A/N: The black cloaks are coming! The black cloaks are coming! Umm, in a month, that is... (anybody else wonder why it took a month in the books?)

To my new readers, welcome to my madness. To my returning customers, thank you for spending your time with me! We're a little over half-way through the story, so fasten your seat belts. :-) Thank you for reading and commenting. I love hearing everybody's input.

To my lifesavers! For reasons I won't get into right now, I was totally ready to flounce this story, but katmom and sherryola talked me down off that cliff. I can't thank you enough for your words of wisdom, and for helping me wrangle my words into shape! You guys are the best!

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters. We're just out for an afternoon stroll with them. No copyright infringement is intended.


Ch. 18 – Control

After a while, Irina began to calm down. With Kate better able to comfort her than I could, I figured she was in good hands. As I gave her shoulder one final pat and quietly got up, she lifted her head and gave me a fleeting half-smile. I left the workshop to report the results of our experiment to the rest of the family.

Edward, Jasper and Eleazar were still at work in the front yard. Jasper was bent at the waist and Eleazar had his arm turned and twisted in such a manner I had no doubt he could have torn it off if he applied more pressure. They let go and straightened as I approached.

"It works pretty well," I announced. "Jasper, you might want to give this stuff a try when we get back to civilization."

Jasper grimaced uncomfortably at me. "I hope I won't need to, but it's good to have another option."

Edward was more enthusiastic. "Maybe we can go home again."

"Not just yet," I objected. "The real test would be with humans. I think we should make sure before we go home."

Edward sobered, thinking again. "Good point, we should make a trip into town again to test that ointment against actual human scent. Then we'll be able to tell Carlisle how we intend to proceed."

"You're always welcome here." The warmth in Eleazar's voice was sincere.

"Thank you," said Edward. "But Esme misses us. You heard her."

I had too, and as I thought about it, I found I missed the rest of the family as well. I also missed my parents, but pushed that ache aside for now.

"Carmen said she would like to visit with Esme," Eleazar announced. "So we'll be traveling to Washington as well."

"Esme will like that." Edward smiled.

"Excellent." Eleazar turned to me. "Edward and Jasper can continue working if they wish. I have something else for you to work on." He led me up to the top of the hill behind the house. I followed, curious as to what he had in mind. Looking back over my shoulder, I saw Edward and Jasper move toward the house, probably to let Alice know of our plans.

Standing below the wind turbines, Eleazar addressed me. "I brought you here away from the others because you'll need to be able to concentrate without being distracted. Kate spoke of extending the reach of your shield, so we spent some time speculating as to the nature of it. Because it affects only mental powers, it seemed natural that your gift must be mental in nature. However, the fact that it can be extended through touch implies some kind of physical manifestation. And if it has a physical manifestation, you should be able to learn to grasp it and control it."

"But how?" I wondered, remembering the last time I had tried to extend my shield. "I don't feel like I'm doing anything or if anything's even there to hold onto."

Eleazar gave a thin smile. "That's another part of what I need to show you. Come. Cross hands with me." I assumed the ready stance and crossed my left wrist with his, my right hand at the guard position.

"Until now, you've been using your body to sense, control and deliver energy. That's fine for the beginner. But before any movement comes the thought or the intention. The intention of your mind drives your physical force. Why do you think Edward is able to hear the movements before they're made? You think it's your body that delivers the energy, but it's the mind that moves it first. And that thought is all you really need."

He didn't move; his eyes even seemed to lose focus. Then I felt a large bolus of force entering my guard. I tried to absorb it but it kept coming; tried to deflect his arms but even though they moved, the pressure didn't turn aside. Eleazar took a small step forward and, inexorably, I felt my feet begin to skid backwards, then I had to take a step back or be bowled over. Eleazar relaxed and it stopped. "What did you see?" he asked.

Quickly thinking back, I sifted through the thoughts and sensations I had felt in the last few seconds. "You didn't strike or anything, but the energy still came forward as if you did. Your arms weren't stiff, so you weren't just using them as battering rams. And it just kept coming through no matter what I tried to turn you aside."

"Very good. This is using intention. Much more subtle than using your body to push and pull. You've heard of mind over matter? This is like that. We can use our mind to direct our energy. I want it to go in a certain direction, into your center–" He pointed at my chest. "And it goes there. The body is only a minor conduit. That's why I believe that, as ephemeral as your shield is, you should be able to use your mind to control it."

I thought for a moment. "Did it take you long to learn this?"

