Kiara found Fenris in a quiet corner of the gardens. In itself, this was not altogether surprising. What gave her pause was that he seemed to be playing with Spero. Fenris. Playing. He sat beneath a willow tree, smiling the very same self-satisfied half-smile she would have thrown a hundred games of Wicked Grace just to see again back when she thought she never would, teasing the kitten in his lap with a long blade of grass.
She cleared her throat and watched the way Fenris instantly schooled his amusement into something far more neutral. So different from Amelle, who never hid her mirth—only her magic.
"Hawke," Fenris said, inclining his head slightly.
"Fenris," she replied, crossing the distance between them, her slippered feet sinking gently into the soft grass. Mindful of her skirts, she carefully settled herself beside him. "How are you feeling?"
"As well as I felt yesterday, and the day before that."
She nudged him with a gentle elbow, "Which is to say you're sick of people asking how you're feeling?"
With level, unblinking gaze and lips unsmiling, the expression was so utterly, perfectly Fenris she couldn't help smiling. "Even so."
Kiara addressed the kitten, at that moment wrestling with the blade of grass. She wasn't sure who was winning, but the grass seemed to have a slight edge. "I think he's feeling better, Spero. Don't you?"
Spero's only reply was to chew upon the blade's end.
Fenris sighed, the sound tinged with long-suffering, though Kiara didn't know how genuine it was anymore. "Amelle daily reminds me I spent three days asleep—"
"Poisoned, Fenris."
"—and must take care not to indulge any of my rasher impulses."
She wondered what rasher impulses Amelle had advised he stay away from and then, fighting a sudden blush, decided she didn't really want to know. It's Fenris, she told herself sternly. If Amelle let him, he'd be in the practice yard beating the stuffing out of a practice dummy. It doesn't mean anything… like that. "Only daily?" she said lightly, hoping she didn't betray the actual direction of her thoughts. "Maker, she's slipping. I'd imagine she'd be reminding you of something like that once an hour."
Fenris looked troubled for a moment, but seemed to push aside whatever thoughts had surfaced. Kiara watched him struggle with it for a few seconds before saying his name and snapping him out of whatever reverie he'd fallen into.
"It is nothing, Hawke. Merely… a memory of my illness. Nothing more."
Kiara nodded, suppressing a shiver of her own as she thought about her experience with Maker's Light. All she truly recalled were strange, disjointed flashes and images—not quite memories, not quite dreams, but some haunting combination of the two.
"She was… very worried," Kiara said.
He looked down at Spero, now on her back, tiny paws with tiny pink pads and tiny curved claws flailing as she played with the piece of grass.
"She does not wish to speak of it," he finally said, still watching the kitten. His brows drew together in a frown. "I find myself wondering if she was well enough to undertake such a strain. I… saw much that troubled me during your absence in Kirkwall."
"I heard about the nosebleeds."
Fenris nodded, but did not elaborate, and his silence made her wonder if there was even more to the story she wasn't being told.
"As it happens," she said lightly, clearing her throat, "do you know where my sister is?"
He rested his head against the tree trunk, and she'd never seen her friend so at ease. Relaxed. "I believe she wished to speak with Sebastian."
"So it's safe to assume she's otherwise occupied?"
Fenris looked at her, his gaze unerringly level. "For the time being."
"Good."
He shot her a questioning glance, which Kiara answered with a bright smile. At her smile, Fenris' look went from questioning to wary in less than a heartbeat.
"Why is that?" he asked evenly, striving—she could hear it—to sound utterly neutral. He might've fooled anyone else, but she wasn't just anyone and she clearly heard suspicion in the timbre of his voice.
"Because it so happens I wish to speak with you about the small matter of my sister and I would rather she not interrupt."
Kiara couldn't be certain, but she would have sworn she saw the elf blush.
When he didn't say anything, Kiara continued, "Truly, you ought to thank the Maker for small mercies, Fenris. If Carver were still alive…"
"Hawke…"
"Don't hurt her." Kiara meant it to sound like a command—if Carver had been alive to defend his sister's honor, or whatever he would have called it, it would have sounded like a command—but instead the words held a pleading quality she couldn't quite control.
