A/N: A very large round of thanks to sherryola and Noble Korhedron for pre-reading. You have my undying appreciation! Thanks so much, my friends!
God bless Katmom and her wondrous editorial juju! The force is strong with this one, and she keeps me from the dark side! Um, I did a little editing after the fact, so if there's any errors, they're mine. That's what I get for working without a net!
Thanks to everyone who has read and left feedback, set favorites and alerts. Thanks for your encouragement through twitter! I enjoy your comments very much and you guys make this effort so much fun.
When last we saw our heroes, Bella had gained control of her shield, but not enough to cover the whole family. And it's show time...
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters, we're just playing dress-up in her closet. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter 21 – Inspection
Deep inside Olympic National Park, about twenty miles northeast from Forks, was one of the many deep, river valleys that drained the Olympic Mountains. It had taken us longer to get out here, because I couldn't wear Kate's ointment and do my own hunting, so we had to be more careful. With the cold night air and the misty weather it was unlikely there would be hikers, but we needed to be sure. I didn't want to have another accident, and we hadn't tested my control without Kate's ointment in a while.
After I finished the elk I had killed, I felt quite full. I wasn't that thirsty yet, so one was more than enough. I took stock of myself and sighed. A couple dribbles of blood had escaped and splashed onto my shirt. If I didn't get better at this, I might have to start carrying a bib like restaurants gave patrons sitting down to a messy lobster dinner.
Following the lead of the others, I uprooted a small tree and buried the elk among the roots. We might leave one or two carcasses out for the scavengers, but this reminded me of the story of the Pilgrims, learning to bury a dead fish with their crops to make them grow better. Idly, I wondered how many of the trees had benefited from our diet.
Edward and Eleazar were waiting near the stand of pine trees where we had flushed the herd of elk. Kate had let her elk run a little before taking it down, so wasn't back yet. While we were waiting, I thought to ask Eleazar something that I'd wondered about.
"Eleazar, is Carmen all right?"
"Certainly; why do you ask?" he replied, quite puzzled.
"Well, she doesn't join us for training. Will she be all right when the Volturi come?"
"Ah, I see what you mean." Eleazar laughed, a little ruefully. "Well, my Carmen is a very gentle soul. That was one of the things that first drew me to her." He turned to Edward. "Do we have a little time?" he asked.
Edward smiled indulgently at whatever Eleazar was thinking. "Sure, we're still waiting for Kate, after all."
"It's one of my more pleasant memories." A faraway look of contentment touched Eleazar's face. "Long, long ago I was returning from an expedition in the south of my native Spain. I was near what is now Cordoba, and on my way back to Italy. Night had fallen and I stopped beside a river in the forest, to admire the moon reflecting on the water. As I sat under the trees, I heard a commotion.
"A deer crashed through the trees and splashed across the water. Naturally, I looked to see what was pursuing it, and saw a vision in white muslin. There was no mistaking the speed and grace; it was another vampire. If ever there was an image of Artemis on the hunt, it was her. She leaped across and brought down the deer with ease.
"My first thought was 'why is she doing that?' This was before I met Carlisle, you see. Why would an immortal waste time chasing down deer? While I puzzled over that, she did something that perplexed me even more. She knelt beside it and stroked the dead animal for a moment. I looked closely at her face, and thought I was mistaken, but she seemed sad. Then she fell on it and commenced to feed.
"As I stood there in shock, I knew, here before my eyes was a wonder, a rarity. Not only was there a she-vampire before me, but she had killed and consumed an animal. And it seemed she did it reluctantly. My curiosity flared up; I had to know more about her.
"I waited until she was finished – I knew better than to get between a vampire and their meal – and stepped out from my place of concealment and called to her.
"She was instantly suspicious and turned to flee, perhaps embarrassed that someone had seen her unusual behavior. 'Senorita, wait!' I called. 'I mean you no harm! I'm only curious!'
"At that she stopped and turned. 'You don't think me strange?'
"'I think you're lovely,' I said. I admit I was trying to be non-threatening." Eleazar looked a little embarrassed. "I'm not usually one for empty flattery, but there was just something about her." Eleazar smiled and continued.
"She allowed me to cross the river and come a little closer. I explained that I had traveled many lands, and seen many things, met my share of vampires. But never before had I seen a vampire who ate an animal. What was it like?
"She made a face and said it tasted a little odd, but she had to do it. 'It makes me so sad, to kill a human,' she said. 'I can't bear their pain.' I was surprised, and sought to read her, but she wasn't gifted in that way. She was just very sensitive, and hated violence.
"'You don't even like killing animals, do you?' She slowly shook her head.
"She was a breath of fresh air to me. After the many years with the Volturi, all of us in the Guard were very familiar with the need for violence if the mission required it. Jane's power allowed her to be extremely violent without even lifting a finger.
"'Don't be embarrassed,' I said. 'One must live somehow.' She laughed at me then, perhaps grateful I wasn't repulsed by her behavior.
"I bowed low to her. 'Senorita, my name is Eleazar. May I know your name?' She proffered her hand to me and I drew closer. 'I am Carmen,' she said as I bowed over her fingers.
"That was the beginning of a conversation that lasted several days and nights. I told her of my work for the Volturi, and was happy that she didn't judge me. She played guitar for me and showed me the wonders of Cordoba during the night. I didn't have my paints with me, so I drew a portrait of her in charcoal and parchment." Eleazar sighed, a happy smile on his face, staring into space. It took a moment before he resumed.
