Hello dears!
I would have like to repost this chapter sooner, but I got caught up in other things XD Anyway, Merlin and Arthur are officially together in this chapter~~
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur. Background Lancelot/Gwen. Mentions of past Arthur/Gwen and Merlin/Freya (hard not to when we' re going through the seasons XD)
Small warning: Kisses will happen in here and from now on~~ Be aware that some will be on the make out side in future chapters (which explain why I preferred to rate this story as M ;)). And also sweet talking and a bit less sweet talking (aka, implying future activities :P) in here and future chapters too!
Our Past
Chapter two: Valiant.
"My next story starts the day after."
Arthur smirked. "Ah, with our first training session?"
"With your first beating session you mean?" Merlin grumbled. "You should have seen me when I came back to Gaius, I heard clanging!"
Arthur had the decency to blush, a bit ashamed. "Well, I wanted to know how long you will keep not bowing down to me. I'm glad you never did."
Merlin smiled. "Agreed. Who know how much of a prat you would have become if I did?" he teased. Arthur glared. "Alright, let's go back to the story. Gaius gave me a massage, and I used my first spell to make a book come to me. I was so happy to have learned some of them that I wanted to try. Plus, it felt great to be able to tame and rein my magic."
Arthur gave him a surprised look. "Tame and rein? What do you mean?"
"Well, usually my magic is like a raging storm, bubbling just there. Obviously, I manage not to let it break out, but if I get angry or distressed… It can snap. But when I use spells, it calms down a bit and the right amount goes to do what I want." He explained.
Arthur nodded along, all the while trying to picture how it felt to have so much power just there. To be always on guard. The king thought that Merlin was really strong then. Both in his abilities as a warlock and mentally-and probably more than Merlin realized himself. Two words caught his attention. "Right amount? What do you mean?"
Merlin thought back to the first time he had really snapped. "Well, if I don't use spells, my magic just goes and does what I want. The first time it happened… Let's just say that someone got completely… lightning-ed out of existence."
Both Arthur's eyebrows rose in surprise and astonishment. The implication that Merlin could kill with one thought-and that he did-should scare him, but it only reminded him of his amazement that such a kind yet powerful being was his.
His protector, he thought quickly, but he could still hear the part of his heart he recently started hearing screaming for Merlin to really be his-in all senses. And that maybe, such fierce loyalty and devotion marked a similar feeling.
Arthur nodded for Merlin to continue, trying to tame his quick-beating heart.
"As you may guess, it earned me a slap on the head from Gaius. I tried defending myself by saying I would have pick it up myself if I felt my arms, but he told me what would he do if I got caught. He really prefers if I don't do magic when unnecessary. I kept using it for pranks and menial tasks for a while, though with time I did it less and less. Doesn't mean I still don't do these sorts of things sometimes." The warlock finished with an impish smirk, winking at Arthur-who suddenly knew he had been on the receiving hands of pranks without his knowledge.
"Anyway, at that time it was hard getting used to all my duties. I didn't realize yet the duties you had. Of course, I do now."
"And you help me through them. I hope you know that, Merlin." Arthur commented softly with a fond look.
Merlin glanced down with a light blush, pleased to have Arthur finally acknowledge him and his help. "Thank you Arthur. I do all I can for you." Their eyes met, both taking notice of the fondness in each other's face. For what seemed like hours, they stared at each other; searching. Wondering if they could find the same feeling deep into their heart and soul into the other.
The moment was broken when the fire crackled a bit.
"A-After that, I asked Gwen to show me how to correctly put an armor." Merlin admitted.
"Though, you still had trouble the first time." Arthur chuckled.
"And you couldn't admit you were nervous." Merlin cheekily retorted.
"I don't get nervous!" Arthur exclaimed, then deflated and frowned when Merlin raised an eyebrow. "I don't show it." He amended. "At least I didn't forget my sword."
It was Merlin's turn to glare, though it was kind of adorable with the blush of embarrassment. Then Arthur realized the thought he just had and coughed slightly, making a gesture to indicate that Merlin should tell the rest of the story.
