped. Izzy raised her eyebrows at me.
"I can't believe you're defending her Jace. After how she's been treating you-" I cut her off.
"You do realize I woke up with another girl in my room this morning right? She kind of has an excuse to be a little pissed off right now." Izzy shook her head.
"You do realize she cheated on you with Sebastian first right?" I glared at her.
"I'm not getting into this with you Izzy." I opened my door and started to walk into my room.
"You're not helping her you know. You're encouraging her to act the way she's acting." I stopped without turning around.
"Thanks for the advice, but I'm good."
"No Jace. You're not. She's keeping you at arms length and I don't think you even notice. She's not letting you in and she's not telling you to leave." I turned around and crossed my arms. Izzy was standing just outside my door.
"Fine. You're such an expert, what do you think I should do?"
"If I were you. I'd leave Jace. Go crash with Will for a couple nights or something. I'm telling you, she's not going to realize what you mean to her until you're gone." I shook my head.
"I'm not going anywhere Izzy. I'll be right here when she realizes we belong together." She rolled her eyes.
"As long as you're right under her nose Jace, she won't."
"Goodnight Izzy." I snapped as I closed the door in her face. I turned off the light and walked across the room. It was pretty hot so I decided to push my window open. I turned my fan on. I took off my shirt and shorts and threw them in the hamper. I crashed on my bed.
Clary's POV
After Jace left I just seemed to cry and cry. I was emotionally and physically stressed as I unconsciously changed into a black satin and lace camisole and shorts sleep set. I crashed onto the bed in tears and was quickly consumed into the darkness.
I watched the dream from above unable to intervene.
Jace sat by my bed holding my hand in his. I lay in the bed sound asleep. My face looked conflicted, very unsettled, and distressed. Jace gently brushed the hair out of my face and kissed my forehead. He picked up a small box from the nightstand; it held a ring in it, a diamond ring. He took the ring out of the box and carefully slid it on my ring finger, though I lay still asleep. It fit perfectly. He held my hand in both of his. I could see the gentle trickle of tears down his cheeks. I heard his slightly broken voice.
Half the night I waste in sighs,
Half in dreams I sorrow after
The delight of early skies;
In a wakeful dose I sorrow
For the hand, the lips, the eyes,
For the meeting of the morrow,
The delight of happy laughter,
The delight of low replies.
"If I cannot be with you in the wakeful hours, I shall sorrow after you in my dreams." He brought his face to my hand slowly and gently kissed my knuckles. I watched as Will came up behind Jace, though Jace didn't stir. He didn't seem to notice he was no longer alone.
"I would have moved heaven and hell to get you back." I felt my chest tighten. I wanted to comfort Jace. He looked more upset than I had ever seen him.
"As my father so often said To love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be the one destroyed. I have loved you with all my heart and you have loved me with all of yours. Now that you no longer love me, now I know what it feels like to be completely destroyed." He brought his mouth to my hand again and held it to his lips for a long moment. He brought it down and gently rubbed his thumb in circles on the back of my hand. He watched me sleep silently for a couple minutes. Will's hand rested gently on Jace's shoulder. He didn't look up. He just continued to watch me sleep. I wished I would wake. I wished I would acknowledge him. I wished I could put my arms around him and tell him everything was going to be alright.
"I take it that she didn't say yes?" Will asked ever so quietly.
"No. She didn't say anything at all." Jace said back just as quiet.
"Yet she's wearing a ring?" Will asked.
"I put it on her hand while she slept. I just wanted to see what it looked like. I just wanted to imagine what it would have been like had she said yes. If I cannot be with her in my wakeful hours, I should wish to fill my dreams with the life I will not have." I was crying. Not the me that was sleeping, but the one that was watching that nobody seemed to know was there. I wanted to wrap my arms around Jace. I wanted to wipe away his tears. I wanted to tell him I forgave him and I love him so much.
"So have you decided to leave? You've been talking about it for days?" Jace nodded slowly.
"She's miserable with me here. She barely leaves her room. I can't cause her anymore pain. She hasn't talked to me for days. I'll go. I know it's what she wants, she just can't bring herself to say the words. She can't bring herself to speak to me at all. I plan on leaving tomorrow. She'll never be tormented by my sentiments again. I'll leave her be. She doesn't need me constantly begging her to forgive me. Begging her to love me. Begging her to trust me. She's been badly hurt. I need to let her go so she can heal. Maybe some day she'll find somebody-" Jace choked. I wanted to tell him there wasn't going to be somebody else. I wanted to tell him I would only ever love him.
