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Chapter Three
Han hadn't slept, his mind was far to awake for that. He had spent the entire day and night searching and learning more and more about this version of Leia. If he was going to accept this new world he was placed in, then he needed to know as much as he could learn. His head still throbbed with memories of Leia and the words that his cloaked guest had said. He wanted to focus only on the past, at least that's what his heart wanted. But his head knew he needed to find out more about this Leia. So there he sat in his bunk, trying to ignore the absence of Leia's perfume against the sheets. It was obvious she lived on Coruscant and held a similar position to the one in his world. But he wanted to know more. Han rubbed his eyes and slowly stood from the bunk, needing to wake up. Palming the door open, Han stumbled down the hall and towards the caf machine. The moments passed and Han's tired mind zoomed away once more to his memories. It hurt so much to remember everything about her, about them. But it also calmed him thinking about how happy they had been. Reaching over for his mug, Han slowly walked to the table and sat down. Skimming through his data pad once more, he sighed hoping the hot liquid would start to work soon. Sipping his caf, he heard Chewie make his way into the galley.
"You're up early."
"I didn't sleep." Han answered.
"I'm worried about you Cub."
"I'm fine…at least I will be. How do you feel about going on a trip?" Han suggested, looking up from his data pad.
"What kind of trip and how dangerous?"
"Not dangerous, just a simple trip." Han said trying to play it down.
"To where?"
"Coruscant."
"Han?' Chewie warned, his furry head shaking from side to side.
"It's fine Chewie."
"It's not! Just because you suddenly want to see her again, doesn't mean she wants to see you." Chewie told him honestly. Han felt a stab in his heart, but he tried not to take offense to it. Whatever had happened between this Han and Leia wasn't him. He could fix this, he could find Leia and fix this world.
"She might."
"Han…the things you said to her…"
"I…I just want to talk to her about it." Han said, stopping his friend. He wanted to find out the details from Leia, not second hand from his friend. He was afraid of what she would tell him, but he also knew he had to hear the truth of this world if he was going to fix it.
"You'll have to make an appointment." Chewie reminded Han, with a sigh. "She's too important for you to just walk in and expect to see her."
"You're right!" Han said with a smile as he looked up her contact information. It wasn't as hard to find as he had expected. An open channel was listed, and Han figured that was his best bet at getting in contact with her. Pulling out his com he waited as the static line connected.
"Republic Head Quarters how may I direct you call?"
"Yes I'm trying to get in contact with Princess Organa." A silence went over the line and Han could hear quiet muttering from the other end of the call.
"Perhaps you mean Ambassador Organa?" The man questioned.
"Yes Leia Organa."
"I will direct your line." The man said with an annoyed sigh. More static sounded as Han waited for someone else to pick up. He briefly hoped it would be Leia, but knew deep down she wouldn't be taking outside calls. Even back in his world when he called her at work, her secretary always answered first. This felt weird, trying to call and make an appointment to see her. Even during the war, he never had to make an appointment to see her. He saw her all the time and when he wanted. Leia never seemed to mind, even when she was pretending she hated him. But this was different. As the cloaked figure had said, this world was very different. Han replayed Chewie's words in his mind. "Just because you suddenly want to see her again, doesn't mean she wants to see you." Han tried not to focus on those words, he wasn't sure what he would do if she denied his meeting. He wasn't sure what his next step would be. Hearing a new voice from the other end, Han sat up and pulled his attention back to the call.
"Ambassador Organa's office, how may I help you." A sweet voice answered.
"Yes…umm yes. I'm an old friend of Lei…of Ambassador Organa's. I'm coming to planet in a few days and wondered if it would be possible to meet with her." Han stumbled over his words, and Chewie shook his head, Afraid to admit that his friend could have just blown the call.
"Ambassador Organa is very busy this time of year sir. Let me check her schedule…"
"I'll take anything." Han told her.
"It looks as if she has an open slot two days from now."
"What time?"
"Exactly noon sir."
"I'll take it!" Han said a smile spreading across his face. Chewie sighed, worry for what he was setting himself up for.
"I need your name sir. To approve you through security for the meeting."
"Right, General Solo…" Han started and Chewie hit the table.
"You aren't a General anymore!"
"I mean! Captain Solo, Han solo."
"And your contact number or security code?" She asked, Han quickly rambled off the appropriate numbers, he could hear her typing them into the system on her end. She asked a few more questions, purpose of the meeting, and other prep questions he assumed were for Leia.