Fenris' brow furrowed. "I would never wish to cause your sister harm. Indeed, I would shield her from pain if it were in my power to do so, but—"
Kiara shook her head on a wry chuckle. "Always so literal, Fenris."
Fenris bowed his head. The sunlight through the leaves threw dappled green shadows across his white hair. "I have already caused your sister pain. It was unconsciously done, but it was done nonetheless. She has… forgiven me."
"But you haven't forgiven yourself?"
"It is difficult."
"The things worth doing too often are," she replied, drawing her knees up and wrapping her arms around her legs. "Fenris, she's a mage."
"She is Amelle."
Kiara worried her bottom lip and said quietly, "But she's a mage. I need to know… you can't care for someone—not really—if you would change who they are, or if there's part of them you pretend doesn't exist."
He looked down at the kitten and rubbed his thumb along the spot between Spero's eyes; after a moment, the faintest ghost of a smile warmed his lips, as if he were reliving a pleasant memory.
"I would not unmake her," he said quietly, still looking at the kitten. "I would not change her. Even if I could. She is Amelle. She is infuriatingly stubborn, rash, reckless, and headstrong—but if she were none of these things, I would not be here right now."
"But she's a mage."
"Indeed. And that is every bit a part of who she is as her stubbornness." He looked up and regarded her shrewdly. "I confess, this conversation runs counter to what I was expecting."
"You were expecting—"
He shrugged. "I believed you would wish to have words with me, once you found out."
"Oh."
"Not so very long ago, Hawke, you would have been urging me to see past that which makes a mage a mage."
"Well. That's precisely my point, isn't it? This whole thing is… it's a surprise. Maker, what did my little sister say while I was gone to charm you so—" Fenris' eyebrow arched suddenly with something very akin to affront, leaving Kiara with the distinct feeling she'd misstepped.
"You believe my feelings for your sister are a result of a few weeks spent in each other's company." The words were spoken with such a chill there was no way it could have been a question—it was an accusation. Kiara blinked as a snatch of conversation uttered over a glass of wine, in front of a roaring fire came to mind.
"She must take better care."
"Amelle knows her limitations, Fenris. I daresay I'm more likely to end an abomination than she is, magic or not."
"You misunderstand me. I speak out of concern for her wellbeing, not because I fear she'll fall to a demon's lures."
"Maker's bloody balls," Kiara muttered, resisting the urge to cover her face with her hands. "This isn't a new development, is it?"
"Perhaps not quite so long in the making as your relationship with the prince of Starkhaven, but… no, I would not use the word new."
"So much for the fabled eagle-eyes of the rogue." Kiara groaned. "My failure to observe, oh, you know, massive emotional changes is giving me something of a complex."
Again Fenris' lips quirked in the slight half-smile that might have been a grin on a different man's face. "I did take some care my feelings might go unperceived, Hawke. I was… as you say, your sister is a mage. My feelings about mages I never tried to hide. I did not think she could…" This time Kiara knew she wasn't imagining the blush that stained his cheekbones. "In any case, I was proven wrong."
"So you're… this isn't… it's not some kind of temporary thing?"
"Are you asking me my intentions toward your sister?"
Kiara lifted her chin and arched an eyebrow. "If I am?"
Fenris looked thoughtful. At his side, Spero spun in a circle, chasing her own tail. Entranced by her own hindquarters, the kitten tumbled down a slight hill and then staggered to her feet, looking somehow offended. "I would follow her to the Void. I am hers, as long as she will have me."
"Oh," Kiara said, tears welling in her eyes.
"Hawke," Fenris said, with no small amount of distaste, "you are not weeping."
"Of course not!" she snapped, dashing away the tears before they could have a chance to fall. At Fenris' impassive look she rolled her eyes and shook her head briskly. "All right, yes, fine, I am."
He made no effort to hide his wonder. "Why?"