"After a while, my conscience began to gnaw at me. I still had to return to Volterra to make my report to Aro. For once I didn't feel the same dedication to duty, the same sense of fulfillment I usually did after completing my investigations. But I had to complete my assignment.
"With great reluctance, I took my leave of Carmen, but before I left I gave her my pledge to return some day to visit again. Then I resumed my journey back to Volterra.
"I duly arrived in Volterra, and made my report. It had been yet another wild goose chase – a story of a witch who could cast the pox. Aro thanked me and asked me if I had enjoyed my visit back home. I told him it was quite pleasant, knowing he would have seen my memories of Carmen, but I had my duties to return to. He seemed satisfied and dismissed me.
"Little, did I know," Eleazar commented. "I returned to my quarters, but unlike previous journeys, it didn't feel like a homecoming. I had the strangest feeling of unease, as if I was missing something. I sat down to a canvas that I had set aside before my journey, but I couldn't seem to start again. Searching my soul for the source of my disquiet, no matter what I did, my thoughts kept returning to Carmen. Finally, I realized why.
"Fortunately for me, Aro had made good on his promise to allow me freedom of movement. I couldn't wait. I packed my meager belongings and went to find Aro. When I clasped his hand, I told him I was bringing another vampire home and he approved. I made my way back to Spain and was fortunate to be able to find Carmen again.
"To make a long story short, after a period of courtship, I professed my love and she accepted me. We were wed in a small chapel in Cordoba where we lived for a time. We were very happy, but I still had my duties calling to me. In time, we returned to Volterra. And while I was happy that I had found my life companion, not all was well. Carmen still didn't kill humans, and so wasn't comfortable in the company of the Guardsmen. She also didn't agree with the violence that sometimes accompanied my work. And to tell the truth, I found I wasn't as dedicated to the cause as I once was. So after much debate, I asked Aro if we could leave. It had been a while since we had an expedition, and the Guard was already quite powerful. Aro was sad to see me go but he agreed. We left that night and have been together ever since."
"Don't you love a happy ending?" Kate had joined us during Eleazar's story, refreshed and ready to go.
Eleazar laughed. "Well, that was my long-winded explanation of why Carmen doesn't fight with us. She's a pacifist at heart and came to the vegetarian way on her own because she was so tender-hearted and doesn't like to hurt others. She tolerates it in me because I had to learn to survive in Volterra. She understands the necessity for self-defense, but she prefers non-violence if at all possible."
"That's if she's given a choice in the matter," Kate murmured.
The implications of Kate's commentary fell into the silence like a lead balloon. Eleazar cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Yes, well, in my life I've fought enough for the two of us. I'm sure if pressed she would take care of herself. But I won't compromise her principles."
"Sorry." Kate held up her hands in apology. "I didn't mean to cast aspersions."
Eleazar nodded his acceptance. "Hopefully it won't come to that."
"I'm surprised Aro let you go," Edward said. "I thought he would have found some way to hold you."
"Why do you think I doubted, when you said he was corrupt?" Eleazar replied. "It didn't match what I'd seen at the time. Only now, after I've thoroughly examined those events without Chelsea blinding me, do I see the pattern."
"We're doubly fortunate then, that you found Carmen." Edward clapped Eleazar on the shoulder. "If we're done, we should go."
We gathered ourselves together and started the trek back to Forks.
= = CR = = CR = = CR = =
The ghostly dawn was beginning to lighten the drizzly clouds when we got home. Wanting to have a brief meeting before the impending arrival of the Volturi tonight, Carlisle called us in. The family was already gathered in the living room when we arrived, some filling the available furniture while the rest stood.
"Alice, what time do you see them coming?" Carlisle asked.
"Night time, maybe eleven o'clock," Alice answered.
"Here?"
"Yes."
"I'd rather not wait for them to come here," Edward said. A scattered nodding of heads and words of agreement echoed his sentiment.
Alice's delicate brows drew together briefly. "We can meet them earlier, in the baseball clearing, if we want. They'll pass through on the way here."
"Do you see any problems with them?"
"No."
"But that could only mean they haven't decided to attack us yet."
Alice shrugged her slight shoulders. "That's what I see so far."
"All right, we'll meet them there, then," Carlisle said. "I'll be locking down the corporation. You all have access to your accounts, if needed. You know what to do?" He looked around to a collective nod, except from me. I was a little lost but Edward wasn't, so I'd ask him later.
"We'll also need to lock down the house before we leave tonight. Just in case. Any questions?"
Jasper spoke up. "Any plans for the meeting itself?"
Carlisle gave a thin smile. "I thought you and Eleazar might have some thoughts about that."
Eleazar gave a nod. "Proceed, Jasper," he said with a wave of his hand.
Jasper cleared his throat with a cough. "We won't have much room for subtlety, if it begins as a meeting and goes sour. If we show up in formation, that might invite some aggression on their part.
"I think our strongest members should collect loosely around Bella. That would make sense since she's the subject of the meeting, and it'll look like we're just guarding her. But if all hell breaks loose, Bella should extend as far as she can, and everyone form around her and charge Alec."
"What about Jane?" I asked, more mindful of her abilities than Alec's.
"Jane attacks one at a time," Eleazar answered me. "She can switch quickly from target to target, though. Alec's gift moves slower, but he can cover the whole family at once. If you can break through and deal with him, we have a better chance with Jane. With him, we have no chance."
"If you can take care of Alec, move on to Jane," Jasper said.
"And you guys?" I asked nervously.