Eleazar didn't answer me immediately. "Everyone is different. It depends on one's ability and mental discipline. It could be easy for you."

"Or it could be hard," I mumbled. "Either way, we don't have that much time, so I better get started."

Eleazar nodded.

In hindsight, my new training routine was rather anticlimactic. He taught me two exercises. One was a standing meditation for lack of a better term. I stood with my feet at shoulder width, knees slightly bent, and with my palms resting lightly against my thighs. The pelvis was tucked slightly forward and the head pulled up, so as to make the spine a direct line up and down. I was to focus my attention on a point in the center of my body, just below the navel, and breathe slowly and deeply, in through the nose, out through the mouth. On the inhale, imagine drawing energy into my body, filling all points from the top of my head and down into my fingers and toes. On the exhale, sink the energy down into the soles of my feet and out.

I asked him how long I should do this, and he replied as long as I could. But he said for the first time he would come back after a short interval and show me the second exercise. He left me standing on the top of the hill, gazing over the snowy tundra, breathing and imagining.

My problem was not that I got tired of standing. I could stand there for weeks without moving or getting the least bit fatigued. But my attention wandered. The wind picked up and whistled through the wind turbines before dying down again. The ever changing cloud conditions fought with the afternoon sun, lightening and dimming the landscape, but sometimes a finger of light pierced through a thin patch and kissed the earth far away. A wolf howled somewhere in the distance. Down in the workshop there was the thump of a hide being beaten. Stupid vampire senses.

Each time I got distracted, I had to re-focus myself and bring my attention back to my center and my breathing. In – two, three, four, five. Out – two, three, four, five. In– . I tried to visualize energy as white light, rushing in through my nose to flood my body, then ebbing down and out through the soles of my feet. But regardless of what I imagined, I didn't actually feel any energy. It was frustratingly similar to the time I had tried to feel my shield using Kate's instructions. The only difference this time was I had more detailed instructions to follow.

In time, Eleazar returned to give me the second exercise. This turned out to be a sitting meditation. He had me sit cross-legged, hands on my knees. This exercise began with drawing all the imagined energy in my body into the same, small point as before – center of the body, just below the navel – then hold it there. When all the energy had been gathered, he had me imagine stretching the point into a line extending straight up my spine, through my neck and up to the top of my head, then hold the line there. Next I was to expand the line into a cylinder, then an egg shape, roughly surrounding my seated body. After holding it there for a time, I would reverse the process, shrinking the egg down to a cylinder, into a line, and then back down into a point. I was to repeat this cycle at least nine times at a sitting. When I was finished, I would take three deep breaths before opening my eyes.

Now that I thought about it, it made sense for the exercises to be mental, since we were trying to develop my mental muscles. That also worried me a little. Learning Eleazar's system hadn't been as bad as I had thought it might be, due to my body's new abilities. But despite the perfect memory, and the ability to pay attention to all my senses at once, the thoughts inside my brain were still from me. If I couldn't pull this together by the time the Volturi arrived, we would have to rely on physical numbers. And even if Eleazar and Carmen came down with us, I couldn't be sure ten vampires would be enough to deter Jane and Alec.

I kept at my exercises until Edward came up the hill to fetch me. Alice had volunteered to come with us and suggested Fairbanks because there were some materials the sisters needed for the workshop that weren't available in Healy. Fairbanks was a small city and more populated than Healy, so that would suit our purposes.

The four of us piled into the truck. It was about a two-hour, roughly northeast drive from Healy to Fairbanks, and we were timing our arrival to just before sundown. As usual, Edward took the wheel. I hadn't driven since I was human so I wondered if the skills would transfer easily to a vampire body. However, Edward enjoyed driving, so I contented myself with watching the wild Alaskan countryside roll by as the sky darkened, listening to the country station that Edward had found.

Like in Healy, Edward tried to find a spot on the outskirts downwind of the city. Unfortunately this seemed to be one of those rare, calm Alaskan evenings. After a while of waiting for the wind to pick up, we decided to just park the truck and carefully make our way closer to human habitation. Remembering the last test we did, I fervently hoped either my self-control had come along further, or Kate's ointment worked well enough to keep me from smelling humans. The seductive pull of human scent, even in memory, was enough to set a little venom going in my mouth. Edward and Jasper had better be fast.

I applied a healthy dab of the masking ointment onto my upper lip before opening the door of the truck. Once outside, it was a little disturbing to not detect the normal scents I expected in a city; instead my sense of smell was bombarded by Kate's aromatic ointment.

