A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who has read, left feedback and set favorites. Your comments make this effort all worthwhile, and I appreciate them very much!

A big hug and kiss to sherryola for pre-reading and to katmom, for keeping an eagle's eye on my words. I shudder to think what this stuff would look like without their help...brrrrrr :-)

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters, we're only hanging out in her timeshare. No copyright infringement is intended.


Ch. 16 – Climbing

Extra sensitive vampire senses were both a blessing and a curse. One morning, Edward and I were both in our room doing homework, and while the ranch house was good sized and split-level, sound traveled fairly well. Because of this, I overheard a conversation between Tanya and Alice that I wished I hadn't. They must have been in Tanya's room on the other side of the house but I could hear them just fine.

"Alice, Bella and Edward were married not long ago, right?" It was Tanya's alto.

"Yes, in the middle of August," Alice's high voice answered.

"Are they all right?"

"What do you mean?" From the tone I could picture the puzzled frown on Alice's face.

"Well, they don't seem to be very…active, if you know what I mean." Now I could imagine the leer on Tanya's lips. I snuck a glance at Edward and saw he was just as aware of the conversation as I was. He sat holding my hand to deaden his mind-reading while he read his textbook, but his eyes were still, not scanning the page. Then furtively, he let go of my hand to turn the page, but didn't take my hand again, allowing the use of his other hearing.

"Tanya!" Alice replied in shock. "I have better things to do–"

"No, really," Tanya interrupted. "When Laurent was here, it was almost embarrassing, and it takes a lot to embarrass me. I would have thought that, being newlyweds, they would be breaking the bed right and left."

"Give her a break; Bella's still adjusting to this life. It's been a little difficult for her. And she did injure him the last time, remember?"

Tanya made a dismissive sound. "Some of us like it rough. Does she have any idea how hard it is to find the right man? I do and I've been looking for a thousand years. She can learn to control herself. I did!"

I heard a sound like someone shifting uncomfortably in her seat. "Well, she's young, even by human standards," Alice explained. "But she's made some fairly big decisions. Do you remember if you chose to be changed?"

Tanya's silence indicated her thinking. "No, I've let those memories go."

"None of us really chose this life, and she did. She loved Edward enough to walk away from her parents to join him."

"Then what's the problem? If this is what she wanted, she should be happy." Tanya's tone was incredulous.

"It's…complicated," Alice defended me. "She just needs some time to get used to things."

Tanya snorted. "All I know is, if she doesn't want Edward, I'm more than happy to help out."

"Tanya, they're married!" Alice objected.

"All the more reason for her to act that way."

I looked up from my history textbook with guilty eyes. I hadn't thought about the possibility of Edward straying, especially with a beautiful and willing vampire close by. The look on Edward's face told me he had heard every word that Tanya had said, as well as every raunchy thought that probably went with them. My lips trembling with anxiety, I spoke as softly as I could so as not to be overheard in return.

"Edward? Do you… Did you ever…" I stopped and bit my lip. "If you wanted to–"

"Hush," Edward whispered back.

"But didn't she ask you before–" Edward leaned over and placed a fingertip over my lips.

"Ever since I set eyes upon you, I've seen no one else," he whispered softly and quickly. "Even before I knew that I loved you, I was up here, with Tanya right in front of me, yet all I could see was you. Your eyes, your smile, your face, your hair." He brushed some of my wayward locks back and tucked them behind my ear. "And you're the only one I'll ever want to see."

I cast my eyes downward. "But if I'm not able to satisfy you…"

Again, Edward shushed me with a gentle finger. Then he put his arms around me and pulled me close, tucking my head under his chin.

"There's more to love and marriage than sex, you know. This is enough for now," he said softly. "I've waited this long for you. I'll wait an eternity if that's what you need."

I raised my head and kissed his cheek. "I still don't deserve you–"

Edward stopped me again, this time with a quick kiss. "Enough with the deserving nonsense. This is more of you than I ever thought I would have at one point in my life.

"You did surprise me, that first time. And honestly, I realized I was looking forward to that part of married life because I missed the idea of it. If you hadn't introduced me to it, I wouldn't have known what I was missing. But after thinking it through, it's clear I still have much to be thankful for. You still love me." Edward paused and questioned me with his eyes. I nodded my head quickly. "I can finally be with you and hold you without worrying about killing you by accident." He gave me a hearty squeeze and kissed the top of my head.

"Your scent doesn't make me want to kill you anymore," he continued as he buried his nose in my hair and inhaled deeply. A low, happy moan escaped him. "But you still smell wonderful. And if Jacob could persevere for you, could I do any less? If I haven't learned patience in one-hundred years, I'm really going to have trouble later in life."

I sat quietly for a long moment, thinking of his original objections to my joining him in immortality. "What about the soul thing, and the afterlife?" I asked.

