Sorry for the confusion yesterday, all! In my haste to update, I accidentally posted chapter 8 of an old story (some of you might have recognized the banter from Man I've Always Been) instead of the correct chapter. So if you happened to read a confusing declaration of love at Hogwarts between our main characters, then go back and read the correct chapter! Alas, we aren't to the point of romance quite yet. It is fast approaching, though! The next bit is another short-ish one like this, and then we get to the meat of the story. The chapters are monster length though, so they are taking me a while to get edited. Please bear with me! Sorry again for yesterday's slip up ; )

Half way through their three month trial period, Severus decided it was time to start seeing other women. The truth was that he had no interest whatsoever in any other witch, but he still couldn't be sure that what he was beginning to feel for Hermione wasn't simply because of her proximity and convenience.

He hadn't been joking when he'd told her that women weren't lining up to carry his progeny, however, so he had little idea how to go about finding witches to date. Idly, he wondered if he really needed to go on actual dates with them to prove his point, or if socializing with them was enough. Then again, the idea of socializing was just as daunting for him. He had withdrawn from society as a whole for several reasons, one of which was that he simply was not a social creature. He was uncomfortable in public places, despised crowds, and loathed small talk. Maybe it was better to secure a single witch and take her somewhere secluded.

Now that made it sound as if he wanted to dispose of the woman.

Sighing, he resigned himself to flooing Minerva and asking for her help in the matter. She would certainly jump at the chance to play matchmaker for him.

And if the cat ate the canary smile that spread across her face the next day was any indication, she was indeed eager to set him up. She gave him the name of a 'lovely little witch' who would be 'delighted to have the opportunity' to be set up on a date with him. He almost regretted asking for her help already. Still, he had a point to prove to himself, and he wasn't one to back down from a challenge.

Two days later, he informed Hermione that he would be out for dinner and that she should help herself to the firewhiskey in the library that evening if he wasn't back yet. She'd refrained from asking him questions about his rendezvous, for which he'd been grateful, and had seemed almost disappointed that he might miss their evening together in the library, for which he was even more grateful.

In the end, he'd swept into the library not five minutes after Hermione settled herself down with a book.

"Rough evening?" she asked as he poured himself three fingers of whiskey and downed the liquid in one long pull. Severus growled at her in answer. "That bad, then?" He nodded, poured himself another, much smaller, helping of Ogden's, and then collapsed into his chair.

"What is it about people that makes them so... oblivious?" He rubbed his temples and sat back with a sigh.

"Well not everyone can have your keen powers of observation," she quipped. "What was this person so oblivious to?"

"The obvious discomfort and unhappiness of her dining companion! Nothing, subtle or overt, would dissuade her from a constant stream of invasive questions about my sordid history. The witch was undeterred by everything short of me storming out. I don't know if I was shocked or not that she had the audacity to ask for a second date. As if anything could persuade me to willingly submit to that torture a second time!" He shuddered.

"Date?" Hermione felt her throat close around the word and wondered why she was so surprised. He was young, healthy, and intelligent. Why shouldn't he date? He'd already admitted that it had been far too long since he'd courted a woman. She should be happy that he was giving romance a second chance. So why was she decidedly unhappy about it?

"I was attempting to prove a point, and if this was any indication of future ventures, then I had no reason to doubt at all. The whole mess is unsavory to say the least. I am tempted to tell Minerva that she can hang up her matchmaking hat forever, instead of seeking a second interlude from her vast array of potential ladies."

"What point?"

Severus waved a hand negligently. "It doesn't matter. I get the feeling that my first conclusion was correct, and that I'll be wasting my time continuing this experiment, but I've resigned myself to exploring it fully before coming to any decisions. The prospect is not a pleasant one."

"Oh!" Hermione suddenly felt like a bint. The pieces clicked together and she realized that the 'point' and his 'experiment' likely had to do with his lack of sexual experience. How petty was she that she was focused more on her own silly feelings instead of his needs? It wasn't as if she had any claim on the man, after all. She would be terribly selfish to be disapproving of his endeavors just because of a personal reaction she didn't even understand.

"Oh?" Severus looked at her expectantly.

"Well-" she blushed and turned the book in her hands over a few times to cover her sudden discomfort. "I just mean that I'm happy you're putting yourself out there. Just because this one didn't go well doesn't mean that none of them will. There are plenty of mermaids in the lake, and all that."

"A beached mermaid would certainly explain why this woman's voice was so grating," he agreed with a laugh. Hermione blushed again.

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad."

"She asked me if I cried myself to sleep over Lily's death."

Hermione gasped. "She didn't!"

"Indeed, she did."

"What a twat!"

Severus choked on the sip he'd taken of his drink and had to cough several times before he could breathe properly again. Had Hermione Granger just called his date a twat? His coughs became laughter that grew until he was shaking with it, head thrown back as the deep bales of laughter rumbled from his chest. "You are an utter delight," he told Hermione when he could finally stave off the mirth. "And yes, she was a twat."

Hermione laughed as well, realizing she was absolutely smitten with the sound of Severus' laugh. It was rich and sensual, carefree and infectious. He needed to laugh like that more often. "I mean it," she said more seriously. "That's not just oblivious. It's borderline cruel."

