A/N: My apologies to all for the long delay in updating. I'll save explanations for the end notes. Many thanks to everyone who's stuck with the story through all the delays. I appreciate every single follow, favorite, review and read! Thanks so much for your support!
A million thank you's to Katmom, who fixes my boneheaded-ness with immense reserves of patience, and to Sherryola, who helps me stay in the canon universe. Big hugs to you both!
Note: Possible tissue warning in this chapter...
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer, the great and powerful, owns Twilight and all the characters; she's kind enough to allow us to visit her playground. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter 28 – Responsibilities
Finally, we stood unopposed on the rocky beach, eerily quiet now that the roar of battle had died away. The wolves that remained on the beach were injured, and unable to participate in the chase after Caius and the remaining Volturi. The ambulatory ones sniffed around, making sure there were no more intact Guardsmen. I stood with my mouth open, trying to process Carlisle's last statement, but at the same time not wanting to. Death of what son and what daughter?
Before I could get very far with that, Edward rushed over and enfolded me in a desperate embrace that I enthusiastically returned. The solid feel of my arms around him and his hands crushing me to his chest assured me that our nightmare was over. Like sunlight had burst through the clouds, the stress and fear that weighed me down through my ordeal with the Volturi faded. I was an absolute mess – my hair must have looked like a wet haystack and I had blood smears on my face. I ached all over my body, my right sleeve had been torn off in the fight, and I had a greasy stain spreading across my left breast pocket from where I smashed the jar of ointment. But all that didn't matter. Throughout that long night I thought I'd never be able to see or hold him again.
I turned my face up and he kissed me for an endless moment, the scene of carnage around us melting away in the sheer joy and relief of feeling his lips on mine. Finally, he slid his face to the side and breathlessly whispered my name. He drew back and looked down at me. I winced as he gently ran a thumb over some of the bruises on my face. He murmured softly in apology, and I saw that his eyes held a deep sadness.
"Are you all right?" he asked, his voice still rough. He must have been going through the torments of purgatory from the moment he heard I'd been captured.
"I'm fine, now," I answered. "Sorry I ran off without telling you where I was going."
"You should be." For moment, his face darkened like gathering thunderclouds, and I braced myself. Then he sighed, relaxed and gave my shoulders a little shake. "I'm just glad you're all right, and you were able to hold them off until we got there."
Releasing the breath I'd been holding, I gave his chest a gentle, but exasperated, push. I still owed him an explanation, but was relieved he was leaving it for another time. I had gotten lucky with Felix, and if not for Jacob's timely interference, I might be dead. Then I steeled myself to ask the unpleasant question, even though I didn't want to hear the answer. "Who was Carlisle talking about?"
His lips pressed tightly for a moment, then he pulled me close again. "It's Emmett, Rosalie, and Tanya," he whispered sadly. It was a good thing he was holding me, because my knees sagged and I would have fallen. My brain froze in shock as the impossibility of it warred with what I had just heard. It just couldn't be. I thought for sure that any moment Emmett would come bounding across the river, bellyaching about the fight he had missed. I was just getting to know Tanya, and growing closer to Rosalie. It just couldn't happen this way.
Edward raised his head and spoke to Carlisle. "We need to finish here and get back across."
At that moment, Jasper emerged from the trees, jubilation lighting his face. Eleazar was close behind him. "We got Caius!" Jasper cried, holding a head by its long, blonde hair. He threw it, and a severed arm, toward the pile of vampire remains that the wolves had begun assembling. Eleazar added several more parts to the pile.
"Where are the wolves that went with you?" Carlisle asked Jasper.
"They followed the rest of the pack who were chasing down the remainder of the Guard," he said, a rare smile beaming out of his face.
Carlisle nodded and returned his attention to Edward's suggestion. "Alice? Can you go make sure Esme is all right? I need to tend to the injured. I'll be along as soon as I can."
"Is Carmen well?" asked Eleazar.
"She has a severed leg, and stayed behind with Esme, but she's alive."
Eleazar grimaced briefly at Carlisle's news, then gave a curt nod.
Jasper, normally so reserved, pulled Alice into a fierce embrace. Like a dam had burst, the tension in us released. I let my breath go in a low whistle. As improbable as it had seemed days ago, we had survived the Volturi onslaught. Well, most of us had. While we were relieved, there was no room for celebration – not with the losses we had suffered – but neither did we have time for grief. We had casualties to care for, and a battleground to clean up. We couldn't leave stray body parts for hunters or fishermen to find. Kate and Alice came to me for a brief hug, but that was all.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered to Kate.
She patted my shoulder with her lips clenched as if holding it all in. "That's war, sestrichka."
"It's not fair, Alice," I blubbered into her hair as she hugged my waist. "When did Emmett and Rosalie come back? I thought they had gone and were safe."
"They never left, Bella," Alice said, quietly. "They never left."
I asked Carlisle about his missing hand, and was surprised that he didn't seem to be overly concerned.
"It's inconvenient," he admitted, with a rueful smile. "But remember what I said about being able to recover from injuries that would kill humans?"
"How will you practice medicine?" I wondered.
Carlisle shrugged. "I'm right-handed; I'll manage somehow. I may be able to find it where I left Esme and the others."
Jasper and Eleazar had been more fortunate, with only contusions and a number of bite wounds. Alice and Kate were relatively untouched, only their wardrobe was the worse for wear. Edward limped slightly, having been kicked in the right knee when he had been set upon by several Guardsmen.