His brows drew together briefly, then he slowly shrugged. "What you said before on the subject set me to thinking, so I did a little research while I was recuperating. All the myths and legends I could find about my kind tend to be based in sorcery, demonology or other supernatural origin. If any of them were true, then quite possibly we would have no souls. But I'm no eldritch creature – I was born human, I didn't come from the abyss. Neither were you, yet here you are, a vampire like me. So, if I had a soul as a human, there's no reason I shouldn't have one now. And if humans have no souls, well, we're no worse off than we were before.

"Either way, at least we'll be together." He seemed to think a bit more. "I also have a theory."

"About what?"

"About why my voice seems to be able to reach you when you're enraged," he remarked as he ran a fingertip along the outside of my ear. It tickled so I pulled my head away. "You haven't had an episode for a while, but that's the one thing that seems to help you come back to yourself."

"What's your theory?" I whispered.

He caught my eyes and held them with his own. "I think the connection between you and me is stronger than you think. No matter what state you're in, your subconscious knows my voice and loves me completely, which is why my voice can bring you back from a full-blown rage." He dropped his gaze and brushed his fingers across the nape of my neck. "That's why you need to stop doubting that we belong together."

The touch of his fingers sent a slight shiver down my neck, which made me think of the other side of my control problems. "But what about the other kind of episode? That's related to love, not anger. Do you think you'd be able to talk me down from that? I mean, when I lost it that time, it was too late."

Edward's eyes grew troubled as he considered that. "You may be right; we were too close together. I…I'm not sure what we could do about that."

I looked up at him unhappily. "I asked Emmett if anything like this had happened to him and Rosalie. I figured, since he's so strong, he would have crushed her as a newborn."

A thoughtful frown creased his marble brow. "That would make sense." Edward put his hand to his chin and rubbed it. "But that didn't happen with them, as they didn't start getting together as a couple until after he settled down."

"That's what he told me."

Edward took my hand and sat against the back of his chair. "You and I were mates long before you were changed. I'm thinking that because you brought your love for me into this life, maybe the change touched it too, and altered it so the newborn reactions can trigger an episode, when your emotions are strong."

It was my turn to frown as I thought about that, but I didn't have anything to refute it. "So, what can we do about that?"

Edward gazed at me for a while, then scratched his head and looked down. "I'm not sure, love. This is new to me as well. But since you seem to be getting some control over your rage, I can only surmise that your body will outgrow this extreme response to passion."

He leaned in, kissed my nose and touched his forehead to mine. "We'll just have to wait a little longer," he whispered.

I pouted a little, and my chest seemed to tighten up. What he said made sense, but it didn't make me feel better. Just knowing that I still couldn't have all of him made me want him even more, and I put my arms lightly around him. I wanted to pull him closer right now, but forced myself not to do anything. It would be so much better if I could be sure he could protect himself from me. Then a thought came to me and a mischievous smile touched my lips. "Have you been practicing?" I asked.

"You should know," he answered, wondering where this was coming from. "Why?"

"Because I'm going to find out if you're ticklish!" I said, and slowly reached for his side. His ribs were completely healed long ago.

"No, you don't!" Edward cried, and dropped his hand to intercept mine.

I reached with my other hand, but he stopped that one, too. Quickly, I swiped off his hand and switched it to the other but he dropped both hands, trapping mine. Suddenly the chairs tumbled backwards as we both surged to our feet, trading blows that didn't reach their mark, sliding hands aside as we tried to defeat each other's defenses. I tried to do as Eleazar said – to let the hands flow and find their own way. But like the ballerina's partner in a pas de deux, Edward's hands matched mine step for step and kept me out. After a long tussle with neither of us gaining the upper-hand or giving way, we finally came to a stop, hands crossed at the wrists, both waiting for the other to make a move. Stalemate.

A big smile of satisfaction spread across my face and Edward's lips turned into the lopsided grin that I loved so much. The two of us burst out laughing. Edward's eyes were bright, a happier look on his face than I had seen in a long time. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but then an uncertain expression flitted across and he let go first. Quickly, he regained his composure and smiled again.

"Bella, are you dead-set on doing homework?" he asked.

I couldn't stop grinning either. "What are you thinking of?"

"A change of scenery," he answered. "When we first got here I asked if you wanted to go hike Mount McKinley. Why don't we go for a little walk? The views up there can be quite spectacular."

"Sure," I said eagerly, feeling a little better about our situation. "It's a date."

= = = CR = = = CR = = =

Before we left to go hiking, Edward took me hunting. Normal humans took three to four weeks to get from the base camp to the summit, if they made the summit at all. They had to move in increments, transporting their supplies to the next higher camp and getting acclimated to that altitude before they could move on. The record for a human to get to the top of Denali was four days. Edward figured we could do it in one or two. We didn't need to carry any supplies and we weren't affected by the thin atmosphere. But there wouldn't be anything to hunt above the tree line. Even mountain goats lived only so high on the barren slopes of Denali. Edward would be able to last but I needed to eat before we left.

