AN: Ugh! I had an exam today and I am absolutely brain dead because of it. For that reason, I did not plan on writing a chapter, but here I am anyway haha. Anyways, thank you to Emmettluver2010 for the review of chapter 9. This chapter contains some.. adult themes. Nothing too explicit though so this is the only warning you'll get haha. Also, I think that after this chapter, there will be one (or two at the very most) more, so we are reaching the end. Just wanted to let you guys know. Now, enjoy the chapter and don't forget to tell me your thoughts!


Chapter 10.

The walk home – or well, to Donna's house – was a quiet and sad one. I knew that I had no right to feel bad about how the night had turned out and yet, I could not help but do anyway. A comforting voice in the back of my mind told me that, at the very least, I had righted two of my past mistakes. First, I had apologized to the man whose cigarette I'd stolen on a warm summer night half a year ago. Second, I had apologized to the man who had stolen my heart on that very same summer night, only to have it broken. At least I had made up to them. That being as it may, however, it did little to comfort me.

As I passed by the many houses – with bright lights and the sound of laughter radiating from them – I found myself thinking that Jax had been right. I did not belong here, not anymore at least. There had been a time when I had, when Piney and Jax and the club had made me feel that maybe I did have a place in Charming, but for the life of me I could not imagine ever having felt less hollow.

A sob broke from my lips and all I wanted was to break down, right there on the sidewalk, and bleed my heart out for a life that was never to be, but somehow found it in me to move on; if only so I could break down in the privacy of Donna's guest bedroom.

Somewhere in the dark night, I heard church bells announce the arrival of the new year and, moments later, firework of all colors filled the night sky. When I reached Donna's front door I did not stop to watch them however, instead quickly moving to open the door and slip inside the dark hallway.

The house was thankfully silent and I vaguely remembered that Ellie and Kenny were spending the evening somewhere else. I immediately kicked the high heels off and then continued my way to the bathroom, where I took off the makeup and brushed out my hair. I silently stared at the girl.. young woman in the mirror, at her red eyes, her tear-streaked cheeks, the bruise adorning her forehead, and I found myself wondering – not for the first time – how she had managed to get to this point. Life so far had been like the ocean to me; the tides bringing me good and bad things, the waves sometimes carrying me, sometimes threatening to drown me and I found myself wishing that I was someone else. Someone stronger. I wished I was not simply driftwood, but a ship, with its own course and aim.

I sighed, turning away from my empty reflection when the sound of the doorbell broke the silence. I figured it was probably one of the neighbors, having seen the light on and wanting to wish Donna and Opie a happy new year. I had half a mind not to go, but then the bell rang again and I sighed, zipping my dress back up and padding slowly to the front door. Maybe it was the babysit who..

I never finished that thought, for when I opened the door and saw it was Jax, all previous thoughts went flying out of the window. 'Jax?' I breathed, unaware of the chill night air that hit my bare arms, or anything else but him for that matter.

'El, I..' He stopped, looking more uncertain than I'd ever seen him.

A bit of sense came flooding back to me and I hastily wiped at my cheeks, hoping he would not notice the telling redness of my eyes. 'Is something wrong?' I tried to sound casual, ignoring the sharp pain I felt at seeing him.

His mouth opened once, then closed again, and I was about to ask him if he was okay, when suddenly he stepped forward, cupping the back of my head, and let his lips come down on mine.

For a moment, I was lost in heaven. Just feeling him so close, smelling him, feeling him, tasting him, was enough to make my head spin – and not just from the lack of oxygen. The kiss was firm and yet gentle and for a moment I eluded myself into thinking that it actually meant something. Then, I softly pulled away and let my forehead lean against his. I allowed my breathing to calm before I would speak up and break the dream, but he beat me to it.

'I've been a fucking idiot, El.'

I looked at him, my gaze questioning as my mind still struggled to keep up with what had happened. 'What do you mean?'

The corners of his mouth pulled up slightly in a smile that I knew so well, yet his eyes were tender and full of an emotion that I'd never seen there before. 'I mean that I love you, Winston.'

My breath caught in my throat at his words and reflexively, I turned away. As the heavy weight of those three words sank in, I put a hand against my forehead and took a much needed breath. When a sense of calm finally returned to me, I turned back to face him. 'Are you certain?' He opened his mouth, but this time, I beat him to it, my voice completely serious. 'I need you to be certain, Jax. Because I can't..' I sighed 'I can't get my hopes up, just to watch them fall again. I want to believe you – honest to God, there's nothing that I'd rather wish in the world – but I can't stand the heart ache again. I've spent too much time watering dead plants already, I can't…-'

His lips crashing onto mine effectively shut me up and soon, my hands were lost in his hair; his lips and mine, his hands touching my skin, the only things I was aware of. And then he pulled back and the world slowly got back into view.