Jasper's lips pressed into a grim line. "We'll try to engage the rest. We still outnumber them, so we should be able to use that."
The pit of my stomach fell as I realized what he meant. I was the only one he was sure could get close enough, and everyone else would be cannon fodder. I gazed around the room at the faces of my family. Their expressions ranged from concern to iron determination. Except for Emmett, who looked absurdly eager. Still, I couldn't let that happen to them. I extended my arms to show the extent I could expand my field.
"I can reach this far. If you can keep a hand or something in that area, it'll conduct and cover you. It might be awkward but…" I shrugged. "What else can we do?"
"Not much else," Jasper agreed.
"If it comes to that," Esme countered. "Alice doesn't see a battle, so don't borrow trouble so easily."
"Indeed." Carlisle gave a shaky laugh. "We'll see how this goes. Watch, it'll just be an inspection and all this angst will be unnecessary."
A muttering of nervous laughter flitted around the room, and the tense atmosphere lightened. Edward patted my knee and kissed the side of my head.
"All right, it's just a precaution, but you all know what to do." Carlisle stood, essentially dismissing us. "Let's get going."
= = CR = = CR = = CR = =
I followed Edward up to the attic, to help him with the computer equipment again. I was trying to be good and keeping my cynical thoughts to myself, but this one wouldn't stay in. "You know, Edward, this is the third time we've gone through this exercise of closing down the house. Do we do this every time we have an emergency or have to move?"
Edward had the decency to look embarrassed, scrunching up his normally perfect nose. "Not exactly. This time we're not moving, just preparing for the worst."
"Don't you all get tired of the false alarms?"
"Well, up until recently, we haven't had any false alarms." He gave my arm a little nudge.
I rolled my eyes and changed the subject. "What was all that about a corporation?"
"Family business," Edward said with a wry smile. "We use a private corporation to manage the family assets. The real estate and other investments are all held by the corporation. Humans have to deal with wills, inheritance taxes, probate, and other issues of succession when one generation gives way to the next. And in the beginning, we did too. I had to 'come back from the dead' in order to claim my parents' house. We also had to change identities more frequently.
"It would look very strange for the same person to own a house and pay property taxes on it for over a hundred years," Edward went on. "A corporation is ageless. As long as it pays its taxes, the government doesn't care what it owns or how long it has owned them. The names of the officers can change as needed. And we don't have to deal with inheritance taxes. The corporation greatly simplifies keeping our personal affairs in order."
Edward looked meaningfully into my eyes. "All of us are also prepared for the next move, at any time. In a fireproof vault in the garage are all the papers we need to begin a new life if need be. I took the liberty of preparing a set for you. Just in case."
I fell quiet for a while, absorbing the implications of that last statement. My first day at school, I learned the Cullens had moved down to Forks only two years before. Yet, I'd never delved into the details of that move with Edward until now. This was the untold truth behind the school gossip.
Now that I belonged in the same world, I actually wasn't surprised. I'd known that 'Cullen' wasn't Edward's original surname. The members of my family were always so smooth managing their cover life, but I didn't truly understand it until now. The thought that I might have to assume a new identity sometime, and that there were legal instruments ready for me with another name on them, really brought it home.
I sighed softly. Those documents, while necessary, would take me another step further away from my parents and my human life, but it was one of those steps I was determined to take. I'd also never thought about writing a will, but that wouldn't be necessary now. I did have some affairs of my own to settle, though.
While Edward busied himself with the other equipment, I logged into my account. With a sigh, I began drafting an e-mail to Charlie and Renee, begging off coming back home to visit for Thanksgiving. Homework and papers were just piling up in preparation before the winter break, more than I had thought it would, and I needed the time to catch up. I apologized profusely, told them I loved them, and promised to visit soon. After I hit 'send,' I sat there thinking for a long time, my chin propped in the palm of my hand. Edward looked at me curiously, but continued working. Finally, I stirred and composed another message. One good thing about vampire speed – I could type far faster than I ever had, so was finished with all this correspondence in no time. I just needed to be careful not to break the keyboard.
Afterward, I helped Edward disconnect a couple machines. "I had no idea I married into a corporation," I remarked. "What did Carlisle mean by 'lock it down'?" I asked as I followed him downstairs.
"He's freezing the assets of the main accounts. All of us in the family have our own personal accounts. Funds are periodically distributed into them. By freezing the main accounts, he ensures that someone like the Volturi could not drain the corporation if they captured one of us. At most they could take the contents of the much smaller accounts."
I wrinkled my forehead, a divot forming between my brows. "Isn't that a little paranoid?"
"Just being careful. The Volturi aren't interested in financial gain, but just in case, there's no reason they, or anybody else, should profit from the fruits of our labors. We also wouldn't want any information about the family falling into the wrong hands."
This time when we took the equipment to the garage, Edward revealed a door that was artfully hidden behind a wine rack. A façade of material attached to the back of the rack made it look as if it were standing against a solid concrete wall. After Edward opened it, I saw it was the vault, built into the foundation of the garage. The hidden door was heavy steel, with bolts the thickness of baseball bats. It looked like it could withstand fire and explosives. There were several shelves and one held small metal boxes with the names of each family member on them, but for some reason, I turned away before I could see the one with my name on it.
Noticing what I was looking at, Edward set the computer he was carrying in a corner of the vault. "I hope you don't think I was too presumptuous in creating papers for you, love, but we needed to have something in case of emergency. Have you thought about what name you'd like to use? We can easily have that changed."