We started walking slowly toward the few houses that occupied the border of the city – Alice in front, Edward and Jasper close at my sides in case they needed to grab me. As we passed in front of one of the houses, Alice turned to look back at me.

"Do you smell that, Bella?" she asked.

I sniffed. There was something different coming in with the menthol, camphor and other odors but nothing I could recognize. I shook my head. "What should I be smelling?"

"Human scent trail, going into or out of the house." She raised an eyebrow at me. "Any urges?"

Like in the tannery, I couldn't make out much beyond the masking ointment. Now that she told me what I was looking for, there was a slightly different essence in the air, but nothing I recognized as human. "Not a thing," I said. I felt no untoward urges of any kind, unlike the last time we had tried in Healy. This looked promising and I felt a budding hope.

We continued on. A door slammed somewhere and we froze. After a quick non-verbal conference with Edward, Alice moved in the direction of the sound. A few blocks away, we saw a car up the street driving away from us. Alice quickened her pace until we reached the middle of that particular block. Sniffing, she indicated a spot on the sidewalk next to the street.

"Here," she pointed.

I followed where she wanted me to go and sniffed, moving my head from side to side like a scenting hound.

"Do you smell that?"

I shook my head again.

"That's a fresh scent trail. Probably from the human that just got into that car and drove away."

"Nope, can't smell it," I said with a happy grin. The rush of relief I felt made me feel a little silly and I threw my arms around Edward, picked him up and swung him around. "We can go home!" I cried.

He laughed with me, then pulled a look of mock severity on his face. "Now put me down before we attract attention."

I set him on his feet and Alice pulled me in for a hug. "Time for some shopping?" I asked her.

"Most definitely." She beamed, her eyes dancing with happiness. "I knew you could do it!"

"Hey, give credit where credit's due. It's Kate's ointment, not me."

As we started back towards the truck, Jasper cleared his throat. "Well, if that's the case, let me have some of that, Bella."

"No problem." I handed him the little jar. Jasper applied a little, wincing at the smell, and gave it back to me.

"Now, mind you, Bella, this isn't the perfect solution," Edward said. "It's still a crutch until you truly get your self-control. What if that stuff was to wear off and you're in a crowd of people? The real test is when you can stand next to them without it."

"I know, but at least it helps for now."

Jasper nudged my elbow. "Always a wet blanket, isn't he?" he muttered.

I didn't reply, but tilted my head and caught Edward's eye with a mischievous grin on my face. He rolled his eyes. "Let's go," he huffed and I started giggling.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

Night had fallen by the time we found the fabric store that Alice was looking for, but the store was still open. Though Fairbanks was the second largest city in Alaska, the downtown area was rather quiet for a small city, and I chalked that up to the hour and possibly the cold weather. Most of the buildings were low, one to three-stories tall at most. Here and there cars drove through the streets, but it was not what you might consider a bustling shopping district. No one was nearby when we parked the truck in front of the fabric store.

Not really in the mood for shopping and feeling liberated by the idea that I might be able to be around humans safely again, I wondered about seeing some of the sights of Fairbanks.

Edward wasn't sure about that. "You still have to do something about your eyes, Bella. You have a hood and it's dark right now, but what if someone looks straight into your face?"

Alice made a disparaging sound, and dug around in her purse. "So she'll look emo, but that's not unusual, even up here in Alaska." She pulled out a pair of sunglasses and handed them to me.

I put the glasses on. "What do you think? Do I look normal enough?"

Alice appraised me with arched brows. "You'll do. Meet back here in an hour or so?"

We agreed. Jasper decided to stay with Alice, hoping he could find an open bookstore.

Even though the sun was down and I was wearing sunglasses, I could still see quite well. The streetlights cast plenty of light so the dark glasses weren't a problem for vampire senses. Edward and I wandered leisurely through the streets, and I picked up one of the ubiquitous tourist flyers from a kiosk to see what there was of interest in Fairbanks. We found the city hall area and stopped to look at a monument in the plaza to the first settlers of Fairbanks – a bronze statue of a man and a child in native winter garb with a dog at their side. It was in a nice enough park, but most of the ground was still covered with snow and not interesting enough to hold my attention, so we wandered away from the city center. We proceeded north until we found the Chena River. A nice, meandering promenade stretched along the river bank so we walked along it for a while, hand in hand.