"I admit, I was impressed. It was the first tournament I was seeing, and having all these knights here ready to battle… Even though one of them was Valiant." Merlin almost spat out the name. Arthur narrowed his eyes at the mention of the man, then couldn't determine the feeling he got when hearing his friend's obvious distaste of someone who had tried to kill him. It was a cross between happiness, smugness and pride-with a bit of awe. He could almost see himself grinning down at the cheating bastard, bragging about his warlock. His mind started going toward a proper reward for Merlin, but suddenly not all his thoughts were… appropriate, and he quickly turned back to Merlin talking again.
"Anyway, I… loved to see you fight. I still do. Though it bothered me when I started realizing your father put pressure on you." Arthur gave him a small smile. "I knew you loved fighting, but I also knew you couldn't really appreciate fully. I know you consider every fight is a test of your strength and kingship, but you have to admit, you didn't need certain pressure."
Arthur wondered about that a bit, and realized Merlin was right. He would have felt better if he wasn't practically forced to win. If he had known he would not deceive if he lost. Of course, the will of winning ran in his blood, but still. The raven-haired also proved he really understood him-better than himself sometimes.
A sudden thought occurred to him, and he blurted out, "I want to train you. I mean, I know you can defend yourself, but what if… what if you needed to protect yourself without magic?"
Merlin blinked, wondering about that. He wasn't sure it could happen, but at the same time, who knew what the future would bring? He might need to hide his magic because of something, and to be honest, Merlin really preferred if he had others tools to help him.
Of course, Arthur had often trained with him, so he knew the basics, but he understood very well Arthur's request. His king wanted to really train him, make sure he had more than basics. Merlin wasn't against the idea, the fact he would more spend time with Arthur also helped. Knowing he would have his full attention, that he would be an equal, that Arthur would be making sure he was safe…
"Yeah, I would love that. I don't think I'll turn as good as a knight, but yes, let's do that."
Arthur almost affirmed that Merlin could find himself better than he thought, but he remained silent. He would show him, instead.
"I cheered you, you know? I always cheer for you." Merlin told Arthur. "I also noticed right away Valiant. I wonder now if my magic already knew his ill intention. It wouldn't surprise me."
"That explained your creep comment. And to be honest, I felt the same. I didn't like his attitude." Arthur also remembered realizing Merlin and he seemed to get along nicely-agreeing even-before giving him chores to hide his uneasiness at taking notice of a bond different than master and servant.
The king could admit it now, the moment Merlin had voiced exactly his train of thoughts about Valiant, he thought they would make good friends-before remembering it had been his servant who had just talked.
Merlin suddenly chuckled, earning an amused and wondering look. "You gave le so many chores, and I wanted to study my magic book. So I did all my chores by magic, while reading my book. Though Gaius entered, and I had to drop everything. I believed he would berate me, but he refrained from it. After all, his look was enough."
Arthur barked out a laugh, picturing the scene with no problem. The second after, something pushed him down. He glanced up, but saw only Merlin smirking from where he had not moved. Then, he realized the other man had used magic. Arthur growled and sat up, almost pouncing on his manservant.
But his mind went back to the feeling of Merlin's magic-a gentle warmth even though its teasing task. Merlin tilted his head, curious. "What it is, Arthur?" He feared it had been too soon, but the wondering and hesitant look on his king's face indicated he only had a request.
"I… How does your magic feel?" I wished I could feel it fully, was left unsaid but clear between them.
Merlin widened his eyes, then beamed. His magic had reacted, knowing what to do-so eager that it had planted the answer in his mind. "Here."
Merlin took Arthur's hands in his, brushing his fingers on his palm in slight reassurance, before his magic rushed between them and toward The Once and Future King-the man his magic loved as much as Merlin did.
Arthur startled as a rush of warmth first assaulted him, then a brush of gentleness. Power licked at his hands, then surged inside him-Merlin's power. He trembled with a soft gasp, both at the sheer amount and the storm it was. Yet, all the while he instinctively knew it was only a tiny bit-one his body could accept without damages.
His heart fluttered as the magic between them guided his soul toward something that felt pure, and when devotion and admiration glowed and enveloped him, he guessed then that it was Merlin's soul.
