A/N
I'm updating a day early because it's a short chapter and also because why the hell not. And yeah, I'm gonna try to update weekly on Fridays, hopefully that'll work.
A/N end
Chapter Two: Danger Mystery
The experiment couldn't sleep that night. The floor felt colder than usual and the chamber was darker than ever, and accompanied with the chain that was heavier than ever before? It was too much. But not more than it had endured before. So it shrugged it off and tried to sleep.
Hours later, sleep did not come. The experiment tried and tried, but nothing worked.
Why did it have to be created in this world? It wasn't fair. Gaster could have easily chosen not to abuse it and nurture it. But no.
Did it ever do anything wrong? Well, other than exist… and whimper… and taking too long to obey… and- and-
The chain restraining the experiment clicked open, causing it to jump. The experiment froze in place, hoping Gaster wasn't anywhere nearby.
After a minute or two the experiment decided to get up. Somehow its limbs felt hollow and barely able to support its weight. The door magically and silently slid open, flooding its torture chamber with grey light. It backed into a corner to avoid Gaster for a few minutes again, and finally worked up the nerve to explore the secret laboratory.
The experiment exited the room and spun around, happy to finally have freedom. It noticed a metal plate by its door that read, 'WDGSP07.' Perhaps that was its code or something? Whatever. It decided to take a right, which led to a room with blueprints and huge stacks of pages written in weird handwriting. The experiment walked over to them and sifted through the pages, finding itself somehow able to read them.
A few sifts later the experiment found a layout of the laboratory. Perhaps it could use that somehow? It tucked the paper in its coat and continued to the next room. Several doors were there, with screams coming from behind them. The experiment ran to the next room to get away from the horrid noise into a kitchen. Several tools lay around on the counters, but what most interested the experiment was an extremely dusty knife. Instead of blood, monsters turned into dust when killed, so had Gaster used it to kill monsters? It decided to think about it later. The knife slowly slid itself of the counter and floated into the experiments grasp.
It tucked the knife away in its coat and headed into a hallway. There were four doors and then a dead end- Control Room, Bathroom, Bedroom, and Timelines. ...Timelines? What was that?
Behind Control Room the experiment could hear the maniacal laughs of its creator, which then slowly faded. It could hear his voice behind the door…
"Wait… experiment WDGSP07 isn't in its chamber."
Review time!
LaylatheSkeleton: Nice!
It's me remember?
Anyways this is very descriptive! And Gaster seems to be VERY POWERFUL, which makes him more threatening!
The funny thing is that Gaster is evil with your OC but the Gaster in my story is kind.
Like this is the total opposite of what my Gaster would have done to my OC.
Anyway I don't really see anything that needs to be improved, but you did use whimper a lot, maybe you should use some synonyms for it like whine.
Other than that this story is very interesting!
Thanks for that, it's nice to have some good criticism. I don't really feel like going back right now though, so I'll take care of it later.
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