Chapter 6

Sam made it to Griffith Park in record time even for him. "Eric, do you still have a signal from Callen's phone?"

"It hasn't moved since you left the hospital, Sam. His phone's on the west side of the observatory. It's about 500 yards ahead of you."

"Do you see him?"

Eric was checking the area cameras, but he wasn't able to locate Callen. "I don't see him, Sam, but there are a number of people in the area. His phone is still active."

Sam started off to the western side of the observatory which was crowded today, but Sam was only interested in finding one person. In a few seconds, he saw his partner. Callen was on the west terrace standing at the wall and looking out at the Los Angeles skyline. Sam walked over and stood beside him.

"Hey, G," Sam said as he looked out over Los Angeles.

"Hey, Sam," Callen replied without taking his eyes off the city skyline.

They stood in silence for a few moments listening to the traffic, the wind, the birds, and the voices of the visitors on this brilliantly sunny day. Anyone looking at the two of them would have thought they were two men simply enjoying the view. And they would have been wrong.

"G, I'm sorry."

It took Callen a few moments to say anything. "Thanks, Sam." Sam looked at his partner. Callen expressed some feelings easily: loyalty, anger, compassion, fear, determination. These emotions often bubbled to the surface during cases. But emotions like love and loss he had difficulty expressing because they made him vulnerable and being vulnerable had always caused him pain. He had had to deal with pain his whole life, so it was easiest now to shut out anything that might let it in. Sam knew that's what Callen was trying to do now—shut these feelings out—and he could only imagine the emotional mess Callen was dealing with. "I'm sorry about a lot of things, Sam, and I'm tired. I'm just tired." Here was an opening.

"I've been telling you for years that you don't get enough sleep, G, but you never listen to me."

"I listen, but I think I'm too tired to sleep," Callen said and finally looked at Sam. Sam saw his partner's eyes—the exhaustion—and he was worried. "Sleep doesn't come easy and it doesn't bring me any peace, Sam."

"I know, G," Sam said quietly and standing next to his partner, Sam prayed as fervently as he ever had for the words that would help his partner handle his feelings of despair. They stood, stationary and silent, watching and listening until Sam's phone rudely interrupted. He stepped away a few feet to take the call. It was Hetty. He listened, thanked her, and then walked back to Callen. "Anna's out of surgery, G. She's going to make it; she's going to be fine."

"That's good, Sam," Callen said, his eyes still focused on the city spread out in front of him.

"G, I know what it feels like when my child's in danger, but I don't know what it feels like to lose a child—and I hope I never do—so I'm not going to tell you that I know what you're going through. I don't. But you're not the only one who lost a child today. Anna lost a child, and the loss will be just as terrible for her as it is for you. This doesn't just affect you, G."

"I know it doesn't, Sam, but sometimes life just doesn't make sense, and it gets to be too hard and you lose too much."

"You're right. Sometimes life doesn't make sense and it is hard and you lose a lot, but you haven't lost everything, G. You haven't lost me. Or Hetty or Kensi. Or even Deeks—although we might be able to arrange that," he said and the hint of a smile appeared. "You have all of us and Nell and Eric. Hell, you even have Granger. And there's your father, Garrison, after almost 40 years. And, you have Anna, and then, of course, with Anna you get Arkady." He saw Callen wince, but he continued, "You have people in your life who care about you and who don't want to lose you."

Callen sighed and looked at Sam. "This morning I didn't even know if I was in a relationship—or if I even wanted to be in one—and a few hours later, I found out that I would have been a father. When the doctor said Anna was pregnant, I was stunned but I think I was glad, Sam. I think I was glad I was going to be a father. And then I wasn't a father."

"You've had a hell of a morning, G."

"Do you think Anna knew she was pregnant?"

"I'm sure she knew."

"Why wouldn't she tell me?"

Sam took his time before he offered his opinion, "G, Anna probably didn't tell you because she didn't know how you'd feel about becoming a father. She probably doesn't even know how you feel about her."

"Was she going to tell me?"

Sometimes talking to G about women made Sam feel like an expert on the subject. "I'm sure she was, but that's something you should ask Anna. In fact, after everything's that happened between you two, don't you think that you and Anna have a lot of things you should probably talk about?"

"I guess we do."

"Then I guess you'd better get back to the hospital before she wakes up."

Callen looked at his partner with obvious respect, "I've never met any man who seems to know more about women than you do, Sam. Why is that?"

"You're kidding, right? My survival depends on it," he answered with a wry grin. "Remember, I'm married to Michelle. What I don't know really could hurt me."

They headed back to their cars and stopped next to the Challenger. "Heading home?" Callen asked.