"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they're yours; if they don't, they never were." Will said softly.
"I don't expect her to come back to me Will." Jace whispered. Will squeezed Jace's shoulder.
"No Jace, I wouldn't think you did." There were several minutes that they both sat in silence staring at me sleeping. Will's hand still resting on Jace's shoulder. Jace grazed his hand gently across my cheek. He lifted a strand of my hair and twirled the silky curl between his fingers. He leaned forward, Will's hand falling from his shoulder, and he gently pressed his lips to my hair. I wondered if my dream was like the story of Sleeping Beauty. Maybe Jace would kiss me awake, but he never kissed my lips. He placed my hand gently on the bed, with the ring still on. He looked down at me with tears trickling down his face.
"Goodbye Clary." He whispered, but he didn't leave, he just continued to stare at me. I was trying to intervene, trying to get Jace's attention, trying to do anything I could, but there was no way to interfere.
"You don't plan on saying goodbye to her before you go?" Will asked. Jace shook his head.
"She hasn't wanted to talk to me for days. Why would she want to say goodbye to me? I'll be gone before she wakes. I think it's for the best."
"Did you want me to tell her anything for you?" Will asked quietly.
"You can tell her that I said goodbye. I've told her everything that's in my heart. There are no words I left unsaid, except for goodbye. Magnus once told me that life it about letting go, but the hardest part is never getting the chance to say goodbye. I had told Clary that if this was the end, I would want to say goodbye. I just can't bring myself to look into her eyes and say the words." Will nodded.
"I can tell her for you." Will said softly. Will put his arm around Jace's shoulder and pulled him gently towards the door. He led Jace out of my room. I wanted to scream at him not to leave. That I loved him. That I was sorry. I wanted to tell him I forgave him and I trusted him. I wanted him to stay with me. I didn't want Jace to leave me.
I found myself sitting in Jem's hospital room by his bed. I was no longer watching the dream, now I was in it. He lay in blue hospital scrubs with his eyes closed on a hospital bed with tubes coming out of his arm, machines were blinking and beeping. Will lay on another bed sound asleep. He was still wearing the cargo shorts and dark blue button up shirtsleeve shirt he had worn to the bonfire. I took one of Jem's hands in both of mine and held it. It felt cool. I almost absentmindedly noticed I was wearing the engagement ring Jace had put on me earlier.
"Cold hands warm heart." I said very softly. He didn't stir. I don't know where the energy came from, but I just started talking. I told him what had happened since Friday. I told him about the bonfire, about Jace and Seelie, about Sebastian. I told him about Jace's proposal and Jace's goodbye. I told him how much I loved Jace and how hurt and betrayed I felt. I held his hand to my face and I cried. I talked for what felt like a long time, but had probably only been 30 minutes.
"To err is human to forgive divine." I heard a strange voice in my head. It was as if someone had spoken, but I knew they hadn't. It was more like the memory of a voice being played in my head, but a voice that was completely unfamiliar to me. I opened my eyes and saw Jace lying where Jem had previously lain. My breath caught. His eyes were closed, he had all the same scratches and bruises Jem had. He had tubes coming out of him all the same. I started to panic. I threw my upper body over his chest and began to weep uncontrollably. The bright light on the other side of the bed was the only thing that could distract me, could pull me from my torment. I glanced up to see an angel with outstretched wings that fluttered. He was like nothing I had ever seen before. He looked almost human and not at the same time. He was as tall as the room and there was something about him that reminded me of Jace, the blonde of his curling hair, the way his golden eyes glowed like stars. Yet he was unique and indescribable at the same time and radiated the brightest white light. I wanted to look away, to look back down at Jace, but I couldn't. My eyes were big with shock. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, but I also was completely panicking that Jace lay before me. I couldn't think and I certainly couldn't speak. The angel seemed to silently glide over to the side of Jace's bed and look down at him and for some reason I knew the angel was here to decide whether or not Jace lived. My heart was pounding in my chest, tears were streaming down my face, and I was nearly hyperventilating.
"What do you desire?" The voice in my head resonated. Will's voice seemed to come out of nowhere.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
"Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken. Thought it seemed appropriate." Will said nonchalantly. I couldn't turn my gaze from the angel. He floated as his wings fluttered.
"You have looked as far as you could down the paths in front of you. Now choose!" The strange voice bellowed in my head. I could see the two choices laid before me. One path led to a future that I thought I would share with Jace, and one path would lead to a future where Jace didn't exist.