She knew she could not explain it. Not in a way he might accept. When she'd met him, all those years ago, she'd understood him. Understood the running, the hiding, the fear, the reluctance to trust. Her life, her father's life, her sister's life had been consumed with the same ever-pressing concerns. She'd spent her whole life worrying about Amelle losing herself to the lonely fate of an apostate. It hadn't taken long before she found herself worrying just as much about him, for much the same reason. Fenris, her dear friend who, when freedom was finally his, realized his hunger for vengeance had made that freedom taste like ashes upon his tongue.
And now it seemed neither he nor Amelle ever needed face that lonely life. Not, she hoped, as long as they had each other.
But she said none of this. She merely sniffled and dabbed at her eyes with the scented handkerchief Tasia forced her to carry and said, "I'm just—just glad, all right?"
Spero picked her way through the grass and crouched, wiggling her hindquarters a second before launching herself into the air and landing in a sprawl upon Fenris' lap. He didn't quite smile, managing to look fondly amused all the same. Running a finger down the kitten's spine, he murmured, "I confess I am relieved."
Kiara watched the kitten bat at Fenris' fingers, amused at this side of him she'd never seen before. She never would have guessed Fenris of all people could become enamored of a kitten.
"Relieved?" she asked suddenly, looking up. "Why?"
"I'm an elf and a former slave. I do not doubt my usefulness as a warrior, however…" he trailed off. "She is your sister, and I know no one is dearer to you."
"So you thought I'd say you're good enough to watch my back and risk your life, but not good enough for my little sister?"
He inclined his head and met her gaze evenly. "I am undeserving of her. It would have been no surprise to discover you felt the same way."
Quick as she could—one always had to be quick to defeat Fenris' reflexes, but luckily he was preoccupied with the kitten—Kiara punched him on the arm. He glanced from her face to her fist and back to her face again. "At least I'm not the only one completely missing the emotional signals all over the place," she retorted. "Glad to know I'm in good company."
He peered up at her through the fall of his hair. "Missing the emotional signals?"
"Fenris," she said. "You are relentlessly stubborn and sharp-tongued and yes, occasionally broody. But you are also loyal and brave and, though you rarely speak it, I know you care deeply. About more things than simply the horrors of Tevinter. Somehow you seem to have missed the part where you realize you're more than just the warrior at my back." Fenris frowned slightly and Kiara rolled her eyes. "Surely you don't think I share the good vintages with just anyone. I don't give a bloody damn that you're an elf or a former slave. You are my best friend. You've been unhappy almost as long as I've known you, and if you think I haven't noticed or been affected by it, you're wrong. I'm happy for you as much as for her."
Fenris rubbed at his arm where she'd punched him, brow furrowed. "So you… approve?"
"That's what I said, isn't it?"
"I suppose. With your characteristic overabundance of words."
She snorted, leaning back against the tree, shoulder to shoulder with him. "We don't all have your talent for brevity, my friend." Then she tilted her head and sent Fenris a sly, sidelong smile. "Is that how you won over my sister? Being the strong, silent type?"
He didn't look up, save glancing at her from the corner of his eye. "You are attempting to bait me, Hawke."
"No, I'm attempting to tease you. Entirely different." Fenris looked skeptical and Kiara nudged him with her shoulder. "Oh, come on. You're in love with my sister—you're practically family now. Teasing comes with the territory."
She wasn't sure whether it was the fact that she'd called him family or her use of the phrase in love, but something made Fenris jerk and go completely still. Kiara watched carefully, and waited. She'd botched the big signs sure enough, but she still did a fair job of reading the smaller ones now she knew what to look for. Fenris' hands weren't moving, and Spero was doing her best to wrestle the elf's index finger into submission. The tiny kitten bit down on the pad of his finger, sinking her fangs in—that was enough to make Fenris react, pulling his hand away and shaking it, glaring at the dark blood welling up.
"Didn't think about that part, did you?"
His reply came out sounding vaguely strangled. "I'm sorry?"
"The part where we'd be family," she answered breezily. "Officially, actually family."