Merlin, for his part, had shivers running down his spine at feeling Arthur so close to him. He received the blunt of Arthur's good-hearted nature, his fairness, then the glory he possessed inside him. He gasped as he too felt Arthur's soul, so good and brilliant.
Both parted suddenly when love filtered from each other, unbidden and strong. Their eyes opened-both realizing they had closed them very soon at the beginning-and they met. Gold swirled for a second in each other's gazes, before only blue remained. Both could not deny the love, as both had felt it. Both had been able to feel the own love they carry, and the love of the other.
Arthur raised a hand slowly, hesitant yet not even wishing to stop. Merlin licked his lips, his breath coming out in quick puffs as Arthur's hand touched his cheek. A tender look appeared on the king's face, his fingers stroking oh so lightly. Merlin leaned into the touch, eyes fluttering close with a soft sigh. Then he leaned toward Arthur, his whole being singing with a joy he had never felt before. Arthur mirrored the other man's movement, his body and soul filled with a warmth he never thought was possible.
Merlin finally brushed his lips with his love, his destiny. Arthur sighed, surprising himself by thinking finally. They stayed close, locked into a chaste kiss, before parting by an inch-eyes still closed.
"I have loved you for so long. I never realized what I felt was love until I experienced once what it was. I now know I have loved you from the first days by your side." Merlin revealed, trembling from the warm breath he could feel on his face-so close.
"I believe I have too. But it was so strong; I never realized what it was-until Gwen left me. Then, I started realizing what I feel for you was more than I thought." Then something registered. "You have loved someone else?"
His question held no jealousy or anger-only curiosity. They opened their eyes, Merlin giving him a sad smile. "Yes… Like you loved Gwen. But some months ago, I realized how much stronger my love for you is."
Arthur nodded, knowing his loved for Gwen, as real as it had been, had been nothing to the one he had for Merlin. The warlock obviously experienced exactly the same thing. "Who is it? Do I know this person?"
By now, they had parted fully. They had all the time to enjoy their newfound relationship, to freely love each other. For now, talking was more important.
Merlin went into Arthur's laps, settling against his chest-smiling softly as two strong arms immediately enveloped his waist and a nose nuzzled his hairs with affection. "This is a story for later. It is part of our past. But yes, you kind of knew her." Merlin replied, a sad undertone in his voice. Arthur clenched tighter, sensing something had gone wrong. "Okay, let's continue Valiant's story, shall we?" The blond man offered, willing to patiently wait for Merlin each story. "He got what he deserved, in the end. Do you know he made me jealous?" he decided to admit, not minding sharing like Merlin shared. "Though now, I can't believe I had eyes on Morgana."
Merlin snorted. "Well, you didn't know she was your half-sister. And I don't think your father would have agreed to a marriage, if it ever came to that." Merlin frowned. "Though we can't know."
Arthur felt a shiver ran down his spine. "Anyway! Keep going, love."
Merlin flushed brightly-satisfaction at hearing the sweet sword and tone filling him. "The next day, while I was taking your armor, I heard the snakes hiss. When I looked at the shield, one blinked. Valiant put his sword under my nose when I went to touch it. He was so menacing; I felt something was off, but all I could think of was to run away with your armor."
Arthur clutched slightly, not liking the fact Merlin had been so close to danger, and wondering how many times it happened, how far danger grabbed his warlock-a poisoned chalice coming to mind. "Running toward me? I'm glad you seek safety from me." He half-teased, also being serious. It didn't matter if Merlin was an all-powerful being. Arthur would protect him as much as Merlin has protected him every day since he arrived. No matter if it was physically, mentally or emotionally.
Merlin turned slightly with a soft smile and managed to plant a small kiss to Arthur's jaws. "I do feel safe with you.' He let Arthur capture his upper lips for a light nip, before continuing his tale.
"I liked seeing you all impressed and surprised by my work."
"Even if you cheated."
"I didn't cheat! I used all my abilities to do my job." He retorted smartly. "And I really am a fast learner-in all kind of field. It helped too that I did not find everything horrible." He commented with a smirk.
Arthur wondered if he talked about some of his tasks or Arthur himself, and settled for both.