"Jace." My voice was not much louder than a whisper compared to the angel's voice, but I could have been yelling for all I knew. Jace was all I wanted though, his name was the only comprehensible word I could think of and it was the first thing on the tip of my tongue.
I knelt on the wet ground in the cemetery just as I had the day my mother was buried. I remembered this so clearly. The drizzle fell as I placed a hand on the front of my mother's gravestone where it read her name. I was lost and confused for a moment. I wasn't sure how I had gotten here. I vaguely remembered being in the hospital, but right now the memory seemed so distant. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and looked up to see my father. He was dressed in the same black suit he had worn that day.
"He was a remarkable man. He will be greatly missed." His voice said solemnly. My eyes flew back to the grave which no longer had my mother's name upon it. It now read JONATHAN CHRISTOPHER WAYLAND. I couldn't breathe. Darkness surrounded me as I felt myself crashing towards the earth. As my head hit the ground there was a loud bang and a bright flash of light.
I shot up straight in bed as I awoke from the nightmare. I couldn't breathe. I was panic stricken. I had tears running down my face. I glanced at the clock and half registered it was just after midnight. I quickly climbed out of bed. I left my room in a half panicked daze. I just needed to get to Jace. I needed to know he was alright. I was so upset right now. I wasn't even mad at Jace anymore. I was too overwhelmed with the fear of a future where Jace didn't exist. I was so afraid of something happening to him, of him being hurt, of losing him, losing him permanently, nothing else seemed to matter. I missed his terribly. I couldn't live without him. If anything ever happened to him I'd be inconsolable. I knew Jace loved me, and right now all I could think of was that there were worse things than whatever happened last night, there were far worse things. I knew the heartbreaking pain of losing my mother and Luke and I didn't have to feel that pain for Jace. I had a choice and I didn't have to lose Jace. I loved him so much and I knew without a doubt that he loved me just as much as I loved him. I left my room shutting the door behind me. I quickly went to the bathroom and hastily bushed my teeth before rushing to Jace's room. I opened his door to find him sound asleep. His window was open and the combination of the light coming in from outside and the light from the hallway made it rather light in his room. I could see Jace lying on his side facing out. He had on boxers. After this horrible day and my heart wrenching dream, I just needed to be in his arms and I didn't hesitate. I walked into his room, closing and locking the door behind me. His window was open. Though it was rather warm and humid out, it was also humid in the cottage. At least it was a little cooler outside. I hadn't noticed the storm before, but with Jace's window wide open, I could hear the rumbles of thunder and see the flashes of lightening clearly. Jace's fan was on and blowing in his face. I climbed into bed carefully facing him. Part of me didn't want to wake him, but part of me needed to hear his voice, needed to feel his lips against mine and know everything was going to be alright. I placed my hands on both sides of his face trying to reassure myself. As though at some level he knew I was there, or maybe he was beginning to wake up, either way, both of his arms suddenly wrapped around my waist and pulled me tightly to him. I felt like I could breathe for the first time all day. I missed this so much. I missed Jace so much.
"Jace." I said softly as I cradled his face in my hands. I had tears still streaming down my cheeks. I felt so emotional right now. I was nearly overwhelmed with how much I loved Jace right now, I felt like I was really just realizing for the first time how much he meant to me. I was so happy he was alright; I was so happy to be in his arms; but I was still tormented by my dream and the fear of losing him. I was upset with the way I had treated Jace and I was apprehensive about how he would react when he woke up. I should have believed what Simon told me was true when I heard it. I should have believed him because I loved Jace and I trusted him. Simon's story was evidence that Jace was innocent, not just innocent, but a victim in all of this, and I should have held on to that story for dear life. When you love somebody you give them the benefit of the doubt and I didn't do that to Jace. I was so mad at myself for being so hard on Jace. I should have forgiven him earlier, I shouldn't have made him beg for my forgiveness, I should have told him the story as soon as I heard it; I should have done so many things differently. I wasn't sure if I should wake him. He seemed peaceful right now. I closed my eyes and somewhat absentmindedly started to sing as I gently cradled his face.
When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well, there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?
Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay...
I felt Jace's arms tighten around me and I opened my eyes and stopped singing when I realized he was watching me. It was quiet for a minute. I didn't say anything. I just stared into Jace's eyes. I felt like it had been so long since I just looked into his eyes. This was my Jace. I loved Jace so much. I knew he loved me.
Jace's POV
I was roused to somewhere halfway between awake and asleep to soft singing. As I slowly felt myself waking up I registered I had left the window open and I could tell it was raining, but not too hard, not yet at least. I really needed to close the window, but the warmth of Clary's body radiating through me was hard to move away from.
