"Wha' the fuck 'as 'appened t' y'!?" Rae gasped, in which Chloe looked out the window and whimpered, "Nothin'", Rae sat back before glaring at Chloe and over expressing in her typical Rae fashion, "Don't look like nothin'! And where's Finn?" Chloe then sharply looked at Rae, tears wetting her cheeks, "I said nothin', Rae! Can y' leave it and just take me 'ome!?" There was a pause before Rae put the car in reverse, backed it up and then put it in drive and began the journey. Chloe sunk back into her seat, looking out the window, watching the passing scenery and wiping away her tears furiously.
A silence fell between the girls, only the sound of The Smiths lulled throughout the car; one of the many tracks on a mixtape Finn made Rae for her 18th. Rae smiled to herself at the memory, how happy he was to have made her it and give her it; despite Chloe throwing a tiff and getting a mard on.
For the car journey home, the girls drove in silence; that is, until they were outside Chloe's. Rae brought the car to a stop and turned to Chloe, "Are y' gonna tell me wha' 'appened or?" Chloe huffed and shook her head, "I can't", Rae then pressed, "Why? I mean it's obviously summat bad if y've come out lookin' like a drowned rat and Finn nowhere to be seen... 'Ave y' two 'ad a fight?" Chloe then snapped her gaze to Rae and glowered, "Are y' deaf, Rae!? I said it's nothin'", Rae scoffed, finding Chloe unbelievable, "Oh this is just typical", Chloe then frowned, "S'tha' supposed t' mean?" Rae shook her head, "Nowt, forget it", Chloe folded her arms, pressing, "No, go on", "I just mean well, I drive all the way t' Nottingham for y' and y'don't even tell me what's gone on or why y' were there!" Chloe then softened, unfolding her arms and placing her hands in her lap; looking down at them as she picked at her cuticles, "I can't tell y', babe", Rae rolled her eyes, "Whatever", Chloe scoffed and looked out the car window, shaking her head before looking at Rae, "Look I'll ring y' later, yeh?" Rae stayed silent. Chloe waited a moment before climbing out the car and slamming the door after her.
Rae's grip tightened around the steering wheel as the more she grew angry, this was typical Chloe; always relying on Rae to get her out of shit, Rae pulls threw and then Chloe has the nerve to get angry with Rae, not even thanking her. Chloe had always been like that, ever since the pair were little. Chloe always looked out for number 1 and always had her guard up, and Rae always thought it was because she was just a big ol' bitch; when in reality, there was a lot more to Chloe than she let on...
There's always that saying of "Nature versus nurture", the argument of how you were raised versus how you are naturally, is the reason you are today. The whole 'You were born that way' To being pegged as the reason you are, the way you are is total bullshit. It is completely down to your enviroment and how you were raised from birth till this very day and age. Your up bringing is the reason behind your temper, your quirks and kinks, and your manners; along with everything in between. For example, you're not born a racist; you're raised to be one... Well, depending on your enviroment. Nobody is born with a hateful bone in their body. If you sat down an Asian baby, a dark skinned baby and a white baby, never in a million years would you expect any of those children to push another away or hurt one another purely because their skin tone... So, the whole 'Racism is just in their blood' Is a big load of bullshit.
Your up bringing is the reason why you are, the way you are - right up until you're an adult in which your life is then in your own hands. It is a rare occurance for a child to have a brilliant childhood, but then a shit adulthood; e.g. Alcoholism, drug abuser, prostitute, etc. There'd be no chance that, say, the daughter of a lawyer would suddenly becoming a drugged up waste of space as soon as she turned eighteen. Or, the son of a doctor; who was raised in the most perfect manner would suddenly become a racist with a skinhead. And it's as simple as that.
So, it was no surprise Chloe was the way she was; a bit of a slapper with a mother who had a track record with men and drugs - plus an abusive father.
Chloe Ann Harris, eighteen and a beauty of a woman. She was naturally pretty, but constantly wore a heavy layer of make-up. Natural brunette, that, her teeth and her tits were the only natural thing about her; everything else fake, right down to her perfectly curved eyelashes. She looked like neither of her parents, more beautiful than they could ever be. She was slim, tall and looked like something from Nuts magazine; all tits and teeth. She was a born and raised Stamford baby. She wasn't dumb, like people often thought; but if twirling her hair and asking what the capital of England was got her free drinks and a decent shag then call her thick as a doormat for all she cared. Chloe could be clever when she wanted to be, having boys eating out of the palm of her hand within the first half an hour; well her cleavage helping just a bit. You would never guess by that confident smirk or by the swaying of her hips as she walked by, that Chloe felt so empty; a void of emotion. She was a dark abyss that nobody wanted to venture down in fear of loosing themselves too. Chloe didn't know when she'd become the way she were, but she knew she was far too deep in dick to go back now.