Carlisle proceeded to triage the wounded while the rest of us worked to dispose of the Volturi remains. Disembodied hands still grasped, and feet still moved mindlessly. I couldn't imagine that Felix, or any of the others, would be able to put themselves back together but we didn't want to take the chance. While Alice and Jasper crossed the river to be with Esme, we and the able-bodied werewolves scoured the rocky beach and the woods for every scrap of vampire body parts we could find.
I had mixed feelings while I worked. Part of me wanted to jump up and down in jubilation. The Volturi menace had been destroyed, and we were finally and truly safe. Part of me wanted to scream in anguish over Emmett and Rosalie, to hold on to Edward and not let go. I ought to rush across the river to comfort Esme in our mutual loss. And yet another part didn't want to face reality, welcoming the distraction of activity. I was also worried about Jacob. He still hadn't gotten up, so it didn't look good.
When we had a ghastly mound of remains collected – all the more gruesome because most of it still moved – Eleazar lifted the silver canister of Caius' and touched off the pyre. Flames quickly spread, as if the remains were infused with gasoline. We checked to make sure every single piece had caught, then stepped back as a thick column of purplish smoke rose to blot out the night sky.
The werewolves had borne the brunt of the casualties, having been incapacitated by Jane long enough for a number to be injured or slain. It would have been far worse if Leah, the grey wolf I had glimpsed, hadn't killed her. Apparently, because she was not part of the pack, she had not been affected by the suffering of the pack mind. She had also disposed of Alec, who had been blindly immobilizing friend and foe alike in a broad swath. We didn't know who had gotten to Chelsea, but the fang marks on the stump of her neck gave mute testimony to the cause of her demise.
Six wolves were dead, Paul and Embry among them. All of the dead had reverted to human form, and I tried to ignore their grisly wounds. Fortunately, anything not immediately fatal began healing. A few of the survivors nursed broken bones, and some had nasty cuts, gouges or burns that were already in the process of healing. Thanks to that miraculous healing nature, all of the survivors were now ambulatory enough to limp home, although I suspected Carlisle might need to reset some bones later.
After some time, the roaring fire began to dwindle, as its fuel supply was reduced to ash. Sam returned with the rest of the pack that had pursued the Volturi. I was glad to see that there were no more casualties among them.
"Did you get them all?" Jasper asked.
Sam grimaced briefly. "All but two. We chased them to land's end, then they jumped into the sea."
"Were they anybody important?"
"No, just a couple of the guards."
"Good riddance," Eleazar commented.
Of all our injured, Jacob was the worst and was paralyzed from the waist down, with absolutely no feeling in his legs or feet. Carlisle had gotten him to phase back to human form, and knelt by his side with Leah close by, still as a wolf. It was just like when he had been injured by the newborn, but that time it had only been broken bones, not his spinal cord. Jake lay on his back, and someone had taken the clothes he strapped to himself and covered him up.
"I need something to stabilize his back," Carlisle instructed us. "Otherwise his spine may heal badly. I would hate to have to re-break that."
"I know just the thing," Eleazar said, and disappeared into the woods.
"Are you all right, Jake?" I couldn't help asking.
"Except for not being able to move, I feel fine," he quipped, but his voice was strained, his brow furrowed. "I can't feel my legs, but I can feel where he hit me. Sorry I couldn't stop them from grabbing you. Are you okay?"
"Don't worry about me, Jake, I'm fine." I could feel the lump starting in my throat, but at least he was alive. "You more than made up for it. Sorry you got hurt again."
"Yeah. I'm starting to think you're hazardous for my health."
I couldn't laugh, and settled for a sigh. "I'm so sorry about Paul and Embry."
Jacob didn't speak for a moment, looking up at the night sky. "Yeah, me too," he whispered.
I caught Leah's eye. "He saved my life," I told her. "Sorry he got hurt." She gave a little snort and what seemed like a canine shrug.
Edward translated. "She said, 'He knew what he was doing. Not your fault the witch girl could nail the whole pack.' "
Just then Eleazar returned carrying a long, broad piece of birch bark. "The natives would fashion canoes from the bark of this tree. It should be strong enough," he said.
"Good thinking," Carlisle said. "We'll need to strap him to the board."
"Here..." Edward pulled off his fatigue shirt, and began tearing it into long strips.
"Hey, I'm the one who doesn't wear shirts," Jake groused.
"It's the least I can do," Edward said, and they used the strips to tie Jacob securely to the makeshift backboard. "You saved Bella, again. We were still fighting our way up the beach when you got there. Thank you."
Jacob snorted, his sarcasm leaking through the pain as they jostled him. "Well, if you'd take care of her, I wouldn't have to." Edward grimaced a little at the jibe, but he said nothing.
"We'll take him," Sam said. He, Jared, Seth and Quil had shifted back so they could use their hands. They lifted Jacob without effort.
"I need to get everybody with broken bones to the hospital for x-rays," Carlisle informed them. "I'll meet you at Billy's and we'll figure out how to proceed. My family will help bring your brothers back across the river."
Sam nodded his thanks and they started upriver, toward a shallower crossing. Leah followed closely after them. We moved to where the dead tribe members lay. I chose one that I didn't know and slung him over my shoulder. Other than that hesitation, I didn't feel queasy at all about carrying a dead body. Without another glance, we turned our backs on the funeral pyre and headed upstream to the ford.