We outfitted ourselves with climbing equipment, just in case we were seen by other climbers. Peak climbing season for Denali was June–July for humans; during that brief window the weather was marginally better. But sometimes there were climbers even in winter – adventurous souls brave, skilled or foolhardy enough to venture out on the mountain in extreme conditions. Record low temperatures on the mountain were –75 degrees Fahrenheit with wind-chill bringing it as low as –118 degrees F.

We needed to carry, at the least, a backpack, ice axe, rope, climbing harness and crampons as basic safety equipment. Even vampire strength, speed and agility didn't give us some kind of supernatural ability to find footholds on slick ice. The hooded parka and goggles would help hide our faces, but the sleeping bags and tent strapped to the backpacks were purely for show. Extra rope and the climbing harness were stowed in the backpacks; the harness would be strapped on over our winter clothes when we started climbing. Humans also used sleds to drag their gear with them, but we wouldn't need that. The human who had scaled Denali in four days had carried only the minimum of equipment.

Edward unfolded a map of the mountain and the surrounding region. With his finger, he indicated the route we would be taking. Denali lay west-southwest from Healy, through the Denali National Park. We would be approaching from the east side, and would have to cross a number of hills, rivers and snowfields before we even reached the base of the mountain. As we climbed the mountain, we would take a southerly turn to follow a snowfield between Mt. Carpe and Pioneer Ridge. Finally we would pass under the forbidding face of the North Peak on our way to the summit.

It only took Edward a few minutes to program the route into his portable GPS. And as we prepared our equipment, he cautioned me about the hazards of climbing Denali.

"We don't have to worry about many things that human mountain climbers do," he was saying. "For one thing, the climate is no longer an issue. That is the main factor determining the success or failure of many climbs, as well as the fitness and skill of the climber. We have far more strength than we need to do this climb, and don't suffer from altitude sickness.

"But we still have some concerns. An avalanche can sweep us away, and a crevasse can swallow us just as easily as a human. Rock falls could be a problem if they're big enough. I've done the climb before, and I wouldn't take you up there if I didn't think we could do it safely. But we do need to be on our guard."

"You know, this might surprise you but I'm looking forward to it," I admitted. I had come quite far from our first date in the meadow, when I dreaded the thought of a five-mile hike.

Edward raised an eyebrow and looked at me, speculating. "Who knew you would take to physical endeavors like this?"

"It's not me," I disagreed. "This body let's me do more than I ever thought I could do. It's like taking a test drive and finding out you're in a sports car when you were expecting an old jalopy."

Edward laughed at the analogy and handed me a pair of snow shoes designed for running on snow. He stowed his GPS, gave the straps on his pack one final tug and shouldered it. "Come on, let's take you out for a spin," he said with a smirk.

I laughed, shouldered my pack and followed him out of the store room. We waved to Jasper and Eleazar, who were working out in the front yard again. Alice was reclined in a lawn chair, working on some more designs while she watched them.

Outfitted like astronauts in our winter gear, we set out at vampire jogging speed for the mountain, headed west into Denali National Park. There was one road from the Healy area into the park, but private vehicles were not allowed to drive in past a certain point, so we would hoof it. One thing about climbing Denali, you really can't get lost – it's the biggest mountain on the entire Alaska Range and visible for miles on a clear day. Today the mountain was shrouded behind a thick overcast, only the foothills visible below the mist. It wasn't snowing at the moment, but it seemed that a light sneeze was all it would take for it to start.

While we were running along, we saw a large herd of caribou; the migration to the wintering grounds was underway. I was surprised to see a few Arctic fox, which were supposedly very shy.

I settled into my run, relishing the feeling of unbridled freedom as the tundra held no obstacles to me. Rough ground, snow, hummocks, ridges, streams, low-lying hills and a few small rivers proved to be just passing scenery under our feet. Edward kept pace at my side, showing absolutely no sign of effort.

After about an hour and a half of running, we reached Wonder Lake. Parts of the lake were frozen over, the unfrozen bits taking on a steel grey shade from the overcast sky.

"One of the sights we'll probably never see," Edward indicated the lake with his hand, "is the summit of the mountain reflected in the lake. But that needs a very clear day."

"Too much sun," I commented.

Edward nodded, a bit wistfully. "And people do come here in summer, for camping and recreation. I've seen pictures – it's quite beautiful. Like the mountain is standing on its head."

We needed to cross the McKinley River, which flowed out of the hills and passed by Wonder Lake, some small streams feeding from the lake into the river. The river had cut a small channel in the landscape on its journey to the sea, and lay in a low valley. As we prepared to cross the river, we hopped off the bluff without looking, expecting to just slide down the other side…and almost landed on a bear.

Edward had gotten no warning, since the bear did not have human thoughts for him to hear, and the wind hadn't been blowing in the right direction to bring the bear's scent to us. The startled bear went instantly defensive, and I was the closest to it.

Surprisingly, I felt rather detached as I focused on the roaring, charging bear. The rage instinct hovered in the back of my mind but I was able to push it back and keep it there. As the bear drew close enough to strike, I side-stepped, brushed the ripping claws aside and stepped in with a two-handed push at the shoulder. The bear flew sideways, rolling over and over until it came to a stop against a small spruce tree.