"It is then than Sir Ewan got bitten. Gaius saw the marks when he treated him in our rooms. He showed it to me, and diagnosed that he needed the venom to do the antidote-because all symptoms lead to poisoning. I remembered quickly who he was fighting, and about the strange shield. I went straight so check I had to see by myself if I had figured out the truth. And I did get what I needed. I saw him feed the snakes with mice." Merlin stuck out his tongue, disgusted. Arthur wrinkled his nose in answer. "I left quickly, Valiant must have heard me as he followed, but gratefully I managed to not be seen."
"I told Gaius what I witnessed. He warned me I needed a proof to be believed when I wanted to tell you."
Arthur sighed. "My father would have not listened otherwise. And even then… This stupid view has to change." The blond frowned, reminding himself of his snapping at Merlin.
Merlin rubbed his hands, guessing; and focused on keeping the tale going. "So I did not tell you right away. I let the next day come, keeping an eye on Valiant. But I knew I had to act when I saw the final round would be between you and him."
"Gaius finally agreed with me; we had to stop Valiant. He told me he needed to cure Sir Ewan, as his words would help us uncover the truth about Valiant. That is when I went to cut the snake's head. We needed the venom, and it was also another proof."
"Good thinking." Arthur congratulated, realizing his friend wasn't as stupid as everyone believed. It pained him to realize how much he had underestimated the man he loved-how much he told hurtful words to someone so clever and powerful. How Merlin had stayed loyal and kind to him when Arthur often hurt him-without his knowledge sometimes. Now that their past was uncovered, Arthur could see which things may have hurt Merlin.
Arthur felt glad that he could now amend that, and that both could be themselves-together.
"I waited for the diner, and went to his room. I used a spell to open the door-practice, you know?-then took a sword. They didn't react right away as I touched the shield, but a door opening and footsteps outside made me turn, and one came out. I heard the hissing and saw the shadow. Thankfully, I have fast reflex. I chopped his head off when it went to bite me. The other two came out too, but I grabbed the head and left."
"I gave it to Gaius so he could take the venom, then I came to tell you. I still remember your surprised face! You couldn't believe it!"
Arthur chuckled. "True. Now I may not believe you if you said you couldn't do something." He half-teased, half-wondered.
Merlin frowned a bit. "To be honest, I don't know if I can. Do anything, I mean. There are things that seem impossible, even for me, but no one can really know. Even Kilgarrah told me he doesn't know my magic's limit. He says that for all he knows, I could bend to my will the laws of magic, like a life for a life, if I really snapped." Merlin shivered. "Who knows what I can do?" he wondered aloud-fear of himself in his tone.
Arthur put his head on his shoulder, brushing his lips on his neck-just above his neckerchief. "We will figure this together. And I will never let you snap." He smiled gently as Merlin peaked at him-a smile the warlock thought he would never receive, that would be given to only Gwen. And now, a smile so much tenderer graced Arthur's face-directed only at him. "Plus, you are a pure and kind soul, Merlin. I felt it. You may believe you tainted yourself, but your magic showed me. You always had the purest of intention. You are still pure and innocent deep inside-you just have seen and done more than the average. More than anyone, truly. Don't you think the fact you never lost yourself is a sign you will never be as you fear? I believe in you Merlin, and I trust you. So trust in yourself now."
Some tears fell down Merlin's eyes as Arthur's words lifted a weight he never truly registered. "You are the one keeping me sane." He admitted. With such trust from Arthur, how could he believe he had tainted his soul? How could he believe he would one day turn into a monster?
No, he realized now, it would never happen. No matter what. Because Arthur believed in him, and he would never break that. Maybe, just maybe, he could start forgiving himself for his mistakes, for the killing he had to do.
"Thank you Arthur." The gratefulness was so heartfelt that Arthur could only grin fondly, burying his nose into his neck. "These words mean so much to me. There were so many things I did to protect you, to keep my magic secret, that I feared I was losing myself. I never forgave myself, you know? Some things…"
"Then tell me. Tell me everything and let me forgive you. Then you will be able to forgive yourself." Arthur cut firmly. "We both did wrong in our past, but it is time we move on and do better."