A brief break in the cloud cover allowed the moon to peek through and reflect off the flowing waters of the river, painting a swatch of silver across the riffles. The scene was very pretty and Edward suggested we settle on a park bench to enjoy the view. We sat contentedly listening to the soothing sounds of the burbling water. After a while, Edward leaned over and kissed my cheek. I turned my head to him and forgot about the moon on the water as I enjoyed the feel of his lips on mine.

Edward's kisses were not hungry, but tender, this time. He paused often to look into my eyes, tracing the curves of my face with gentle fingers. The look on his face made my breath catch in my throat.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked him.

"That's my line." He smiled and touched his forehead to mine.

"No, really," I laughed, and pulled back so I could see his whole face. "You look like you're afraid I'm going to disappear. Like the way I was at Mom's house when we visited her."

He pulled me into a closer embrace, his hands gentle on my back. "No, I'm not afraid you're going to disappear. I'm… I feel free – free to hold you, free to kiss you without worrying about inciting an episode. It's a luxury I've been waiting for since you were human. Even with a visit from the Volturi looming in the future, I'm just…" he sighed softly, his breath tickling my ear. "I'm just happy."

Basking in the reflected glow of his joy, the realization made my arms ache with holding him, and my unmoving heart seemed to warm and swell within my chest. We held each other close and I lost myself in his eyes and his kisses, forgetting where we were. Carried away by the upwelling of feelings, I gave him a heartfelt squeeze, wanting to be even closer than we were.

"Ow! Um, careful, love," he cautioned.

"Oops."

He laughed and smoothed the hair back from my face. "That's all right."

We talked quietly about inconsequential things, watching the moon play hide and seek with the clouds, heads close, exchanging the occasional kiss, content to be together. Such a simple activity, but it gave us so much joy. The thought of being able to mingle with humans again did raise some new possibilities.

"Bella, we're still enrolled at Dartmouth," Edward said. "If you can spend time amongst humans again, would you want to attend classes in person?"

I thought about that for a moment. If I could do so reliably, without endangering the humans, it might be nice to interact with people again, and be somewhat normal. My mind brought up fuzzy human memories of being on the outside of the Cullen clan looking in, and I thought it might be nice to experience that from the other side. I loved my family, but college was a big question mark that I had yet to experience. And with vampire recall and unlimited time to study, the academic part of the endeavor was much less daunting.

"Yeah, I think I'd like that," I finally answered. "How about you? You've done college before; won't you be bored with it?"

Edward traced a gentle finger along my lips. "Everything is new, now that I've found you. Going to college with you would be a brand new experience. And once we reach the graduate level, the classwork would be intriguing as well."

I smiled and kissed his fingertips. "All right, let's look into that. After this Volturi inspection thing we can move to Hanover for real."

Edward returned my smile. "Good! And there's also that second honeymoon I promised you."

I gave an exaggerated sigh. "Tsk! Is that all you can think about? Talk about a one track mind!"

He laughed and nudged me with his shoulder. "No, that's not all I think about! Give me a little credit!"

I giggled, happy I could tease him. "Well, slow down, Edward. You're going to spoil me at this rate."

He turned his head, and his face glowed in the moonlight. "It's not spoiling. You simply make me so happy, I want to share that happiness with you in every way I can."

It felt so good to hear that he was happy; a little glow of warmth seemed to touch my face. I nuzzled his cheek and kissed him. "I'm so glad I married you," I whispered.

"And I, you."

After what seemed like no time at all, Edward's phone chirped. It was a text from Alice, and he checked the time on his phone; over two hours had passed since we left them. "Shall we? Alice is about done."

"I suppose," I said with a sigh. "I like being alone with you, though."

"I know, love. So do I." Edward smiled as he got to his feet and helped me up. Then an ironic twist came to his lips. "It would be a shame if we didn't like being with each other. Imagine spending eternity with someone you didn't like."

I couldn't look up at him for a moment. "Were you…worried about that? When I wasn't myself?"

"Maybe a little, in the beginning," he said after a pause. "I've heard of cases where an immortal transformed one they thought would be their mate, only it turned out not to be. Some humans delude themselves into getting married, then find out later their feelings weren't true." He lifted my chin to meet his gaze. "Not everyone finds their mate. Why do you think I'm happy?"

I ducked my head into his chest as I pulled him close again. When I looked up again it was as if a mist was before my eyes, though that shouldn't happen anymore. I blinked. "I love you so much, Edward. I really do."