"Why didn't Emmett and Rosalie leave?" I asked Edward with a slight wince.
"Rosalie felt guilty, and couldn't make a decision to leave, so they just stayed at the house." Edward's eyes were somber as he answered me. His pale, bare skin contrasted sharply with the dusky-skinned body he carried. "When they heard that you had been taken, they came to help."
I felt my face contract at the thought. Alice had always been my favorite, but the thought of what might have been with Rose made it harder to bear. Having grown up without siblings, I found myself jealously wanting to hold on to each and every one of them.
We crossed quickly, took our burdens to Old Quil's place and hid them in the barn. Then Edward dashed back to the river, with us close behind. A short distance upstream from the main battlefield, on another rocky beach near a small knoll hidden by a stand of trees, we found Carmen, Alice and Jasper huddled around Esme. The sound of Esme's sobbing reached me before I saw her sitting on a log. Carlisle was beside her in a flash, and she pulled an arm around him, sobbing into his shoulder. Edward knelt nearby and placed a hand on her knee.
Carmen reached out with her arms and Eleazar practically threw himself into them. He sat down and lifted her into his lap. The stump of her right leg peeked out from under her flowing skirt. Not far from us, a number of figures lay on the rocks and gravel by the river's edge. They were missing body parts, but unlike the dismembered Volturi, they did not move.
My eyes were drawn to the largest body, obviously Emmett. When I had relieved Felix of his head, his body had still moved around, so it seemed wrong that Emmett wouldn't do the same. It was hard to imagine that someone so strong, with a personality so vital, could simply cease to be. But there his head lay, separated from his torso and resting forlornly on the sand next to his hulking shoulders. It had been set on fire, and his hair and eyebrows were burned, from what I could see. His eyes were closed, and if not for the damage, it looked like he might be sleeping. The broken stump of his neck was blackened, unlike the freshly dismembered limbs of the Volturi. The college sweatshirt Emmett had been wearing was partially burned away, and I thought it odd that his chest should seem unharmed though the fire must have touched his skin. I shuddered and turned my head away before I could see Rosalie and Tanya.
"Oh no," I whispered. Even though I'd been told what had happened, confronting the reality was still a shock. My knees gave way and I fell to the ground next to Edward. He extended his other arm and pulled me against him.
"My boy. My darling girl." Esme's broken words cut into me like razors. Emmett had always been my favorite brother, even before I was changed. Both Rosalie and Tanya were so vibrant and alive, it wasn't right that they should be dead.
After what seemed a very long time, Esme's racking sobs calmed enough that Carlisle spoke. "I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner. I didn't realize Emmett was coming here when he ran from the beach."
"They found us even though we were hidden away from the meeting place," Esme said with a weak voice. "Demetri attacked me first and took my arm."
That's when I noticed that Esme's left arm was missing, her fatigues had a ragged hole at the shoulder. I started when I saw it lying on the ground. Her other sleeve showed signs of scorch marks.
"Rosalie fought him off me, but he was too much for her. Tanya and Carmen were busy with the other two. Emmett came, but not in time. When he saw Rose, he went mad. He destroyed Demetri and turned on the others. We tried to help, but the other two overwhelmed him. He managed to damage them before that, then you came and finally we killed them all. But too late, too late!"
"I'm sorry, Mother," Jasper said, his voice very low. "I should have left some wolves back here to guard you."
Esme shook her head, sadly. "There were so many Volturi. You needed all the help you could get."
I buried my head in Edward's shoulder and the sobs convulsed me. For a second I hated my vampire body. It wasn't right that I stay dry-eyed in the face of such tragedy. Edward patted my back comfortingly. I looked up at him, and his face was very bleak, his jaw clenched with the effort of suppressing his emotions.
I reached up and smoothed his hair back. "You don't have to be brave for me," I hiccuped. "I know how much they meant to you. It's okay…"
His golden eyes met mine for only a moment, then squeezed shut as his mouth twisted into a grimace of pain. Both of his arms went around me and drew me closer, his head on my shoulder, mine on his. We both sat there in mutual grief, unable to speak.
After a while, a certain numbness began to set in. Edward turned a little but kept his arm around me. There was nothing that we could do, but to be there for each other. I looked over at Kate, who knelt next to one of the still figures. Her face was still solemn, but her eyes were haunted. "I'm so sorry about Tanya," I murmured.
"I'll miss her," Kate said. "She was always cheerful and a good companion. She made the long days pass more quickly."
I nodded, not knowing what else to say. I remembered Tanya's comments at our wedding, of having eons of time to get to know each other. Another bout of sobbing convulsed me; we would never have that time. I could only be glad for what little time I had with her in Denali. Her irreverence and lust for life had helped me find my way back to Edward.
Practical as always, Kate sighed. "Nothing to be done for it now." She rose up slightly, reached out and picked up something from the tall grass. "Carlisle, perhaps this is yours?" It was Carlisle's left hand, identifiable by the wedding ring it wore.
"Thank you, Kate." Carlisle took his hand, opened one of the large cargo pockets on his fatigue pants and dropped it in. "I'll reattach it when I have a moment." He rubbed Esme's back. "Are you all right, dear?"
Esme looked up at him sadly, her eyes wide and luminous, though dry. "I won't be all right for a while. But is there nothing we can do?"
Carlisle stood and helped Esme to her feet. He drew closer to the remains of our brother, sister, and cousin and gazed at them for a while, slowly shaking his head. "If only they hadn't had those infernal flame throwers," he said, grimly. "We might have been able to stop them before they could touch off the bodies. If you hadn't thought to throw their parts into the river, we wouldn't have anything but ash, now."
