AN: Hi everyone! Big thanks to Emmettluver2010, decadenceofmysoul and Guest for their reviews! This chapter is a little shorter than usual; sorry about that. Also, just... sorry in advance. Enjoy the chapter!


Chapter 5.

I awoke to the sensation of sunlight warming my face and turning the inside my eyelids orange – and a head-splitting headache and muscle aches anywhere between my neck and upper legs. I groaned loudly, turning my face a little to shield it from the light and groping around for the blankets. Although I had tried my ignore the unexplainable sensations in my body so far, I could not suppress the feeling that something was seriously wrong any longer when my hands met only bare skin and soft, worn leather.

A part of me wanted to keep my eyes closed; foolishly thinking that as long as I did, none of this would be real. I sighed heavily, knowing that it would do me little good, and I cracked one eye lid open.

Immediately, I wished I had listened to the voice; wished that I would have remained blissfully ignorant for at least a little while longer.

As quiet as I could, careful not to wake Jax as I did, I moved backwards. As I put some distance between our naked bodies, I was careful to keep myself covered with his leather jacket – and to keep my eyes off of his private regions. A blush crept up my cheeks as I puzzled together what must have happened last night and as I took in the empty alcohol bottles and our hastily discarded clothing, pieces of a drunken night came flitting back to me. My blush deepened; not only knowing that we had done those things but actually remembering them. How his hands had left a burning trail behind wherever they'd touched me, how his lips had felt moving against mine, how his body had felt pressed up against mine in the most intimate way…

Signs of life next to me made me look up and I pulled the jacket around me a little tighter. I waited for him to stretch his arms, hearing the familiar pop of his shoulders, and finally open his eyes lazily.

He gazed across the roof curiously, then his eyes landed on me and nearly doubled in size. For a moment he said nothing and I figured he was replaying the night – or at least the parts that he remembered – in his head as well, then at last he put a hand through his hair. 'Shit El, I.. fuck.. I don't even know what to say.'

'Jax..'

'Sorry makes me sound even more like a dick, but..-'

'Jax!'

'I am, El. I never wanted to..-'

'God damn it, Teller, will you just shut up for a moment and listen? I'm not mad, okay? We both got shitfaced drunk, we had sex.. that shit happens, you know? It doesn't change anything; it's no big deal.'

'Yeah, but.. Oh shit.'

'Now what?'

'You were a vir..-'

'No. Big. Deal, Teller.'


When I'd said those words to him, I had honestly meant them. Although perhaps not romantic and thoughtful, I was glad that it had been Jax. At least he cared about me and I had done it with no unrealistic expectations of love or a relationship.

But, despite having meant them at the time, as the weeks went by I found that something had changed. Somehow, after having been so intimately connected to him, I could not help but look at him – really look at him – and it was as if I saw Jackson Teller for the first time. Sure, I had always known that he was good looking. But now, I saw something more. And I found myself immensely attracted to him.

I found myself drawn in by his lazy smiles, his careless touches and suddenly I craved to touch him. I wanted to let my hands wander through those blond locks, wanted to explore his skin with my hands, wanted to feel his lips on mine..

I was confused about where these sudden urges came from, did not understand why suddenly I craved his presence so differently. But after experiencing him in so intimate a way, friendly touches hardly seemed enough.

I was being stupid and I knew it. Jax and I were friends, good friends, and there was no sense in ruining something good. Even if it was for the sake of something better. Furthermore, I argued with myself, I did not like him in that way. This was just my body developing sexual urges; it had nothing to do with him.

I looked down at his still sleeping form, softly tracing the outlines of the reaper tattoo with my index finger. He had come back from a run last night, dead tired and with stains on his clothes that I did not even want to know the origin of. He had quickly reassured me that he was fine, had taken a shower and then we'd climbed in his dorm bed together. I would never admit to him how worried I'd been for the last five days, that I'd hardly slept at all without him there. Instead, I'd wrapped my arms around his waist a little tighter than usual, sighing in contentment at having him close to me once again.

At the first signs of stirring, I let my hand drop to the matrass and closed my eyes. In the next seconds, I listened to the telltale sounds of Jax's morning groans, the pop of his shoulder as he stretched and then finally a moan indicating the seriousness of his hangover. By the sounds of it, he must have entertained quite a few glasses of alcohol before joining me in the dorm room.