I frowned at the thought, and bent to deposit my load next to his. While an integral part of this life, now that it was staring me in the face, I found I still needed to adjust. I shook my head.
"Not just yet. I…" I fumbled for words. "I guess I've always been just Bella, and I'm still getting used to being Bella Cullen. I didn't think about being anybody else yet," I ended lamely.
Edward gently took my hands in his. "Don't worry about it," he said quietly. "You get used to it after a while."
"I hope so." I nodded soberly, then decided to change the subject. "So, if it's a corporation, do you have a title?"
"What do you think?" He brightened and his eyes twinkled at me. "I'm the chief information officer."
"Oh, right." I snorted and raised an eyebrow at him. "You couldn't come up with something more original?"
"We didn't specify what kind of information."
"Oh brother," I said. "Let's go dismantle the computer room."
= = CR = = CR = = CR = =
A short time later, we finished storing all the equipment and other important or sensitive information in the vault. Edward and I returned to our room, and he stood in front of his shelves, debating whether to pack up his music collection again. Once again, his face was serious, gloomy. I felt the sense of impending doom coming from him, and it started to spread to me as well. E-mailing my parents had not put me in a great frame of mind; telling them goodbye for good was not going to be easy.
Wanting to dispel the feelings, I wrapped my arms around his waist, and snuggled my cheek against his back. A deep whiff of his scent made me feel a little better. "Alice doesn't see a battle with the Volturi, right?" I asked.
He turned around and enfolded me in his arms, tucking my head under his chin. "No, she doesn't, but…" He fell silent.
"But, what?" I prompted.
"I can't shake the feeling. Aro really wanted Alice and I to join the Volturi. I would say he wants us about as badly as you wanted to be immortal. Even though Alice doesn't see a problem, I can't help feeling he won't stop until we belong to him." Edward sighed, long and loud. "I wish I had never gone to Volterra. I've exposed us all to terrible danger."
"Well, you can't do anything about that now," I said quietly. "You shouldn't have tried to kill yourself, though."
He took my face between gentle hands. "I couldn't help myself, love. The pain was more than I could bear. The thought of life without you…" He fell silent, his mouth working, eyes wide and luminous at whatever horrors he was recalling.
"Shh, I'm here." I pulled his head down close to mine, and held him while he squeezed me convulsively, like he would never let me go. Finally, he released a long, shuddering breath, raised his head and looked down at me with his hand on the side of my neck, his thumb gently caressing my cheek.
"Alice does say I'm a little mental around you," he confessed, a wry twist touching his lips.
"She's not wrong," I said with what I hoped was a teasing tone. "But you asked me not to do anything reckless."
"I know, I was being selfish." Edward closed his eyes. "Even if I was taking myself out of your life, I couldn't stand the idea of you not being in the world."
I frowned slightly. He should know I didn't like double standards. "I managed because you asked me. It wasn't easy but I tried. Would you do the same if I asked you?"
Edward opened his mouth, but didn't answer. He stared at me helplessly.
My eyes flew wide with my alarm. "You're not still thinking that way, are you?"
He cast his eyes down.
"You have to promise you won't do anything stupid if anything happens to me!" The stab of fear made my voice sharper than I intended. I thought we had resolved this a long time ago, but apparently I was wrong.
He raised agonized eyes of golden yellow to me, his voice unsteady. "Bella, you mean the world to me. I can barely stand even the thought of losing you. How would I live through the reality?"
I steeled myself to say what I needed, knowing it would hurt him, but this had to be said. "Edward, when you left me, it hurt. A lot." I clasped his face in my hands and kissed him quickly as he reacted. "Shh. I'm sorry, but I have to say it." I took a breath and forged on. "It hurt, but it also helped me; it proved to me that you had existed. You were the best thing that happened to me, so in a weird way, the pain was welcome, because it was from you. If it hurt that badly, it showed me how happy I was when you were with me."
I rubbed his cheek softly. "And it does get easier after a while. I managed."
Edward shook his head, quickly. "Do you remember when I said you were stronger than me, on that subject?"
I nodded, remembering the night after we had returned from Volterra. It was another strong human memory that was easily recalled — when I realized he had never stopped loving me all those dark months ago.
"You were human. Perhaps when you were still mortal you could have managed; the memories and the pain would fade with time. Now you're like me; every single memory will be just as strong as the first day you experienced it. And if you were gone, the pain would just continue." His jaw set with grim desperation and he pulled me to his chest again. I hurried to soothe him, rubbing his back and making shushing sounds.
"Search your new memories and you'll see I'm right," he whispered raggedly.
Doing as he bid, I closed my eyes and began with my first vampire memory — seeing Edward's face through immortal eyes for the first time. The accompanying joy warmed me just as much as it had that shiny, new day. Then in quick succession, I recalled more memories. The thrill of my first hunt; the horror of killing Mike and Jessica; the guilt from injuring Edward over and over. But it was the bottomless agony I felt when he was trapped in the crevasse and I thought I would lose him that brought it home.
The hole in my chest — that had been sealed for so long — cracked open a bit and I gasped and clutched at my throat. All of it came back as fresh as if I was standing there on the glacier. If fear of losing him affected me this much, the reality would be devastating, and Edward was saying I would carry the torture of that experience with me for all time?
Edward could see my realization, as he raised my wide-eyed face with a gentle palm. "You see what I mean?"
"But that can't be the answer!" I pushed back from him. "Would you be happy at the idea of me killing myself if you're gone?"