Her soft singing voice floated into my half conscious dream. My eyes flew open. I was face to face with Clary. Her eyes were closed and her hands were cradling my face. With the window wide open I could easily see tears streaming down her cheeks. I tighten my arms around her and her eyes opened. I registered belatedly that she had stopped singing; I was more surprised that she was actually here. I had no idea where she came from. She wasn't here when I fell asleep, and though my arms were wrapped around her, I didn't remember wrapping them around her. I leaned forward without thinking and kissed her forehead. I wasn't sure what to say. I wanted to know what was going on. Why are you here? I knew would sound a bit harsh. I was thankful she was here; I just wanted to know what she was thinking. I just waited for a long minute.
"I missed you." She whined in a high pitched voice as more tears ran down her face.
"Oh honey. I missed you too." I said softly as I rubbed her back. I couldn't get too comfortable; I had to shut that window. Though part of me was petrified if I moved she'd disappear. I was having a little bit of trouble coming to grips with Clary being in my arms right now. I've never had this vivid of a dream before, yet there was really no reason for her to be here. I couldn't believe she showed up just because it was storming.
"I need to shut the window." I said gently and she nodded. I very reluctantly released her and climbed out of bed. I glanced at the clock it was only 12:16. I hadn't even gone to sleep an hour ago. I couldn't help but notice she was wearing a black satin and lace camisole and shorts sleep set, which looked amazing on her. I shut the window and the shade while Clary's eyes followed me. Once the shade was closed it was pitch black in the room, I couldn't see her anymore. I climbed back into bed cautiously and was thankful that Clary nuzzled into my chest. I automatically scooped her up in my arms and held her tightly to me. I missed this so much.
"I love you Jace. I love you so much." She choked out as she cried. I tightened my arms around her. I couldn't help but smile. She said she loved me. It was an unexplainable deep down gratification to hear her say those words, to know that she loved me. Especially right now, after everything that happened. Nothing else seemed to matter; she had said everything I needed to hear.
"I love you too Clary." I said softly and kissed her hair. It was quiet for a few minutes as I held Clary and she cried.
"I took you for granted Jace. I didn't appreciate you. I'm so sorry Jace. I'm so sorry for what I said to you. I'm so sorry for how I treated you. I'm so sorry about Sebastian. I'm sorry I left you at that party. I'm sorry I didn't trust you. I'm sorry-" I gently stroked her hair as I cut her off.
"It's ok. I'm sorry too-" I started, but she cut me off.
"Don't apologize. Please don't apologize anymore. You apologized all day Jace. I know you're sorry. I do. I forgive you, but it's not even your fault. I can't blame you, you didn't do anything. I was so mean to you. You were set up. We were set up. It wasn't your fault. I didn't believe it at first, but I should have told you. Simon should have told you. You didn't know. I was so mean though. I knew you were sorry. You were so sorry and you didn't even do anything. You forgave me. You forgave me for Sebastian and I should have just forgiven you. I was at fault and you, you weren't. I was so mean to you and you didn't even do anything wrong-" She was choking and sobbing as she spoke. She sounded hysterical. Though I did want to know what she was talking about. She sounded too upset to really be that comprehensible. I could always ask her tomorrow. I cut her off.
"Shhh…calm down." I said softly. She was trembling in my arms.
"You make me so happy Jace. I'm grateful you care about me as much as you do. I'm so lucky to have you. I love you so much Jace." She choked out.
"I love you too." I said softly.
"I...I dreamt I lost you...I lost you over and over…You left…then you were in an accident…then you…then you…I was so scared…I don't know what I would have done if I lost you." Her voice shook and broke. Her chest was rising and falling fast. She sounded so upset. I was shaking my head.
"It was a dream. You didn't lose me. I'm right here." I said softly. She buried her face in my chest.
"You're so patient with me…I don't know why you're so patient with me…I just…Don't ever go. I don't want you ever to go Jace. When you find the one, you never give up. You're my soul mate Jace. I won't give up on us. I'm so sorry I took you for granted Jace. I love you so much Jace." She choked out. I tightened my arms around her.
"I'm not going anywhere." I said softly. I gently stroked her hair for a few minutes while she cried. I could see her body rising and falling with her shallow breaths.
"You think I'm the one? You think we're soul mates?" I asked softly as I smiled to myself.
"Yes...I do." She said between sniffles. I continued to stroke her hair.