Eleazar stood, carrying Carmen in his arms, while she cradled the severed part of her leg. Edward supported me by the elbow. I didn't truly need the physical assistance, but it was comforting. I looked down at the remains, wondering if we should bury them, or if burning was the only vampire way. I bent and retrieved Esme's arm, still wearing the sleeve of her fatigues.
When I handed it to Esme, Carlisle looked at the arm, then at his own wrist, frowning. "It's never happened this way before, but what have we to lose?" he muttered while surveying the charred body parts. He fell silent, his gaze taking in the carnage of our fallen family, then again, his own and Esme's injuries. After a period of seeming indecision, Carlisle lifted his head and looked at Edward, whose face took on an expression of desperate hope.
"I want to take care of my family, but I also need to take care of our allies." Carlisle spoke urgently to Edward. "Do you see what I mean to do?"
"Yes!" Edward answered. "It's worth a try!" He turned to me. "Bella, get your truck and bring it as close as you can. We'll have to move quickly!"
= = CR = = CR = = CR = =
Carlisle left for Billy's house, taking Jasper with him as an assistant, since he only had the use of one hand. As quickly as we could, we tossed the remains of the Volturi guard into a pile on the beach to burn. We didn't have time to monitor it and didn't want the fire to spread to the woods. The surrounding vegetation was pretty wet, but the last pile of remains had burned quite fiercely. Edward borrowed Caius' flamethrower from Eleazar and, with a look of grim satisfaction, turned Demetri and the others into an inferno.
The rest of us loaded – it still sounded weird thinking about it – the pieces of Emmett and Rosalie into the back of my truck. There wasn't enough room in the bed of the truck for everybody, so we loaded Tanya into the back seat of Edward's car. The expressions on their faces were all very peaceful, as if only sleeping. Their heads just weren't attached to their bodies, and their clothing had been scorched. The most altered was Emmett, whose hair had been burned off in patches.
Alice drove Edward's car with Esme in the passenger seat. Eleazar, Kate and I climbed into the cab of my truck, and Edward drove the truck back to the house at reckless speeds, even for him. I asked him what the hurry was. If they were already dead, what difference did it make?
"Humans can have some body parts re-attached by microsurgery, but only if the parts are preserved, kept cool so they don't decay." Edward didn't take his eyes off the road while he explained, barely braking as he roared back home. "Normally, reattaching limbs for our kind is no problem, even one's head. But they're not moving, which is a problem. It's most likely because they were set on fire. Carlisle is hoping they're just in a state of shock, and we might be able to revive them with a deep treatment of venom."
"We might be able to save them?" I hoped beyond hope.
Edward hesitated. "I don't know. I've seen bodies re-assembled before, but not after being set ablaze."
It was only about ten miles from La Push to the house, but it seemed to pass like a week. When we finally reached the fern-lined driveway it stretched for miles. The house couldn't appear soon enough.
Edward finally reached the house and we exploded out of the doors and bolted for the back of the cars. Each of us grabbed part of Emmett, Rosalie or Tanya and carried them into the house.
"Take them to the bathrooms and put them in the tubs!" Edward's commanding voice crackled with urgency. "We need venom! Lots of it!"
I deposited my burden in the master bathroom, and Edward pressed a large mug into my hands. "Think of the taste of blood, or get the samples we used to desensitize you. We need to collect as much venom as we can."
That part proved to be easy. I was thirsty even before Jane started waving the human in front of me. One whiff of a blood sample started the venom flowing in my mouth. It wasn't long before the cup was full of the clear, yellowish liquid. I carried my share back to Carlisle and Esme's master bathroom.
Alice, a dynamo of energy even in non-emergency situations, wasn't there and I missed her presence. Esme was closest to me. Her arm had been reattached at the shoulder, and she wore a pale pink house dress and a soft sweater of grey cotton. A sling supported her arm inside the sweater, the empty sleeve hanging down. I touched her shoulder gently. "Where's Alice?"
Esme was calm now, but her eyes still held their sadness. "Carlisle called, and asked if someone might bring his car and a change of clothing down to La Push. They needed it as part of the cover story for the Quileutes."
I wondered what kind of story they were concocting, but let it go for now.
Edward and Eleazar were working on Emmett in the master bathroom. I noticed that Edward was now wearing a sweater and jeans; he must have changed while I was collecting my venom. Drawing closer, I peeked over their shoulders to observe their work.
Using a brush dipped in venom, Edward began cleaning the charred stump that was Emmett's neck. Fascinated, I used my enhanced eyesight, and zoomed in on the cross-section exposed by his decapitation. The magnified surfaces looked like jagged basalt, with crystalline facets. A volcanic moonscape. While Edward worked, the facets began to sparkle again, seeming to absorb the liquid as it was applied.
When the severed ends were clean and thoroughly coated with venom, they carefully placed the ends together; the pieces fit together like a broken vase, with the cracks barely discernible. Using duct tape wrapped around his neck, they secured Emmett's head in place. The last thing Edward did was to insert some tubing into Emmett's slack mouth and down his throat. Then he force-fed the venom to his brother, using a large syringe. I watched Emmett's face, half expecting his eyes to pop open, but nothing changed.
"Is it going to work?" I asked. I didn't realize it but my hands were clasped together, under my chin, as if in prayer.