His eyes smoldered as he bent down and kissed me softly. "Ma chanteuse," he whispered.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

We retraced our steps from the river back toward the downtown area. The city didn't have many attractions, as Fairbanks wasn't exactly a big tourist destination. There was one amusement park – Pioneer Park. It was an odd combination of museums, shops, rides and local attractions. But since it was on the other side of the city and showcased the kitschy side of Alaska, we figured we could skip it. Sprinkled around downtown were the normal restaurants, bars, shops and other businesses.

As we neared one of the bars that we had passed on our way to the river, the door opened and a group of men tumbled out. They stood unsteadily on the sidewalk, talking about what strip club to hit. Dressed as they were in jeans, heavy coats and work boots, they looked like your everyday, blue-collar workers blowing off steam after their shift. Fairbanks had a more developed industrial economy than Healy, so it was only natural to find larger numbers of workmen here.

"Oh great," muttered Edward. "It's Friday night."

"Just like Friday night in Port Angeles," I reminded him.

As we drew closer we had to step into the street to walk around the knot of eight men, who took up most of the sidewalk. I got more apprehensive as we got closer but the ointment was still fairly fresh in my nostrils. Just to be on the safe side, I took a breath and held it. Behind the dark glasses, I watched them surreptitiously. Most of them were laughing and joking too much to notice us, but one of them seemed to take a closer look at me. Too late, I remembered I had pushed my hood back when we were kissing by the river and hadn't put it back up again. The man elbowed his friend in the ribs as I pulled my hood up. He was a bit on the short side, with dark, curly hair and swarthy skin. His face reminded me a bit of a bulldog.

"Hey, check her out," I heard him whisper.

The man next to him let out a low whistle. "Oooh, yeah!" he said.

"Come on!"

Too late, I realized that Edward hadn't heard this coming since we were holding hands again. I let go so he could get a read of the situation, and glanced quickly at my attire. A knee-length, grey skirt, leggings, the boots Alice had given me, and a mid-length parka weren't exactly what I would consider a provocative outfit. I felt a moment's irritation at the lure of the vampire, combined with the piggish nature of these men; this was hardly the time for it.

"Hey, mama, wanna party?"

"Yo, girl, where you goin' so fast?"

A number of other, ruder comments peppered the air around us as the rest of the crowd joined in the pursuit. By the set of his jaw, Edward was fuming.

I queried Edward in an undertone too fast and low for the humans to hear. "Shouldn't we just run from them?"

"Too late for that," Edward answered. "Not all of them are completely inebriated, and the more sober ones would remember. Even slowly running to a more populated area would attract too much attention. Our best bet is to resolve this with no witnesses."

"But they're all witnesses!" I objected.

"Trust me," he insisted.

We kept moving, trying to ignore them, but they wouldn't give up. Finally we came to a little side-street. Edward and I looked up and down it, and didn't see anybody. I queried him with a raised eyebrow, and he nodded. We turned down the street, and our unwanted retinue followed after. Safely off the main street, we turned to face them.

"What do you want?" Edward asked the one in front with the bulldog face. He seemed to be the instigator.

"You ain't from around here? Jus' call us the welcome wagon, y'know what I'm sayin?" He grinned, showing one tooth capped with gold.

"Yeah, we're just lookin for a good time, to show yer girl how welcome she is, neh? Wanna join us?" Bulldog's friend mumbled his speech as he swayed on his feet.

There was a chorus of ugly laughter. There didn't seem to be any hesitant faces in the crowd, so this kind of behavior wasn't unusual for them, or they were too drunk to consider it.

"No, thank you." Edward's voice, while cold as ice, was deadly polite.

"Hey, I ain't askin you!" Bulldog said. "Maybe yer mama's tired of a candyass like you. Maybe she like a real man, y'know what I'm sayin?"

I almost laughed. If only he knew just what he was getting himself into. Unfortunately, eight dead men would not help us keep a low profile.

Edward let the façade of civility drop and he glared at them as only a vampire can. "I think you'd better leave! While you still can," he snarled.

Some of the mob hesitated briefly. One or two even took a step back, and for a moment I wondered what they were seeing. But for the rest, the booze must have dulled their normal human perceptions that would have sensed the terrifying monster before them.

The ringleader grinned evilly and said through his teeth, "Homey mus' be trippin! Leave dis, yo!"

He pulled a gun out of his waistband, racking the slide with a metallic snick. The grey gunmetal glinted dully under the dim streetlights. That action seemed to restore the bravado of the group. Some of the other men reached into their clothing; another gun and several knives appeared in the crowd as well.

