Magnus's couch was quite comfortable, as long as I kept my eyes closed. The vibrant pink was almost florescent and painful when the light hit it, which isn't entirely terrible for a bed. I mean, your eyes are supposed to be closed when you're sleeping anyway.

But the problem was, I couldn't sleep. Every time I shut my eyes, the shadows seemed to invisibly fill the room. It was as though I could feel them moving closer. Kosmima. I had forgotten that name but now it echoed in my mind.

"I can help you sleep," Magnus's voice drifted to me from the doorway.

Through the gloom I saw his outline, made bulkier by a fuzzy bathrobe, move towards me. It was late.

"I'm fine," I lied. Pride kept me from admitting I was afraid of the darkness of the den. Besides, the warlock still looked exhausted from healing me. I hadn't forgotten how he had collapsed the moment the gold net of magic light had vanished.

"Why don't I believe that?" he asked, letting a finger rest momentarily on my forehead. "You weren't poisoned in the usual sense but you were still poisoned. There's no possibly way you could be 'fine.'"

He was right, of course. Aside from the dreams, my body felt as though someone had let my insides fall out and had forgotten to replace them. I felt oddly empty and my mind was frantic and scattered but I didn't say a thing. After a moment, Magnus sighed and moved away.

"If you change your mind, don't come find me," he warned, sounding suddenly brisk and irritated. "Bother Jace, he seems to like it."

Jace. He'd been the one to find me. Even though he hadn't gone with me, he'd come for me. Knowing that made my non-existent insides squirm with embarrassment and shyness. Part of it I was pretty sure came from the fact that I couldn't exactly remember everything that had happened in the Silent City. Did I say something? Or maybe do something? As soon as we were both exiled to Magnus's apartment, he'd disappeared into the room he was staying in without so much as a word to me. Well, at least I think that's what had happened. I couldn't honestly remember much.

But what I did remember didn't involve Jace. I did remember a flash of green eyes, a splotch of black hair, a golden net, and someone saying over and over "too late" like some sort of strange cadence. But no Jace.

I closed my eyes again and fancied I could see something move through my closed eyelids. For an instant I considered screaming for Magnus and begging him to help me, but I didn't. He was being serious when he said to leave him be. It was, after all, extremely late.

Staring at the indistinguishable ceiling, I started to grow angry. He was my boyfriend. He was a Shadowhunter. Nothing I could've done would make him hate me, if I remembered correctly he'd been aware that there was something wrong with me and therefore I was not to be held accountable for any offensive actions. The fact that he was avoiding me like this was stupid, especially when the shadows crept every time I so much as blinked.

Determinedly, I gathered up the fuzzy blanket I had been curled under and trudged down the hall to the room Jace was staying in. I raised my hand to knock and the door sprung open, revealing an ashen faced Jace who barreled into me before glancing up.

"Jaci!" he breathed, grabbing me and steadying me.

I didn't bother answering him; I just shoved past him into his room and immediately settled into his bed. He was staring at me as though he'd never seen a girl before.

"I was coming to find you," he said quietly as he stepped back in his room and closed the door. "I thought you'd be asleep."

"Oh so now you care about how I am, when you think I'm probably unconscious, how very caring of you."

My sarcasm didn't make him angry like I'd expected it to. "I… I couldn't face you."

"Well it wouldn't've really been facing me. I wasn't really present when Magnus was working his magic. Thanks for acting like you care, by the way." I was glaring at him. I didn't want to be fighting with him but I was so scared and I just…

"I'm sorry, all right?" he fairly shouted, taking a step closer to me. I noted he was still wearing his gear even though it'd been hours since leaving the Silent City. "I was expecting the worst. I'm not used to having to worry about someone I ca-" He stopped suddenly.

"Someone you what? Can't stand?" I knew I was being irrational.

"Someone I care about, dammit."

I blinked at him. "We're Shadowhunters, things happen."

"But this shouldn't've happened!" He looked frantic. I'd never seen him so disconcerted before. "Of all the things that could possibly happen to you, Jaelyn Catori, this should not have been one."