"Soul mates spend their lives together Clary. You want to spend your life with me?" I asked very softly. She pulled back. I really couldn't see much, but I felt her hand against my cheek. I leaned into it.
"Jace, when I look over my life my favorite memories are the ones with you in them. You make me feel like anything is possible as long as I have you by my side. I am so grateful I found you. I am so lucky to have somebody that loves me as much as you do. You make me happier than I ever thought possible. I cannot imagine a day without you in my life. I want to be with you forever. I believe our love is meant to be. I want to be your future and I want you to be mine. I want to fall asleep in your arms every night. I want to be with you always." She took a deep breath.
"…I'm sure you would have said that all better than me. I stumble for the right words and you seem to have them on the tip of your tongue, but I love you Jace. All I really know is I love you so much and I'm so grateful to have you in my life." I smiled. There's nothing that could make me happier right now…Ok, maybe there were a couple things. I gently rested my hand on her wet cheek. Even in the pitch black my lips found hers without any hesitation. It felt so good to kiss her again.
"I love you too Clary. I love you so much." I said softly. I peppered her lips, her cheeks, and her neck with a number of soft kisses as she kissed me back. Her hand left my cheek and snaked around my neck. I brought my lips back to hers for a few more gentle kisses.
"Marry me?" I said softly between kisses. Similar to when we went horseback riding, the words seemed to tumble out of my mouth before I knew what I was saying. In all the ways I thought of proposing, this wasn't one of them, but it didn't feel like that bad of timing. Her breath caught and I could feel her heart racing. She chuckled against my lips, not the reaction I was looking for. I pulled back slightly.
"What did I tell you last time you asked? Where's my ring?" She said playfully. All the urgency and panic she held in her voice before seemed to be gone. The tension seemed to be gone. I brought my lips to hers and kissed her again. I placed a trail of kisses across her cheek to her ear and I whispered in her ear.
"I have a ring this time." I felt her body slightly shiver as she gasped.
"Jace?" She asked hesitantly in a small voice. I had a feeling her mind was shifting from he's joking to he's serious. I was going to do this right. I kissed her neck before I reluctantly climbed out of bed. I turned the lamp on my nightstand on and I could see she was sitting up in bed watching me with a surprised look on her face and her mouth slightly gaping. Her tears looked like they had stopped, but her face was still red and her eyes were still bloodshot. I opened the nightstand drawer. I took out the small box and went down on one knee in front of her. A few tears trickled down her cheeks; so much for thinking she had stopped crying. I opened the box facing her. She gasped as her hands flew to her gaping mouth. I felt my heart pounding. She looked somewhere between shocked and surprised, I was hoping either way it was a good reaction. She was staring at the ring. More tears tumbled down her cheeks. Unfortunately as the silence stretched I realized I spent all my time thinking about how I was going to propose and not what I was going to say. I took a deep breath and the words just started to tumble out.
"I believe we are soul mates Clary. I believe you are the one. I want to spend my life with you. I want to start living our lives together today. From this day forward I offer you the rest of my life. I know I ask a lot of you. I also know that asking you to marry me under any circumstances is asking a lot, but I know right now it's asking even more. I know I'm asking the world of you." She reached her trembling hand out and ever so gently touched the ring with her fingertips. Her other hand still covered her mouth. She stared at the ring with wide eyes. Her breathing was quick, her heart was racing. She hadn't said anything though and she hadn't looked back at me.
"This ring represents our past, present, and future. The largest diamond in the center is to represent the love of a whole lifetime together. The two smaller diamonds on either side represent the love and affection that we feel for each other at present. The six small diamonds on either side of those represent the love and affection we felt for each other in the past. The ring is engraved on the inside of the band with the words past, present, and future. I want you to be my future Clary. I cannot erase what happened, but I can promise I've learned from it and I will never put myself in a position again that could jeopardize what we have. When I bought you this ring I imagined you at the end of an aisle dressed in the most beautiful white gown. I imagined finding the perfect place together to call home. I imagined hearing you say goodnight to me every night before you went to sleep in my arms. I imagined building a life together. I imagined ringlets of auburn red curls adoring the faces of our beautiful children.-" She finally looked at me; tears were just tumbling down her cheeks. Though she was still covering her mouth her eyes looked like she was smiling.
"-I imagined teaching my son how to throw a ball and chasing away my daughter's boyfriends. I imagined a lifetime together. I imagined growing old together. If you'll let me, I promise to love, honor, and cherish you from this day forth, as long as we both shall live...Will you marry me Clary?" She lowered her hand slowly and I could see she was smiling. I couldn't help but smile back at her. I was starting to get really nervous.
