Caelia had never seen a Shadowhunter cry.
She had seen mundanes cry, even werewolves. She had once heard a rumor of a demon who cried. But she'd never seen a Shadowhunter cry. And she had never seen anyone who wanted to do archery while crying.
But the Queen did say this Shadowhunter was not like the others.
Maybe, Caelia thought to herself, this one is broken. She watched passively as arrow after arrow soared past her and thudded into a target.
"Jaelyn-"
Suddenly the faerie was staring down the shaft of an arrow that was poised only inches from her face.
"Don't call me that," the Shadowhunter hissed, jerking the bow up as she released the arrow, sending it sailing up to the ceiling where it embedded itself into one of the rafters.
"Jaci," Caelia tried again, wrinkling her nose at the modified name. "I've spoken to the Queen."
"Lovely," Jaci answered, making the rounds to collect her arrows.
"Meliorn is going to stand guard tonight."
"Am I supposed to find that comforting?" Jaci demanded, dumping an armful of arrows into a pile at the foot of a rope used to reach the rafters. "Because I don't, actually. My brother," there were spaces between her words as she heaved herself up the rope, "is dead… and you expect… me to be okay… with not… being there for him?"
Caelia sighed. Why was she the one who had to tame the Queen's pet? "He is not your brother."
"Shows how much you know," Jaci called from up in the rafters. Neglecting a safety harness, she began to move like a tightrope walker along the beam towards the arrow.
Grudgingly, Caelia had to admit to herself that she was impressed. When they had first started training, Jaci had fallen off the beam several times with the harness on. Of course part of it was that Jaci hadn't had any runes at that point.
Ever since that first day, the Shadowhunter girl had thrown herself wholeheartedly into her training, dueling whoever she could find when Caelia was needed elsewhere. The Queen, pleased with the progress, had permitted Jaci to use a stele during her training sessions.
She moved gracefully along the beam to where the arrow stuck and stretched out on her stomach, reaching around to grab the shaft and gave it a tug. It wouldn't budge.
"You won't be able to retrieve it like that," Caelia commented. "You can't put enough force behind you."
Jaci glared at her. "Wanna bet?" And still holding onto the arrow with one hand, she rolled off the beam. Her weight pulled the arrow free and then she began a freefall towards the floor, flipping in midair so that her feet were beneath her and then landing in a crouch.
Caelia snorted. "You could have been seriously injured had you mistimed that."
"Well, I didn't," Jaci pointed out, twirling the arrow between her fingers. With a snarl, she snapped it in half and threw it to the floor.
Caelia went and grabbed the discarded bow. She notched an arrow and shot it into the same beam that Jaci had.
Jaci stared at her. "Why did you do that?"
"Retrieve the arrow."
"Okay, Shang," Jaci grumbled, going back to the rope. This time she climbed the rope even faster and moved quickly across the ceiling to the arrow. Lying on her stomach, she reached around, grabbed the arrow and rolled off the beam but this time the arrow held fast. Jaci grabbed the arrow with her other hand, feet swinging wildly. "Not funny!"
Caelia giggled. "Get it down," she sang.
Jaci sighed and closed her eyes, gathering herself. Slowly, she began to swing not just her legs but her entire body like a pendulum. As she gained momentum, she could feel the arrow working its way free. It broke free of the wood when she was at the foremost part of her swing. Keeping her body moving forward, she flipped in midair like a gymnast and landed lightly on her feet.
"Here's your arrow," Jaci said stiffly.
Caelia accepted the arrow with a small smile. "So you're ready then."
"Ready for what?"
"To start the next part of your training."
With a heavy sigh, I dropped my head onto the table. Again.
"You must open your mind," Caelia hissed. "It's an easy enough bit of magic to accomplish."
"For a faerie!" I pointed out angrily, speaking into the table. Even though I was less battered and bruised, I was missing the old part of my training. The part where I got to beat things up. Now I was just beating up my own, poor mind in an attempt to learn magic.
"It's Neutral magic!" Caelia said with boatloads of exasperation. "It's the most accessible!"
