A/N: Just a few more days until this story is one year old! Times goes by quickly, huh? Thanks to everyone who stuck with me for so long ;) Lots of love!
This might be the longest author's note I've ever done. I'm really supposed to be asleep because I have to get up extra early tomorrow to study a bit more, but I didn't want to keep you amazing readers waiting too long! :) If there are any mistakes, please don't hesitate to tell me.
Okay, I hope I'm not rambling... A big THANK YOU to everyone who supported me and got me to 100 reviews on my first ever fanfiction! :') I'm so grateful and it means a lot to me.
Thanks so much! Thank you to those for reading, who are following, and added this to their favourites. Thank you for being patient when I sucked at updating, thank you for still being there after the hiatus, and thank you for putting a smile on my face whenever I checked my e-mail. This is all from the bottom of my heart!
Phew, I'm sorry about that. Well, here's the next chapter. Don't forget to review. A heads up, the end is drawing near!
In a Fruits Basket - Chapter 20: Broken Basket
Recap:
I looked at him. I watched him painfully transform in front of me, but I wasn't really looking. Fear clouded my vision and mind. I already knew what was going to happen.
So why...? I wondered, Why can't I gather enough strength to even walk?
Fear.
I'm afraid of Kyo right now. I really am.
Fear is something we hide deep in the back of our minds. Something we always try to avoid. Sometimes we go through great lengths just so we won't have to experience being afraid of something.
Fear is something that takes over your heart once it hits you. Something that makes even the strongest people weak, because fear dulls the mind and senses. Sometimes the only thing on your mind is "how can I get away from this"?
It clouds your eyes from what you really want. People seem to forget their whole purpose whenever they are scared. They just want to escape it. They just want to live an easy life.
But not everything in life is easy, especially when you're cursed.
I was afraid - no, terrified. The fear was like thick rope, tying me back and restraining me from moving when Kyo was still out there, running away from my feelings about him.
My vision was hazy, not from the mist and rain, nor the cloudy fog that still had that scent of rotting flesh hanging in the air.
What should I do? Should I go after him? What if he doesn't want to see me? What if I make things worse for him?
My mind was racing but in reality I was doing absolutely nothing. I began to make up excuses for myself.
But I'm too scared.
It's raining.
It's dark.
I could get lost.
I wasn't prepared for any of this.
And I have to do it alone.
"Arya," I heard a voice softly call out. It almost got drowned out by the sound of the rain beating at the earth. I didn't even have the strength to turn around and face the person, but I knew who was speaking.
"Arya, why are you just standing there?"
I don't know.
"Can't you move?"
I don't think I can.
"Kyo's still out there, y'know."
I know that, but what can I do? I'm afraid of him. I'll make things worse for both myself and Kyo... I'll get hurt. I can't.
"J-Just go, Arya! It may be hard right now, but - but I know you're stronger than this and you're the only one who can do this right now. Didn't you tell me the exact same thing when I had problems with Yuki?" Mai exclaimed. "Move, Arya!"
My eyes widened and I flinched slightly at the harshness in her voice. I shoulder began to fidget and my stomach churned. I gazed deeply into the darkness of the forest.
So I'm a horrible person, right, Mai? Right?! I can't find the strength to move anymore...
"It's alright!"
Just knowing that I actually didn't want to go after Kyo from the start.
"It's okay if you're afraid."
I inhaled deeply, then whispered, "Thank you, Mai."
It didn't matter to me if they heard me or not. I burst into a sprint, letting the shadows consume my entire body and I disappeared from their sight.
"Kyo?"
Why the hell didn't I see it? He is more afraid than I am. He was and still is going through worse than I am.
"Kyo?"
Why couldn't I shake it off before? Why couldn't I just accept him like I did before?
"Kyo!"
Was it because he was in that form? That different, grotesque form? I'm scared of getting hurt out there. But if I don't go, I'm only hurting Kyo even more... And I don't want to do that.
I let out a gasp as I felt my shoe get latched onto something in the ground, causing me to slip across the mud and land on my back. I groaned in pain and winced.
Water seeped through my jeans making my movements uncomfortable and tight. But the mud felt warm compared to the freezing rain that splashed on my skin. My chest hurt every time I inhaled.