"You want to marry me? You really want to marry me?" She asked in disbelief. I smiled wider as I leaned forward and took my hand and gently wiped away her tears before I rested it on her cheek.
"There's nothing I want more in the world honey. The question is...Do you want to marry me?" She smiled widely as she threw her arms around my neck and slid off the bed, nearly knocking me over in the process. I inadvertently dropped the ring box as I caught her. She crushed her lips to mine and kissed me. The kiss was brief as I pulled away. She looked slightly confused. I smiled at her as I gently put my hand to her cheek.
"I was kind of hoping for an answer." I said softly. She nodded her head slowly and then quicker as my face completely lit up and broke into the widest smile.
"Yes." She whispered as she bit her lip.
"You'll marry me?" I asked in a very excited voice. She laughed as she smiled and more tears rolled down her cheeks; she was still nodding.
"Yes Jace." I was ecstatic as I tightened my arms around her and crushed my lips to hers. Her arms tightened around my neck as I deepened the kiss, but as I held her tighter to me, I realized there was something digging into my stomach. We both seemed to loosen our hold at the same time with a chuckle.
"Ow." She said as she reached down and gently rubbed her stomach.
"Did you get hurt? Want me to kiss it and make it better?" I said sarcastically as Clary looked at me with an amused look on her face. I couldn't really bend down, so I held her around her ribcage and lifted her up and kissed her stomach. She smiled down at me. I slowly lowered her back down into my lap. I kissed her lips gently. My excitement over proposing was quickly shifting gears to pure desire. I kept my eyes locked with Clary's as I held up the object that had been digging into us, the box with her engagement ring still in it.
"You might need this." I said sarcastically. She broke my gaze as she held out her left hand. She had a huge smile on her face, which I imagine was just as big as my own. I just held the box without thinking.
"I'm not putting it on myself." She laughed. I shook my head.
"I haven't done this before." I muttered under my breath. We both laughed as I took the ring out of the box.
"I hope not." She joked as I gently slid the ring on her finger. It fit perfectly. I took a brief moment to admire how much I liked the way the ring looked on her. I brought her hand to my lips and kissed her knuckles. I held her hand in mine and looked into her eyes.
"I love you Clary." I said as I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers.
"I love you too Jace." She said back softly against my lips. As I peppered her with kisses, I held her hand, and with my other hand I attempted to reach up and put the box on the nightstand, but it just seemed to fall on the ground. I scooped her up in my arms bridal style and laid her down on the bed as I laid down on the side of her. I had my arms tightly around her and I continued to pepper her lips, her cheeks and her neck with soft kisses as she did the same to me.
I held Clary tightly in my arms and kissed her over and over again. I was so happy right now. I absentmindedly noticed the wind howled angrily and slammed against the cottage shaking it slightly. The storm was really raging outside; with every crash of thunder and every flash of lightening I was surprised Clary seemed completely relaxed and was looking at me so affectionately. I was still trying to come to grips with everything going on. I couldn't believe Clary was in my arms right now, I couldn't believe she said she'd marry me; however the stronger thought that was slowly taking over was how bad I wanted her. I knew it was late and it had been a very crazy day, and no matter how much I wanted to lay in bed and kiss every square inch of Clary's body, just because we were engaged, didn't mean she was ready.
I felt Clary's satiny lingerie under my fingertips. I could feel my heart racing. I wanted her desperately before, now I wanted her so bad it hurt. I had a deep down burning that only her body could satiate. I moved my free hand across her back gently, up her shoulder and to her cheek. I grazed the back of my hand against her cheek and she leaned into my touch. My other hand was still pinned under her body.
"Just let me know when you want me to stop." I said gently between kisses. I felt her stir in my arms and I pulled back enough to look deep into her eyes. I could see her eyes gazing into mine. She was smiling. She looked so beautiful. Her green eyes sparkled with the glow of the lightening; her red curls fell down around her face. She slowly moved her hands up my chest, over my shoulders, and wrapped them around my neck. Another crash of thunder and the light, the fan, and my alarm clock went off. Power out. Clary chuckled. I felt the whisper of a kiss against my lips.