But Edward had had enough of their crap. Without a word, he flashed forward, struck the leader on the side of the head, then moved to the next assailant. I quickly brought my arm up to my mouth, took a breath through my sleeve and held it. Then I moved. They seemed like statues frozen in place as I flitted from one to the next, flicking them on the side of the temple with my fingertips. This wasn't self-defense, but I was glad for the training that had given me back my muscle control. I was through the crowd of them in no time, having struck four, and turned around for the rest of them. But they were already starting to collapse as Edward had finished with them before me.

"Are yours dead?" Edward asked clinically.

"I hope not," I answered. "I hit them as lightly as I could. Could you check them?"

Edward briefly examined each downed man. "Well done, love. They're alive but unconscious." One of them groaned and stirred slowly. "Except for that one." Edward reached out and tapped him lightly on the side of the head and he fell limp again.

"Who were they?"

"Just some rough necks who had too much to drink. Alcohol abuse is a big problem in Alaska, and is a significant contributor to their crime rate. The leader, though, seemed to have a taste for this."

I shook my head in dismay. "I guess big city problems are the same all over."

"Intoxication is no excuse for sexual assault," Edward agreed. "A couple of them were rather eager for it once they got me out of the way, and I wouldn't be surprised if they have outstanding warrants. I'm sure they may have broken some concealed carry laws, but we should let the police sort it out."

"All right."

Edward rose and returned to my side, a proud smile spreading across his face. "I'm impressed you were able to not only disable them, but resist killing them in the process. You did well."

I shrugged. "Do you think I'll be good enough to show Jacob?"

"I'm sure of it. However, I have to say, you're still a danger magnet. I'm pretty sure it isn't me." He gave me a wry grin.

"Yeah, I guess that hasn't changed much," I said sarcastically.

"Let's go find Alice. With any luck these men will be too drunk to remember any of this when they wake up."

Frowning slightly, I asked, "Was this really a better solution than running from them?"

"Certainly," Edward grinned indulgently. "Think of how it looks from their point of view. One moment we're there, the next, they wake up and we're gone. Easily explained because they'd all been drinking."

"We should call somebody though, just to make sure these idiots don't freeze out here."

"I don't think they deserve your concern," Edward disagreed. But he rummaged through the pockets of one of the men until he found a cell phone, then called the authorities to report eight drunks who had attempted to assault passers-by.

"I'm a little surprised you decided to follow my lead," Edward confessed as we hurried back towards the downtown shopping area. "I thought you were the non-violent type."

"It's no more than they deserved. Nobody should be threatened with violence, and I was a little disgusted that drinking would make people act that way," I retorted. "Besides, I told you I don't want to be Lois Lane all the time. Hey, there's Alice and Jasper."

Alice and Jasper were waiting for us at the truck, and had several boxes and bags which we loaded into the bed. As we started getting in, Alice turned to me. "So, did you like playing Batman?" she asked.

I gave her a sheepish grin, a little embarrassed for beating up some humans. "Yeah, a little. I feel a little sorry for them, though; they're so pathetic when they think they're tough."

"Yes, they are," she said archly, looking pointedly at Jasper and Edward. She dodged as Edward reached over to muss her hair.

As I climbed into my seat, I remembered I had yet to drive my truck. When we came up here I had been much too depressed to worry about driving. I also wasn't sure how much muscle control I had back then. But now after the incident with the crowd of thugs, I was sure of my abilities, and ready to give it a try. "Edward, do you mind if I drive?" I asked.

A slightly pained expression touched his brow. I laughed at him. "It's not my old truck, remember? I'm sure I'll drive faster than that."

"Yes, I suppose," he grumped, but he handed me the keys. I leaned over and kissed him quickly.

After quickly adjusting the mirrors, seat and steering wheel, I fired up the engine. It wasn't the thunderous roar of my old truck, more the low, thrumming growl like a hunting beast. I backed the truck out of the space, and maneuvered onto the street. Following Edward's directions, I found Highway 3, and we started our journey home.

After I settled in behind the wheel, it became apparent that, just like riding a bike, my driving skills hadn't gone away. And like everything else, my vampire abilities changed the experience. Out on the open road, I began to see what Edward had meant by Rosalie's contribution to my truck. On a few straight sections of road, the truck reached seventy-five and eighty miles an hour without effort. Like when we were running, my enhanced senses kept track of everything for me. Even at eighty miles an hour, the reaction time needed was a fraction of what we were capable of. No wonder Edward hardly looked at the road when he drove, nonchalantly steering one-handed most of the time.