His voice went softer then, more introspective. "No, I… confess I did not."
She noticed Fenris did not contradict the other portion of her statement, and she smiled, able to imagine only too clearly Carver's crooked grin. Good one, she could almost hear him say. Can't let him off too easy…
"Of course, that means you'll also have to call Gamlen family. But then, you've got to take the bad with the—"
"Hawke."
"Hmmm?"
He frowned at her, but it was a different sort of frown this time. It was uncertain and puzzled and not a little pensive. "What you're talking about would only come to pass if…"
She let the silence hang for a few moments. "Well. I did ask what your intentions were. Sort of. At least I insinuated I would like to know what your intentions are."
"Now you are trying to bait me."
"I would never."
Fenris did not have to say a word. His eyebrow spoke clearly, and it was saying I don't believe a word out of your mouth.
"Fine," Kiara admitted. "I might be baiting you a little. Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for Amelle to bring home a boy for me to tease? That the boy she brought home is you is only icing on the cake, really. I already know exactly what to say to get under your skin."
A shadow passed over Fenris' face, but he quickly turned away and rescued Spero before the kitten could flip head over tail down the little hill again. When he spoke, he directed his query to the kitten, who blinked up at him and yawned widely, showing her tiny teeth. "Do you not think this is perhaps a conversation I ought to first have with your sister?"
"I don't know. If you run things by me, I could tell you if you're going to put your foot in your mouth."
"Hawke…"
"It's Gamlen, isn't it? He ruins everything. I don't blame you for wanting to avoid him. I would if I could." Kiara made a face. "I suppose one day someone will tell him his niece is going to be Princess of Starkhaven. I dread thinking of how much some unscrupulous moneylender might forward him based on that little tidbit."
"Perhaps it will mitigate the distress when he learns the other niece cares for an elf who was once a Magister's slave."
Kiara leaned her cheek against Fenris' shoulder and smiled up at him. He gave her a slight scowl—one of the friendlier ones—but didn't pull away. "That's my Fenris," she said lightly. "Always looking on the bright side."
Fenris huffed a laugh.
Closing her eyes, Kiara felt the breeze cool on her cheeks. She almost thought she smelled autumn on the air, and though the leaves were still green she knew they would be turning soon. "Everything is changing, Fenris."
"Everything is always changing, Hawke."
Kiara felt a slight tug at her skirts, and when she opened her eyes and looked down it was to see Spero valiantly attempting to scale the fabric-draped mountain of her drawn-up legs. She rescued her before she could do irreparable damage to her dress and send Tasia into fits. Holding Spero in her cupped hands, without looking away from the kitten's unblinking gaze, she said, "Fenris, is she planning on leaving?"
Fenris frowned, and though she knew there could be a million different reasons for that frown, starting with, "No, and you're mad for asking," somehow she didn't think that was the case. It was taking him too long to answer, which meant he was thinking. If the answer had been an unmitigated negative, there would have been no such pause.
"You do not ask easy questions."
Something about Fenris' reply made Kiara's gut give an icy twist. "No," she said with forced lightness, "it's actually a very easy question. Pretty much yes or no. Very straightforward. And that you didn't answer it right away…"
Without meaning to, without wanting to, Kiara felt the memories surface from that horrible fight they'd had back in Kirkwall, the horrible words they'd flung at one another. Hadn't Amelle implied then that she wanted to be out of her shadow? What cast a longer shadow than being Princess of Starkhaven?
"You are wrong," Fenris said, unaware of the turn her thoughts were taking. "It is not an easy question." He fell quiet a moment and Kiara recognized this particular iteration of silence as one that did not want to betray another's confidence. "Amelle is uncertain of her place."
"Of her place in Starkhaven?"
"Of her place at all. You did not see the work she did those days in Kirkwall after you left." She began to protest, but Fenris silenced her with a shake of his head. "I am not talking of the time she spent trying to cure Kirkwall's madness. I am speaking of the days before the first signs of illness began. Even when there was nothing more exciting to be done than rolling bandages and replenishing potions, she was still content to be working in the clinic. You told me, before you left, you were leaving Amelle behind because you wanted her to smile like she did the night she delivered that woman's babe."