"I'm not going to want you to stop Jace ." She whispered before she pressed her lips to mine softly. My body was begging to react, but I tried to keep myself under control. I didn't want to rush any part of this. I kept my hand gently on her cheek. I slightly parted my lips and she parted hers in response. I caressed her tongue with my own. My heart hammered in my chest and sounded to me nearly as loud at the thunder outside. My hand moved from her cheek to her neck and down her back. My fingers softly ran through her hair. Any of the original shock of Clary being in my bed tonight was quickly being replaced with the crushing realization of how close I came to losing her and the need to fully appreciate every minute I spent with her. With everything else going on I could only absentmindedly add to the equation the happiness I felt that she said she'd marry me. My arms tightened around her and my kisses became more urgent. As our lips and tongues fully enjoyed their reunion, we both seemed to simultaneously determine it seemed like a good time to reposition our bodies into a more comfortable arrangement. She loosened her grip on my neck and ran her hands over my shoulders and down my chest. She was leaning her body hard into mine. I tightened my grip on her and rolled over onto my back positioning her body on top of me. Her legs fell in a bent straddle at my hips. Another flash of lightening and she pulled away slightly. I gazed up at her affectionately and she was smiling a huge smile down at me. My hands gently ran up and down her spine. She pushed her hair back behind her ear and slowly brought her lips back to mine. My hands ran through her hair, down her back, and over her shoulders. Her camisole felt like hardly anything under my touch, but my hands longed to feel her bare skin. I reached hesitantly at the hem of her camisole and she pulled away slightly until I was only holding the piece of clothing in my hand. I threw it as she laid her body against mine and I felt the heat and the slight tackiness of sweat where our bare skin touched. She tangled her fingers into my hair and brought her lips to my cheek, then the corner of my mouth, then my lips. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her tightly to me as we kissed each other with all the intensity of the tension that has been mounting over the day. With every whisper of my name on Clary's lips and every soft moan that escaped her mouth my body ached to please hers. I urgently wanted to become more intimate with her body. My hands extensively explored her back and her sides, but longed to explore the rest of her. I brought my hands around to the front of her just at her stomach and ever so carefully began moving up the front of her body. With our lips still locked together she shifted her hips foreword grinding her body slightly against mine. The sensation pricked ever nerve in my body. My hands registered before my mind that the simple movement had created a space between our bodies. My hands trailed over her back and shoulders, down her arms, up her abdomen and stomach and over her chest. My hands traveled over every inch of her exposed body memorizing the silky touch of her skin under my fingertips. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her tightly to me once more as I rolled us both over on the bed so I was now on top of her. I carefully propped myself up as to not squish her dainty body and my lips quickly relocated from her mouth to her neck. She arched her back slightly towards me and let out a soft moan and my body pulsed further with excitement. I could feel her heart beating just as rapidly as mine; both of us breathing hard. My hands longed to touch every square inch of her body. I could taste the salty sweat of her skin. My lips trailed kisses across her shoulders, her neck, her collarbone and her chest. Her hands danced along my back and my shoulders. She mirrored my kisses with her own, kissing my neck, my shoulders, my collar, my chest. When her hands could gain access they freely maneuvered over my chest and abdomen. The storm outside continued to carry on, as lightening randomly lit up the room and we both enjoyed the flashes of exposed skin and animated expressions. The more friendly our hands began to become with each other's exposed skin, the more greedily we both appeared to be getting to attempt to venture to uncharted territory. Her hands frequently played along the elastic band of my boxers; never quiet taking the next step, while mine frequently slipped under her silky pajama bottoms and ran over her ass. My will broke before hers as I brought my lips to hers for another passionate kiss and shifted my weight to the side, bringing my body down beside hers and slipping my hand partially into her shorts, grabbing at the elastic waist and gently tugging downwards. She lifted her ass off the bed and her hands assisted mine in removing her shorts completely. I threw them across the room. I wasn't sure when I took them off if I would have anymore barriers to breakthrough, but as my hand ran down the length of her body and over her hips it was quickly apparent she was completely naked. The thought alone was enough to send me into a further frenzy. I shifted my weight back as my body pressed against hers and my lips were momentarily captivated by hers. Her legs bent up on either side of me as she straddled me and my hands ran up the length of her now much more accessible body. From her knees, up her thighs, over her hips, across her ass, up her sides and across her chest, my hands frequented her body. I touched and kissed every inch of her body I could reach in this position as she did the same. Once I could find my focus I slowly moved my body back to the side of hers and begin to investigate her now completely reachable canvas with my hands and lips. I peppered her lips, her neck, her shoulders, her collarbone, her chest, her abdomen, her stomach, and all of the other exposed regions of her body with butterfly kisses. My lips, my tongue, and my hands developed a close personal relationship with every aspect of her body. Touching her, licking her, feeling her body quiver and tremble under my touch, hearing her moan and softly say my name, pushed my body physically to the point of needing her with a mounting excruciating necessity. As her hand deliberated around my elastic band again I didn't hesitate. My hand quickly assisted hers in pulling my boxers off and chucking them across the room. Her hands timidly made their way around the newly exposed expanse of my body as I continued to pepper her with kisses. Our hands and our mouths took their time becoming acquainted with each other's body. As our needs and our wants became aligned she pressed her lips to mine, turned sideways toward me, and leaned her naked body hard into me. I wrapped my arms around her and rolled over again positioning her back on top of me. As I reached over to the night stand for the one last missing piece she slightly pulled away. As the lightening flashed in the room again, our eyes met long enough to exchange an unspoken affirmation of what we both yearned for. She nodded slightly with a huge smile on her face. Without any effort I completed my prerequisite and my fingers once again confirmed she was definitely ready as well. I placed my arms around her body as she pushed her hands against my chest elevating her hips and aligning our bodies. She very slowly lowered her body as we both moaned. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine as I wrapped my arms tightly around her. Our bodies came together and moved together as though they were created to be together. Every move, every feeling, every sensation was savored. Our lips and hands moved against each others bodies as we tangled and twisted together fulfilling every desire we each had. We made love with a passion and fervor that was undeniably the most intense feeling I had ever felt, both physically and emotionally.