His eyebrows drew together, and he spoke in all seriousness. "It may not be the answer, but it is an answer. Victoria hunting you, me going to Italy, even the way Marcus behaves. Does any of that look like a rational response to grief to you?"
"What's wrong with Marcus?" I cast back through human memories, and only recalled a dark-haired vampire who didn't speak much.
"He lost his mate thousands of years ago, and he's been mourning her ever since. So much so, he hardly even notices life going on around him."
I didn't know what to say to that. Marcus' reaction sounded uncomfortably similar to how I had responded to Edward's desertion.
What memories I had of my grandparents' passing didn't involve a great deal of mourning — I was pretty young, then, and not very close to them. But everything I had learned from my parents, from Harry Clearwater's death even, had taught me that the survivors carry on. Time heals all wounds. Life goes on. These were words of comfort that people told each other whenever there was a death in the family. That's what I felt was right. But now that I thought about it, and could experience it myself, Edward was also right.
"So, what do we do now? Is that your plan? To off ourselves if something happens to the other?" The thought sent a wave of weakness through my knees, and I moved to sit on the bed.
"No, it was never a plan, only a reaction. I swear to you, I'd never experienced anything like that before. As a result, I wasn't thinking very clearly at all." Edward settled onto the bed close by me.
Stubbornly, I refused to believe that this was the only option available to us. Maybe I could still convince him otherwise. "Edward, it scares me, the idea that you'll hurt yourself if anything happens to me," I said. "Think about what Jasper wants us to do if things go bad tonight. If that goes down, I'm going to be in the middle of a bunch of unfriendly vampires. All kinds of things could go wrong."
"But if you're…not here…" he said with difficulty. "You wouldn't know about it."
"But if I know that's what you'll do, it still hurts. When you were stuck in the crevasse, I thought there was a chance you might die. That thought brought me around, because it hurt to think I might lose you. So I wish you wouldn't go to extremes like that. I'll end up doing something crazy to make sure you'll stay alive."
He still couldn't answer me.
"What about Carlisle and Esme? You're their favorite son. Think about what it would do to them." I started rattling off anything I could think of that might convince him. "Alice loves you, too. You didn't see her the last time. She'd be devastated if you did yourself in. Aren't those enough reasons to live?"
Edward ran agitated fingers through his hair, and rubbed the back of his neck, as if massaging away a headache. "I...I understand what you're saying." He hesitated. "But you know what I'm saying is true. We're not inconstant beings like humans are; change doesn't come easily or often to us. Love is one of the most powerful agents of change we experience, and nothing is strong enough to reverse that. As a result, we don't take the loss of our mates very well."
I wanted to deny it, to say anything to refute it, but deep down inside, I could feel that he was right. Nothing useful came to me that might change his mind. Not knowing what to say, I sat silently drawing designs on the silken coverlet with my fingers.
"What are you thinking, love?" Edward finally asked.
"I guess—" I began.
"What?"
After further consideration, I decided to just go with it. "Do you know what I wanted to tell you?"
The inflection drew a quizzical expression from him. "No."
"I wanted to tell you that what I feel for you is the sweetest, most wonderful thing I've ever experienced. And because it's so amazing, I'd have to keep going even if you were gone just to keep your memory alive. Because every day that I went on, and kept your memory alive, would be a celebration of you. You mean that much to me, Edward, and that would make the pain worth bearing. At least, that's what I would have said at one time."
A sigh slipped out of me, and my shoulders slumped. "At one time, I thought you were just being negative, or over-reacting. I...I guess I know what you felt, now. What you still feel."
He gave me the barest of nods. "It's an eye-opener, isn't it?"
I grimaced, uncomfortable at the thought. "But it's just such a downer, you know? We've got no choice but to suicide or go crazy if anything happens to the other? What kind of future is that?"
His eyes grew bleak with sadness. "It does seem to be rather absolute, doesn't it? Another reason the transient nature of humanity would have been better for you."
My brows knitted together at that. "I still wouldn't forget you, even if I was human," I insisted. "I'd find a way to hold on to you."
He considered that briefly and nodded. "That's true, you would."
The silence that fell between us dragged on for a while, so I reached out and took his hand. Then something my mom had said a long time ago came to me. And after a moment, it made even more sense now than it did when she first said it.
"Maybe we are stuck with the memories for the rest of our existence. But does that mean we have to dwell on the bad things all the time?"
Edward frowned as he absorbed that, gazing thoughtfully out the window.
"You have good memories of me, too, don't you?"
His expression softened instantly, and he smiled. "Of course, I do."
"Well, it's not so different than with humans. We, I mean they, can choose to dwell on the pain, or choose to hold on to the happy memories — the things that make our life together special. I spent the last part of senior year freaking out about Victoria hurting you, and what did it get me? I made things worse for us. So why focus on the negative?"
"The Volturi are coming —"
"Yes, they are," I interrupted. "And there's not much we can do about that, or whatever else life throws our way. At least Alice gave us some warning. But if we only live our lives based on the negative, well, then it's like the Volturi have won already. You don't want to give in without a fight, do you?"
"I already know how I'll feel if you're taken from me. I've lived it."
I felt a twinge of exasperation, but controlled it. That's not what he needed right now.
I laid my hand on the side of his head, stroking the hair of his temple with my thumb.
"You've got every single, happy memory of me locked in there, just like I have of you. Why not hold on to those the hardest? You said you use good memories of me to counteract the bad ones Jacob gave you. What better time to use them, than for this?"