"Well," I snapped, picking up my head, "Shadowhunters don't use Neutral magic!"
She didn't respond immediately. "You're right," she said at length. "They don't."
Wings all aflutter, she fairly leaped across the table in her rush to get to the book shelf behind me. She returned with a large, green book.
"Hold the phone," I said, suddenly very alert. "That's the Gray Book."
"I know what it is, Shadowhunter." The faerie didn't look amused with me.
I reached for it, moderately surprised that she didn't take it away from me. "So why do the Fey have a copy of the Gray Book?"
"Because we have you."
Because that explained everything.
"I want you to read the Gray Book," she said simply.
"Okay."
"Out loud."
I stared at her. It really didn't seem like this faerie was in possession of her full mental faculties. The idea of the runes was that they didn't have a pronunciation. They were words without sound. Without sound meant they couldn't be read aloud.
"That's not possible."
"You haven't tried it." She flipped the book open to a marked page. The rune for remembrance.
I stared at it for a moment before it occurred to me that there might be a way to say it. It would be a word that mimicked the shape of the rune somehow. A word for remembrance that anyone would recognize… but the more I thought about the word, the less likely I was to say it. It was strange.
"Don't think," Caelia said softly. "Just let it happen. Magic isn't a conscious process. Don't think."
Clearing your mind is actually very difficult, especially when under pressure so instead I just focused on the rune on the page in front of me. It was weird, it wasn't like writing in a book that will go out of focus after a few seconds. It just stayed, clearly defined and sharp.
And so, I opened my mouth and spoke.
Slowly and carefully, Clary made her way up the hill. She had a drink carrier with hot coffee and she hoped there wouldn't be more than four people at the cemetery since that was as many drinks as she had.
It was finally evening after a very long day. She had spent most of it at the hospital, talking to her mother and trying to figure out what she was going to tell Simon's mom. In the end, Luke had called her to say he was spending a few days with him. It had seemed suspicious at the time and now it just seemed even worse. Clary found herself wishing that Jaci was there more and more.
The sun was setting as she reached the clearing. Jace was there already, wearing the same clothes from the day before. He looked terrible but then again, Clary realized, he hadn't had anything to eat all day. And he was still hiding out from the Inquisitor. So was Magnus. And Alec since he was stuck with Magnus.
"Any change?" Clary asked, handing Jace a coffee.
He grunted and accepted the steaming beverage. There was once again a chill in the air.
They didn't say anything more but settled in to wait. Soon Isabelle had joined them, bringing food for Jace which he began to eat silently.
"The Inquisitor isn't suspicious," Isabelle informed them as she settled herself daintily on a headstone.
"Isn't that a bit disrespectful?" Jace pointed out.
Isabelle shrugged. "I don't think he really minds."
Clary had to admit, she had a point.
"But back to the Inquisitor, I don't think we can hide the fact that Jaci's gone for very long," Isabelle continued. "She's going to notice that three people are missing from the Institute as soon as the investigation of the Silent City slows down."
"How observant of you," drawled a new voice. It belonged to Magnus who entered with Alec in tow. "And I was wanting to talk to you about that, Clarissa."
"Me?" Clary asked, confused.
"Yes, you." He turned his cat gaze on Jace. "And you, lover boy."
"What do you want?" Jace snapped.
"I can't keep Alec forever, as much as I'd like to."
Alec blushed furiously and stepped self-consciously away from the warlock who in turn pretended he didn't notice.
"So?"
"I think it's time to trade out my Shadowhunter," Magnus explained. "Otherwise Maryse will start to wonder where Alec is. It would make sense that Jace would hang around if I actually had Jaci in my care."
"And how do I have anything to do with it?" Clary cut in.
"Because when the Inquisitor comes to visit, I need someone I can pass off as your sister," Magnus snapped. "Which is really not that easy. And you all ought to know that I do not come cheap."
"You're charging us?" Jace demanded. "I thought we were friends."
"Friends?" the warlock questioned. "More like future roommates."
A rustle drew their attention to the tree line where a new figure had appeared. The Fey representative.