I laid with my body on top of Clary's, her arms bent up over her head and my fingers tightly intertwined in hers. I dipped my head towards her again, meeting my lips to hers gently one more time before I separated our bodies. I rolled over onto my back and discreetly completed my next task, easily finding the garbage next to the bed. The power was still out, so I had no idea what time it was. I turned back towards Clary as I reached down grabbing the blankets and pulling them up around us. I pulled her still naked body close to mine. Her body fell right into place as I wrapped my arms tightly around her, and she stretched out her legs and tucked her hands in front of her. I couldn't help but notice that though before her legs always seemed to lie apart from mine, now they tangled with mine as we lay together. I kissed her forehead. Her body was completely relaxed; God my body was completely relaxed.
"I love you." I whispered softly. I kissed her hair.
"I love you too." She whispered back. I tightened my arms around her as my already huge smile grew even larger. I felt her stir and as though on instinct I dipped my head and met her lips perfectly for a gentle kiss. I rested my forehead against hers.
"You're really going to marry me?" I whispered softly. I felt her body shift in my arms, and then I felt her hand against my cheek. I leaned into it.
"Yes." She whispered back. I felt her move again and as though I could read her mind my head dipped and my lips met hers for another gentle kiss. Even though we couldn't see each other, our lips found each other's perfectly. As though some force drove me that I wasn't aware of I held Clary tighter with my arm that was under her and I reached my hand up and placed it over her hand that was still resting on my cheek. I could feel her engagement ring and I just smiled even wider. I couldn't possibly smile any more right now. I couldn't possibly be any happier right now. I took her hand in mine and brought it to my lips, gently kissing her knuckles. I dropped her hand as I wrapped my arms around her again. Her arms tucked in, her palms resting against my chest. I was starting to feel the weight of the day, the exhaustion of the hour, and sex in general is just fatiguing.
"Thank you." I said softly. I could tell I was very close to falling asleep.
"For what?" I was almost having trouble concentrating.
"For everything, For loving me. For saying you'll marry me. For trusting me. For forgiving me." I mumbled with the early signs of impending sleep. I kissed her hair and tucked her under my chin.
"I could thank you for all the same things Jace…I just can't imagine my life without you in it. You mean the world to me." She said softly. It was quiet for a long minute and I almost fell asleep.
"I love you Jace. Goodnight." She whispered softly. That was the perfect goodnight I wanted to hear for the rest of my life; a perfect goodnight to go with a perfect night. I tightened my arms around her one more time and dipped my head, finding her lips perfectly with my own, I kissed her gently.
"I love you too Clary. Goodnight." I whispered. Between the rain, the wind, and the warm naked body against me, I fell asleep very quickly.
Alfred Tennyson (Maud):
"Half the night I waste in sighs,
Half in dreams I sorrow after
The delight of early skies;
In a wakeful dose I sorrow
For the hand, the lips, the eyes,
For the meeting of the morrow,
The delight of happy laughter,
The delight of low replies."
Richard Bach
"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were."
Alexander Pope
"To err is human to forgive divine"
Robert Frost, (The Road Not Taken)
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Jason Mraz (I won't give up on us)
"When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well, there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?
Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay..."
