Hello my fabulous readers :) Here is another chapter! I hope you enjoy it, this is kind of a big chapter for Rachel!


Rachel- Carmel's spring break is this week and we took a last-minute trip to L.A. I'll see you next Monday. –Jesse.

I read the text message over a thousand times, or at least it seemed like it was a thousand times. What? That's it? No goodbye? No warning that he was leaving? He had told me that he would drive me to school. This wasn't like Jesse.

And why L.A.? Last time I checked, Jesse hated L.A. because it was for, as he puts it, the wannabes. Not that I was disagreeing, but it was just so out of character. Jesse wasn't a spur of the moment kind of guy. He freaked out if I ever tried to surprise him or change any of our plans. He was a tight scheduled man, and he had always seemed content with his choice of lifestyle.

Maybe he's finally realized that it is a time for change. Maybe he finally figured that he can't always be perfect and he's finally living a little.

No, if Jesse really were trying to change his attitude, he wouldn't have gone this far out. His idea of "walking on the wild side" was blaring show tunes while driving 10 mph over the speed limit with the windows down.

Maybe he was kidnapped and is being held captive in his basement? Maybe someone was so jealous of his remarkable talent that they decided to get rid of the competition. He could be dead by now!

Rational thinking, Rachel. Calm down. He's just enjoying a simple week in L.A. with his Vocal Adrenaline friends. Everything is okay.

…I need an aspirin.


"Well, here we are," Dad put the car in park in front of the high school. He took a sip of his coffee. He wasn't used to waking up this early to take me to school since Jesse had taken over the role of chauffeur. I really need my license.

"Thank you for the ride," I smiled apologetically. "I don't mean to disrupt your morning."

"Oh, no worries darling. I'm happy to do it. It's been a while since we've done anything just the two of us. This was nice," Dad responded.

I nodded in agreement. "You're right, it has been a while. Do you remember when we used to always go and get ice cream after kindergarten? I'd always get strawberry and you would order vanilla?"

"Yes, I do remember. We visited so often the man behind the counter knew us by our first names. What was his name again?"

"Jeremy," I replied, lost in the memories of my childhood. "He used to have our orders ready for us when we walked through the door." I glanced out the window and looked at the school, remembering that I needed to get to class. "I should get going. Don't want to be late."

"Yes," Dad responded. "Have a nice day today!"

"I will, you too," I said as I exited the car. I waved to him when he began driving away. He turned out of the parking lot and headed towards home. I entered the school building and went straight to my locker. After I gathered all the necessary supplies for my morning classes, I headed to my favorite room in the entire building: the auditorium. It was the place I came to think, sing, sometimes I even ate my lunches in there. It was the only place that I could truly be alone. It's not like any of the other glee members are dedicated enough to practice outside of glee. (With the exception of Kurt.)

The piano sat by itself in the center of the stage. The light reflected off the black paint and made the piano seem like it was glowing. The piano is such an amazing instrument. Brad's sheet music from glee practice was still attached to the music stand. I lightly tapped the piano keys once I was sitting on the bench. The noise floated all over the auditorium.

I stopped playing as I concentrated on the million thoughts flying through my head. Homework, glee, family, school… boys. Boys. Jesse. Noah. Jesse didn't seem to actually care about me at the moment. He loves me? Well, he sure has a funny way of showing it. Does he even know what love is? Do I even know what love is?

I've been struggling with it ever since Jesse told me he loved me. He blindsided me with his confession. How did he know? Everyone says that when you love someone, you just know. Know what? I don't feel anything when I see him. I don't constantly wish I were with him. I don't feel connected to him in any way. I don't feel butterflies in my stomach when I'm around him.

Why can't I feel anything? Why is this so hard for me?

I don't love Jesse.

The thought alone lifted a huge weight off my shoulders.

I never loved Jesse.

It was a huge revelation. Yes, I cared about him, but I never loved him. He was a rebound from the very beginning. I only dated him to feel wanted… appreciated. I never would have had a conversation had my heart not been broken. I never would have even spoken to the competition.

I felt so much better. No more pressure. No more worries. And as soon as Jesse gets back, I'll need to tell him the truth. Now, there was something to worry about.


The first thing I noticed in glee rehearsal that afternoon was Noah's absence. Only eleven of us occupied the choir room. Come to think of it, he wasn't in English class either. I just figured he was skipping class, as usual, but I guess I was wrong.

I still thought about his words from Friday night. Pretty. Amazing. What was he getting at?

He was drunk. He didn't know what he was saying. I was probably just the potential hook-up of the night. Gross.

It wasn't like him to miss glee. He may cut class and generally not care about anything, but he loved glee club. He'd never admit that, but he loved it. He loved it for the same reason all of us did. We were special in glee club. We were needed in glee club.

So why would he skip? Maybe he was avoiding something? Me? No, Noah wouldn't skip because of that.

"All right everyone," Mr. Schuester walked into the room, clapping his hands to get everyone's attention. He scribbled the week's assignment onto the white board and began explaining it to us. I would have been paying attention, but I still couldn't get my mind to focus. Every time I tried to distract myself from my thoughts another one would pop into my mind. I felt like I had a mind curse, and I couldn't escape it. Why was I always so worried about everyone else's problems? Maybe I was better off when no one liked me.


I'm sorry that just kind of ended. I was having a bit of trouble finding a good way to end this chapter, and I couldn't really think of anything. But regardless, I hope you enjoyed it!

Keep on reviewing! Your opinion is greatly appriciated!