Edward gazed into my eyes for a long, silent moment, thinking. Then he looked away at the forest outside. His face shifted through a number of expressions and I wondered what was going through his head. I waited while he thought, not wanting to interrupt. Finally he spoke. "You're right. I suppose I hadn't thought of it that way."
I put my hand on my chest, and concentrated on thoughts of how much he loved me — how his face lit up when I walked into a room, the gentle concern with which he took care of me, the music that he composed for me. Instantly the pain was gone, and I even began to feel a little warm. "Maybe we don't know what's coming around the corner. But so long as you can hold our love here." I placed my hand on Edward's chest. "And hold our memories here." I stroked the side of his face. "We'll always be together. Let's focus on that and live for that."
Slowly, the frown smoothed away from his brow, until finally he looked at me thoughtfully. "I never thought beyond the pain. I was in such misery, I just wanted it to end. But the way you see it, it's a…a…" He searched for the words, then found it, and his eyes seemed to glow. "We celebrate the good, instead of cherish the bad."
I nodded, hopeful that he was coming around. "I don't even know if I'll be able to do it when the time comes, but at least it's something positive to try."
He nodded his assent, a hesitant smile touching the corners of his mouth. "All right, I'll try. Who knows what the future holds but…for you, I'll try."
I smiled happily at him. "That's all I'm asking."
He kissed the tip of my nose. "I can definitely celebrate your life, but I'd much rather celebrate your life while you're living." He began to kiss me rather seriously, until I felt the warmth starting to grow in my stomach again. He stopped and his eyes did that unfair smoldering thing. "Wouldn't you?"
In answer, I twined my arms around his neck and kissed him for all I was worth. Mindful of my strength, I held him gently, letting him set the pace. His arms pulled me closer until there was no more room for thought. His strong warm hands caressed my back, sending shivers down the backs of my legs.
Then he broke away and held my eyes with his, his breathing unsteady. "You're the most wonderful thing to happen to me in a hundred years, and I would like nothing more than to spend the next hundred years making happy memories with you," he whispered, and bent to kiss me again.
His lips lingered long and gently over mine, savoring the sensations of silken lips and satin cheeks. I smiled under his kisses and pulled him even closer as the warmth in my chest swelled and burst like a torrent of sunshine beating through the clouds. While he kissed his way down to the hollow of my throat, I lay back, twisted my fingers through his hair, and felt the curves of our bodies line up as if created to fit together. Gone was the gloom that had touched him. Gone was the edge and urgency I felt the last few times he thought he would lose me. There was more joy in his touch and in his kisses, and the relief I felt fed into the storm tide rising up within me. And while the future was still not certain, I felt more positive that he would be able to celebrate the sweetness of our life together.
= = CR = = CR = = CR = =
In the hours before the predicted meeting time, I grew more and more nervous. I didn't know exactly what to wear for a possible battle, and from what I could remember of the last time that our family fought, there wasn't any kind of uniform or equipment involved. I was standing in the closet in my bathrobe, looking over my meager wardrobe when there was a knock on our door. Edward opened the door and Alice walked in, carrying a pair of pants.
"Jasper wants us to wear something light colored," Alice piped up. "Since the Volturi usually wear dark clothing, we'll be able to tell each other apart more easily. Here, wear this with a long sleeved t-shirt or something like that."
She handed me a pair of soft, running pants. Considering athletics was the farthest thing from my mind as a human, I had never owned a pair. However, that wasn't the problem.
"Pink pants?" I wrinkled my nose and held them with two fingers like they were contaminated.
"Hey, it's all in how you wear a color," Alice said with a roll of her eyes. "And it's called bleached coral. Women's yoga pants and running pants are mostly black or dark grey. This was the best I could do for light colored, athletic wear."
"Well, you know I wouldn't have anything like this," I said, stating the obvious.
"If you don't like them, wear them hunting," Alice said with a knowing grin. "The way you go through clothing, we need to go shopping more. I know you try to be indifferent about what you wear, but this will be easy to move in, if you need to."
"Thanks, Alice," I said and in spite of it, gave her a grateful smile. I went to brush my hair in front of the bathroom mirror so I could pull it into a ponytail.
"You still don't see a battle happening?" I asked as I brushed.
"Not so far," she answered me. "A little nervous?"
"Let's see, we're not sure what's going to happen, but Carlisle thinks that I'm going to be inspected. The group that's coming to check on me has destroyed entire covens before, and may have done so without good reason. Of course I'm nervous."
Alice rewarded my comments with a smirk. "No wonder you and Edward get along so well. You're both such pessimists. It's not like you can stop being a vampire in the next couple hours, so just try to relax."
Edward walked into the bathroom, pulling on a white, long-sleeved polo shirt. "Ignore her. We're not pessimists; we're just trying to be practical. It's better to be prepared for the future than have it take you by surprise. She should know that."
Alice wrinkled her nose at Edward. "I guess I'd better go get ready, too," she said, and left the room, humming to herself.
After I finished with my hair, I walked into the closet for a shirt. Edward surprised me by catching me around the waist and kissing my shoulders and the back of my neck. The skin of his arms slid silkily across my belly, and began to seriously distract me.
"Hey, knock it off." I giggled as his nose tickled my ear. I twisted around in his arms and pushed lightly against his chest. "Just because we're married doesn't mean you should be pawing me all the time."
"Can you think of a better time?" His voice was low and honey smooth, his eyes warm and gentle. I took a breath and fought back the feeling of my knees melting.
"Um, yeah? After the inspection?" I said, pointedly. "We don't want them to come here, do we?"