Merlin beamed, a sunny smile that reflected how much of a weight Arthur was lifting from him. "In the end, you believed me. With Valiant."
"Well, I didn't think you were lying. In all honesty, I think I never believed you lied. But I knew accusing Valiant-of magic of all things-would be risky. However, when you said you knew your words count for nothing, I realized you were certain of yourself. When you said you would not lie to me, I believed you."
A guilty look flashed across Merlin's face, and Arthur didn't need words to guess about what. "Merlin-you had to hide your magic. I understand why. We both can't know how it would have gone if it was revealed when my father was still alive. You had to hide for your whole life. I guess I am not surprised you could never find the right moment. It was either too soon, or too late… I am grateful my parents opened my eyes on you."
Merlin shifted, snuggling back a bit. Now that Arthur really knew him, knew his whole being and not only one part, his king seemed to be able to read him even more than before. As well as he could read Arthur. He squeezed back the hands lying on his stomach in thanks, then spoke again.
"Then we confronted Valiant. But Sir Ewan died during the confrontation. Gaius and I thought it must have been Valiant, but we had no proof anymore."
Arthur realized something. "You warned me not to let my father touch the shield, just in case. It doesn't really surprise me of course, although… you may have also not care. I mean…" he bit his lips. He didn't want to imply Merlin would let someone die just like that, but at the same time why would he care that much?
Merlin smiled. "I understand what you mean. I don't think I ever really hated Uther, you know? What he did hurt and I may have had moments when I almost did not care, but in the end I only felt pity. Especially once I knew why he hated magic. I know he is your father, but he lost himself when your mother died. I'm just glad he is well now that he is in Avalon. And just so you know, I couldn't let him die-because you loved him. There has been time when… I felt less sympathy for him, but in the end I didn't want you to suffer. If you ask Kilgarrah, he will also tell you it would have hardened your heart to magic if he died because of it. I admit it was true, even if it wasn't at the front of my mind."
"Did you save my father then? You speak like you have been confronted with this."
"Yes, I did. I admit I almost didn't once, but in the end I had my eyes opened. I saved him something like three or four times-not counting when I saved all of Camelot. Even when he died, he was supposed to be saved."
Arthur blinked. "What do you mean by that? Are you talking about this Dragoon?"
Merlin suddenly looked down, gnawing at his lips. "I am trying to tell things in order, you know? It helps understanding." He commented with amusement-though something was obviously on his mind. "But I'll tell you this: Dragoon really tried to save your father. But Morgana and Aggravaine were the ones to kill him."
Arthur's face hardened eyes like thunder. "I should have known." Then he calmed down a bit as he felt Merlin stroking his arms. "You know Dragoon then?"
"I prefer answering this when the moment will come, if you don't mind."
Arthur wrinkled his nose, annoyed he had to wait for so much, but knowing he would eventually learn about everything. He nodded to let Merlin continue with the current story.
"So, it went wrong with Valiant. Once Valiant pushed you to withdraw the accusation, Gaius knew it would be dangerous to push the matter to the king again. Even if we had the snake's head and the bite marks. My words count for nothing. It didn't help though that I felt so angry-especially when he looked satisfied as you left." Merlin commented bitterly.
Arthur winced. "Remind me to not do mistakes like that again."
"I certainly will." Merlin smirked-though he meant it. Especially if it prevented Arthur to trust the wrong person, like Aggravaine. "It angered me enough that he managed to make you seem…" he trailed off.
Both knew what he meant. Arthur had indeed been hurt when his own father wouldn't believe him. "And to think I lashed out at you. I am so sorry, Merlin."
"It's fine, Arthur. I quickly understood then and I still do."
"But I hurt you like my father hurt me!" He pushed Merlin closer, breathing in his scent. With him, he didn't feel like he had to stay strong. He could show weakness, he could say sorry. He knew he would not be judged, that Merlin would stay by his side.
Merlin head butted him slightly in the shoulder. "Enough. You told me you would forgive me so I could too. Well, it is the same for you. I have forgiven you all these years ago, so stop feeling bad."
Arthur smiled softly. "How can I refuse when you go all wise warlock?"