Then my throat began to ache as a burning sensation rose from my stomach. I rested on my elbow and lay on my side, face to the ground, gagging as I tried to fight back the urge to puke. My free hand fumbled across my scalp, trying to pull my hair back in case I ended up vomiting.
My movements made a few pieces of dirt splatter on my face and get stuck in my nails. Warm tears streamed down my face, mixing with the rain and mud on my face. I gasped for air multiple times before the horrible feeling passed.
I managed to finally get up before I fell back again after a few steps, catching my breath and clinging onto the nearest tree. I couldn't see much through the darkness and pouring rain, and I barely got anywhere.
Dammit... I cursed to myself.
Before I realized it, I was crying. I felt so weak and pathetic. I felt like I couldn't do anything. I felt like a terrible person. I hunched over, trying to pull my knees closer to me but the mud refused to let them. I closed my eyes and tried to take a breather.
Suddenly, a chilling voice cut through the silence, "Poor, poor girl. What's wrong? What are you doing out here, little girl?"
I slowly opened my eyes and used all the strength I had left just to twist my neck and find the source of the voice. I squinted as I tried to make out the figure standing before me.
Y-Yuki? No, that's not his voice...
Maybe I was hallucinating. The man before me was merely a silhouette. But when I reached for his ankle, he was real with flesh and bones. Little flesh, though, and my fingers overlapped around his thin ankle.
"Is something wrong?" he asked.
He kicked my hand away then bent down to sit beside me. I got a closer look at his face. His hair was similar to Yuki's, but instead it was ebony and a bit longer at the sides.
Lightning struck and the flash of light reflected off his pale face. In that moment I got a glimpse of the cold expression on his face. There was a weird glint in his dark, narrowed eyes. And the grin on his face made me shiver. Almost like he was staring at his prey. I recognized it immediately.
Akito always seemed to play with his food before he ate it.
"Aw, how awful," he said as if he was pitiful, but his tone was taunting me and driving me insane. "It serves you right, you know."
Akito began to chuckle to himself, but I didn't find anything funny at all. I was more terrified of him. I stared back helplessly, not knowing what to do. I couldn't speak.
Fear took over me once again.
He questioned, his voice piercing my ears, "What do really know about the Sohmas? Do you think you understand what it means to be cursed? Do you? I alone carry the full weight of the zodiac curse. So, you see, I do understand. I wonder what it was that everyone expected of you. Did they really think that you would miraculously save us somehow?"
It was painful to hear him say that to me... because I truly believed I would.
"Well? Did you see that? That... thing? It's disgusting, isn't it?" He continued to gaze at me, the rain dribbling down the creases of his cheeks when he grinned. "Yuki told me you weren't bothered by the curse. He said you've seen worse, Miss Nadeshiko."
I remembered that day so well, the images playing in my mind over and over. The day we found out about the curse.
"I've seen worse," is really what I told him. What shocked me was how did Akito find out? Did Yuki really tell him that?
Why?!
That's when I lost it and started crying again. I let out a few whimpers and my shoulders twitched as I sniffled and hiccuped.
"Did I hit a weak spot? Do you think you've seen worse?" Akito went on harshly, "That ugly monster... That very monster you saw was Kyo! I don't think there's anything worse than seeing... that thing!"
I felt so vulnerable. There was a chilling air coming from Akito that made my whole body shudder.
"You're not as strong as I thought you were. Perhaps I overestimated you." He cackled to himself, looking up at the dark sky, letting the water kiss his face. "You deserve this pain." Then, he leaned in towards me, his warm breath tickling my ear. "But don't think this will be the end of it. I will make you suffer the way we suffer."
"Akito!" another voice shouted.
Akito paused and I heard him shift forward. "Mm..." he purred, "aw, now thanks to you, I'm completely soaked."
I squeezed my eyes shut and held my breath as I felt his presence slowly fade away. When I looked to my side, he was gone. I breathed a slow, sigh of relief. I opened my eyes and tried my best to turn around and face my saviour.
"Arya," the voice said in shock. It was shaking, filled with worry, fear and concern.
I was surprised to see Shigure staring back at me. The way he spoke was different. It wasn't the silly, immature Shigure who sang about high school girls. He had no musical tone in his voice. Before me was a serious but frightened man.
"I - I'm sorry," he began.