"Yea. It's too late to head to Pendleton now. We'll start fresh tomorrow." He opened the car door, but before getting in, Sam put both of his hands on Callen's shoulders. "You'll get through this, G. Remember, you're not alone; you're never going to be alone again—even if you want to be."

"Don't know how I feel about that, but . . . thanks, Sam."

"I got your back, partner," Sam said as he settled into the car seat and shut the door.

Callen leaned down and waited as Sam rolled the window down. "Drive safe and say hi to Michelle and Kam for me."

"I will," Sam nodded, and then got serious. "Now get back to the hospital before Anna wakes up. You and Anna need to have that talk."

Callen tapped the roof of the car as Sam pulled away and then walked back to his car, got in, and started back to the hospital to be with Anna when she woke up and finally have a talk with her about where they were in their relationship, and that maybe it was time to share more than sleepovers and showers.

-scene change-

Once the doctor had told Hetty and Kensi that Anna was going to be alright, Kensi went to find Deeks. She found him in the cafeteria, nursing a glass of milk and a sorry excuse for a piece of pie. He looked up as she sat down.

"Anna?"

"Doctor says she'll be fine."

He played with his pie. "And us?"

Kensi hesitated. "He didn't have a diagnosis for us."

An awkward silence settled between them, and Deeks decided if he didn't say something, she might get up and leave. "What can I do to make sure we're okay?"

Her expression when she looked at him was Really, but that's not what she said. Instead she said, "Can you promise me that there will be no more suits for child support?"

"I could—but that wouldn't be the truth because I don't know that there won't be—and I promise to always tell you the truth. If there are any more tests, whatever the results—and by the way, the results of this test were negative—they will never change the way I feel about you, Kensi Blye. And that is the truth."

Kensi looked at him without speaking for more than a minute, and then she leaned across the table and kissed him. "I can accept that, Deeks, but if I ever find that you've broken your promise about telling me the truth, the diagnosis for our relationship will be a terminal one."

"Well," he said as he pushed the pie away and stood up, "I'm too young to deal with a terminal condition, so I think I'll keep that promise." As they left the cafeteria, he said casually, "So, when you sent me away . . . ."

"Don't ever ask me about that, Deeks," she said firmly and then without a smile took hold of his hand. "Now, how do we get home?"

Deeks pulled out his phone. "Uber?"

-scene change—

When Callen arrived back at the hospital, no one was where they'd been when he left. He walked up to the nurse's station and asked about Anna Kolcheck.

"She's out of surgery. She's in room 301, but only immediate family are allowed to visit."

"Has her father arrived yet?"

"No, her father hasn't, but her mother has."

"Her mother?" Callen asked.

"Yes. She's visiting her now."

Callen started down the corridor as he assured the nurse, "I'll just speak with her mother before I leave."

When he reached the room, the door was closed. He opened it slowly. Hetty sat beside Anna's bed. "I see Mr. Hanna found you, Mr. Callen," she said looking up briefly.

"He did," Callen said as he entered the room. He closed the door behind him and walked to the bed. Anna lay in the bed asleep but breathing on her own. She looked calm, peaceful; he thought she actually looked more peaceful than he felt. He stood by the bed watching her, and then he felt Hetty take one of his hands in hers and gently squeeze it. He hadn't even heard her stand up. He looked down, and she looked from Anna up to him, and he knew that she was incredibly sad even though her face showed only a hint of emotion.

"I am so very sorry, Mr. Callen," she said softly.

"Thank you, Hetty," he said as he squeezed her hand in response, and then she left, and Callen was alone with Anna and the memory of what they had lost that morning. But Callen had also found that there was someone who was part of his life in a way he had feared no one ever would be. And he found that he was comfortable with this new addition to his life and all the changes that it could bring.

Several hours later when Anna woke, Callen was still with her. She smiled weakly when she saw him, and then she sensed that something was horribly wrong. Callen held her hand and kissed her gently. He reached down and caressed her hair and cheek and kissed her again. She wanted to say something, but he put his fingers to her lips as her eyes filled with tears. "No, Anna, don't. Don't."

"You don't know."

"I do, Anna. I know about the baby."

"You do?" She bit her lip to keep from crying. "And the baby . . . ."

Callen held her hand and said quietly, "The baby, our baby, didn't make it, Anna." He looked at her and gently brushed a tear from her face. "Anna, you made it and we will get through this." She closed her eyes and squeezed his hand. "Anna, why didn't you tell me about the baby?"

She looked at him. "I didn't know how you'd feel about a baby, about being a father." She paused, "I don't know how you feel about me."

Callen sighed, "I'm not good at letting people know how I feel, even people I should—people I care about." He looked at her steadily and didn't flinch, "Especially people I love." And then he kissed her with a passion born of loss and love, and he knew that he and Anna would start a family soon because now he knew that he was ready.