Thanks For reading everyone! sorry if I didn't reply to your review last chapter. The site hasn't allowed me to read reviews for chapter eleven! So I could only reply if I got an email! Thanks again for reading and reviewing
Chapter Twelve
The pair stood staring at each other. Neither speaking, just staring into each others souls. Han wanted to step forward and take her hand, or run his fingers across her face. Anything he could do to make her feel loved and wanted, but he honestly had no idea why she was here.
"Hi…" he managed to whisper out.
"Can we talk?" Leia asked him.
"Of course…" Han quickly nodded and pointed for her to come further into the ship. Han watched her movement carefully. Her hair was pushed back away from her face and her jacket was buttoned up her body, to protect her from the cold. She looked very much like the wife he remembered on lazy days they would spend together. Gods he missed those days with Leia. He wanted it back so bad. Han rested his back against the side of his ship as he waited for Leia to speak. She looked as if she was trying to find the right words, and Han wanted to give her as much time as she needed. His eyes flickered to her face, as he watched her expression change and turn into new and interesting emotions.
"I wanted to apologize…" She started, finding her words.
"For what?" Han quickly asked.
"For springing those things on you. I know you don't remember what happened and it was wrong of me to bring up the…the things that happened. I'm sorry."
"I remembered." Han said stopping her words. "Well I remembered some of it."
"Oh…" She said looking down and away from him. Her heart dropped, her fears coming to the surface as she waited for him to tell her he didn't want her again. She tried to prepare herself for the worst.
"I was horrible to you and… I don't know how to make it up to you."
"Han…" She tried but he stopped her.
"No! I need you to know that I am not him!"
"I think I know that." She whispered out.
"You do?" Han asked surprised. Leia tilted her head softly and stared over at the man before her. He did seem so different, for how much she had loved Han all those years ago, the man before her made her feel so much better, safer and loved. She wanted to be with this Han, maybe she was crazy but she felt such a strong difference.
"You seem so different." She told him, taking a step closer to him and running her hands down his arms. Han closed his eyes at her touch. Leia just stared up at him, taking in his relaxed expression.
"I am!"
"How are you so different?" She asked him, not knowing if he could truly give her an answer, but simply curious as to what had changed him so much. Han stared down into her beautiful brown eyes, he could get lost there. His hands came up and cupped her face, a familiar move for him, but something this Leia hadn't felt in a while. His palms were warm against her cheeks and Leia's eyes fluttered closed and then back open. "It's hard to explain." Han told her.
"I'm still scared to let you in." She admitted. If they were being honest, she needed to be honest about everything.
"I know you are, but I will never hurt you again. I want everything with you Leia."
"Han let's not get ahead of ourselves." She said worried they would take things too fast.
"I know…I don't want to rush you, but you need to know Leia." Han paused and Leia looked up into his eyes, waiting for him to continue. "I love you Leia Organa, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to marry you and have babies with you! I want all of it with you. I know you don't trust me yet, and that's ok. I just need you to know how much I love you. Vader doesn't matter! And I want you to understand how much I want you, all of you."
"Han…" she choked out.
"I will never be him, ever again! I will never make you feel like that ever again." He promised her. Leia's heart thudded against her chest, she believed him. Not only did she believe him but she wanted so badly to kiss him, but she needed to focus on their conversation and not letting her emotions control her. But Gods did she want to kiss him and get lost in her feelings.
"We have a lot to talk about…" She told him.
"We can talk about anything you like…"
Leia closed her eyes, still enjoying the feel of his hands on her face. She felt so warm and safe standing in his arms. But she was also very tired and worried that maybe wasn't the best time to have a deep conversation.
"Han?" She whispered out.
"What is it?" He asked.
"I'm really tired." she admitted. She was mentally drained and honestly didn't know how far they could realistically get into a conversation. Han nodded and moved to step away from her.
"That's ok Leia. Thank you for coming." He smiled. "Can I see you tomorrow?" Han quickly asked, not wanting her to leave but understanding if she was tired from their long couple of days. Leia smiled and slowly stepped towards him. To hell with staying focused, for once she needed to let her heart have a say. Her hands tugged at his shirt and pulled him down to her small height. Her lips met his, surprising him. Han immediately kissed her back, running his arms around her and pulling her close.
"Han?" She whispered against his lips.
"Hmmm…"
"Can I stay here with you?" she asked him, surprising him yet again.
"Of course you can!" He said cupping her face again.
"Maybe…we can just slowly talk…I know last night was amazing but…" She trailed off, hoping he would understand.
"Leia I want to talk to you." Han assured her. Leia nodded and leaned in, pressing her forehead against his chest. Han sighed and relaxed with Leia in his arms. Leia wondered if she could fall asleep standing right there with Han's warm embrace around her. "Leia?" He whispered to her.
"Yeah?"
"Come this way…" He said, pulling her down the hallway and towards his cabin. Leia paused in the doorway, a flood of memories hitting her. "You can rest.." Han offered."
"I'd like that. You'll stay with me?" She asked stepping closer to him again. She didn't want to be away from him right now, not when she was feeling like this.
