Hello dears~~
Here is the first chapter of Our Past! Lengths of chapters will be different depending on how much an episode gives me work, but they are generally long chapters! I hope you will enjoy how I write this sort of Character Watch the Show fic! And don't forget, if you are interested and would like to wait less between my reposts of chapters, you can check my Tumblr or AO3 where Our Past has already 8 chapters!
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur. Background Gwen/Lancelot. Mention of past Arthur/Gwen and Merlin/Freya.
Our Past
The Dragon's call.
"You should have seen me when I arrived at Camelot. It was so different-so lively." Merlin recalled with a soft smile. It made Arthur smile too. "However, I soon realized why my mom had always been so worried." At Arthur's confused look, he explained. "In Ealdor, the most I feared was to be hated. I didn't realize I could be executed for that. Well, my mom had explained to me the danger, but you know, until you are confronted with it, it seems far away from you."
"What happened?" The king asked. The way Merlin was talking, he knew he had witnessed something that had the effect of cold water.
"I had just set foot in the courtyard when they executed Thomas Collins." He still remembered the man and his name. How could he not, when it had been what had opened his eyes on what he was risking? "I… I suddenly understood my mom, how she had freaked out when she learned Will knew. I couldn't look away, even when they…" He paused, wincing. "Because It could have been me." He finished.
Merlin glanced at Arthur, and noticed the man was frozen, horrified. "Arthur?"
The blond stared at his friend. He had seen the execution from his window-where he had always preferred watching when his father didn't force him to be at his side. Sometimes, he thought they deserved it, sometimes he felt sympathy for those who had seemed innocent. But to suddenly be in the shoes of another-someone who was seeing himself in a possible future-and especially Merlin… He too suddenly realized the fear that his father had given in the heart of people. And to be honest, it sent shivers down his spine.
Arthur snapped out of his state when he heard Merlin calling. "I'm so sorry about that. I wish I…" He wished what? Not to have been blind? Not to have sought the approval of his father so much he killed innocent?
Merlin gently took his hand. "You couldn't know Arthur. It's not your fault; you had been raised to believe the evil of magic. If you feel like you did wrong, then do right now. The most important is to learn from our mistakes."
Merlin's wisdom always surprised Arthur. It had always appeared when unexpected-and so often when he needed it. "You're right Merlin." He nodded to his friend with a smile, silently telling him to continue his tale.
Merlin was about to tell him about meeting Gaius, but then he remembered a detail. Arthur had been insistent Merlin told him everything he could remember about magic. "Thomas' mother then appeared. I felt sad for her, especially since I could picture my mom in her place. But then she started threatening your father… and then she vanished. I was so confused, and my magic wanted me to go away."
"Why?"
"I couldn't understand why she would want to do wrong with her magic. And her magic felt wrong. I understand now that my magic was repulsed by the dark magic she used."
Arthur blinked. "You mean magic doesn't like… darkness?"
"In a way, yes. Magic isn't good nor evil. The same spell could be used to help or destroy." To illustrate, he created a little flame in his hand. "I could warm a fire with that, or burn someone. Magic just do what I ask for. But dark magic are spells that twist the soul and magic. Their intent taint the magic called for it, and magic doesn't like that. That's why someone with untainted magic feels the instinct to recoil from dark magic-as much as the instinct to destroy it."
"I see… I would have never thought that." Arthur frowned as something hit him. "Wait, you speak of magic like it is a person. Is it?"
"I don't really know the answer to that. It exists everywhere, and those who learn to can direct it. Sometimes, people are born with magic in them. It feels like it is alive, when you think of it. It cans even acts when you're asleep or unconscious."
"It certainly sounds like it has a mind of its own." Arthur agreed.
There was a minute of silence as Arthur processed this. He was learning so much about magic-things he never thought before. The fact that Merlin was the one teaching him all of that was… wonderful. Arthur loved the sparkle in his eyes when the raven-haired spoke about magic. A blush crept on his cheeks as the thought it was endearing crept in his mind.
Merlin arched an eyebrow, but Arthur just gestured for him to keep on. "After I get other my shock, I went to find Gaius." A small smile appeared on his face. "My mom had told me he could help me. I was excited, because I wanted to learn more about these powers I had and what I could do." Merlin chuckled. "At that time… I had never studied magic or spells. All I knew about magic is that it was in me, and that it answered to me like my arms and legs. And of course, that it could do things that seems normally impossible."