As soon as Chloe stepped into her home that morning, she was greeted by warmth and shouting. She stopped at the doorway of the living room, where her little six year old sister, Janie, sat; watching Ed, Edd and Eddy. She then turned her gaze to the kitchen door where her mum stormed out of, grabbing her jacket off the coat hooks and shouting over her shoulder, "Fuck off, y' fat and ugly bastard. I'm off, so go fuck y'self!" Her mum then stormed out of the house, slamming the door with as much force as she could; a few pictures on the wall shook slightly.
Chloe then sighed, bored of this. She slipped off her Dr. Martens and chucked them with the other pile of shoes, before making her way through to the kitchen; where her dad sat at the dining table, cutting up and snorting a line of God-knows-what. She made her way over to the fridge, getting out a carton of milk. Over his shoulder, her dad asked, "Good night?" She took a swig of milk before putting it back and slamming the fridge door shut, "S'alright, I suppose", They then said nothing as he lit a spliff and took a drag, exhaling and letting out a relaxed sigh as he leaned back in his chair, "C'mere", He beckoned her with a click of his fingers. She rolled her eyes but did what she was told. She wasn't scared of her dad, as they had this weird, loving bond going on. She picked her dad over her mum, even though her dad was a waste of space, no good, woman beater.
"Wha'?" She snapped, he smiled lazily at her and handed over a twenty, "Go buy y'self somethin' nice", She then gave him a small smile and kissed his cheek, in which he swatted her away, "Get outta y', don't do that shit", She then rolled her eyes and left the kitchen, walked through the hallway and upstairs; to her bedroom. She shut her door behind her and leaned herself against it; exhaling as if she'd been holding her breath for the past hour. She then threw the twenty pound note onto her chest of drawers and looked around her room, unsure of what to do with herself.
Now, you probably think Chloe lived in some scruffed up, council estate, shit-hole of a house? Well, you couldn't be more wrong. Chloe lived in one of the poshest, most tidiest and prim townhouses in the whole of Stamford. Her dad may have been a waste of space to some, but to other he was one of the most respected dealers throughout the town; not that her friends knew. No, they couldn't and wouldn't ever find out that little skeleton.
Chloe peeled off her damp top and jeans, scrunching them into a ball and chucked it into her washing basket, pulling out some fresh PJs from her chest of drawers and chucking them on; feeling normal and safe compared to five minutes ago. Her bedroom was her comfort-zone, a place where she could be that scared little girl that lived inside of her. She flicked on her telly and popped 'Sixteen Candles' Into the video player. She then crawled under her covers and snuggled down.
Just as she got comfy, she heard her bedroom door creak open and two little feet padding against the carpet. She was greeted by two huge green eyes. Chloe sighed before forcing a smile at Janie, who was currently sucking on her thumb, "What, J?" Janie then said nothing but tugged on Chloe's floral bed covers. Chloe inwardly groaned but slid aside, making room for her little sister. Janie crawled in beside her and they snuggled down together. Chloe, without realising, began stroking Janie's hair; out of habit. Chloe then grew wrapped in her thoughts, when Finn crossed her mind and her stomach flipped; she'd have to go round later to see if he was home. She then shifted her head to her right and glanced over to her calander that hung up upon her wall; to see she had a doctor's appointment at three today. She sighed before turning her gaze back to the TV and went to drift off when her eyes shot open as a thought crossed her mind;
What was she going to wear?
It was around two when she decided to get herself and Janie dressed, she saw she had enough time to take Janie for some sweets, walk through the park together and still had enough time to go the doctor's. Once her and Janie had been the Woolworth's round the corner, they made their way through to the park. Her and Janie were both chomping on a bag of pic-n-mix each when Chloe asked, "'ow's school been then, J?" Janie shrugged, speaking through a lisp and a mouthful of sugar, "S'alright, I 'ave a boyfriend now!" Chloe raised her eyebrows, speaking in that fake shock tone that everyone always uses with children, "Really!? Wha's 'is name?" "Thomas", Chloe nodded, taking it in, "Thomas? S'nice name! D'ya love 'im?" Janie giggled, "Don't be silly, boys are too yacky to love!" Chloe laughed, "Y' not wrong there, bab".
The two fell to a silence when, "Chloe!" Was called from behind, Chloe and Janie turned to see Archie, on his afternoon jog, jogging towards them; slowing down as he reached them and his words coming out breathless, "Y'alright?" Chloe then smiled, "Yeh, just taking me little sister out for the day. Just been to woolies, ain't we, J?" Janie nodded, happily chewing on a cola bottle sweet that was almost bigger than her face. Archie smiled and laughed at her before looking back at Chloe, who asked, "So, what time did y' get 'ome last night?" Archie wiped the light traces of sweat from his forehead as he thought about it before saying, "I think about half nine, ten as I had a lesson this morning, so", "Ah right, fair enough. Well, look, Arch. I can't stay and chat as we've gotta run, but I'll see y' later or summat yeh?" Archie nodded and went to say his goodbye but Chloe then turned, taking Janie by the hand and dragging her off; leaving a confused Archie.