"I'm not going anywhere." He whispered to her, before leaning down and kissing her forehead.
They both slowly laid against the soft mattress. Leia's head immediately moved to Han's chest, a practiced move that they were both so used to. Han's arms held her tight, afraid she would disappear if he didn't hold on to her. Her eyes were closed but her mind was still thinking and questioning where they go from there. Han's fingers traced over her back, lulling her into relaxation.
"I love you." He told her, needing to say it yet again, and prove how much he loved and wanted her.
"I'm not sure where we go from here." She said simply, looking up at him.
"We don't have to have all the answers."
"I like knowing everything." She smiled softly.
"I remember Han chuckled.
"I want to be happy with you Han." She admitted to him, opening up to him one step at a time.
"I want that too." He said kissing her nose. His fingers still traced around her back and down her hips. Just simple innocent touches to remind his brain that she was really laying beside him.
"Han…" She whispered her voice catching again. Han looked back to her gaze and saw worry and fear fill her beautiful eyes.
"What is it?"
"If we're going to be honest with each other…I need to tell you something."
"You can tell me anything." He assured her.
"You said you want it all with me?"
"I do."
"I know we're a long ways away from this, but you have a right to know and I won't hold it against you if you don't want me…"
"Nothing you say will make me leave you." Han told her sternly.
"You want kids?" She questioned, her voice coming off guarded and worried.
"I… not tomorrow." Han tried to joke, but he saw fear in her eyes yet again.
"What is it?"
'I don't want you to feel bad, you seem so different."
"I am different, I've changed."
"I know that, that's why I don't know how to tell you this."
"Tell me Princess." He whispered against her skin, pulling her closer.
"After our fight…I don't know how much you remember. But after everything happened and I lost the baby…I started thinking about what you had said, I started thinking maybe you were right."
"I wasn't! I was an asshole!" Han quickly said.
"I…I guess you were. But I still started thinking about it."
"What were you thinking about?" He asked.
"That maybe I shouldn't have children, because of my bloodline."
"Leia…" He sighed, feeling his heart constrict. He mentally screamed at his alternate self.
"I made the choice. I made sure I wouldn't be able to get pregnant again." She told him quickly, pulling it off like a bandage.
"What did you do?" He asked her, his heart still hammering against his chest as she opened up and spoke to him.
"I had a procedure done. A fertility procedure…"
"So you…"
"I made sure I wouldn't be able to have kids…" She whispered out. Han just stared at her, his hands still tracing her back and holding her close. Leia waited for his reaction, he seemed to be processing it all.
"I'm so sorry I made you do that. Gods!" Han said cursing under his breath, as if he didn't already hate this worlds version of himself. He felt a stab in his chest, Leia had altered her entire life because of those stupid things that man had said.
"It's ok…I think there was some truth to it…"
"No!" Han quickly said.
"You are amazing! You are not Vader!" He said cupping her face and looking into her eyes. "You and Luke are forces of good! Anything that came from you would be nothing but good and light."
Leia let a tear slide down her face as she stared up at this new man in front of her.
"You're so different." She whispered again. Han's finger traced her stomach and his eyes flickered down.
"The burns?" Han asked her, staring down at her. He remembered how they had looked against her bare skin.
"Yes." She nodded. "It was part of the procedure." She told him. Han's fingers ghosted under her top and traced the burn marks along her stomach. Leia stayed quiet, just watching him process the news, and feeling his light touch against her skin.
"Does it change things?" She asked him. His eyes flickered up to hers. He was confused by her question.
"What do you mean?"
"You said you want kids now…I can't give you that."
"Leia…you'd give me so much more. It doesn't matter." He answered quickly. Leia was still in a daze that this was real and that Han had changed this much, for the better.
"But you…"
"Leia…I want you."
"You do?" She mumbled out, her emotions surfacing.
"I do…Besides, Bail and Breha adopted you. What's to stop us from doing the same?" He questioned. Leia's heart thudded and her breath caught. She felt her emotions take over now as a few more tears fell down her face. "What is it?" He asked.
"You have no idea how much I love you right now." She told him honestly.
"I love you too." He smiled at her, leaning in and kissing her lips.
"This is who I wanted back then…this version of you. I needed this you…"
"I'm here now."
"You are." She nodded. "We have to be careful…We have to take things slow or we'll end up fighting."
"I don't want to fight with you."
"You say that now. But it's what we were best at."
"Don't say that…Fresh start." He told her, leaning in and kissing her yet again.
"I don't know how we got here." She admitted with a laugh.
"The force." Han answered without thinking.
"What?"
"I just…I just meant the force guides us right? I think we were meant to be guided together."
"You turning into a Jedi? Luke will be thrilled." She laughed softly.
"Nah, just been through a lot lately."
"Han?" She whispered to him.
"Leia?"
"I don't think I ever stopped loving you…"
"I know i never stopped loving you." He said back to her, bringing their lips together in a passionate kiss. Their fingers danced over each others skin, sweet and loving kisses shared and simple words of love and want. Their tired minds gave in and soon they both drifted into a restful sleep, in each others arms.
Thank you again for reading! I hope you enjoyed their chat!