The sensation of speed was good, but not quite as good as when we were running. I suppose the vehicle deadened some of the sensations that came with speed. More speed was needed. I felt a grin crack open my lips as I pressed down on the accelerator and the engine responded. It surprised me how much I was enjoying this. No wonder they all liked to drive fast.

"Bella, be careful," Edward cautioned.

Grinning incredulously, I glanced at him. "My driving isn't making you nervous, is it? Too fast for you?"

"No," he snorted. "But the road is going to go through some mountains. Higher elevations can mean black ice, and vampire reflexes or not, physics and slippery roads will still affect us."

"Mm, good point," I said. While we probably could walk away from a car wreck, it would definitely attract attention. A touch reluctantly, I brought the speed down to more reasonable levels.

"I should call Carlisle," Edward muttered, and pulled out his phone. While he spoke with his father and told him the good news, it occurred to me that we were finally going back home.

It was the lightest I had felt in a long time. There was still an edge, an urgency since we were not returning by choice – we were hurrying back in order to meet the Volturi inspectors, as I considered them. When I had arrived here, I was deep in a depression – fresh from killing two friends, unsure of my place, unwilling to touch anyone for fear of hurting them, and most of all, unsure of how I felt about Edward. Helping the sisters around the ranch had helped by letting me contribute and feel somewhat useful while coming to grips with my issues. Now that we were no longer trapped here, and I was once again blissed out with Edward, some of the burden of guilt was lifted from me.

I had resented coming to Denali at first. It was my exile, made worse because I had dragged others along to serve time with me. But my experiences up here had unknowingly been exactly what I needed. From Kate's quiet encouragement, to Eleazar's experience and training, and even Tanya's cheerful irreverence. And, of course, Alice, Jasper and Edward's patience and advice. Especially after the way I had been with Edward, I had so much to be thankful for. They had all helped me in their own ways, guiding me on the path back to a whole heart.

Regrets over killing Mike and Jessica still lingered and I supposed the guilt would stay with me for a long time, like an old weather-wise knee joint – long healed but still nagging from time to time. And as everybody said, there wasn't anything I could do about it now. On the bright side, the improved self-control, whether it came out of a jar of ointment or not, brought nursing school a little bit closer.

Back to Forks. The thought of going back home had seemed so far away at one time. Now that it was imminent, I felt a flutter of excitement. But what should we expect back home? Now that I thought of it, we weren't technically supposed to be there, but in New Hampshire. We couldn't see anybody, because the explanations would be awkward. And there was the small problem of my altered appearance.

E-mails from Charlie had kept me more or less abreast with events back home. They still read like a police report but were informative. Football season was underway and the Seahawks were doing poorly. Things down at La Push were pretty quiet, except Sam and Emily had gotten married. I felt a moment of dismay, because I had missed their wedding. Then I shook my head. What was I thinking? It would have been a little awkward to invite the killer vampire to their wedding. Once again I felt a twinge of pity for Leah. I hoped being a bridesmaid hadn't been too awkward for her.

Charlie hadn't said much about Jacob, except that Billy was trying to convince him to go off to college. I felt a little guilty when I read that. I hoped he was not moping around La Push because of me. Part of me felt like I should talk to him about that when we got back. But was it any of my business anymore? Carlisle hadn't mentioned any other upheaval at the reservation so Jacob must still be the leader of the wolf pack. Now that I could somewhat control myself, would he still feel obligated to protect me from the pack? I was still a killer, self-control or not.

Then I remembered that Sam wasn't pressured to go to college once he had become a werewolf. Jacob would not be going as long as he was one, too. Definitely not as long as he remained the alpha of the pack. So that tidbit from Billy must be just part of the cover story.

"And tell Jacob that we're coming back," Edward was saying. "He said he might need to prove to the pack that Bella can control herself." I heard Carlisle ask how Jacob was going to prove it. "I don't know, but that's his problem, so he might want give some thought to it. See you in a couple days." He hung up the phone.

"Alice?" I called over my shoulder. "Can you see what my mom and dad are up to?"

There was a brief pause. "Nothing unusual. Right now he's still at the diner. Your mother is asleep but tomorrow she's going to yoga class."

I pictured Charlie in the diner. Probably at his usual table in the corner with a beer and a burger. And mom had taken up yoga again. Well, that was good, at least she was getting some exercise, and it wasn't too outrageous.

I must have sighed too loudly because Edward reached over to rub my shoulder. "You miss them," he said.