"I remember," answered Kiara, still looking at Spero, rubbing an index finger beneath the kitten's chin until she purred.
"She was happy doing that work, but though she was content, moments of melancholy plagued her, for you were not there to see any of what she'd done. It was evident she missed you a great deal." He sighed. "And now she… has much to consider. Anders' actions will have widespread repercussions, and she must decide for herself how she will weather the storm."
Kiara turned Spero over on her back and began scratching at her soft belly, ignoring the way the kitten batted and chewed at her fingers. "But if she stays here she'll have—"
"The protection of the prince and princess of Starkhaven?"
"Well. Yes."
"Has it perhaps occurred to you your sister might prefer to take some measure of responsibility for her own safety?"
"She's going to have you by her side."
"There is a difference between having someone by your side and having no choice but to stand behind them."
"But she's—"
"Hawke."
"You don't understand, Fenris." Kiara twisted around, the better to look him in the eye. "She's my little sister."
"I understand better than you think," he replied evenly, but the look he gave her was at once challenging and just a little bit cool, and Kiara remembered suddenly what Amelle had told her about Fenris' memories. She did not contradict him.
"I just want her to be safe," was all she finally did say, sounding every bit as wretched as she felt.
"As do I."
Kiara sighed and Spero did not object when she cuddled her closer to her chest. The kitten's tiny furry body was still skinny, but less so, and her furry warmth made something loosen inside her.
"There is also…" Fenris began uncertainly, "there is also the matter of the templar."
"Cullen."
"Yes. He will be returning to Kirkwall to face whatever repercussions may await him for abandoning his post. Your sister is troubled by this."
"As we all are, but what in bloody, blighted blue blazes does Amelle think she can do about that?"
"There is very little she can do. I have tried to make her understand this already."
Kiara shook her head, and blew the fringe out of her eyes with an exaggerated sigh. "It seemed like such a harmless request. Look after my little sister, Cullen. Don't let your templars drag her off to the Gallows, Cullen."
Fenris' gaze was level and just a bit amused. "Now you wish to take responsibility also?"
"No," Kiara replied on a faint smile. "At no point did I say 'If my sister hares off, make sure to abandon your post and follow her, Cullen.'" She shook her head. "I think Revered Mother Illona might have an idea."
"The very Revered Mother he lied to?"
Kiara snorted. "Not much gets past her. I'm pretty sure she knew what he was doing. And I'm pretty sure she was pleased he gave her an out she could take. I… we haven't had time to speak with her about it, but I hope she will not throw him to the wolves. I have some small reason to believe she won't, in any case."
The kitten rubbed her jaw against the skin left bare by Kiara's dress. She smiled down at her, but the kitten's eyes were closed. The white whiskers were ticklish. Something about the peacefulness of the tiny face prodded Kiara onward and she blurted, "It's not just that I want her to be safe, Fenris."
Fenris employed the eyebrow that clearly asked What in the Void are you going on about now?
"I don't just want Amelle to stay because I want to keep an eye on her. I want her to stay because…" Kiara swallowed hard. Still cuddled against her chest, Spero gave a bolstering mew. "Because everything is changing, and I'm scared, and I want my sister."
Fenris frowned. "What have you to be frightened of?"
"Are you kidding? I'm a just a… a bossy girl who's good with a bow. This life? This… with the responsibilities and the subterfuge and… and the politics? Out of my element doesn't begin to cover it. It's terrifying."
"But you care for Sebastian."
"Oh, I love Sebastian," she said, subtly emphasizing the word Fenris so absolutely refused to use himself. "Enough to volunteer to live this life. But that doesn't mean it frightens me any less. I'm just afraid that even if I talk to Amelle about… all of this, she'll still only hear big sister worrying about little sister. I don't need to have Amelle under my wing all day every day for the rest of our lives, but I want her to know that me wanting her around isn't only because I'm worried for her safety."