Chloe got to her appointment ten minutes early, meaning she had time to check in, chill out in the waiting room and leave Janie to play with the toys in the kids area. Chloe tapped her foot anxiously as time grew on, it seemed as if more babies than sick patients were in the waiting room today, the grey and vomit green, standard waiting room. Janie played happily with a little girl of five or four in the small children's area.
A pregnant woman sat, picking at her cuticles, a baby screamed hysterically in it's pram and the clock ticked away as it hung up on the wall. But the more Chloe tuned into the sounds, the more they grew louder and the more her chest grew tight; that is until, "Chloe Harris?" Spoke a nurse.
Chloe rose to her feet, telling Janie to wait there and she'll be back in a minute; before following the nurse.
"Well, we've got your results in and you're not pregnant", Spoke Chloe's doctor, a slim and middle-aged woman, who was looking over Chloe's sheet of test results as she sat behind her desk. Chloe felt as if all tension left her body and her shoulder slumped in relief, "Oh thank God", "But, we did find something", Chloe then frowned, "Wha'?" The doctor then sighed, unsure of how to word it, "We found that you have, the medical term being and what we call, premature menopause", She said, placing a box of kleenex on her desk and in front of Chloe, who cocked an eyebrow at them and the doctor, "So, wha's tha' mean? I don't have periods anymore?"
"Well, it's a bit more to that, Chloe. In other words, you're infertile", Chloe's chest tightened, glancing from her left as she took in the words before back at her doctor and she spoke softly as her voice cracked, "Are y' sayin' I can't 'ave kids?" The doctor gave Chloe her best sympathetic look before saying, "I'm so very sorry Chloe and I know this must be very..." The doctor's words now fuzzy and as if on mute as they went in one of Chloe's ears and out the other.
Now, Chloe didn't want kids; well not now and she never really thought about ever having them - but the fact it was now completely off the cards for her, made Chloe feel something that only could only resemble loss and mourning.
But then, how could she mourn over something she never had?
Chloe's hands shook as she placed her key into the lock, letting herself in to the block of flats where Finn lived; him giving her, her own key just over two months ago. Her and Janie made their way through and up the flat stairs, Chloe's legs growing weaker with each step. One her and Janie reached the floor of Finn's flat door, they walked up to it and stopped; Chloe took a deep breath before unlocking the door and making their way inside to be greeted by, surprisingly, the sound of the TV and the smell of bacon.
They stepped inside, Chloe shutting the door after them both and calling out, "Finn?!" And felt a boost of happiness as she heard him call back, "Kitchen!" She then turned to Janie, "J, go watch telly and I'll be in, in a minute", Janie did what she was told, racing ahead and through to the living room.
Chloe took out her tests results from the back pocket of her jeans, the paper shaking slightly as her hands trembled with nerves. She took a deep breath before making her way through to the kitchen, where Finn sat at the table and eating a bacon sandwich. He wore nothing but pyjama bottoms, revealing his bruised chest and torso. His face was worse for wear, a bust lip, a split eyebrow and his left eye swollen and bruised - causing Chloe's chest to tighten.
He said nothing, didn't even give her a smile; too ashamed to face her. So, he just sat in silence and continued to eat his sandwich. Chloe made her way over, pulled out a chair and took a seat; folding her arms and sitting with a face on. A moment or two passed before he asked through a mouthful of bread, pig and brown sauce, "Did y' go the doctor's?" She nodded, snapping, "Yep", "And?" He asked, with raised eyebrows, "Not pregnant", She snapped, again. In which he let out a sigh of relief, forcing a smile, "Well thank fuck for that", He joked, giving an awkward laugh.
Something twitched at her chest, which caused tears to spring to her eyes before she laughed, but not in a nice manner and leaning more towards sarcastic, "Yeh, fuckin' fantasic. No kids, fuckin' great!" She then slammed down her test results on the table, causing Finn to jump slightly, before she then roared in his face, "Well y'll be fuckin' ecstatic to know tha' I can't 'ave kids, ever", She then rose to her feet, pushing her chair out, "Now, I've gotta go and take Janie 'ome. See y' later yeh?" He said nothing, still staring at the piece of paper before him. She scoffed, shaking her head before turning and storming out; heading for the living room.
He stayed still, jumping slightly when he heard the front door open and slam shut. He then picked up the paper and read it over, before exhaling as he sat back; running a hand over his face as he exclaimed, "Shit".
Chloe wasn't in the mood for staying at home, so as soon as she dropped Janie off; she took no time into making her way round to Al and Rae's. As soon as Rae opened the front door, Chloe fell to bits before sobbing, "I know y' must hate me right now but I need y' Rae as I've really fucked up this time", Rae said nothing and stepped aside, letting Chloe through.
No matter how bad Chloe treated Rae, Rae always took her back; but she was a good person and Chloe was her best friend. Although her and Rae were always in a tiff over something, they knew they could depend on each other because they loved each other and it was as simple as that.