I nodded. "I do. But what can I do about it? Even if I can stand next to them without wanting to kill them now, how am I going to explain this?" I waved a hand at my face indicating my transformed state. "Who else left family behind?"

Edward instantly understood what I was asking. "Emmett and Rosalie."

"Did they ever go back to see them?"

He didn't answer. As I glanced over I saw the corners of his mouth were turned down.

"Did they?" I insisted.

"No."

I let out a sigh. "That's what I thought."

After another long silence, Edward spoke hesitantly, "Once you have your full self-control without Kate's ointment, maybe you could…" He trailed off as if knowing what I was going to say.

"You know how much my mom sees," I said. "And Charlie's a cop. He's trained to be observant. Do you remember the first night you spent over at my house? He could tell something was up just because I was a little excited, and he disconnected my battery cables. How am I supposed to get this past him? Can you see either of them not wanting to give me a hug? How do I explain my skin becoming hard and cold?"

Edward rubbed his face while he thought. When he finally spoke, I could tell he was picking his words carefully. "I'm afraid I can't really advise you on this point. I never wanted to take anything away from you, but we're here now. I'd like you to be able to keep your parents in your life, if that's what you want. But I'm not quite sure how we could accomplish that."

"Yeah, I know." I stared out at the passing road for a while. I didn't see much in the way of alternatives. The silence in the cab stretched out, and I turned on the radio to fill in the gaps. I would deal with it after the Volturi visited.

Another thought occurred to me. "Alice?" I glanced in the rear-view mirror.

"Mmm?"

"You said the Volturi are going to be here in a month. Can you see what they're doing? Why should it take them a month to get here?"

Silence fell inside the truck again, but I could hear some stirrings.

"I don't know," Alice finally admitted. "I just see that they're coming, and when they arrive. It doesn't make sense to me either, since it's only the four of them."

"That's right," said Jasper. "You would think they might have a corporate jet for just such an occasion. Somehow I doubt they would be able to fly coach."

I looked over at Edward and he shrugged. "Don't look at me. Considering it took you and Alice little more than a day to get from Forks to Volterra, I haven't the foggiest notion what would take them so long."

"Maybe they have to find a sitter for the dog," I muttered.

= = CR = = CR = = CR = =

When we arrived back at the house, Alice and I carried the supplies into the workshop, then we immediately got to work packing up our things. As I stowed my books, I made a guilty face; I hadn't touched my schoolwork in almost a week. Then I shook my head and laughed at the old high school habits. Distance learning did have its benefits.

Edward and I had only brought enough clothes to fit in one suitcase each, so were finished very quickly. We carried the bags out to the truck, where Jasper was waiting for us. Kate, Tanya, Carmen and Eleazar were also outside waiting.

"Tanya and I decided to come down for a visit as well," said Kate as she handed me a small bag containing little jars of ointment. "So the four of us will be following shortly, once we've had a chance to pack."

"Thanks, Kate," I said, and hugged her.

The front door to the house opened and Alice appeared carrying her outsized suitcase. Following behind her was Irina, her expression soft and showing none of the anger I was used to seeing.

The goodbyes were relatively short since we would be seeing each other again before too long. I took Alice's bag and packed it into the truck bed. Just to make sure things didn't slide around I secured all the bags under the cargo net and closed the bed cover. When I hopped down and closed the tailgate, Irina was standing next to me.

"Um, won't you like to come visit, too?" I ventured, nervously.

Irina gave a subdued smile and shook her head. "I'd like to see Carlisle and Esme again, but it's too close to the wolves. I…I don't think I could trust myself, and I don't want to make trouble for Carlisle. Maybe some other time."

"You're always welcome," I said, and held out my hand.

Irina took my hand, and pulled me closer to plant a kiss on each of my cheeks. "Thank you, Bella," she said. "And thank you for Laurent. We immortals have a long memory, but I feel a little better now."

Wordlessly, I pulled Irina into a hug, wishing I could dispel the rest of her hurt, but knowing that it would be a long process. "Take care of yourself." I gave her shoulder a final pat and turned to get in the truck.

I was surprised to see Alice behind the wheel. Edward explained that he wanted to make better time and her talent was more long-range than his, so he and I got into the back. As Alice started the truck moving down the gravel driveway, I turned to wave at our Denali family, who waved until we disappeared into the trees.

= = CR = = CR = =


To be continued...

Seriously, how long does it take to pack up a spare cloak, anyway? As always, love to hear your thoughts!