"I don't know," Edward repeated his earlier words. "Emmett isn't moving, and I can't hear any thoughts from him, but maybe Esme put the fire out soon enough that there's still life in him. All we can do is try."
"It must work," Esme said fervently.
"What if—" I hesitated, not wanting to be negative, but wanting to know. "What if they don't get better?" I finished in a hushed voice.
"If they don't get better, they'll stay like that," Edward replied.
"If that happens, it may be kinder to finish what the Volturi started," Eleazar said, before Esme shushed him.
Edward and Kate worked quickly to repeat the operation on Rosalie and Tanya. Rosalie's right forearm had also been broken off just below the elbow, so they attached that as well. They then covered our siblings with blankets, but left them in the tubs, since further treatment would be necessary. Finally, Eleazar carried Carmen in, and they quickly reattached her leg.
When they finished, Edward exhaled loudly. "That's all we can do for them now, except hope. Let's see if Carlisle still needs help. And we need to break down the tents at La Push and put everything back the way we found it."
"Um, I know this isn't a good time," I spoke up in a timid voice. "But do you think I could go hunt?" I told them briefly about what Jane had done to torment me, and their eyes narrowed at the story. I felt guilty for thinking about myself, but I just didn't want to have an accident while we were on Quileute land.
"She died too easily," growled Eleazar.
"I agree," Edward said, still frowning. "Yes, by all means, let's go."
Edward and I crossed the river and ventured into the hills behind the house. It was still night, though getting toward the early morning hours. Fortune smiled upon us, and we were able to find a small herd of sleeping deer in short order. I fed enough to blunt the edge of my thirst to the point that it was bearable.
When I was finished, Edward inquired if I was all right. I could tell from his attitude that he was still holding something in, making sure I was cared for, first. When I put his mind at ease, he reached for me and pulled me close, his breath shuddering out of him. "I thought I'd never see you again," he said, softly.
I felt the same way, and murmured my agreement, trying to reassure him with each kiss.
"I was livid when Jacob told us what happened," Edward confessed. "I could barely keep myself from charging into the woods to find you. Then to see you across the river in the hands of our enemies? Next to leaving you in the forest, it was the hardest thing I had ever done, to stand meekly on the other side and trust in Jasper and Eleazar's plan. Did they hurt you?"
"They weren't exactly nice," I said as dismissively as I could, and looked up. "You know about Jane. And Aro tried to convince me to join them." I quickly relayed the interview between Aro and me. "But I was more afraid that they would use me to get to you. And they would have, wouldn't they?"
Edward nodded. "Chelsea couldn't turn me while you lived."
"Well, at least we don't have to worry about them anymore," I said with a certain amount of relief, a sentiment to which Edward agreed.
The nagging of my conscience picked up, and I plucked at the front of his shirt, screwing up my courage. I had to come clean with him. "Um, I'm really sorry I snuck off."
Edward's face was very controlled, except for the minute narrowing of his eyes. If I was human I would have missed it. "Yes, well, I suppose you didn't anticipate that you'd put yourself in a position to be captured."
I pulled my hands away from him and twisted my fingers together. "No, that's not it. I…I lied to Jasper, and to you, so I could get away to talk to Leah."
And just like that, Edward looked away, freezing into a statue as he sometimes did. When he spoke, his voice was quiet and sad. "I know. I was a little disappointed that you felt you needed to do that."
"I'm sorry." I felt so guilty I could barely hear myself.
A slight nod was all he gave me. "You're my wife, but I have no wish to control you. You're free to see who you like and you don't need to ask my permission. I do, however, wish that you had felt open enough to confide in me."
I rubbed the side of my arm, still fidgeting. "I didn't put much thought into it, I just…did it. I guess part of me felt you still might object to me worrying about Jacob."
Edward searched my eyes for such a long moment and I was almost afraid that he might push me away. But when he moved, it was only to take my hand gently in his, and lead me to a nearby log where he sat, drawing me down next to him.
A soft sigh whispered between his lips. "I suppose I should have expected it, especially after we had that discussion about the human feelings you had at the time of transformation," he admitted. "If you loved Jacob the way you thought you did..." He fell silent again, and stared at his hands, emotions playing across his face in the shift of his jaw, the movement of his eyebrows. With a minute shrug, he lifted his head. "I just want you to know, I'm here for you. As much or as little of me as you want, I'll never go away."
"All of you. I still want all of you." I spoke without hesitation.
"Can you be sure? Love is one of the few things powerful enough to change us. I know this for a fact, and I don't know of any immortal who's turned away from one they love."
The note of despair struck me to the core and I had to take care of that immediately. "I know I'm not perfect, and I'm sorry I keep disappointing you. I don't know much about immortals and their mates, but I think I can tell you how I feel. And I don't feel that way about him anymore."
"You're not simply saying this to spare my feelings?"
I took hold of his hands and gently rubbed the backs of them. "Maybe it'll take some time to show you, but I'll prove it to you. He saved my life, over and over, and I'm always going to be grateful for that. But somewhere, somehow, what I felt for him did change. Think about it — if I still felt something for him, I'd go looking for him, wouldn't I? Well, I didn't. If something happens between him and Leah, that's great. I want him to be happy, and that's all. That's why I went to talk to her, to see if he was happy. It was just an accident that he showed up."
As I spoke, the chill slowly left his face, and when I finished, he took my face between his hands. His amber eyes seemed to reach out with their intensity and I began to feel an answering warmth in my chest. "This is what you feel, in your heart of hearts?"
