AN: Hello everyone. I wrote this chapter when I really should have been studying so yeah, stupid me. Anyway, thank you to outlawwoman and decadenceofmysoul for their reviews. Now, on we go!


Chapter 9.

It turned out, Opie wasn't home. Apparently he and some of the other guys had left late last night and were not expected back before New Year's Eve. I could not say I minded.

After finishing my tea, Donna ushered me into the guest room, where I took a quick shower before I snuggled down in the down blankets. I sighed in contentment. Within minutes I was asleep.

When I woke this time, I actually felt rested and I found that all my previous burdens were now a little less heavy to carry. I got out of bed unhurriedly, matched a thick woolen sweater with my simple plaited pajama pants and then padded out of the room on my socks.

As I made my way into the living room, I noticed to my surprise that night was already falling outside the windows. The children were quietly sat before the television, watching some cartoon or another, while Donna was cooking dinner. I quietly made my way over to her, opening one of the cabinets – and still finding everything in their places – and pulled out a stack of plates.

'How are you feeling?'

Her voice was soft, unassuming, but I knew Donna well and I could clearly hear the concerned note in her voice. 'I'm okay,' I smiled as I laid out the cutlery 'Completely rested.'

This made her laugh as well 'Well you should be; you slept most of the day away! Ellie was practically uncontrollable when she heard her Auntie Ellie was in the guest bedroom.' Donna shook her head, but the smile was still there. 'She still sees you as her role model because of your similar names, you know.'

I smiled, then looked mischievously at my niece 'So I better not do anything bad, right?'

'Eliza..' Donna warned, waving her spatula precariously at me 'If you do anything of the sort I swear I will put you out this instance.. And without dinner!'

I pouted at her, then – when I found she was not budging – I sighed. 'Fine, I'll be good. Just thought that she should get some of that Winston fire in her, you know.'

'She gets enough of that from her Dad!'

I chuckled, splashing some water in her direction as I filled one of the glasses at the sink and I realized just how much I'd missed this. 'You're a party pooper, Donna Winston, I'm telling you.'

She pursed her lips, but I could see she was holding back a smile. 'Go make yourself useful Eliza and tell the kids dinner is ready. Have them blow up on you for once when their television time is interrupted.'

I did not argue and instead, with a mischievous smile on my lips, crept up to the couch. Then, I swung myself over the back, landing partly on Ellie and partly on Kenny's lap. Both of the kids screamed, before they recognized me and then they flung themselves at me.

'Come on kids, your Mom says it's time for dinner!'


The remaining five days until New Year's Eve I helped Donna shop, take care of the kids and I even cooked on one occasion and so, in that sense, it was not much different from what I'd done the first few days of the holidays. And yet, it was completely different.

I was allowed to joke, to play and to laugh. I was talked and listened to. But most importantly, I was loved and valued. And for a moment, I could pretend that everything was all right.

However, soon the morning of New Year's Eve dawned and the moment I stepped into the kitchen, I knew my reprieve from reality was over.

'Put something comfortable on. I told Gemma we'd be there at eleven.' It was kind of a ritual we had developed over the years, where Donna, Gemma and I would do the shopping for the New Year's Eve party and decorate the clubhouse together. It was a moment of bonding – even though Gemma would kill me for calling it that – and I usually enjoyed spending the time with the only other Sons' women that actually had some relation with the club.

'Oh Donna, I.. well, I actually did not plan to go, you know. I did not tell Gemma I would come..'

She gave me a stern look from over her mug of coffee, a look which clearly said "cut the crap". 'It's because of Jax, isn't it?'

I winced at the sound of his name, then nodded reluctantly. 'We haven't exactly parted on the best terms and I am afraid of seeing him.. Of what his reaction will be.'

'You can't keep avoiding each other forever, Eliza,' she put a hand over mine and squeezed it softly. 'Besides, if he would know then I'm sure he would not be mad anymore.'

'Know what?'

She gave me a knowing smile, then let go of my hand. 'Come on, get yourself ready. We both know the wrath of Gemma when things don't go according to plan.'


Ten hours later and we were only just enjoying our rest, admiring the magic we'd worked on the clubhouse, when the first people started to trickle in. Donna and I remained seated at the bar, when Gemma went out to talk to the first party goers.

Despite her age, Gemma looked absolutely fantastic in her fitted short black dress and I found myself secretly hoping to age as well as she had. Donna, although certainly having chosen something a little more.. modest, did not look any less good. After the kids had been dropped off at a baby sit, I'd helped her with her hair and (discreet amount of) makeup as she'd put on a midnight blue dress and matching suede heels. As I looked at her, I congratulated myself on forcing her to put her hair up, as it made her look younger and more feminine.

Of course, in exchange for allowing me to dress her up, Donna had forbidden me from putting on a regular jeans and sweater and so I found myself in the striped pencil skirt dress – the one Charlie had described as making me look like "a fucking prostitute – and borrowed black (far from sensible) heels. I'd left my hair down to obscure the now yellowing bruise from view and had clasped a broad bracelet around my wrist to hide the other. Even if I felt all but happy to be here, at least I could honestly say I felt beautiful.