"Alright Mr. Solo. I will add you to her bookings and start your security process. Once you have been approved through security, your file and appointment will be sent to Ambassador Organa for approval."
"What if she doesn't approve the meeting?" Han asked, his heart sinking.
"I will notify you of any cancellations. But the Ambassador rarely turns down appointment requests."
"Alright…" Han sighed, he wanted to ask to speak to Leia, but he knew he had to do this face to face.
"Is there anything else I can do for you?' She asked him.
"That's all, thank you."
"Have a nice day." She said and quickly ended the call. Han looked down at the com and sighed. He felt good but nervous. As crazy as it was, this meeting was one step closer to finding Leia, to seeing her again. And truly finding out what this world had in store for him. Han set the com down and looked up and smiled to his friend.
"That was easy."
"Depends on if she accepts the meeting or not." Chewie added.
—-
Han didn't know how he should feel. Part of him wanted to be thrilled and overjoyed. He had technically lost Leia, the love of his life and now today he was going to see her again. But he had to remember that this wasn't his Leia anymore. This Han hadn't seen her in years and he had no idea what he was walking into. She had accepted the meeting, that was another step in the right direction. Chewie had warned him to be nice when he left the ship today, and it reminded Han that things truly must have ended badly between them in this world. He felt an odd nausea over come him as he walked through the hangar, surrounded by all the ships. His mind moved back to the explosion and watching Leia's arm raise to push him away. He tried to shake off those memories and focus on this current time, this current world.
Looking down at the small table in front of him, Han tried desperately to calm his nerves. He prayed Leia would speak with him and wouldn't immediately throw him out. Leia was right through that door, he thought to himself as he looked up at her office door. Her assistant had been kind and greeted him with friendly smile, asking him to wait until Leia was finished with her conference call. She'd offered him coffee but he knew it would only add to his nerves. "You can't kiss her or touch her or do anything." Han chanted in his mind over and over again. The feeling of not being able to treat his wife like his wife was partly heart breaking. He only held on to the fact that Leia was alive and would be speaking with him soon.
"Captain Solo?" Leia's assistant called.
"Yeah?" He said quickly standing at the sound of her voice.
"Ambassador Organa will see you now." She said with a smile. Han hesitated for a moment before nodding and stepping forward. With one final breath he walked into her office.
The large windows showed off the Coruscant skyline. The office Han remembered was much different compared to this. In fact he remembered Leia demanding a smaller office. I'm not that important, he recalled as she rambled that night in bed. Looking from the windows, Han's breath hitched as his eyes landed on the woman sitting behind the desk. Han's eyes found hers and it was as if nothing had happened. She hadn't been hurt, he hadn't lost her, she was simply here right in front of him. His mind screamed over and over again to relax, that he had to be cautious to this situation. But his heart screamed at him to take Leia into his arms and never let her go again. The last time he had seen her she had been cold, dead and gone forever, now here she was right in front of him.
"Han…" Leia's voice said as she slowly stood from her chair.
"Leia.." Han said, managing to control the quiver in his voice.
"It's been a long time." She said, her arms crossing over her chest. "I almost didn't believe the schedule when I read it." She told him with a smirk he didn't recognize. She looked different, she held herself so different then what Han was used to. Her eyes looked the same but the usual warmth and love he found there was cold and distant. It hurt to see her look at him in such a way. Gazing around her, he surveyed her other changes. His eyes fell to her hair as she turned her head and shut her data pad off. At first he thought her braids where tied behind her head, but her hair was cut and much shorter then the long length he was used to. He wondered how he hadn't noticed that in all the images he'd been researching lately. It didn't matter now, she just looked so different.
"You cut your hair?" Han asked, the question slipping out before he had time to filter himself. Leia's fingers ran up to skim her shoulder length hair.
"Oh, yes. I guess the last time we saw each other it was much longer." Leia nodded, seeming to be lost in a memory.
"It looks nice." Han noted aloud.
"Well, thank you. I guess you missed all the holo's a few years back after I cut it. My hair was the talk of the galaxy. It's ridiculous really." Leia explained.
"Yeah I guess I missed it."