My voice briefly deserted me, so I nodded, and reached up to caress the back of his hand.
Edward closed his eyes briefly. "Thank goodness. Jacob's thoughts in regard to you and me were, for the most part, muddled up and angry. He still has regrets, but that's nothing new. I just wasn't sure how you felt about him, and that's what bothered me the most."
"Well, don't let it bother you anymore," I insisted. "There's nothing to be jealous about. He'll always be a friend, but he doesn't make me feel the way you do. I'm happy when you're happy, and after two days of thinking I'd never see that smile again—" I gulped quickly as the emotions welled up in my throat. "You're everything to me. If I'm your singer, then you'd be my song. Because what's a singer without one?"
Edward's lips curved into a smile that slowly grew wider as I spoke, until finally he threw his head back and exhaled in relief. He shook his head ruefully, and smiled his lopsided grin, while my heart turned flip-flops at the joyous sight. I squealed as he suddenly caught me in his arms and pulled me onto his lap, covering my cheeks and lips with kisses. He whispered in a voice rough with emotion. "You have no idea how good it feels to have that finally behind us."
I giggled as his breath tickled my ear. "Actually, I think I do."
And it was true. After all that time of having divided feelings as a human, it was a relief to be sure of where my sentiments lay. Hopefully, this lay to rest the last issue we had between us. Edward had done everything he said he would do. We were married and we had a lovely honeymoon, all things considered. He had changed me himself and — with the one exception — kept me from killing anybody else. He had waited patiently while I figured out my issues, and regained some of my control. Jacob was the last fly in the ointment. He would always be my friend, if he still chose to be. But Edward was my mate, and I couldn't think of a better gift to give him, than the solid assurance that he wouldn't have to share me anymore. And from the look on his face, he agreed.
= = CR = = CR = = CR = =
It was now early morning, several hours after we had left Carlisle. In our haste to care for our siblings, we had left the tents and equipment at La Push, and we needed to collect them. I was still dressed in the fatigues Jasper had provided, and they had seen better days. Returning to our room, I headed for the shower, throwing the ragged clothes into the trash.
It felt incredibly rejuvenating to wash off the accumulated grime from being thrown on the ground and dragged through the ocean. Hot, running water had always soothed me as a human, and now that I was more sensitive to the sensations, I could feel the tensions melting away as I rested my head against the tile.
After changing into jeans and a flannel shirt, with a white t-shirt underneath, I slipped a new jar of ointment into my pocket – just in case. It was fortunate I had one with me when I needed it. I briefly wondered what had become of the man Heidi had abducted, but knew that it was too late to help him. Glancing in the mirror, I examined the bruises on my face from Felix's beating, and was pleased to see that they were starting to recede. Reaching to my neck out of habit, I realized it was bare. I growled for a moment, eliciting a startled look from Edward.
"I'm sorry, Edward, I should have put your necklace away for safekeeping," I explained. "Jane pulled it off my neck and destroyed it to spite me."
His eyes grew pained as he thought about my experiences. "It must have been terrible for you."
"I know you won't want to hear this, but I really wanted to kill Jane." As I said that, I could still feel the hot sensation lurking in the back of my throat as I thought about the evil little vampire.
To my surprise he didn't bat an eye at my bloodthirsty confession. "No, love, I'm with you on that one. She was one who deserved what she got."
Edward and I got back into the truck and returned to La Push. As usual, Alice anticipated us, and by the time we arrived at Old Quil's place, she had already finished breaking down the campsite. The tents and bags were ready to be loaded into the bed of my truck. Alice sat primly on the top of the pile, a knowing smirk on her face.
Once we had all the tents and gear packed away, we moved Quil's boat back into the barn where we had found it. The bodies of the dead tribe members had been moved, and I wondered what explanation could be given for the cause of their death. Edward called Carlisle to see where he was, and I was unsurprised that he was still at the hospital after admitting Jacob for X-rays. Sam, Billy and a couple other tribesmen were also there. However, he cautioned us from coming to visit Jacob, as Charlie was there. Carlisle said he would let us know when it was safe. As much as I wanted to see how Jake was doing, we couldn't risk being seen by Charlie and blowing our own cover story. Instead, we drove back home to put away our equipment.
When we got back to the house, Jasper met us at the door. Eleazar was helping Carmen settle her injured leg onto the chaise. Esme rested on the sofa, turning the pages of a magazine with her good hand.
Esme raised her head as we entered the living room. "Is everything sorted out?" she asked.
"More or less," Edward answered. "Any change with Emmett or the girls?"
Esme didn't speak, only sighed and gave a small shake of her head.
Edward nodded. "It's time for another treatment, anyway."
"How does your arm feel?" I wondered. I'd suffered broken bones as a human, and could only guess what having an arm torn off would feel like.
Esme shrugged her good shoulder. "The pain is manageable now. I'm also feeling more tingling, like pins and needles, so something must be happening."
"Carmen? Are you getting any feeling in your leg?" Edward asked.
Carmen looked critically at her leg, and nudged it with her other foot. "Some. It's inconvenient that it doesn't work, but at least I'm not in too much discomfort."
"Are the two of you thirsty? Can I go hunt for you?" Alice asked, but was assured by Carmen and Esme that they were fine.
The question I'd been wondering all morning rose to the surface. "Jasper, can you tell me what happened at the river? What were those explosions? I thought the Volturi were going to try and take the four of you prisoner, and then everything went crazy."