Arthur felt pained. If he had been discovered at that time, he would have been killed for something he didn't control. For something he didn't even understand. Arthur would have said it would have been like killing him because he had been born a prince, but it sounded wrong. Because at least, Arthur had been raised to know what a prince is, and what to do. Merlin didn't even have that at that time.
"My encounter with Gaius was… memorable." It was Arthur's turn to arch an eyebrow. "When I went inside, he was up, looking through books. I called for him, and he leaned back. It just happened so fast then. The railing broke down and he fell. I feared for his life, and the idea of hiding my magic flew out the window. I just slowed down time and pushed his bed under him."
"S-Slow down time?" Arthur spluttered. Not only he had thought that impossible-but really the word should vanish when it came to magic and Merlin-but Merlin had done that with no knowledge of magic. Suddenly, a thought occurred to him. "Merlin? How powerful are you?"
"Er… Well… I still am learning about me and my magic…"
"But?"
"I… have been told I am the most powerful wizard who has ever lived and who will ever live."
Merlin bit his lips as Arthur's jaws dropped. A 'what' had been squeaked, but now his king was speechless. He knew he had dropped a big pin, he just hoped it wasn't too big.
For his part, Arthur felt shocked-but more importantly, he felt awed. He had had an inkling Merlin was powerful, but not to this point. And to think he had chosen to remain his servant-to be his best friend. What did Arthur do to deserve him? Did he even really deserve him?
Merlin's eyes narrowed. Oops, Arthur had spoken out loud. "You're the only one I would ever serve, Arthur. I want to use my powers for you, and only you. No one deserve it more than you."
"Thank you Merlin." Arthur could only reply, red-faced and happiness bumbling in his chest.
"So, I saved Gaius. Then he kind of charged on me. He was all like 'What did you do?' and 'Where did you study?' and 'Tell me the truth!'. I was so scared he would report me I could only answer him. My heart was beating so hard, especially when he heard me say I was born like this and said it was impossible."
"Gaius didn't know about that?"
"I told you, I am the first like that. And probably the last." Seeing Arthur's questioning glance, he said mysteriously. "It comes with being Emrys." He laughed when Arthur seemed even more confused, but he just told him "Later."
"Gaius eventually asked me who I am, and I felt relieved when he brightened when I told him I was Merlin. He let me put my things in my future room, and I just had to ask if he would say anything."
Arthur could only think 'Of course, he just had witnessed an execution.'
"As you can guess, he didn't. He thanked me instead, and I suddenly knew things would be okay. That he would help me. I was so happy, and to top that the view I had from my window was so beautiful. I already loved the city, and I remember thinking I may have found somewhere I could fit."
Merlin and Arthur exchanged a smile. They both knew now that Merlin did fit here-more than anywhere.
Taking a mysterious air, Merlin said "Though, a creepy voice started calling me in my sleep. I thought I dreamed it, but later I discovered I didn't." Arthur opened his mouth to ask, but close it when he heard the emphasis on 'later'. He just pouted, making Merlin chuckle.
"Gaius decided to test me then. I was eating my breakfast when he made a bucket of water fell. I stopped it mid-air by reflex, but when I saw his shocked face, I realized what I had done and I released it. I think he was still baffled by the day before, and wanted to know how I was doing magic exactly. He questioned me, thinking I cast a spell in my mind."
"So magical users can cast spells in their minds?" Arthur asked-thinking of Morgause and her tower of fire. She hadn't cast a spell at that time-well, not one he had heard.
"Yes, in fact it is what happens when you see someone doing magic and there's no spell said aloud. Though, only strong sorcerers can do that-and generally small spells. To my knowledge, we are only four who has been able to use stronger spells while casting in our mind: Morgana-once she gained more power, Morgause, Mordred and me."
Arthur frowned as Merlin bit out the three names. It surprised him to hear the young druid boy's name, but he could guess Merlin knew something he didn't. It meant that out of the four, Merlin was the only one on his side.
"Gaius just stared at me as I mopped the floor-without magic. I was afraid to use my magic again. Beside, most of the times I used it only by reflex. I always knew how to move objects purposely, but as I grew up I hardly used my magic purposely. That was too dangerous."
Arthur clenched his fist. The more he listened, the more he hated the moment he was reminded Merlin had been afraid and had to hide. At least, he could amend for all these years, now that he knew.