Another hour – in which I'd taken to drinking wine to settling my raging nerves – had passed by before boisterous voices could be heard and I looked over the crowd to see a familiar group of men entering through the door. Donna slipped from the bar stool beside me to go and greet her husband, but I hardly noticed. My eyes frantically scanned the crowd until they found the familiar crown of golden hair and I felt my breath catch and for a moment, it was as if time had not passed at all. As the group came closer to the bar, my body increasingly ached to go to him, to talk to him, to hug him. And then he was there, only a couple of feet away, and suddenly our eyes met. His eyebrows raised ever so slightly in surprise at seeing me.

And then the spell was broken. His face turned expressionless once again and he looked away – and I felt my heart break all over again. I watched as he stepped up to the bar, got himself a beer, and then disappeared into the crowd.

'Eliza! What a surprise!'

I blinked, then turned to find Opie suddenly beside me, his wife happily holding onto his arm. I looked at her face, then at his, both waiting, and I realized they were waiting for me to say something. 'Hey Ope,' I lamely smiled, hoping for all the world that I did not look as defeated as I felt. 'Sorry I did not call you back anymore. Between exams and homework and.. well, I just completely forgot.'

He shook his head, smiling 'Just glad to have you here, little cousin.'

I gave him a smile, then took a sip from my red wine. 'If you two don't mind, I'm going outside for a bit. The crowdedness in here is getting to me.' I quickly pushed my way through the crowd. Once outside, I sat myself down on one of the picnic tables and as I looked around the abandoned lot, I realized that it was the very same I'd sat on almost half a year ago.

Half a year… it seemed like a lifetime had passed by since that night. It was a time in which everything had still been possible, when my life was ahead of me and Jax still at my side. I wondered how everything had become so fucked up so fast.

'Fancy seeing you here again.'

I looked up, looking questioningly at the dark haired man that slowly stopped next to my table, wondering why he looked so familiar to me. Then, as he lit a cigarette with a black lighter with two red playing cards etched on it, it struck me. 'It's a small world after all, I suppose.'

He smiled at my words 'You know, you still owe me a cigarette.'

'How about an apology? I can do that.'

'Do you mind if I sit here?'

I shook my head, then threw back the contents of my glass of wine – and grimaced. I allowed myself to slide off the table. 'In fact, it's all yours.'

For a moment, I considered going back inside, but then I thought about the crowd and about all the people I had no energy to face right now, and so I quietly made my way around the back of the building. I carefully climbed the ladder and then sat down at the edge of the roof, thinking of a night that should have never happened.


I don't know how long I'd sat there before the rustling of clothes could be heard and I knew someone was climbing the ladder. My heart skipped a beat as I realized that it could only be one person.

I watched as first blond hair, then a handsome face, then all else that I'd come to know and love as a part of Jax Teller came into view. He looked rugged, tired and a little drunk, and I was reminded of all the times I'd seen him like this. When he would send me a tired, but relieved smile, would quickly change out of his clothes and would crawl in bed. He stopped in mid-motion as he noticed me and his jaw tensed. Then, he looked away and sat down, the entirety of the roof separating us, but I felt like the distance between us was much larger.

We sat like this for quite some time, neither of us saying anything, yet both painfully aware of the other's presence.

'Why are you here?'

I did not know if he was speaking of the roof or Charming in general and I lifted my shoulders, then let them drop.

He shook his head, then took a swig of a beer bottle 'Gemma made a mistake in inviting you. You don't belong here anymore.'

The words stung and I averted my head so he would not see the tears that were already welling in my eyes.

'You shouldn't have come.'

'I know.' The words were a whisper, yet I knew he heard them; heard the brokenness in them for he turned to me then for the first time. I held my head down, not being able to look at him and see the disgust in his eyes. 'I'm so sorry.'

Silence filled the rooftop again and I knew the conversation was over. I got to my feet slowly, each movement feeling like too much, and made my way towards the ladder. I had one hand on the cold iron when he spoke again.

'Why did you come?'

'Because I had nowhere else to go. Because..' I sighed as I turned around, forcing myself to look up in his eyes. 'Because I love you.'

His eyes widened at my confession, then his brows furrowed. 'Then why did you leave?'

'Because you did not love me back.' I sighed and smiled sadly 'Not in the way I wanted you to, at least.'

He opened his mouth to say something, but I shook my head. 'I just.. I just wanted to be honest, you know?' I shrugged, crossing my arms around my torso in an attempt to hold myself together. 'It's okay, really, I'm not a little girl anymore,' I added that last part in jest, but it came out sad and broken.

'El, I..' He took a step towards me but I held up a hand.

'Don't. I'm going back to Donna's house; you stay here. It's.. it's better this way, okay?'

He did not say anything and I climbed down the ladder, all the way down wishing he would have stopped me.