An entirely different, entirely too familiar voice piped up. "Well, maybe if you told her that, she'd listen."
Just off to the side and behind her stood Amelle, one hand on her hip, and wearing one of the most insufferable smirks Kiara had ever seen upon her sister's face. Behind her stood Kinnon, who was doing an incredibly poor job of not looking mightily amused. From the corner of her eye she saw Fenris glower a bit at the knight's presence, at which point Kinnon shot her sister a look that positively screamed of I told you so. Amelle, being Amelle, just shook her head at him, still smiling her self-satisfied smile.
Kiara closed her eyes and groaned, "Maker's balls. Fenris, you could have warned me."
"I could have," he replied mildly.
"I told her to," Kinnon said.
"He did nothing of the sort," Amelle replied pertly as she came over and dropped down onto the grass, leaning against Fenris' outstretched legs and smiling. "Besides, one hears the most illuminating things when—"
"—When one eavesdrops." Kiara sniffed. "So. What did you hear?"
The smile softened somewhat. "Enough."
"And dare I ask what you were speaking with Sebastian about?"
"Just giving my beloved sister's fiancé a few tips and tricks on how to live with Kiara Hawke and not kill her in her sleep." She gave a thoughtful frown. "And he may have just given me permission to zap Lady Caddell and her wretched daughter."
"And?"
"And I'm trying to convince my lady's sister she ought to sell tickets," Kinnon said, nodding at Kiara.
"Oh, it's tempting, certainly." Amelle inclined her head and, in a near-flawless reproduction of Aileene Caddell's voice, said, "Such a taint on the line, my dear. What good is any young lady with magic. Why, my Serie can speak three languages, play the pianoforte, and sing Orlesian opera, to say nothing of her exceptional skills upon the dance floor and—" here the act dropped and Amelle was smirking again, a positively devilish gleam in her eye, "if rumor is to be believed, behind the equipment shed in the practice yard."
"Amelle!"
From behind Kiara, Kinnon chortled. Her sister shot a conspiratorial grin at Fenris, who only shook his head, a ghost of a smile at his lips. She then looked back at Kiara, clearly pleased with herself. "Hmm?"
"I suspect your sister is curious to hear your thoughts regarding the conversation you happened upon," said Fenris, though Kiara saw clearly that the look he was giving Amelle said he was wondering much the same thing.
"Yes. I—" Kiara stopped and hesitated before blurting out, "Are you leaving?" She tried not to place too much emphasis on the question, tried not to make it sound either tremulous or accusatory.
"I haven't yet decided," Amelle answered honestly, with the sort of hesitation that accompanied difficult news rather than a lie. "But," she added, deftly plucking Spero from her sister's hands and nuzzling the kitten's head, "I am notmissing my only sister's wedding." She wiggled her fingers at Spero, smiling when the cat batted at her digits. All trace of the drowsy kitten of only a few minutes ago was gone as Spero flopped onto her side, tail twitching as the little body hung over Amelle's hand.
"Which means," her sister went on, still playing with the kitten, "we'll be here for the coronation, too. So. Coronation and wedding, and if you make me wear something hideous, I will never forgive you."
Kiara turned a wide-eyed, mock-excited look Amelle's way. "Oh, don't worry, Mely. I'm sure it will only be a little bit ruffled, and I daresay the bows won't be excessive. It will be an absolutely hideous shade of puce. Nothing for it. Starkhaven tradition."
Amelle narrowed her eyes. Kinnon laughed. A moment later, Kiara joined him. "I guess it's a good thing I've never gone in for tradition, right?"
Amelle huffed a breath. "I bet Tasia still insists on bows."
"And ruffles," Kinnon added. "No escaping a bit of ruffle."
"Surely nothing so ugly as some of the mage headgear we recovered over the years," Fenris mused. "That you refused to wear, no matter what advantages it offered."
Amelle's scowl became a giggle and she pushed herself up to press a kiss to Fenris' cheek.
Yes, Kiara thought fondly. Exactly like family.