I heard something heavy fall into the mud. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Shigure fall to his knees.
"I - I..." He stuttered on his words. It was something the clever author rarely did. "I thought - No, I know. Arya. Let's end this. End it! I know - I know it's painful..."
He trailed off. I thought I saw tears.
"But you can."
"Move, Arya! It's alright! It's okay if you're afraid..."
I forced myself to stand, ignoring the throbbing pain in my back. I took a step but felt my legs go numb. I swayed a bit then quickly grabbed on to the tree next to me again. I cried out then bit my lip to silence myself. My forehead was sticky with not only rain, but also beads of sweat.
I took deep breaths before I started walking again, wrapping my arms around myself for a bit more warmth.
Kyo, I'm not scared anymore. At least, not as scared as I was before. It's different now.
Seeing him right in front of me made my body start to tremble again.
Damn, I thought, please, not now. Please, just let me go to him.
"It's you," was all I could say. He just bared his fangs at me, a low rumble coming from his throat. I tried to control myself as I walked towards him. It felt like boulders were tied to my ankles as I dragged my feet through the wet ground.
"Kyo, you don't need to be afraid. Just come back home." I begged, beckoning, "Let's sort this out together. Let me hear what you have to say -"
"There's nothing to say!" Kyo shrieked, in an alien voice, "Leave me alone! Don't come any closer! Are you blind?"
I gasped in shock at the sound of his voice. It was like it wasn't even him anymore. But I had to get that thought out of my mind already. "Just... come back home!" I screamed, squeezing my eyes shut. "Please!"
He snarled, "If you come any closer, I'll slash your face to pieces! Go away!"
I took feeble steps towards him, reaching out, anticipating the moment my hands would make contact with his gruesome skin. "Kyo -"
"Stop following me! I told you to go away! You're so annoying!" He snarled again, showing off his yellow, jagged teeth. "I don't want your pity!"
I flinched and pulled away quickly. "You - you wouldn't hurt me, Kyo," I said weakly.
We stared at each other, waiting for one of us to make a move. I knew if I tried to get any closer, he'd run away again. Suddenly, I heard Mai's scream in the distance, and the sound of feet against the wet ground.
"Arya! Kyo!"
Two people emerged from the rain and mist, panting. Their clothes clung onto their body, Mai's hair in tangled, dripping, ringlets. Yuki's clung to his forehead, the silver liquid drops beating down on them.
"Don't go anywhere!" Yuki shouted.I never heard his voice rise to that volume before. He dove at him, grabbing Kyo's leg. He pulled back, and slashed Yuki's shoulder. He winced, and grunted. "Is that all we do?" He hissed, "Is run away?"
Kyo resisted, trying to escape.
"Is that all we do?" Yuki demanded. "Well, I for one, am tired of running!" He gasped for breath. "Miss Nadeshiko, please!"
I took the opportunity to grab Kyo as well. I tightly hugged his arm and pressed it against me. He roared in my ears, struggling to escape our grasp. He raised a sharp claw, and before it struck me, Mai pushed me away and took my place.
"Arya! Watch out!"
As Kyo's sharp claw met her skin, she was sent back, her body limp and motionless. Yuki and I gasped in horror, "Mai!"
She didn't respond. She stirred, then rolled to her side in pain. Yuki couldn't handle it any more. He unintentionally let go of Kyo and rushed to her, helping her up.
"Mai!" He yelled, "Stay with me! Miss Nadeshiko, I've got her, now tell him the truth!" He held her as close as he could, then sent a murderous look at Kyo. "Just listen to her!"
I felt Kyo's body shift. I instinctively grabbed him again before he could run, and, using all the strength I could muster, pulled him back. He growled and raised his arm, lifting me into the air, and smashed me against the slippery ground. I just held on even tighter.
"You're hurting us!" I shouted, choking on my sobs, which made Kyo freeze. "Is it because you're afraid of what we'll think of you?" I tried to breathe through my mouth, but the stench was too strong. I forced myself not to vomit. Not now. Not when I was so close to him.
"Well?" I demanded, my throat aching. Kyo hissed as he tried to get away.
"Did all of our conversations mean nothing to you?" I questioned, feeling my stomach stir. "Did you expect me to throw every damn thing away after seeing you? Then you don't know me, Kyo Sohma!" I hit a shaking fist against his arm in frustration. "But I know you."