"Jace… are you," I couldn't believe it, "are you blaming yourself for this?"

"Who else's fault is it?!" he demanded.

Any anger I'd had was immediately gone. "Well, let's see… mine because I mouthed off to the Inquisitor, and Valentine's because he's psychotic. Jace, you helped rescue me!"

He shook his head sadly, those perfect blonde curls fell into his eyes. "You don't understand, if I'd been there sooner you wouldn't've needed to be rescued."

Something about the statement tripped a warning in me but I couldn't figure out what. "You didn't know any earlier…"

Jace opened his mouth as though to say something but I cut him off.

"I just want to sleep and I can't." I bit my lip, unbelievably shy again. "Can I sleep here? With you?"

He nodded. "Of course."

I sat in the middle of the bed and stared at him wide-eyed. No jokes, no comments. He also didn't make any move to join me.

"You're not sleeping in that, are you?"

He glanced down at his gear, looking mildly surprised to see himself still wearing it, and immediately began to pull it off. I knew I should look away, but I didn't. His every movement fascinated my tired mind. As he peeled his shirt off I couldn't help but notice how beautiful he looked with the swirling scars from faded Marks etched over his golden skin. Soon he had stripped down to just his boxers.

"You can't sleep standing up," I pointed out. Why wouldn't he just come by me?

He flashed me his grin and my heart stuttered. "I could probably manage it."

"Well, don't."

"Bossy." But he switched off the lights and then crawled into the bed beside me. I curled up next to him, carefully not touching.

"Jace?" My voice sounded loud in the darkness even though I was whispering.

"Yes, Jaci?"

"Will you hold me?" I tried to find his eyes in the darkness but it was hard. "Will you hold me like you'll never let go?"

His arms wrapped around me and pulled me close to him, my head on his chest. One of his hands stroked my hair lazily and I could hear his quick heartbeat.

"Always."


He didn't fall asleep immediately, even though he knew how late it was. Nothing could make him forget seeing Jaci's still form sprawled on the floor, looking broken beyond repair. Just thinking about it made his heart hammer with panic.

But she hadn't been broken. Even though he'd been too late, it hadn't been too late. True, he didn't manage to stop Valentine or save the Silent Brothers but Jaci had still been saved.

Instantly Jace was appalled with himself. Did he really put more value on the life of one girl than those of all the dead Silent Brothers? If he was being honest with himself, yes.

Somehow she had managed to show up and mess up everything in his perfectly balanced life. He had been independent, relying on others as little as possible and now here he was, unable to sleep without her. Why was she worth so much? Why couldn't he free himself?

Especially knowing what he knew. His first reaction should have been to forget her, to leave her in the Silent City, not to rescue her. There was no denying that he had, though. And there was no denying where his loyalties lie.

She moved in her sleep, moving impossibly closer to him and he automatically held her tighter. Jace remembered clearly when he'd told her she was everything that mattered to him within his reach and that still hadn't changed. He knew Jaci; he hadn't seen her at her worst but he'd seen her shortly after. She had come close to dying – at her own hands – for Clary's sake. That was how much her adopted sister meant to her.

He thought of when he'd first met her, in the back room of Pandemonium. There had been Clary, wild eyed and frantic bleating on about murder, and behind her had stood Jaci. Those hazel eyes had seemed to pierce through him almost as if she knew his every secret, like she'd known him. He'd wanted to forget about the demon, walk up to the girl and shake her, demanding she tell him everything. He'd wanted to know why her gaze made him feel so vulnerable. He didn't like feeling vulnerable.

Jace had learned differently though; not exactly to like vulnerability but to accept it, at least where Jaci was concerned. Alec had been the one to point out why.

"She's exactly like you," Alec had said once when they were alone in the weapons room. "Don't you think that's weird?"

Jace had scoffed. "No one is like me, I'm one of a kind."

"Don't be so sure of yourself…"

For Jace, being with Jaci felt natural even when they fought.