Merlin slapped his arm, his smile betraying his satisfaction. "So, you sacked me. I went straight to see Kilgarrah. I was confused and angry, and most of all sad. So I didn't really mean what I said." He babbled. Arthur stroked his arms to calm him down-a gesture both know would become a habit. "I told him h-he had the wrong person. I guess deep down I hoped he would help me. And he did-in his way. Once I asked how my destiny was to protect someone who hated me," Arthur made a sound of protest, but Merlin hushed him, "He replied a half cannot hate what makes it whole. That my path and yours lies together. I was frustrated at that time-him and his riddle, I bed he loves seeing me confused by them-but now I guess I understand." Merlin blushed, glancing down shyly. Arthur gave him a fond look at the display, but chose to simply stroke his thumbs in his palms. "We did make peace after Valiant was killed, and I guess I understand the whole 'coin' thing now."
Arthur then did smirk, kissing his love's flaming cheek. "I think I do too."
Merlin coughed. "Ahem! He told me it was not the end but only the beginning before flying off. I swear, he almost never gives me a straight answer. It seems like magic comes with riddles." He snorted.
"Later, as I was deep in thought in Camelot's courtyard, Gwen came and talked to me. She wanted to know if it was true about Valiant, and what I was going to do. She told me I had to prove everyone wrong, that I was right. It was one of the times she unknowingly helped me."
Arthur chuckled. It didn't really surprise him.
"I suddenly had an idea. I brought back one dog statue in my room, to try getting it to come to life with a spell I had passed over once-so I could show the snakes."
"Ah! That's why Valiant was surprised!"
"Yeah. Though I admit, I spend the whole night trying. When I came to see you, I had stopped because I was frustrated."
"Really? How come?" Arthur questioned, not sure what it meant Merlin had taken the whole night.
"Well, even if I have powers, it takes time to learn to direct it-to properly use the spells. The spell I could already use were centering on moving objects-something I already did before. This was new. However, I will let you know I still learned faster, compared to others. I am a fast learner-even more with magic."
"So one night isn't in fact long to learn a spell?"
"No. For someone else, it might have taken days, at best. And considering the nature of the spell, I would even say weeks. These corresponding to a sorcerer of a good level-like Morgause."
Arthur digested this, happy to learn a bit more about magic. To learn a bit more about Merlin, and his world of magic.
"When you explained why you wouldn't withdraw, I understood without agreeing. I knew I had to succeed. I guess it is what gave me the strength to stay all night until the roost crowed. I was half-asleep, but I kept casting. It finally worked-though I think it helped I was almost sleeping. My magic acted up on its own, I believe."
Arthur smiled fondly. Wasn't he lucky to have Merlin here for him? "You know, Morgana came to help me put my armor. She was really worried." He couldn't help but remember.
"She genuinely cared. But once she realized she had magic… It went downhill from here. Uther and Morgause are at fault, but I am too. I maybe didn't help her like I should have." Merlin guiltily admitted.
Arthur glanced at Merlin. "Is it part of one of the mistakes you feared I would hate you for?"
"… Yes. Though the exact mistake hadn't been told yet. I…"
"Merlin… Tell me in order, remember? I have to see things as you did."
Merlin smiled. "You are right. So, it worked eventually. And the dog almost bit my head off! I left quickly, slamming the door shut and warning Gaius not to go into my room. Knowing him, he might have taken a peek." He chuckled.
"I arrived in the middle of the fight and waited for the right moment to cast. Thankfully, it worked right away." Merlin frowned. "Thinking back on it, it still endangered you."
"You did what you could. Gaius could have made an antidote again, and Valiant was exposed. In the end, he was killed and I wasn't hurt." Arthur reassured.
"And you hired me again." Merlin added. "Though you never bought me that drink!" he joked.
Arthur smirked. He leaned into his ear, licking the shell lightly-which earn him a yelp. Then he whispered huskily, "Well, maybe I should make it up to you?" The meaning if these words made quite… clear by his wandering hands.
Merlin stopped their travel south, clearing his throat and turning scarlet. "Ah… Uh-I… Let me finish will you?" he squeaked, his voice wavering.
Arthur gave a low laugh, but relented. "Well, let's start the next story then!"
To be continued…