Eleazar gave a low chuckle. "Fortunately for us, Aro and Caius relied on Jane and Alec for too long. They got complacent and didn't take strategy into account."
"We had to be able to strike from a distance, to stay out of range of the twins." Edward smiled and inclined his head in Jasper's direction. "Jasper suggested using artillery."
"Artillery?" I wrinkled my brow in confusion.
Jasper grinned. "I'm still an old cavalry man, but that's what we would have done to soften up the enemy before a charge. In our case, we used simple five-pound lead weights. Cannon balls wouldn't kill a vampire, but at over three times the speed of sound, they have enough energy to do some serious damage. The explosions you heard were sonic booms, and at that speed they also strike before the sound arrives to give warning. From the look of it, we were lucky enough to get a shot on Jane and Alec, as well as several other Guardsmen."
Edward spoke again. "It was Eleazar's idea to put only bonded members in front, to neutralize Chelsea's gift. Kate was hiding in the river the entire time before we attacked."
"But where were all the wolves?" I wondered. "All I could see was Sam and a few others on the other side of the river."
"Flanking maneuver," Eleazar stated, gesturing with his hands. "Keep the enemy's attention, then hit them from somewhere else. Jacob took the wolves across the river further upstream, then waited to sweep down on the Volturi positions. I think it's been so long since Aro actually needed to fight, he didn't bother to think about it. Jane and Alec spoiled him."
"You helped too, love," Edward commented. "You distracted a number of them so they weren't putting up as organized of a defense. We were able to come ashore, and when the wolves hit, we had fairly decent odds. If Jane hadn't rallied, we might not have lost a single wolf."
"Yes, well done, Bella," Eleazar said. "You must be improving if you came through a battle without losing your self-control."
"Not really," I mumbled. "I lost it, but somehow I was able to stay on top of it enough to manage." The memory of enormous power drifted in my head, but I doubted I would be able to intentionally generate that again. "So why were the rest of the girls off to the side?"
"They were the artillery unit," Edward said. "Only a vampire could launch those projectiles silently but with enough force. We hid them in a wooded area so they could strike undetected. Or so we thought."
Eleazar grimaced. "My oversight. Old-time archers were accompanied by footmen to protect them, or were hidden behind fortifications. Only a tracker like Demetri could have found them in the heat of battle."
"Considering what they were capable of, I think it worked pretty well," Kate said to a muttering of agreement from the others. "We have casualties, but we also have survivors. Other covens were not so fortunate."
I had to agree with that. We had escaped what was normally a death sentence, so despite the sadness with regard to our fallen siblings, we had much to be thankful for. I took comfort in that as I accompanied Edward upstairs to check on Emmett and the girls.
As I walked into Emmett and Rosalie's bathroom, I felt a stab of disappointment when I saw that Rose was still in the same state we had left her. Her luxuriant blonde hair fell in a golden torrent across her pale, bare shoulders. Lovely lashes were still closed and mocked me with the appearance of sleep. On her, the silver tape holding her head on looked more like an elegant choker, rather than something from the hardware store. Did she look more pale than usual? It was possible. I sighed, and went to collect more venom for Edward to use.
After I finished and poured my contribution into the collection container, I heard Carlisle's voice downstairs. He greeted the family, checked their injuries, then came upstairs. He entered the bathroom as Edward was administering the venom to Tanya using a large syringe and a length of latex tubing inserted down her throat. Some of her strawberry-blond ringlets had been singed, and I considered trimming it for her.
"Any change in coloring?" Carlisle asked.
"Barely," Edward replied as he withdrew the tubing. "I can't hear any thoughts, not even their subconscious. If they're in shock or stasis, it's quite complete."
Carlisle lifted Tanya's hand, palpated her wrist, and squeezed her forearm gently, searching for something of which I had no idea. Lowering her arm, he sighed. "Carry on."
"Carlisle? Is Jacob okay?" Making sure not to offend Edward, I kept my tone as neutral as I could.
"Yes, he's stable now, which is why I felt I could leave the hospital. He still has no feeling or movement in his lower body, but at least his spine is healing properly. I did have to re-set it, and it was better he was sedated for that."
"What story did we have for all the casualties?"
Carlisle's face remained somber at mention of the slain tribesmen. "Billy came up with that. They had an old van and the story is a group of young men were in it, coming back from a tribal event in Seattle. Unfortunately, on the way home it went off the road, over a cliff and into the Pacific. Jacob, Jared, and Collin were thrown from the vehicle and were the only survivors. I happened to come across the accident, and called it in."
I performed a mental double-take. "You mean you loaded the bodies into the van and dumped them into the ocean? Isn't that kind of...I dunno, disrespectful? Won't the authorities wonder about the wounds when they pull the van out and examine the bodies?"
Carlisle shook his head. "No, we didn't put the bodies in the van. The Quileutes have them and are preparing to conduct their own ceremonies. Considering a number of injured were 'thrown' from the vehicle, it's not a stretch that any bodies might be carried away from the vehicle by the tide."
"Oh, that makes sense." Images of Jake wrapped up in splints and braces after the last battle came to my mind. "Can Jake have visitors?"
"Certainly. We'll just have to sneak you by the nursing staff. You're supposed to be in school, you know."
"Yes, I do." Carlisle's reminder jogged my memory that we had a paper in psychology due in a couple weeks, but after all we had been through, it seemed so mundane.