I sensed Edward stepping up beside me. "My turn," he spoke. I glanced at him and he had a tight, eager smile on his face. As I turned back to the bear, I noticed two cubs cowering about thirty yards from us near some fallen trees.

"Don't hurt her," I muttered, and stepped back. "She's got babies."

Edward gave the cubs a quick glance. "All right," he agreed.

Before we could disengage, the bear gave itself a shake, and came at us again with a thunderous roar. Since the bear was protecting offspring, it wouldn't stop until it drove us off, killed us, or was killed itself.

The bear reared up to its full height and brought its huge paws down in a crushing blow, jaws gaping wide. Edward stepped in, grasped a paw, turned and levered the bear into a hip throw. The bear flew twenty yards through the air into a blueberry bush, knocking off the snow that partially covered it.

Instantly I was at Edward's side. "Let's go," I urged him.

Edward nodded and we turned and left before the bear could get up. After we jumped the river and climbed the opposing river bank, I stopped and looked back. As I watched, the cubs rejoined their mother and they were sniffing noses. We were quickly forgotten.

"I didn't know you were a nature lover," Edward chuckled at me.

"Not especially." I shrugged. "But I wasn't thirsty and she was just protecting her cubs."

"And you handled yourself very well there." He grinned in appreciation.

I answered his grin with my own and cocked my head to look up at him. "You weren't too bad yourself."

"You didn't feel yourself losing control at all?"

"I could still feel the anger in the back of my mind, but I was able to hold it off."

His grin grew eager. "That's great, Bella. You see? It didn't take that long for you to regain control of yourself."

I shook my head. "We'll see. I won't feel comfortable until it's all gone. You know, considering you can't hear a bear coming, that meant no cheating. If we had just gotten you a bear as a training partner, I wouldn't have needed to learn this stuff for you." I couldn't help teasing him. I seemed to be in an oddly cheerful mood today.

"That might have worked until you got hungry and ate my partner," he said with a smirk.

I stuck my tongue out at him. "Come on, let's go." We resumed our trek towards the mountain.

The South Peak was an easier climb than the North Peak, so we were headed for that. We followed the trail for another half-hour, running over hills, crossing streams and snowfields. As the trail reached the foothills of Denali and started to slope upward, Edward suddenly stopped in his tracks and held out his hand to me.

"Quick, Bella, jump!" he whispered to me, and took a long standing jump into the trees off the side of the trail. I hesitated only a moment before I jumped after him. He crouched down behind some stunted spruce trees and I followed suit. "Hold your breath, love," he directed me.

I held my breath and before too long, I saw the need for the precautions – three climbers were walking down the trail we were climbing up. The jump off the trail left no footprints leading to us in case they happened to be observant. They were dragging sleds filled with their gear, as well as carrying full packs. The three men passed our hiding place, chatting happily now that they could see the base of the mountain. I wondered how high they had been able to climb.

After they had passed out of sight and earshot, I said to Edward, "Humans are kinda nuts, aren't they?"

"How so?"

"It's pretty cold right now, and I can only imagine it's colder at the top. And they want to go mountain climbing?"

Edward shrugged. "It's actually not the craziest thing I've seen them do."

"What would the craziest thing be?" I wondered.

"Honestly? Falling in love with a vampire," he glanced down at me with a slight half-smile, but turned his head away from me before I could reply. "We should be safe enough to go now."

As I followed him back onto the trail, I didn't know what to say to that. I was feeling better, now that I knew that he could mostly protect himself from me. And while I wasn't out of the woods yet, I had better control over my rage episodes. Now all that was left was getting control of my other episodes, and the issue of how I felt about what happened on my first hunt. But they were big pieces of the puzzle.

I hadn't thought about killing Mike and Jessica in some time, probably repressing it. Even though I had talked it out with Alice and determined to try and make amends, there was no escape from vampire recall. The image of Mike and Jess' bodies, still flushed with life, were etched in my memory in excruciating detail. Hanging limply from her wrist, the silver puppy charm on Jess' bracelet lay in the dirt with its feet in the air, and her fingertips were inches away from Mike's – separated now for the rest of eternity. With some effort, I pushed the image out of my mind and swallowed the bubble of regret and loathing that rose in my chest.

I'll make up for it, I swear.

Everyone, from Alice to Edward, and even Rosalie, had said I wasn't a bad person. For a vampire. But it was so ingrained in me. I wasn't religious but thou shalt not kill was something I believed in and took to heart. If Edward and his family hadn't been vegetarians I wouldn't have been so eager to join them. Actually, if Edward hadn't sworn off humans, I would have been lunch. Did that make me a bad person if he could resist killing and I couldn't? The question hung there in my head, not moving either way while we hiked through the final pass in the foothills.