Edward made a rebellious noise in the back of his throat. "I suppose," he said and bared his teeth. "Honestly, Jane hasn't made an appearance yet, and she's already irritating me."
I slid my fingers across his cheek, relishing the velvet feel of his face, then reluctantly pulled out of his arms and reached for my clothes. "Come on. Let's get this over with."
= = CR = = CR = = CR = =
The night was one of those rare, cold but clear November evenings that had a few scattered clouds marring the starlit sky. At around nine o'clock we all gathered in front of the house.
As the newest member of the family, I was the only one that needed to get my affairs in order in some way. The e-mail that I had composed would be sent to Charlie and Renee in several days if I didn't delete it before then. I had struggled with the contents of it —how could I explain that if they received this message, it would be because I had been killed by other vampires? Instead, I settled for telling them I loved them, and thanked them for caring for me and for supporting my choices.
Inside the house, Esme activated the heavy metal shields that rolled down and covered the huge glass windows. Carmen had a book and settled onto a couch in the living room. I didn't know how she would be able to read calmly, wondering whether we would return. After Eleazar bade her goodbye, we set out at a brisk trot for the baseball clearing.
This was the first time I had run with my entire family coursing around me like a herd of gazelle. The miles fell away beneath our feet as we leaped and bounded through the trees. Alice and Edward led the formation, keeping an eye out for stray humans again. On Eleazar's suggestion, I tried extending my dampening field on the run. If I couldn't keep it extended while I was busy it wouldn't do the family any good in a melee.
At first I couldn't concentrate enough to get hold of it. But after a few stumbles, I actively pressed the vampire mind into service. I made an effort to run with part of my mind, while another part found my field and pushed it out to my current limits. I still couldn't push it as far as I wanted it to go, but that couldn't be helped now.
As we ran, Eleazar tried at various times to push or attack me – clumsy attempts by his normal standards – to see if I could maintain it while under attack. At first he was able to completely distract me, and my shield snapped back down to normal size. After a number of attempts, I found that, now that my mind had hold of it, I could dissociate my focus again and allow the different parts of my mind to take care of the situation. I was able to manage it again. Thus engaged, the trip to the clearing passed quickly.
We arrived shortly before the appointed hour, and settled to wait around some large boulders – moraine left behind by the receding of the glaciers at the end of the ice age. The last time I was here, I was only able to see part way across with the dim moonlight before it subsided into shadow. I wondered if we were close to the spot where the Volturi had killed the newborn Bree and burned her body, or the larger pyre where the rest of the army was destroyed. I cast my eyes around, looking for scorch marks, but didn't see any. A little distance away was the rocky outcropping where I had sat with Jacob in his wolf form, watching Jasper teach the family. The déjà vu I felt was hazy, but still there, fluttering at the edge of memory. With the peaceful night sounds, if not for the apprehension I felt, this might have been a very pleasant evening.
After a while, impatient as always, Emmett broke the silence. "How much longer?"
"Right on time," Alice pronounced.
Emmett, Jasper, Eleazar, Edward and Alice casually moved closer to me. The butterflies in my stomach immediately began a mad dance and I could feel my breathing starting to quicken. I looked over at the rest of the family, whom I wouldn't be able to cover if things went wrong. Esme caught my eye and she gave me a gentle smile, as did Carlisle. Rosalie raised a single eyebrow at me but that was all. Kate and Tanya didn't seem to be particularly stressed, but they were more experienced than me. Still, it would be horrible if something were to happen to any of them because I couldn't take care of them. I gave a little shiver and Edward rubbed my back in reassurance.
Across the wide clearing from the northeast, the direction of Seattle, four dark shadows separated themselves from the distant tree line. As they drew closer I wondered why they bothered to wear the long dark cloaks. It gave them the appearance of gliding across the grassy field, but couldn't be practical in the long run. They wore their hoods up, obscuring their faces, but I figured the two slight figures were Jane and Alec, and the huge hulking one was Felix. Demetri would be the remaining one, tall and slender, but moving with lethal purpose.
They halted about fifteen yards from us. Jane, Alec and Felix let their hoods fall back from their faces. Demetri adjusted his hood so I could see enough of his face to recognize him.
"Hello, Jane," Edward spoke, his voice coldly polite despite the tension we all felt.
"Hmm," Jane's voice was as flat and bored as I remembered it and her face was the same. I wondered if she ever smiled. Then I realized the only time I had seen her smile was when she was torturing someone. "You seem to be expecting us." Her eyes flicked over at Alice.
"We thought it would be polite to meet you part way," Carlisle said. "What brings you to Forks?"
Jane's bored, half-closed eyes roved over our band, and widened in surprise when they reached Eleazar. "Eleazar?" She ignored Carlisle's question. "Why are you here?"
Eleazar allowed a thin smile to play across his face. "I've found greener pastures."
Jane's blood-red eyes narrowed slightly. "Do you mean, you…"
"Yes," he answered, curtly. "This life suits me."
"That's just gross," Felix rumbled under his breath, but not low enough we would miss it.
"The master wondered how you were getting along," Alec said quietly. "He recently began considering asking you to return."
A shrug of his shoulders was Eleazar's answer. "This life suits me," he repeated.
Felix turned his head toward me. "Hello, Bella," he said, nodding in what might be approval.
"Hi, Felix," I replied, not sure how else to respond.
"It looks good on you," he said with a smirk.