"It was obvious she had no malicious intent," Severus dismissed casually. "If she had, I would not have sat through the rest of our meal, propriety be damned. But why she thought my feelings about the death of a friend half a lifetime ago was appropriate first date conversation, is beyond me."

"Still, it can't imagine that it was pleasant to have such a delicate subject brought up so rudely."

"It isn't something that causes me pain, but I certainly do not appreciate being drilled about it by a complete stranger."

"I don't doubt it," she murmured, not entirely believing him that it no longer hurt. She tried to imagine how hard it must have been on him, how much he must have cared for her to embark on such a perilous life path.

"Truly, Hermione, it's alright. I'm not still pining over Lily Evans. She was a dear friend for a brief moment in my life. I bitterly regret her death and the part I played in it, but the past is done, and no amount of guilt could change it. I made my peace with my actions and their consequences. But that doesn't mean that I have any desire to discuss the matter with some starry eyed spinster."

He drained his glass once more and grabbed his book off the side table. Hermione only watched him for several long moments. He hadn't wanted to discuss it with his date, and rightly so, but apparently he had no problem discussing it with her. Did that mean that he simply didn't see her as important enough to mind? Or that he was comfortable with her? She wasn't sure, and didn't like the uncertainty.

"Be careful tossing the term spinster around," she finally said, making an attempt at humor despite her considerably more reserved mood. "I might take exception to it, considering I'm well on my way."

Severus snorted. "Hardly. Considering you have yet to reach your thirtieth birthday, I think your dating life is safe for quite a while."

"Age isn't necessarily the biggest factor considering I'm also divorced and a mother. If the dates I went on last year were any indication, then I have no doubt my induction papers will be delivered any day now."

"I would say that was more of a reflection of the men you were being courted by rather than upon yourself. Plenty of marriages end, and while single mothers are perhaps less common in the wizarding world than in the muggle one, it's still far from unheard of. Certainly not enough to hinder potential romance."

"Could have fooled me," she scoffed lightly. "And anyway, how did this discussion turn to my dating life or lack there of? We were talking about yours."

Sensing it was all the more Hermione cared to say on the subject, Severus was willing to let it drop. It was obvious that she was dealing with severe self esteem issues, many of which seemed to stem from being divorced with a child. As much as part of him wanted to shake her from her doubt, he was too familiar with it to judge her for it. How many years had he thought himself worthless except in his capacity as a spy and pawn? Besides, he was actually quite pleased that she had opened up to him as much as she had. In the months they had been living together, she had said very little about her husband and their divorce. He knew, despite the nearly three years since she'd left, that the wound was still raw.

There was still a huge part of him that itched to know the full story. It dangled tantalizingly before him with satisfaction always just out of reach. She was a puzzle that was missing the last few pieces, but without them, the picture was obscure and incomplete. Still, he'd decided not to push her. He could have easily invaded her privacy and gotten his answers. One or two owls and that's all it would have taken. But now that he knew her again, now that she shared his home, it felt like a betrayal of trust. Instead, he would wait. Because he had no doubt that in time, she would share her secrets with him. The reveal would be all the more satisfying for the anticipation of it.

"Well I'm sure I will be absent for another dinner next week if Minerva has anything to say about it. I would warn you like I did tonight that I might not be back by evening, but if this first one is a herald of what's to come – and I believe it is – then I will likely be back before dessert."

"Now, now, you can't go in prepared to fail. Try and have at least a little higher expectation than that."

"Ah, but if I have the lowest of expectations, then I can only be pleasantly surprised."

"There is that... but it's not a very optimistic motto."

"I think life has left me a realist, instead of an optimist."

"I can't fault you there," she admitted. As much as she wanted to claim to still be that dewy eyed optimist that had rushed off to Paris in a whirlwind romance, she knew she was no longer that girl. Her life had been tempered by hardship as well. So who was she to disparage his less than chipper outlook when her own views were very nearly the same?

This time, Severus rose and headed for bed first, claiming fatigue from his terrible date. In reality, the glasses of firewhiskey he'd shared with her, in addition to the several glasses of wine it had taken to get through his dinner, were lowering his inhibitions dangerously. It was so tempting to tell her why he was putting himself through these sham dates. To show his hand far sooner than planned and let the chips fall where they may. Or to simply pull her over to him and taste her lips.

It was the last impulse, more than any, that had him heading for the door. It would be one thing to express his interest to her earlier than he intended. It would be an entirely different matter to act, physically, on those interests. Especially without first gauging her feelings on the matter. He wasn't in the habit of physically accosting women, and he had no plans to start. The fact that her last real relationship had left her so fragile was all the more reason to tread lightly. It had been foolish to imbibe so much in such close proximity to her, knowing that his resolve to wait was rickety at best. But he could control himself. He would control himself. Even if it meant removing himself from the temptation until he was in better command of his impulses.

Still, he couldn't help glancing over his shoulder at her as he walked out. Was it his imagination, or had her eyes been on his arse as he walked away? If the blush that crept up her cheeks was any indication, she had, indeed, been caught in the act. He smirked, satisfied that the idea was at least lurking somewhere in her mind, and made his way up to bed.