"Anyway, he sent me to deliver some of his potions-until I could feel a paid work. He already worried for me, warning me to be careful. That was when I met you for the first time."
They smiled at each other, remembering.
"I thought you were simply a knight, and you reminded me of bullies at Ealdor. I always had a big mouth, it gave me and Will a lot of trouble-though Will was half-responsible most of the time. Thankfully, my magic often acted up subtly."
Arthur chuckled with Merlin. "I can see that. That makes me think… You said at that time that I shouldn't attack you… Did you..?"
"Not this time. I knew my magic could act up to protect me. However, it didn't. I guess it knew already who you were-and who you would be. I'm glad it didn't, I wanted to slap myself when you told me you were the Prince."
Arthur smiled weakly. To be honest, he wasn't proud. He had really changed now, but who he had been always shame him now.
"So, I slept into jail, and I heard the voice again. It woke me, and I realized it wasn't a dream. Though Gaius arrived at that moment, so I kind of forgot. I got me out, but instead I met the stock for the first time. I met Gwen for the first time too, she came and introduced herself. We kind of hit on right away."
They shared a smile. Gwen was a friend to both of them, and it didn't surprise Arthur that Gwen and Merlin became friend fast.
"After that, I wanted to talk to Gaius about my gift. He said I was special-at that time I didn't really know how much. It was then that I learned that magic was usually studied for years, that spells were needed. As he said, I was a question that had never been asked before. I wondered about the ban of magic too. When Gaius told me people used it badly, I couldn't understand why."
Arthur's eyes became sad. To think Merlin hadn't even fathom the idea of magic used evilly…
"Now I know it wasn't really the case. People really started using it at wrong ends after the Purge started. I am not saying there was no evil magic user, but they were less numerous. Anyway, I first met Lady Helen-well Marie Collins-when I went to give her a preparation. I could feel the dark magic, but I didn't know what it was at the time. All I knew is that I was repulsed, and when I handed her the potion, I almost ran away. It was unsettling. I still don't like the feeling of dark magic, to be honest."
Merlin shuddered. The particular memory of the formorroh came to his mind, and he unconsciously edged closer to Arthur. The king noticed that, and before he could think, he rubbed Merlin's arm comfortingly.
"Then we met again. I… did use magic then."
"Really? What did you do?" Arthur was curious. He remembered wondering how much he would have to do for the 'peasant' to bow down to him-and how he had almost lost.
"When you were coming on me as I fell on the hay, I wrapped the chain of the mace around the two sickles. I made the box go into your way so you could bump your toe into it. I stretched the rope to make you fall. And I put the bucket behind to make you fall again. Then I saw Gaius, and I suddenly knew I had deceived him. Then you beat me."
Ah, that explained how Arthur had been so… clumsy.
"Gaius reprimanded me when we get back to our rooms. I told him you needed a lesson, and he replied magic should be studied, mastered and used for good, not for pranks. I was a bit angry, to be honest. I could move object with my mind before I could talk. I couldn't see what I had to master. Gaius told me I should know how to control myself. I admit he was right-though I still like to play pranks now sometimes-but at that time. I didn't want to. I feel like, if I can't use magic, I have nothing left."
Arthur noticed the use of the present, and he almost interrupted with a complaint. But he decided against it. The small sent his way was proof Merlin knew Arthur didn't agree.
"At that time, I… thought I was a nobody without it. That I might as well die."
This time, Arthur did protest. "I hope you don't think that anymore, Merlin."
"No! Not really… I mean, I have a place here now. But I don't ever want to lose my magic. " After all, Merlin was only human. Sometimes, he had doubts, and like anyone, he could feel down. "Gaius came to heal me then-I had stormed into my room. I asked why I was like that. I felt… like a monster. I was so unnatural, and villagers often said to me I was weird. Kids called me a monster-their preferred word because they couldn't understand me." Merlin snorted, but the pain of these years was still there.
Arthur edged closer, making their arms brush. The raven-haired glanced at the blond, seeking the comfort he knew would be in his eyes.
"You're going to know who called me in my sleep." Merlin commented cheerily. "The creepy voice was back again, and this time I woke up fully and went to investigate." He paused, reminding of something. "You know, my magic often agree with me when I want to help someone I like. I remember mentally adjusting Gaius' cover. Then I followed the voice. I had to pass close to the dungeons, but that wasn't a problem. Some magic to make the dice roll away, and the guards were chasing it!" They both laughed-though Arthur made a mental note to form his guards better.