"Not exactly your type of reading." she offered and Han nodded. He didn't want to feel awkward with her, but thats all he felt. He could feel the difference between them. Here he was wanting nothing more then to take her into his arms and tell her how much he loved her and how he should have protected her. Meanwhile Leia's stance was stiff and numbing, she looked as if she wanted his visit over as fast as possible. How did we get here? Han questioned in his mind. His thoughts conflicting too much to focus.
"I never thought you'd get rid of the braids." Han said trying to lighten the mood, but seeing a shift in Leia's expression he knew he had spoken wrong.
"Well, there was no real reason to hold on to silly Alderaan traditions. Dying traditions in fact." She said sharply. "What can I do for you Han? Your meeting details didn't contain much information for me." She asked, trying to move the conversation along. Han flinched, he didn't like her treating him like he was just another appointment. This was going to be a lot harder then he had planned.
"It's complicated…."
"Things with you usually are. I'm sure I can keep up."
"I guess that's true." He said looking away from her hard gaze. He had practiced what he would say but it still felt silly now. "I had an accident." Han explained. Leia cocked her head to the side, for a moment Han thought he saw a flash of concern wash over her face, but it was quickly replaced with annoyance.
"What does that have to do with me?" She asked.
"I…I'm having some memory problems. I hit my head pretty hard and I'm trying to heal…" Han offered, hoping she bought it. She stayed silent for a moment, just staring at him.
"Memory problems?"
"Yes…"
"Well what does that have to do with me?" She repeated.
"I'm trying to connect some dots, and understand some of my past. When is the last time we saw each other?" Han asked her. Leia flinched and looked away from him. She paused, as she didn't know how to continue or how to answer that question. Her jaw was stiff and her face looked pained, he watched her take a slow breath.
"You don't remember?" She bit out, her eyes hard.
"I'm sorry, I just wondered…" Han said stumbling over his words. Yes, this was much harder then he expected. "I'm sorry Leia, I don't remember what happened between us." Han rushed his words. Leia's head whipped towards him and she glared, her stare could have dropped the temperature a few degrees.
"What exactly do you remember?" She asked, her arms so tight around her body now. Han just wanted to hug her and never let go.
"We were…together…" He muttered out, his words were rushing together and he hoped she had understood him. He couldn't very well say, the last thing I remember is us married, in love and you dying.
"That was a long time ago Han. I'm sorry you don't remember, but all you need to know is that we haven't been…together. In a long time." She answered slowly, her voice sounding very political. A tone of Leia's voice that Han usually hated and that she almost never used with him. It felt fake and distant, it hurt him so much to hear her talk to him like that. This was Leia, the woman he had been closer to then anyone in his entire life, and now they were strangers.
"You can't tell me the last time we saw each other?" He asked again, trying to push her without upsetting her further.
Leia closed her eyes and tried to remember. Her head shook slightly and she took a slow breath. She tried to ignore the stabs to her heart as she remembered the last time she had seen Han. It was something she didn't dwell on, she had moved on, and the walls around her heart begged her not to go down that road again.
"I believe it was a few months after Endor."
"Endor?"
"Do you remember the battle or anything that happened?" She asked, stepping closer to the windows and creating more distance between herself and Han. "I could provide you with history files, if it would help you."
"I remember everything, we were happy?" Han questioned, wondering if they shared the same memories or if that had changed too. Leia let out a light laugh, almost a snort.
"I suppose we were for a time."
"What changed?"
"Han I can't go down memory lane with you. I'm sorry you are having these problems, but I don't understand what good it is for you."
"I just, I guess I don't understand." He said, almost pleading for answers. Leia looked at him and tried to find the right words. This was not something she wanted to get into with him. This wasn't a conversation she was interested in having with her ex boyfriend.
"I… I guess we grew apart." She said putting it mildly. "We never saw each other and when we did all we did was fight. Things were said, things happened and we both decided it was best not to see each other anymore." Leia explained.
"We both decided?"
"We both knew that is what we wanted and needed."
"But we loved each other…"
"Han…" Leia whispered, her voice almost sounding like the Leia he knew. "There was so much going on back then. The war was distracting and our feelings were clouded." Leia said quickly dismissing them, dismissing everything that had happened between them, dismissing what Han considered their love story.
"They weren't." Han disagreed.