My musings were side-tracked when we reached a broad glacial valley at the very base of Denali. A broad river of ice stretched out before us, flowing down the side of the mountain. Never having seen a glacier before, the huge sweeping field of ice filling the basin of the valley took my breath away. I couldn't help but think of the last ice age, when glaciers like this one had blanketed large portions of the earth. Frosty air drifted off its surface, and deep cracks revealed ice that had been tinged blue from the compression and buildup of snow and ice over the centuries. The broad base of the mountain had appeared while I was not paying attention, and the majestic peaks now filled one entire hemisphere of the sky.

The sense of size and gravitas that the mountain exuded was overwhelming. It didn't matter if one was a vampire. As hard and durable as we were, these mountains had withstood eons of change and the full power of nature – enduring and unchangeable. It was rather humbling to stand on it; I felt like an ant crawling on the foot of a giant.

We still couldn't see the mountain beyond the cloud cover, but Edward said the summit often towered over the clouds, and remained hopeful that the overcast would prove to be limited and we would still be able to enjoy the view. Little flurries of snow fell here and there as we reached the base and the slope turned upward, but nothing significant.

Making good time up the base, we soon reached the terminus of the glacier. There we stopped to prepare. We swapped the snowshoes for the crampons, buckled into the climbing harnesses, and pulled out the ice axes. Edward tied one end of a rope to a carabiner and clipped it to his climbing harness. He handed the other end to me to pass through the one on my harness.

Our progress was slower now. Edward was keeping an eye out for crevasses, cracks in the ice which could be small, or as deep as the glacier itself. The danger of a crevasse came when they were covered by blowing snow. Snow sometimes built up over a crevasse into a snow bridge. If they were thick enough and had enough time to harden, they could support your weight. If not, then you could unknowingly cross one and it would collapse, dropping you into the abyss. The trick came in recognizing a snow covered crevasse. Sometimes they were obvious as a depressed trench in the snow, or the snow was a different texture or color. But new blown snow could settle over the existing signs and disguise them. We found many that were small enough that a human could jump across, so they were not a problem. Others were large enough that even we needed to find a safe route around them. We also couldn't walk together, but maintained at least ten yards between us in case one of us fell into a crevasse.

Edward also had to stop periodically to use the GPS to get his bearings. The sound of the blowing wind interfered with our echo-location sense, so we weren't able to navigate that way. According to his GPS, we were coming up the northern side of the Muldrow Glacier. All I knew was we were tramping steadily up the right side of a vast field of ice. The walls of the glacial valley rose to ridges on our right and left. The wind blew briskly, but not enough to give us trouble. The air was colder than it was at lower elevation, but also not a problem.

We made it to the head of the first glacier after a hike of about an hour. There we stood looking up at a huge icefall, coming from the steeper slopes above us. If somebody could have frozen Niagara Falls mid-plunge I imagined it might look like this. Wave after wave of jumbled and broken ice tumbled towards us in freeze-frame. Chunks and boulders the size of cars made up large portions of the icefall. What was amazing was how it all looked so solid and unmoving, yet down at the bottom of the fall, the ice blocks melded back in with the rest of the glacial ice like it was still fluid water.

We worked our way through the center of the ice fall, then progressed to the right, following the easiest path through the ice boulders. We jumped from boulder to boulder when they were large enough, sometimes climbing around or over them. A short thirty minutes later we emerged from the ice fall, and onto the foot of a ridge that led up and to the left. The ridge was relatively steep, maybe a thirty or forty degree slope, and covered with snow and ice. For a human, this might be the most difficult part of the climb; having to climb the steep snow-covered surface, carrying a fifty-pound pack full of gear. As we mounted the ridge, this was actually easiest for us, because we didn't need to worry about crevasses in solid rock. We quickly powered up the ridge, which traversed left, then right, passing a towering formation of rock and ended in another glacial bowl.

"Another glacier?" I asked.

"It's the last one, love," Edward said. I didn't think I had been complaining but he seemed to be apologetic for some reason. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, really," I said as brightly as I could. "Look at me; I'm climbing a mountain in Alaska. When would I ever have done something like this as a human?"

"True," he said, then looked up to scan the clouds. "Mm, it doesn't look like it's thinning out any. We're at about 15,000 feet, and if it hasn't cleared by now it's not likely to at the top. It might look just like this." He pointed with a broad sweep of his arm.

I turned to follow his gesture, and saw the saw-toothed ridge we had climbed descend below us into the mist. Not even the icefall below the ridge was visible. It had a mythical feel to it, like we were traveling through the land of the Nordic frost giants. You would almost expect to see dwarves in scale mail keeping watch. I shook my head to clear it of my Tolkien daydreams. "Well, let's keep going. Maybe we'll get lucky at the top."

Edward nodded, then turned to start working our way up the glacier, scanning the surface for tell-tales of hidden crevasses. I looked up and to the right above us was a high peak, covered in snow. Some cornices hung from the shoulders of the peak, gravid with snow; we would need to watch for avalanches.

We were about a third of the way up the glacier and to the first icefall when I stumbled. I had been eyeing one particularly threatening cornice when the crampons on one foot, which had given me no trouble all day, caught on my other boot. Distracted, I flailed my arms as my body tried to right me, but I fell to the ice with a grunt.