"Yes, I agree." Alec's little boy voice wafted over to us. His high-pitched tones made sense, since Aro had transformed him before his voice could change. I couldn't help comparing his facial features to Jane. They were physically similar, as would be expected of twins, but where her expression showed her irritation, he was rather calm, almost sedate.
"Uh, thanks." I kept my answers short so the nerves wouldn't show in my voice.
An edge of annoyance touched Jane's dull voice. "Yes, well then you must know why we are here." She turned her gaze on Edward, and I tensed briefly, ready to grab him at a moment's notice. "The conditions for you to leave Volterra alive were that you would give her immortality." The way she said 'her' was an insult. I was reminded of what Eleazar had said about her personality, but wasn't quite sure how to behave around a supernatural pre-teen with sadistic tendencies.
"We're here to witness that you've fulfilled your part of the bargain." Jane's disinterested face turned toward me again, and her eyes glittered briefly with malice. "Be glad that you've done so. Caius was very interested in the outcome of our visit."
"When you see them, please convey my respects to Caius, Aro and Marcus," Carlisle replied with a slight bow.
"If you had contacted us beforehand and told us of your mission," Edward commented. "We could have sent you pictures and saved you the trip."
"Considering the size of the assemblage here," Demetri said. "one wonders what you might have imagined our mission would be."
"Our family just happened to be in Forks on vacation." Tanya smiled. "We came along to see who else was in town." She gave a coy downward sweep of her lashes at Demetri, who lifted an eyebrow in return.
Jane gave a disgusted huff. "Enough. We're done here." Then she glanced back at me and the corner of her mouth curled upward. Edward snapped out a growl, low in his throat, and Jane's smile disappeared into a glare. "Let's go!" she snapped.
Together the four turned in a swirl of dark cloaks and began to glide away without a backward glance. As I watched them recede across the clearing and disappear into the trees, I realized I had been holding my breath. With a palpable sense of relief, I exhaled explosively. That signal seemed to release everybody else, and laughter and cheers broke out from the family. Emmett caught up Rosalie and swung her around, his bass laugh booming about the clearing.
"Why were you growling at Jane as they were leaving?" I asked Edward.
The irritation was still on his face. "She was…checking. Fortunately your gift is still effective against hers."
"Good, I'm glad," I said with a shudder. "So, we're done now, right?"
"Indeed, we are!" Carlisle replied, with a broad smile. "Let's go home!"
= = CR = = CR = = CR = =
The heavy metal shutters on the house were rolled back, letting bright moonlight stream through the gleaming wall of glass, and the living room furniture was pushed back for a makeshift dance floor. Edward sat at the piano playing a boogie-woogie piece while Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie danced and cavorted in the cleared space. Carmen and Eleazar swayed at a more sedate pace, not in time with the music but they didn't seem to notice. Carlisle and Esme sat with Kate and Tanya watching the general merriment.
I stood next to Edward, bopping in time to the music with my hand on his shoulder. Not dancing, not me, but the mood was still infectious. For the first time in a long time, there was nothing hanging over my head – no doom coming to claim me. The inspection was passed successfully and the family was unharmed. I had fairly good control of myself, and Edward and I were happy together again.
It being me, I recalled some issues that marred an otherwise great buzz. A small spot deep in my heart couldn't be happy without wondering if Jacob was happy. Somehow it didn't seem right for me to be happy without considering him. Hopefully Leah would be able to hold things up on her end. And then there was the issue of my parents to deal with. I needed to delete the auto-email that was set to send in a couple days. There was also other work to be done. We needed to bring the computer equipment back up from the vault and set it up in the attic. Later. For now, we could take a little time for celebration.
Edward looked over his shoulder at me while he played and smiled. Even without looking, he didn't miss a note. "Happy, love?"
I sat on the piano bench next to him. "Pretty happy," I said with a sigh. "It's been a long time coming." Then as I thought about it, my face fell slightly. "Edward, we're going to miss Thanksgiving. This will be the first one I'll miss with my parents."
Edward gazed at me for a while, his expression sobering. His fingers slowed a little and the music shifted to something more sedate. "Is that what you were e-mailing them?" he asked. I nodded.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart," he said softly. "I wish it could be otherwise but…"
I sighed, reached back and pulled the hair-tie off my pony-tail, letting the hair fall free. "I know," I said wistfully. "But that's life, now."
Edward continued to play, seeming to search for what to say. Then he gave me a half smile. "We could have a vampire Thanksgiving. It wouldn't be quite the same though. There's not enough blood in turkeys to be worth the trouble. And there are all those feathers to deal with."
His attempt to distract me worked, and I was briefly curious about how a turkey would taste. I wrinkled my nose. "Has anybody ever tried one?"
Before he could answer we were interrupted by the ring of the house phone. I felt a sense of dread once again – the sky was still dark and not yet hinting of the coming dawn. The only people who might call us at this time might be other vampires…or werewolves. I got up quickly and reached for the cordless phone.
"Cullen residence," I said.
"Bella? Is that you?" It was Jacob. I guess my voice sounded different to him over the phone now.
"Yeah, Jake, it's me. What's going on?" I braced myself, because it couldn't be good news that would make him call me at this time of morning.
"Are those other bloodsuckers at your place?" His voice was harsh with urgency.
"No, we met with them last night. They checked me out and left. I thought they were going home afterward."
"Well, they didn't. One of my brothers is dead, and he's got vampire stink all over him."
To be continued...
A/N: Sorry for the cliffie. I tried to cut it at a different place, but this worked the best for both chapters. I'll try to get the next one up soon. Meantime, love to hear what you think. What could Jane and friends be up to?