'How's that for an answer?'

A smile broke on my lips and in response, I pulled him inside the house by the lapels of his club jacket. Even before the door fell into the lock, my lips were back on his and I allowed my hands to wander his body. Soon, his jacket came off, then his flannel blouse followed and, when I managed to entangle our limbs long enough to free up my arms again, his white shirt soon met the same fate.

In reverse, somewhere in the lust induced haze he had managed to zip open the black party dress and as his shirt fell to the floor, my dress soon joined it. When I stepped out of it, he pulled me back to him and surprised me by lifting me off of the floor. I automatically wrapped my legs around his waist and as pelvis met pelvis, I realized just how much I had needed this.

Somehow, we reached the guest bedroom, but it was only when he laid me down on the matrass, him crawling on top of me, that I realized we were there. 'I love you so much, El.'

I pulled him down for another kiss, his hands already starting to do wonderful things to my body, and I had one last sane thought before I was lost in complete, blissful ecstasy. I love you too.


I don't really recall the specifics of it – my mind and body having been too sated to do any thinking – but I remember already seeing the sun rise by the time the heat went down. He had collapsed on the matrass, his body, like mine, slick with sweat, and I had let out a content sigh as he had wrapped one arm around me. In a way, it had been exactly like we always lay in the dorm room together. And yet, it was nothing like it. Before I had had any more time to ponder my current situation, I had fallen into an exhausted, but blissful sleep.

Now, with the sun already streaming through the open curtains, I looked at the man that lay still sleeping in my arms. A large part of me still couldn't quite grasp what had happened, or what it meant. That part was enjoying the moment, not knowing how long it was going to last, but loving every second of it. Another part of me was… well, I don't really know what is was. Content? Happy? I did not know how best to describe it; the feeling you get when everything finally seems to fall into place. Whatever it was, it felt amazing.

Slowly, Jax started stirring in my arms and I listened amusedly at the familiar groans, the pop of his shoulder as he stretched and then finally a moan that I knew was not from a hangover, but from the exertion of last night.

'Good morning,' I chuckled, watching as one of his blue eyes opened slowly.

His lips curled up in a smile and he turned his one open eye on me. 'It is indeed. I enjoyed sleeping next to you before, but tonight really brought that to a whole new level.'

I playfully punched his shoulder, shaking my head at his flirty response. 'Fuck you, Teller.'

'You already did.'

Instead of answering, I made it a point to roll my eyes quite obviously, then turned to look out of the window. Although the world still seemed quiet, I knew it must already be quite late. It was a miracle Donna had not barged into my room yet..

'Something wrong, doll face?' He propped himself up on one arm, inspecting my face closely before he quickly pecked my nose.

I smiled at the gesture and turned my gaze back to him. 'Nothing at all.'

'Good, because I don't like it when you're sad.' His gaze turned soft and he lifted his hand to caress my cheek 'You're beautiful, you know that?'

I pulled a face, but he shook his head, tucking a piece of my dull dark hair out of my face.

'I mean it, El, I…' His expression turned troubled and the hand that had rested on my cheek, that had been used to pull the strand of hair from my face, reached up to touch a sensitive area on my hairline. And my expression fell as well. 'What is this?'

'It's nothing,' I did not look him in the eye as I said it. Then, with a smile that did not quite reach my eyes and a certainty in my voice that felt incredibly phony, I locked eyes with his. 'It's in the past.'

I could see he wanted to ask more, but at seeing the begging look in my eyes, he accepted the answer. Now was not the time.


Much later, after another round of heated kisses, then passionate sex, I had finally gotten dressed and, deciding that I was in high need of some coffee, chanced to step out of the bedroom. With some mad persuasion skills – not to mention the promise of more sex later on – I had convinced Jax to remain in bed (if only so I wouldn't have to explain to Ellie or Kenny why he was in the guest bedroom to begin with). When I stepped into the kitchen, however, I knew the walk of shame was not to be avoided after all.

Opie was sitting on one of the dinner table chairs, a mug of coffee in his hands and the newspaper in front of him. At my entrance, he looked up at me knowingly. 'Well good afternoon to you, little cousin.'

I cleared my throat uncomfortably, yet managed a smile. 'Good day Ope. Any coffee left?'

'Depends.'

'On?' I asked as I chose a black mug from the cabinet.

'On whether you want one mug or two.'

I almost spilled some of the hot liquid on my hand. 'You know? How?!'

Opie looked up from his newspaper, clearly amused. 'If the clothes scattered across the house were not clear enough, or the motorcycle parked out front, I think the sounds would have done it, yeah.'

I turned a violent shade of red, picked up my full mug and fled back to the guest bedroom, followed all the way back by my cousin's boisterous laughs.