My tears began to dry up, but the rain kept beating down on us. "Did you think I only spent time with you... out of pity? I wanted to be with Kyo, not the curse. I didn't care, because I know it's still you, what ever form you're in. And if I call your name... you'll respond."
He dug his cold claws into my shoulder, like he did to Yuki. I winced, and felt the rain hit the open wound. It burned like fire.
"Kyo," I choked out. He looked at me with a cold look, his unusual eyes narrowed. I clenched my teeth, trying to form my lips into a smile, but failed to. "See? It's still you. It's you who l'm holding on to! It's you who's scaring me right now!
"And I'm so, so sorry I didn't run after you the moment I saw you. Right now, when I look back, I feel horrible for thinking such selfish thoughts, without even realizing how you might've been feeling. I'm sorry I was afraid."
I could see the fear and shock behind his distorted eyes. But beneath the distorted eyes, this person in front of me - this form, is just another problem he faces with the curse.
"But I promise I won't let go..." I whimpered, "because I'm more afraid of losing you. I hate it when I can't do anything to make you feel better. The only thing I can do is stay by your side and listen to how you feel. Don't leave me just because of this. Let me be selfish for once with you. I want you to be with me no matter what!"
I tried to catch my breath, my words just spilling out of my mouth. I held his arm closer to me, ignoring the feel of his skin, trying my best to forget the fear I had of him. I tried to speak again, but I was so shaken. My heart was beating too fast for me to handle.
Is this what it's like? To care for someone so deeply? To lo-
I gasped, realizing the revolting scent Kyo wore was no longer there. Instead, I smelt the lake, the grass, and the smallest hint of mint. I remembered that scent. My mind was sent back to the times he was so close I could smell him. To when I went to his room and was surrounded by it. When I had Kyo with me.
And his skin. It was not the skin I felt a few moments ago. I didn't even notice it transforming under my fingertips, back to the soft, tanned flesh of a teenage boy.
"It's okay." The voice that usually had a certain hostile tone suddenly spoke to me softly. I barely heard that kind of tone from him. "You don't have to..."
I tilted my chin up so I could face him. I didn't pay attention to Mai and Yuki, who were just watching the two of us silently. My jaw dropped slightly, my eyes gazing at Kyo's face. The rain started to die down, the last few drops landing on the both of us. Other than the filmy layer of rain and few specks of dirt on his face, he was back to himself. Fierce, maroon eyes stared into the distance.
He paused. "You don't have to love everything. If you're afraid... If you're afraid, it just proves that you've truly seen the real me."
He stared down at the silver lake before adding, "Not like my mom. She went through all the motions of loving me, but she never even tried to see me. I wanted her to know that I was still her son, no matter what form I was in. I just wanted her to call me by my name and be by my side. I was fine with her being afraid, even if she didn't love me in that ugly form. I just wanted us to stay together."
He reached for his face and inhaled a shaky breath. I saw a tear trickle down his cheek. I raised my hand to him and brushed my thumb under his eyelid even though the tear was already gone. He slowly turned to me, eyes wide with surprise.
He breathed, "I sound... like an idiot, huh? I didn't think anyone - anyone, would say that to me. Not to me."
I couldn't reply. I just pressed my lips together and looked away, trying my best not to cry again. I've been crying too much.
"How is it that you could give me the words I needed to hear the most right now?" Kyo questioned gently. I faced him once more in surprise, meeting eyes with him. "How is it that somebody like you would be by my side... crying for me?"
I smiled weakly before sniffling. Kyo leaned in closer, his voice almost a whisper, "Arya."
One hand ran through my hair, the other placed on my back. He pulled me closer to him - as close as he could. I felt his chin nestle into my head. I blinked in surprise, causing the last droplet to slide down my face. My pulse was throbbing violently, being so close to the cat of the zodiac.
I tried to savour the few seconds I had before he would transform back again. But those seconds seemed... longer than it should've been. Our arms were around each other for a while.
I wanted to be with Kyo, not the curse. I didn't care, because I know it's still you, what ever form you're in. I want you to be with me no matter what.
And in those seconds, I felt Kyo's human heart beat against my own as he held me in a long embrace for the first time.