"Bella?" Edward turned to look back. Suddenly, he disappeared in a flurry of snow.

For just a millisecond, I lay there frozen in surprise. The rope whizzed through the carabiner clipped to my harness and I made a grab for it…too late. The gloves were just too clumsy and the end slipped free, following after Edward.

"Edward!" I screamed and scrambled to my feet.

"Stop!" His shout was muffled but the desperate urgency in his voice stopped me in my tracks. "The edge may break off and you might fall in, too!"

"Are you all right?" I called, panic starting in my voice. The snow had settled and now I could see the edge of the crevasse he had fallen into.

A moment passed as he seemed to assess his situation. "I'm not hurt, but I'm wedged into the bottom of the crevasse. So stupid! I should have been paying attention!"

"It's my fault, Edward!" I called, kicking myself. All the vampire strength and speed and I was too clumsy to apply it when I needed it. "I was too slow to grab the rope. Can you climb out?"

"Let me see." I heard some shifting, some grunting, and something that sounded like ice clattering against the sides. "Ugh. No, I can't get enough leverage. If I could move, I could dig handholds in the ice but I'm wedged kind of head down. One hand is below my waist and the other is stuck over my head. You'll have to throw me a rope."

"Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap," I muttered. I pulled off the bulky gloves; I needed to work and there was no sunlight to make my hands sparkle. Right now, even if there were someone to see me, I didn't care. Quickly taking off my pack, I opened it and pulled out more rope. I tied one end to a carabiner and clipped it to my harness, then picked up the coiled rope and flung it into the crevasse.

"Can you reach it?" I called.

"No, Bella, I can't. I can't see it to reach for it," he said after a moment. I tried flipping the rope from side to side, hoping it would make it into his hand. I pulled it up and tied another carabiner to the free end to give it some weight. I threw it in again, pulled it up, threw it in a different place, over and over. But it was no use. I was working blind, trying to thread a needle with the long end of the thread. My head started to spin as panic started to rise again.

"What do I do Edward? Should I go get help?"

Even in this dire situation, his voice seemed calm to me. "Bella, if you fall into a crevasse on your way down and can't get out, then we're both stuck here. I don't suppose you have signal?"

I pulled out my phone and checked; there was no connection. The replacement phone was more modern than the one I had destroyed, and should have had better reception but we were too far away from civilization.

"No, nothing."

"All right, see if there's anything you can tie a rope to. Then you can hold the rope and crawl to the lip of the crevasse."

I cast my eyes around, and my heart sank. We were about forty yards from the nearest rock, but there didn't seem to be any features or outcroppings. Still, we had enough rope, so I quickly coiled it, slung the loops over my shoulder, and picked my way over to the rock face, probing the snow ahead of me with the shaft of my axe. When I reached the wall I looked up and down the length of it. It was as I feared; the rock had been worn relatively smooth by the passage of eons of glacial ice – no features or imperfections existed that I might use to anchor a rope. I followed my footsteps back to where Edward had broken through.

"There's nothing around us but ice, Edward," I said, my voice cracking a little.

He paused for a moment, then gave a morbid chuckle. "Well, it's a good thing we can't die from the cold."

I sank to my hands and knees as the full import of our situation crashed through my understanding. My head spun wildly but I didn't faint. A dim human memory came to mind: the story Edward told me of Carlisle starving himself out of revulsion to what he had become. It had made him thirsty enough to attack an animal in desperation. But we were thousands of feet above the tree line. There was nothing living up here. Nothing to eat. He meant that even though we didn't suffer from hypothermia, we could still starve to death.

"No! Edward, NO!"

The scream ripped out of my lungs and echoed off the impassive mountain peaks. The thought of Edward dying by inches – with me only a few yards away – suddenly struck me with the force of a hurricane. My stomach clenched and my chest convulsed and a black void seemed to swim in front of my eyes – empty and ice cold, my life without him. The pain was unbelievable, almost as bad as the first moment when I realized he had truly left me, and seeped into every pore of my body.

Part of my mind cautioned about triggering avalanches but I didn't care. And like sunlight breaking through the clouds in my head, suddenly it became clear. All the stupid, asinine thoughts about feelings and disappointment and blame were pointless. Monster or no monster, good or evil. It didn't matter. None of it mattered. All that was important was for him to be alive. I would do anything to keep him alive. I knew that now, as surely as I stood there on the frigid glacier. I felt a heavy stab of regret for wasting the last months of our life together, hostage to my fears.

And like a faucet was turned on, all the thoughts and advice from my family rose up and played themselves in my head. I heard Renee's voice telling me not to spend so much time in regret. Alice, Edward, Esme and Rosalie counseled me what vampire life was about and that I just needed to accept it. They told me once before, and for some reason I didn't take their advice to heart. And now it might be too late.

"Bella, calm down." Edward's voice brought me back from my regrets. "We don't want to deal with an avalanche as well."

"I'm sorry, Edward!" I called. "I love you so much! I'm sorry I wasted all our time together!"