Shifting beside me, then the sound of two bare feet hitting the ground could be heard. Still, I did not fully register what was happening until I felt the blanket being pulled up to cover my torso completely and a small kiss was placed on the top of my head. My eyes snapped open – too fast for actually having been asleep – and quickly found their target, who was currently in the process of putting on a pair of socks.

'Jax?'

He looked up, one white sock still in his hand. 'I'm sorry, I did not meant to wake you, El.'

I shrugged, turning on my side to look at him going through his morning routine, thinking that even doing just that, he looked absolutely beautiful to me. 'Where are you going?'

He looked hesitant for a moment, almost as if he was debating whether or not to tell me the truth. 'I promised Wendy I'd stop by.'

'Wendy?'

'Yes, you kn..-'

'The Wendy you dumped a year ago? The Wendy that went into rehab?'

'Yes, well, she's out now and she asked to meet up.'

I did not understand the sudden sinking feeling that came over me – and so I merely nodded.


Won't make it to the clubhouse tonight, got other plans. Have fun. Don't get too drunk without me.

I stared down at my phone, then abruptly switched the device off and threw it on my desk. It was the third time he'd called off in little under two weeks. Of course it was not fair of me to see it in that way – after all; he was under no obligation to spend his free time with me – but in between work at the garage, club business and his renewed interest in Wendy, we barely saw each other anymore. It shouldn't have hurt the way it did, but then again things never went as they should. Life had a funny way of working out like that.


The summer holiday had almost come to an end and, in a way, I was almost glad that it had. I had spent some time trying to pluck weeds in Piney's garden – a task which I'd eventually given up on because it was insurmountable – and had on a couple of occasions helped Donna out with the kids, taking them out to the playground or just for a walk so she had some time for herself. Besides that, I spent a few hours every week helping Gemma with some administrative work. All in all I kept myself busy and, at least until I would be back alone in bed at night, kept my mind off of Jax.

Two weeks ago I had received a text from him, whether I was home because he needed to talk to me. At the time, I'd not thought much of it, simply glad that I would finally see him again. A few minutes later, he'd come to pick me up and drove us to the graveyard. A flashback of our last time there came over me as we walked down the path to John Teller's gravestone, and it caused me to hope (a very, very selfish hope) that maybe he and Wendy had broken up again. Nothing could have been less true.

'El, I.. It's still a bit premature and I haven't really talked about it with anyone else, but I just needed to tell someone.. tell you. Wendy is pregnant.'

I had not known how to respond and for a good long minute, I did not. Something had broken inside of me, something that I did not know existed had died and now I could do nothing but hold on to the pieces. In my silence, he'd continued.

'It wasn't planned, you know. I mean, Wendy and I are only just reconciling and I am not even sure about us. But yeah, I just wanted you to know.'

My mind had barely registered a word that he'd said, stuck on those three words that had damned it all to hell.

'El? Eliza, say something.'

'Congratulations.'

We had not spoken ever since. I had pretended to be too busy with helping Gemma, or with gardening, or just made up random excuses why I would not be at the clubhouse whenever he was there. With the information that I now had, I just could not deal with seeming him, seeing them. It was as if every time I was reminded of it, a stake went through my heart, burrying itself deeper and deeper into the tissue. It was all I could do to just keep on going, try to keep it all together. I could not bear the pain of actually seeing them.

The sound of the doorbell rang through the empty house and I reluctantly put down the clothes that I had been folding. Trudging down the stairs, I only now noticed that night had already fallen outside the living room window. With a sigh, I opened the front door.

And immediately wished I hadn't.

'El. I've been trying to reach you all day.'

'My phone's dead.'

'Gemma told me today that you are leaving for college. Why didn't you tell me?'

I shrugged, looking anywhere but at his face, knowing that I would break down if I did. 'I was just busy with some stuff, must have slipped my mind.'

'I thought you said you didn't want to go to college?'

'I said I wasn't smart enough; not that I didn't want to.'

'What changed?'

'Nothing.. I just.. I don't want to be stuck here forever. I just need to be away from this place for a while.'

'Away from Charming or away from me?'

I wasn't prepared for that question and tears sprang in my eyes, realizing just how fucked up everything had gotten lately. 'I don't know.. I just need some time and space to clear my head.'

'Clear it of what? Fuck, Eliza, I don't even know what we're talking about anymore. What's going on? Did I do something wrong?'

An image of Jax and Wendy together at the clubhouse flashed in front of my mind's eye and I swallowed, tears that I refused to cry in front of him burning in my eyes. 'Just go, Jackson.'

Without giving him a chance to protest, I closed the door in his face.