"Well this is awkward," Isabelle muttered.
"Why do you say that?" Clary asked.
"Because that's Meliorn. I broke up with him yesterday."
Jace, hungry and exhausted, sat down on the ground to wait for the second night in a row. For everyone's sake, he desperately wished that Simon would rise.
I was on a train, on the way to family vacation. I sat directly across from my mother, wedged between my brothers. My father was sleeping against the window.
It was my last day of school. I packed up my locker in silence, placing my battered copy of City of Bones in my bag.
It was my first day of freshman year. I ate lunch by myself.
It was my tenth birthday. We had cake for dessert. My parents fought after they thought I was asleep, but I never knew what about.
It was my first loose tooth. I stayed up all night crying because I thought I was going to die.
It was my first day of school. I wore a red, polka-dot dress.
The memories flooded my mind unexpectedly. My nearly forgotten, other-world past was suddenly more vivid than yesterday. I guess the remembrance rune had done its job.
When I finally opened my eyes, Caelia was beaming at me.
"The Queen was right," she said. "You can speak the soundless runes."
"That makes complete sense," I muttered sarcastically. "How long have I been here, anyways?"
"It has been nearly a day," Caelia replied.
"No way." Only one day? That wasn't possible because I had counted and time moved five times faster in the Seelie Court which meant that it only should've felt like five days to me but really it felt more like a month. Or two.
"Time is flexible here," the faerie explained. "It flows as the Queen wishes it to."
I blinked. "So in crazy Fey time, how long have I been here?"
"Approximately forty-seven days," she responded crisply.
"I want out," I demanded. "I don't want to be stuck here anymore."
Her black eyes met mine and I couldn't read her expression. "I will see what I can do."
It was like the sun had decided to rise in the west. "Are you serious?"
"Wait here," she ordered, and swept out of the room.
I couldn't believe it. I was being let outside! Only temporarily but at least it was something. And even better than that, I was being allowed to go and visit Simon – I refused to think of it as his grave. On the less-than-bright side, I had to take my babysitter along, too.
We didn't talk as we got on the subway. Or along any other part of the journey either. I was too busy trying to take in the fact that I had only been away from the surface world for twenty-four hours. It didn't make any sense and it made my head hurt.
Still in silence, I followed the faerie through the darkened cemetery and towards the faint sounds of people talking. That didn't make sense to me. Why were there so many people? But as we cleared the rise, I saw why.
A total of seven figures were spread around a still-fresh grave. There was Raphael, and Meliorn – the faerie guard – and Magnus. And then there were –
"Shadowhunters!" I cried in relief. It had been so long and I was so tired of unnatural Fey.
"Jaci?" asked my sister cautiously.
"Clary!" I ran to her. She looked tired and upset but otherwise okay. Only one day. "I missed you so much!"
"Jaci?" Isabelle sounded surprised. "You're back? They've let you go?"
"Temporarily," I told her, carefully keeping my eyes away from the grave. "Only for a few hours."
"Well that's not so bad, then," she said encouragingly. "You've only been there for a day."
"If only," I muttered. "Time doesn't work the same for faeries."
And then I couldn't see Isabelle anymore. The world had gone dark and warm and close. It was Jace, holding me silently.
I stopped pretending that it was no big deal and that I wasn't scared or lonely. I stopped pretending that it hadn't actually felt like forty days.
"I'm never losing you again," he whispered.
"Jace," I began. "Jace, I can't stay. They aren't letting me go."
He pulled away from me abruptly and studied my face. "What do you mean."
"They're not done training me," I whispered, unsure if I was allowed to share all of this. "But I'm working on getting out."
His eyes darted towards where Caelia stood and he immediately began to lead me away. "Explain."
"Bossy much?" I joked half-heartedly.
He didn't respond.
"The Queen can manipulate time within the Court," I explained as quickly as I could. "I'm going to request that she makes it move faster than it already does so that I can get through this training as quickly as possible. She plans to use me as an ambassador to the Clave so she won't keep me cooped up forever."