He fell silent for a few moments, then his rueful laugh rose from the crevasse. "I know you do, love. But I don't consider our time together wasted. Any time I've had with you is more precious than all the gold in the world."

I couldn't agree with him more, now that he was in a dire situation. All the energy I had expended worrying and regretting could have been better spent.

"At any rate, don't lose heart. We're not dead yet," Edward counseled me. "We'll figure something out. Look through the pack again and see what else we can use."

His calm reassurance helped me focus. He was right; we weren't dead yet. I took several breaths to calm myself, and began to take inventory. I had one backpack; a pair of snowshoes; two, 200-foot lengths of rope; carabiners and some other climbing hardware. The crampons were still attached to my boots, though one of my boots had gouges from the crampon spikes.

"Could I climb down the side of the crevasse?" My lips trembled as I waited for his answer.

"Perhaps, but it's risky without a solid line to pull yourself out, if there's no one to belay you."

I pressed my lips together against the disappointment. The only piece of equipment left was the one ice axe…

I stared at the axe for a moment. The shaft was almost three feet long, and hard- anodized aluminum. The head was stainless steel, and while I knew I could bend it with my hands, the axe should be strong enough to hold my 110 pounds. It didn't need to hold the two of us, just me.

I looked for our footsteps and traced back about ten yards. Then using the axe, I started digging as fast as I could. Snow and chips of ice flew in all directions as I dug. Glacial ice was denser than regular ice due to the years of compacting, but no match for newborn vampire strength. I loosened the ice with the axe, then shoveled the snow and ice out with my hands. Soon I had a hole in the ice about four-feet across and four-feet deep, surrounded by loosened snow.

I took one of the ropes and tied it with a triple half-hitch to the head of the axe, winding the rope around the head and shaft for good measure. Then in the wall of the pit closest toward the crevasse, I set the shaft of the axe into the ice and pushed it in like a spike. I encountered some resistance and hammered the axe the rest of the way with my hand. Edward must have heard the vibrations because he asked if I was okay.

"I'm all right. I'm coming to get you," I called.

After climbing out of the pit, I pushed the snow and ice back in, filling it. I stamped the ice down as solidly as I could, then picked up the rope leading out of the snow and leaned back with my full weight. It held.

I clipped the carabiner on my harness to the rope, then took the free end with the other carabiner still attached and threw it into the crevasse again. I walked to where my pack was, playing the rope out as I went. Lying down on my belly, I started inching out toward the crevasse, keeping a ready hand on the rope as I wormed my way forward.

Inch by agonizing inch, I drew closer to the lip of the crevasse. As I reached it, a chunk of ice gave way, but with my legs splayed out and a firm grip on the rope, I stopped myself from falling in. Finally I could see into the chasm.

The pit that had trapped Edward like a predatory plant extended roughly fifteen feet to either side of me. About twenty feet below me Edward's boots and legs stuck upwards at an angle. The walls of the crevasse were perfectly angled to trap him in this helpless position. Some of the ice and snow had partially covered him and the backpack wedged in with him. Fortunately, his hand was visible beside one of his legs.

"Here comes the rope!" I called, and maneuvered the carabiner into his hand. Now that I could see it wasn't a problem. I felt instant relief when his hand closed around it.

"Lay a jacket or backpack under the rope so it doesn't dig into the crevasse," Edward directed me.

"Got it," I said and inched backward. I retrieved the pack, lay it down and passed the rope over it.

"Ready?" I asked.

"Ready."

I dug my crampons solidly into the ice, then leaned back and started hauling on the rope. I felt some resistance, leaned forward, grabbed the rope further down and slowly pulled harder until I felt Edward come free. Finally I was putting my newborn strength to good use. Foot by foot, I hauled the rope back to me.

When his hands appeared, followed by his shoulders and head, the relief I felt exploded and I almost dropped the rope to run to him. But I forced myself to keep pulling, hand over hand. I did start pulling faster though, and soon he was sliding across the snow and ice, pushing the pack and a wave of loose snow in front of him.

When he was close enough I dropped the rope and reached for him with a low cry. All my feelings flooded out, and if my heart still beat it would have burst with the rush of emotions flowing through me. The black and cold void I felt before was burned away in a blaze of heat and light. I held him close, feeling his reassuring presence, whispering his name over and over.

His goggles had fallen off in the crevasse, and his still golden eyes were warm as he looked at me. I pushed my goggles off my head, pulled his face toward me and started kissing every inch of it – his hair, his cheeks, his eyes and finally his lips. His answering kisses started a warmth in my belly, and reminded me of what I had been missing these past months. I was so happy he was safe I stopped kissing him again and held him close, rocking back and forth with him, feeling his breath in my ear, his arms tight around me.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," I said. "I was so scared; I thought I was going to lose you. Can you forgive me?"

Edward pulled back a bit and the crooked smile played across his face. I once again felt the familiar melting sensation as I gazed into his eyes. "There's nothing to forgive, love," he said softly. "You did well. Thank you for coming for me."

