His golden eyes followed her as she left but she never looked back at him. She had resumed her fighting attitude – shoulders squared and head held high, focused only on what was ahead, not behind. The fact that she was steeling herself up to face his adoptive mother made him uneasy.
Now quite alone, Jace leaned heavily against the sink and closed his eyes. He could still taste the slight saltiness from her skin and the bitter hint from the soap. He could bring to memory her scent – a blend of soap, rain, the scent all Shadowhunters hand, and something else uniquely Jaci. When she was there he couldn't put a name to it and with her gone he was left only with his imperfect memories.
And, he noted as he opened his eyes and glanced down at the counter, a couple of her hairs. He picked them up delicately and dropped them to the floor. The bad part about having both a cat and a girlfriend was everything he owned was covered in someone else's hair.
Girlfriend. The fact that he used the word was like a mental slap. Was that what he considered Jaci? What did she consider him?
He shook his head and scowled at his reflection. Before Jaci had left she had drawn a healing rune on his back – close to his heart – for him. The bruises had faded from unsightly purple to a nearly-healed yellow. He still looked drawn and tired though and he was dizzy with hunger. He hadn't bothered to eat before setting out demon hunting. Memories plagued his dreams and he had wanted to burn them out, taking Alec and Isabelle along as well. And Jaci. When he had seen her in the weapons room wearing Shadowhunter gear he'd been flooded with confliction emotions. His first reaction was to forbid her to come with them but she never would have listened and he would not beg. At the same time he wanted her to come simply so she would be there and he would be able to see for himself that she was still around. Too many times he'd seen her almost die.
At night he would relive the events at Renwick's and the fight with Abbadon. Each time it was different. Each time Jaci ended up dead. And then he would tear himself apart emotionally. Usually it was his fault for the danger Jaci was in, once it was his father.
His father who wasn't really dead. The man who had raised him to be a Shadowhunter and taught him that to love is to destroy and to be loved is to be destroyed. Love was a weakness to be conquered.
His entire life he had believed that because it was what he had been told. For seven years he had believed he was an orphan and now he had parents and a sister. Was there anything left that wasn't a lie?
Jace quickly threw on jeans and a clean shirt before setting off to the library. He met no one on the way which meant Alec and Isabelle were in their rooms and Jaci, of course, would be in the library.
He reached the library and knocked once before shouldering the door open. His eyes darted around the room, resting on Maryse sitting in Hodge's chair by the fire, a glass of wine in her hand.
"Maryse," Jace said.
She jumped and turned her cold blue eyes on him. "Jace. I didn't hear you come in."
"He did knock," drawled a defensively sarcastic voice from behind him. He turned to see Jaci, now clothed in a different shirt and her usual skinny jeans with her long hair cascading over her shoulders, leaning against the door frame. Her features were carefully arranged in a determinedly arrogant expression. The same expression she wore when facing a demon. At her feet Peeta paced protectively. Jace noted that the cat appeared to have grown in the last week. "Not that that would alert you of his presence or anything."
Maryse's eyes narrowed and flicked between Jace and Jaci. "You said your name was Jaelyn?"
The brown haired girl nodded fractionally.
"You're both so much alike. Filled with the same arrogance of your father."
"Valentine was not Jaci's father," Jace said stiffly, tearing his eyes from Jaci to address Maryse.
"So you say," Maryse said, getting to her feet. "The way you're both looking at me now – it's difficult to deny."
"Jace is a grand total of six months older than me. It's physically impossible for us to be closer than cousins. Which is, in turn, impossible as well – unless Valentine had siblings no one's bothered to mention," Jaci said dryly, unhitching herself from the doorjamb and moving to stand by Jace.
Jace didn't like the turn of the conversation and jumped in. "Do you remember that song you used to sing to Isabelle and Alec – when they were little and afraid of the dark – to get them to fall asleep?"
Both Jaci and Maryse looked taken aback. He had successfully disrupted their warpath.
"What are you talking about?" Maryse asked once she found her voice.
"I used to hear you through the walls. Alec's bedroom was next to mine then."
Maryse said nothing and he could feel Jaci's inquiring gaze on him.
"It was in French," he said into the silence. "The song."
"I don't know why you'd remember something like that," Maryse said sharply, returning to her seat.
"You never sang it to me."
There was a pause. "Oh, you. You were never afraid of the dark."
Jaci scoffed and averted her eyes from the scene before her, choosing instead to scrutinize the books on the far wall.
"What kind of ten-year-old is never afraid of the dark?" Jace asked. There was only a touch of accusation in his voice.
"Sit down, Jonathan, Jaelyn," she commanded wearily. "Now."
Jaci's eyebrows shot up and she cast a glance at Jace before scooping up the little feline at her feet and settling into a wing-backed chair opposite of Maryse. Jace took the one next to her.
"I'd rather you didn't call me Jonathan."
"Why not?" Maryse asked. "It's your name." She turned to Jaci. "How long have you known?"
"Known what?" Jaci demanded. Her eyebrows had drawn together creating a deep furrow. "That I'm adopted? That I'm a Shadowhunter? How to speak Spanish? Why the sky is blue? That would be a couple weeks, a little more than a couple weeks, a year, and several years. In that order."
"You think you're smart-"
"Do you mean smart as in intelligent, sarcastic, or clever?" Jaci interrupted. Jace couldn't help but be mildly amused, despite the cold feeling of dread that had settled low in his stomach.
"-but you should watch your tongue," Maryse finished in a clipped tone.
The girl sighed heavily, letting her mask of bitter humor drop for the moment, showing how truly vulnerable she was. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm a bitch when I'm nervous or scared. And stressed. This is all really weird for me. Less than a month ago I was getting ready to go back to school and graduate and then go on to college and all of a sudden I'm not the only one who sees the demons in the night. All of a sudden vampires and werewolves are real and I don't actually have a family anymore. What do you want to know? I'll tell you what I can but you're going to have to trust it's the truth."
Jaci's words were followed by a thick silence as they sank in slowly.
"That's a pretty speech," Maryse said finally. "However, that's all it is." She paused and closed her eyes briefly. "Look, Jaelyn-"
"Jaci," Jace corrected automatically.
Maryse glanced at him sharply. "Jaci. I would like to believe you but I don't know you. Do you understand? With Valentine back, the entire Clave has to be suspicious of anyone even remotely connected to him. And you can't deny your sudden appearance combined with his sudden reappearance is… suspicious."
"So you think she's Valentine accomplice because of one corresponding date on a timeline?" Jace demanded, leaning forward in his chair and trying to get Maryse to see the insanity of her accusations.
"No, I don't," she answered stiffly. "Someone else might. That's why I think it's best if Jaci were to distance herself from this issue for the time being."
"You're kicking me out." Jaci was on her feet and her tone was flat. She had retreated back into her armor. "So much for offering shelter to all Shadowhunters. I'll just be on my way." She and her cat were gone before Jace could get to his feet.
"Stay where you are, Jonathan. We still have more to discuss," Maryse said over the sound of the door closing.
Jace didn't move. "I'd still prefer if you didn't call me Jonathan. What was that for?" His voice was icy.
But she didn't hear him. Her gaze was still directed towards the door. "Eventually you'll understand that sometimes, the best way to keep people safe is to push them away."