Merlin hesitated a bit, gathering his courage. "I… met the Great Dragon."
Arthur stared wide eyed. "The same who attacked Camelot?"
Merlin winced. "Yes. But please, don't judge him. He helped me a lot, and he was bitter. He made a mistake he now regrets."
Arthur noticed Merlin's guilt underlining his voice. He could tell the dragon and Merlin were close, and now that he knew Merlin better…
He wouldn't be surprised if Merlin was the one who released him. Especially when he could remember Merlin saying he had make mistake he regretted-that he feared would make Arthur hate him.
But he had been honest when he said he couldn't hate him. The only thing that went through his mind was that Merlin must had a reason if he really freed the dragon.
"You know, it was probably the only time he called me by my name. He loves calling me Young Warlock." He commented with an amused voice.
"What is a warlock?"
"Basically, it's me. I mean, there are the sorcerer and sorceress who learn magic. Then there's the witch and wizard who are born with magical potential-like Morgana. There's the druids-a mix of the two. Some druids are trained by the others, some like Mordred had potential at birth. But they mainly are interested in nature. Finally, there's me-who was born magical. Kilgarrah is the only one who knows the term and what it means-being a dragon and all."
It took some confused second before Arthur realized Kilgarrah was the dragon.
"He started talking about destiny, while I was still amazed."
"He talked?" Arthur exclaimed.
"Of course, he is not a beast." Merlin replied. Arthur blushed slightly, feeling he would have offended the dragon if he was here-and that he had half-offended Merlin. "He told me my gifts had been given for a reason. I was so happy to have a purpose."
Arthur smiled softy-albeit a bit sadly. It was good to hear the hope coming into his voice, but it still saddened him to know how he had lived before. Getting out of his thoughts, he realized Merlin was looking at him proudly.
"He told me that you are The Once and Future King. That you will unite the land of Albion in an era of peace and prosperity. That you would face many threats from friends and foes. That I was needed to make sure you succeed. Recently, I understood I was literally born to protect you-that it had been the will of magic."
Arthur felt butterflies in his stomach. Merlin was born to protect him? For him? He was really going to be a good king? Arthur could only keep listening, awed.
"I didn't understand. I saw you as a bully. Kilgarrah said no one can choose or escape our destiny. However, it is more like… a path that will at some point in our life appear, and that you can take it or not. You can't choose which path will appear, you can't escape the path for appearing to you-but you can choose not to follow it. Or to divert from it, even if you do take it." Merlin beamed at Arthur. "As you can guess, I followed my path, and I never regretted it. I love this path." Not only his path, Merlin thought with a slight blush. "Though, I commented you were an idiot. I wasn't against the idea fully, but I wasn't happy about it at that time. That first changed when he commented it may be up to me to change that."
"And you did." Arthur admitted, making Merlin smile.
"Oh, I met Morgana the following day. That had been… funny-for lack of better word. She went straight behind her changing screen, and I soon realized she thought I was Gwen!" Arthur laughed at that. "Thankfully, Gwen arrived when Morgana needed help for her fastening."
"Finally, the feast came. I talked with Gwen again, though poor girl she was babbling. It was awkward. When Lady Helen started singing, I felt right away that something was wrong. My magic protected me. When everyone started falling asleep, I protected my ears-although it wasn't needed. But I can tell you, the appearing cobwebs were creepy. As she came toward you… I had no hesitation. I dropped the luster on her. Then she threw her knife, and I slowed down time so I could take you out of harm way in time. I guess I instinctively knew not to stop it mid-air. That would have been blatant."
"Indeed. And then, you became my manservant."
"I did. Gaius gave me his magic book he received at my age a bit later. He said he had finally found a use for it-and I admit, it made me happy. I had found my purpose… my destiny."
Arthur had to glanced down when Merlin gazed at him fondly. "Where is it now? We searched your room more than once, and never found it."
"The first time, it had on the floor. I managed to hide it under a cover while I distracted you. After all, I put it under a loose floorboard."
"Sneaky warlock, that's what you are." Arthur teased.
"Of course I am! How else could I save your backside?" Merlin joked back.
They shared a good laugh, before Merlin launched into the next story…
To be continued…