I sighed and lay my head against his chest. "I had to do something. I almost lost you."

I felt and heard his chuckle rumble out of his chest. He pushed the hood back from my head and stroked my hair. After a while, he spoke rather hesitantly. "Are you feeling better now?"

"Yes. The things that bothered me seem rather small now," I said as I nuzzled his neck.

He chuckled and kissed the top of my head. "Not that I don't appreciate it, but what changed your mind?"

"I suppose you could say I got a better perspective. I'm here, you're here." I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed him. "I wanted to be one of the good vampires, so killing Mike and Jessica really threw me. At first, I blamed you for that, but then I realized that wasn't fair to you. I guess I still didn't feel good about it, and maybe I acted differently because, subconsciously, I wasn't happy. Sorry if I made you unhappy."

Edward brought my fingers to his lips and kissed them. "I'm far from unhappy. And you know, nobody blames you for what happened."

"I know, but I did." I sighed loudly. "But that's part of this life. And this is my life now, for better or for worse."

"And in sickness and in health," he reminded me with a smile.

"For as long as we both shall live," I completed the litany. I glanced down at my empty ring finger – I had put away my rings to be safe while we went mountain climbing – and suddenly it felt very bare. I drew him closer. "I love you, Edward Cullen," I said and kissed him long and deep.

Edward kissed me for all he was worth, his lips sliding silky smooth and warm over mine. I was surprised when I started to feel a little dizzy but then I realized it wasn't from shortness of breath. I was so happy to be kissing him I felt like I was floating.

Faint at first, but with growing strength, the panic started to gnaw at the back of my mind. Pull back, you'll lose control, you'll hurt him again. And at the thought, the black pain I had felt before reared up and hovered, closer and closer. No. I couldn't do that, I wouldn't lose him again. That would have to be my anchor.

Edward was happy to be kissing me again, too. His fingers trembled as he pushed my hair back so he could kiss my ears and the sides of my neck. Then he took my face in his hands and kissed my lips again as his fingers caressed my earlobes. I felt a shiver rock through me, and the warmth in my stomach began spreading outward. Then something in the rhythm of his kisses changed, and I could feel his attention on me. I looked and his eyes were open, watching me cautiously.

I turned my head a little, my breath coming in quick pants, and whispered against the side of his mouth. "You're worried, aren't you?" The slight tightening of his cheek muscles answered me. I pulled back far enough to see his face, and placed a hand on his cheek. "Now I have an idea of what you felt, Edward, when you thought you lost me. I could never hurt you again." Gently, I brushed my thumb along his bottom lip. "Oh my god, Edward. I want you so much, but I understand if you're afraid. I can wait for you, too, if I need to."

Edward seemed to search my face for a moment, then a slow smile touched his lips.

"Trust me, love. I have an idea," he said softly.

He closed his eyes and buried his hands into my hair again. Soft, slow kisses grew deeper and more urgent. Gone were the cold, marble lips that were so damnably in control. Soft and alive, his lips nipped and demanded, a sensual conversation that I answered word for word. We quickly reached the point where he pulled back before…and he kept going. Our kisses grew hungrier and hungrier as he twined one hand around my neck and the other around the small of my back. I unzipped his parka to kiss his neck, and drew him even closer to me. I felt the superbly muscled planes of his chest and stomach through his shirt. A sound like breaking surf began to fill my ears and I reached up to kiss the venom scar that marked his neck. But when he began opening the buttons of my shirt I pushed down the urge to help him and suddenly pulled back.

"Edward? Are you sure?" The question hung in the air between us, as I gasped between breaths. "I think I can control myself, but I feel like I'm riding the edge right now."

Edward pulled me close again, and brushed the tip of my nose with his own before placing small kisses against my lips. "I've never been surer of anything in my life. You're my wife and I love you," he said between kisses. "Loving you means trusting you. I've never loved you more than I do right now, and I've been waiting a long time to show you how much. You just need a little faith. And a little voice."

In the end, fear of hurting him did help, but Edward's angelic voice kept me whole the rest of the way. Wrapping me in a murmured cocoon of love and encouragement, the sound of his voice brought me back when a surge of passion shuddered through me. I regained enough control to open his shirt carefully, since we would need clothing for the trip back home.

He closed his eyes at my success and the smile that spread across his face was glorious. It was as if the sun had broken through the overcast and cast a single, shining ray upon him. The happy glow only intensified when he opened his eyes to look at me, and then his lips made further words unnecessary. Heedless of the wind and blowing snow, the only thing I was aware of was the blinding warmth, the intoxicating feel of his body against mine, and his velvet voice caressing my ears. Above it all, a corner of my mind let my passions run free but – with the help of his voice – kept the excesses in check. And as we climbed the summit together, I finally felt that I had arrived. This was my life. He was my life. As long as we were together, nothing else mattered.

= = = CR = = = CR = = =


To be continued...

Now, I know some of you are thinking, "Well it's about time!". So was it worth the wait? Love to hear from you, good or bad!