A muscle in his jaw twitched. "I don't like it," he admitted. "The Queen can still draw you back at any time."
I sighed and rested my head against his shoulder. "I know, but it's better than this."
"You've only been gone for a day," he pointed out, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.
"It's been over a month for me," I said sadly. And it felt like a heck of a lot more.
"Jace! Jaci!" It was Isabelle.
Catching the urgency in her tone, we were both back to the gravesite in seconds. And I immediately knew why she had shouted. Beneath the earth, a steady pounding had begun. It sounded almost like someone knocking and I couldn't help but shiver.
"It is cold," Magnus pointed out. He then seemed to jump visibly. "My Shadowhunter!"
"No," Caelia snapped, appearing suddenly in front of him, "my Shadowhunter."
"What have you done with her?" Magnus stepped around the faerie and grabbed my wrists, holding them out away from my body. "You've made her all muscly and warriorish." He took my shoulders and spun me around. "I don't think I like it," he announced. "She wasn't so rigid before."
His comment made me panic. Had I really changed? Was I losing myself?
"She's still Jaci," Clary said loudly.
I can't think of a time when I was more grateful to my baby sister. But I didn't have long to contemplate it since the earth heaved suddenly, causing as all to stumble back. The only one present who didn't seem surprised by the sudden motion was Raphael.
The vampire grinned terribly. "So, the fledgling has decided to rise."
"Do you picture a fluffy duck with fangs every time he says fledgling, too?" Clary asked, appearing suddenly beside me.
I forced myself to look at the grave. "Something like that. I definitely don't picture Simon, though."
And then the earth broke into chaos. The dirt over the grave moved like a live thing, constantly changing. It made me feel sick.
"This isn't right," Isabelle whispered.
"It's a vampire rising," Jace muttered back. "Of course it isn't."
He was right. Simon shouldn't've been a vampire, he still should've been Simon. This should't've happened. I should've stopped it. But I'd been forgetting the books and the fact that I could call all the shots before they were ever fired. I'd nearly forgotten Jaelyn Flynn and my original family.
Suddenly, not really sure how I'd gotten there, I found myself crouched by the edge of the grave, muttering.
Time stopped making sense then because the next thing I was aware of, was Jace dragging me back as a dirt covered Simon got to his feet and then stumbled and fell.
"Simon!" Clary cried. She lunged forward, nearly falling in the turned earth, and made her way to Simon's side.
"Clary, get back!" I shouted.
She didn't see that Simon wasn't right, that there was something terribly off. And before she had a chance to back up, Simon had lunged at her, exposing her neck. I could see his fangs.
And then he was gone. Pulled off by Raphael.
"He doesn't know me," Clary gasped.
"He knows you," Raphael responded. "He just doesn't care. He is starving. He needs blood."
The vampire cast a look over all of us and I realized with surprise that everyone had prepared to attack Simon in order to save Clary. Meliorn had an arrow notched to his bow aimed at Simon while Caelia held a glittering knife. Beside me, Isabelle was calmly recoiling her whip and I heard the rasp of metal as Jace put away one of his numerous daggers.
"Alec," Jace said in a commanding tone.
At this cue, Alec tossed a plastic bag to Raphael. Even though I hadn't seen, I knew that inside the bag were packets of blood and the truth of what was about to happen began to sink in. Simon the vegetarian was about to taste his first blood.
"Come," commanded the crisp voice of my personal faerie. "You have stayed long enough."
I turned to argue with her but her expression was set.
"Please," I said.
"I cannot go against the Queen's orders," Caelia responded. "Say goodbye. Actually, there isn't time for that." She grabbed my arm with unexpected force, and pulled me away.
"Jaci!" Jace shouted. I saw him reach for me and then the cemetery was gone and I was back at the pond. The shock of the sudden change of scenery made the scene I had just witnessed so much worse.
Only one day for them.
Over a month for me.
And who knew how long it would be before I was able to leave again.
"I hate you," I said quietly as I followed Caelia to the center of the pond.
"Me personally or the Fey?"
I closed my eyes as I stepped backwards into the reflection of the moon. "Both."