"They were, Han. We weren't meant for anything more. This happens a lot in times of stress. Feelings start, even if there is no truth to them. The war blinded us Han. When things started to slow down, it was clear that we weren't meant to be together. It was clear that we couldn't be together. We wanted to lead very different lives…"
Han found images of their wedding flashing in his head. The way Leia looked in her wedding dress, or her bright smile as she walked down the isle to him. The way her warm hands felt in his hands. Their first kiss as man and wife, and the cheers from everyone around them as the held each other tight. His heart constricted, this Leia didn't think they were meant for more. Replaying her words in his mind, he couldn't help but get the feeling she wasn't telling him everything.
"Han are you alright?" She questioned, tilting her head slightly.
"I'm ok." He said quietly.
"I'm sorry if you thought…if you assumed something different had happened. I'm sorry you are having these problems. Perhaps someone will be able to help recover your memories. The medics are brilliant these days, I'm sure you'll be fixed in no time. Surely you have a life out there worth living." Leia said, trying to stay positive to the sadness of Han losing his memories. She wasn't sure how she felt about it to be honest. Part of her was mad at him for not remembering the pain that was their past, but another part of her was grateful he couldn't remember everything that happened. That way he couldn't bring it up to her.
"I guess so." He nodded.
"Where's Chewie, surely he could have answered these questions?" Leia suggested. She knew Chewie knew most of what happened, she didn't understand Han's need to come here to her.
"I wanted to see you." Han said staring deep into her eyes. Leia's heart fluttered in a way she hadn't felt in a long time. Closing the walls around her heart she pushed the feelings down and away. You will not go down that road! Leia's mind screamed at her.
"Oh." She answered simply. Stepping towards her desk, she grabbed her data pad and quickly swiped through some of the reports. Anything to distract her from Han's intense gaze. "Is there anything else I can help you with Han?" She asked, not meeting his eyes. His movement caught her attention, and she looked up to see him walking closer to her desk. In that moment she was pleased her desk was so large, it put a decent distance between the two of them.
Han tried to read her expression, but he was finding it hard. He was so used to knowing what Leia thought and felt, this sense of unknown was new for him. He didn't want to leave yet and he knew that's where this was headed. Leia didn't want to talk to him anymore. He wasn't sure he would get another opportunity to speak with her, he had to take the leap.
"Will you have lunch with me?" Han suddenly asked.
"I'm sorry?" She asked confused.
"I'm going to get some food, I figure you probably haven't ate. You never eat when you're busy working." Han said, noticing his slip when Leia offered him a confused look. "I just mean…That's what you used to be like."
"I…I'm not sure its a good idea for us to have lunch Han. It was good to see you again but I do have some work to attend to."
"Just lunch Leia."
His heart thudded against his chest, needing her to say yes. He needed more time with her, he was desperate to have more time with her. She looked up at him and then back down to her desk. He waited and watched as she bit her lip, she was trying to decide what to do. Her heart and head were telling her two different things.
"Just lunch?' Leia questioned, her own sadness for his struggle turning her soft. Their past pain was still so evident in her thoughts and her feelings, but something was different about him today. She felt sorry for him, she couldn't imagine not being able to remember her own life. Even with everything that happened between them, and the things Han had said to her, she still felt sorry for him. She wanted to be harsh and push him away, but some small part of her wondered if a simple lunch could help him feel more settled with them. Perhaps it could help him move on and the medics would be able to help him. Even if he had hurt her, she would of course want him to live his life and not suffer.
"You gotta eat right?" Han smiled. Looking back to her desk, Leia pressed a button and waited for her assistant to answer.
"Yes Ambassador?"
"Do I have lunch plans?" Leia asked her, Han's heart leaping. Inside he was dancing and shouting with excitement. He didn't bother hiding his smile as he waited for her assistant to answer.
"You do not." She said. Leia nodded and looked back to Han. Her choice was still conflicted, but she had to make a decision.
"I'm going to be leaving for lunch with Captain Solo."
"I'll make note of it ma'am."
Leia stepped towards a small closet and pulled her jacket out and wrapped it around her shoulders. Han watched, his happiness spilling out and into the room. Leia glanced at him, her heart slightly worried at how happy he looked. It's just lunch, Leia thought to herself. Securing the buttons along the front of her jacket, Leia moved towards the door.
"Shall we?" Leia questioned, moving to step towards Han for the first time since he arrived. Han's hand twitched and moved to reach for her hand. Catching himself he slowly slid his hands into his pockets and nodded, following Leia out the door.
Well there we have it, This world's Leia. Thanks for reading! This story will continue to be updated every other day. I love to hear what you guys think! =)