"By the way, when Charlie was at the hospital, he asked me to have you call him. He seemed rather stressed out to me, but it might have been due to the early hour he'd been called out of bed. He did say you weren't answering your phone."
"Oh, I turned it off when we started using the radios. It's in our room, I'll go call him." I excused myself to go deal with Charlie.
My cell phone was still in the backpack I'd taken to the reservation. When I switched it on, it immediately began to ping with notifications for messages and voicemails. "What in the world?" I muttered out loud. My voice mail was full of messages from my parents, all starting the day of the battle with the Volturi. They began a little bemused and thanked me for the kind thoughts. Then as the messages progressed, they got more and more frantic about my well-being. I wasn't at all prepared for what I heard.
"Bella? Hey, Bells honey, it's me. Can you call me back as soon as you can? You're starting to worry the old man. I don't know why you're sad but we can deal with it. Please call me or your mom, okay?" A deep sigh washed over the receiver before he hung up. That last call from Charlie came in yesterday night.
"Bella? Bella, why aren't you answering your phone? Are you still at school? I got your message and I love you, too, but you've never sounded like this before. And Edward's not answering either and nobody's home and I'm worried and please, please, please call me—" The message terminated as my mom trailed off incoherently. That message was also from yesterday. And then it dawned on me.
"Oh no," I groaned, and collapsed onto the bed.
Edward was instantly at my side, his worried face close to mine. "What's wrong, love?"
I covered my face with my hands. "You know the e-mails I set to send automatically to Mom and Dad a couple days ago? They got sent. I thought I'd have plenty of time, and I was going to delete them when we got back from talking to Jane and Alec the first time. But I forgot about it when the wolves got attacked."
"What did you say?" Carlisle leaned against the doorway with his arms folded.
I exhaled loudly and slapped my hands down on my thighs. "I was telling them goodbye. In case we didn't make it. I was telling them I loved them…" My voice went faint as I imagined what they must be feeling right now.
"Call them and tell them you're okay," Carlisle said. "That's what he asked me to tell you."
I had to admit, I thought about it. Edward didn't speak as I looked down at my hands, thinking. Then I gazed through the windows, up at the cloud cover, where a slight thinning allowed some of the sunlight to filter through.
"You could do it, you know," Edward said, with quiet confidence. "The Volturi have been destroyed. Even though two escaped, without Aro or Chelsea it's unlikely that they'll rebuild. There's no one to enforce the law to keep the secret. No one to prevent you from telling your parents what's happened to you. You could have your parents in your life if you wish."
Before I could stop myself, I felt a surge of wild hope. It wasn't too late. The message, while out of character, hadn't been outright suicidal. I could call them and explain that I had just been feeling a little sentimental about the coming holidays. We could even have them over for Christmas. My self-control was pretty good with the ointment on.
But without the ointment, I had lost control. Just the memory of how the man's blood had smelled without the ointment made my thirst rise again. If I ever lost control like that around my parents…the thought of my fingers sinking into the trunk of a tree like a knife into butter made me grimace. I looked down at my hands and rubbed my fingers together. They felt normal to me, but when compared to human tissue it was a different story. My rock hard skin reflected the bare daylight in minute rainbows.
I was pretty positive my mom was open minded enough to accept me no matter what I had become. Whether she could keep it a secret was another story. But Charlie? Maybe, maybe not. I think, after the initial shock wore off, Charlie would still love me enough to accept my change, as long as I didn't kill people. Or at least I hoped so. He'd probably want to know about all the Cullens, what their ages were, how they were maintaining their identities. But what would he do if he found out I had killed Mike and Jessica?
I sighed and twined my fingers together. "I hate to say it, but some of the things that Aro said at the end did make sense," I said.
"Which things?" Carlisle asked.
"Humans will never accept us, even as vegetarians," I said. "Maybe nobody is stopping us, but does that mean we should go the other way and tell everybody what we are?"
"We're not talking about a wholesale exposure of vampires, Bella," Edward said. "Just you. Just us. And just Charlie and Renee."
"But think about it for a minute." I reached out and took Edward's hand. "We'd be confirming for him that the boogeyman exists. That there are things that prey on humans. A potential source of murders that happen all over the planet. He's a cop, do you think he'd be able to keep quiet about that?"
Silence filled the room as they thought about that.
"And if he couldn't keep quiet, he'll either be labeled a nut job, or if other vampires decide to take over from the Volturi, he'll be a target." I turned to Carlisle, who walked over to the leather couch and sat down. "Carlisle, have you ever met a human who didn't hate or fear us once they knew what we were?"
"Only one. Yourself," he said with an ironic smile. "I'm certain my father would have had me destroyed if he had known."
"There are some who desire the power," Edward pointed out. "Remember the woman who wanted to join the Volturi?"
I remembered her, because of the horror I had felt at her wanting to be part of an organization that systematically killed hundreds of humans every year. But she would be the exception rather than the norm. "Humans can be pretty intolerant," I said slowly. "And considering they do have weapons that can destroy us now, don't you think it would be better if we still kept it quiet?"
As I looked into Edward's eyes, he gazed back with absolute understanding. A little sadness perhaps, because he didn't want to take my parents away from me but he squeezed my hand and nodded in acceptance. I gave him an answering squeeze and sighed.
"Well, the timing isn't great. We ought to lay low and make sure nobody's suspicious about what happened at La Push." I shook my head and shrugged. "Nothing to be done for it now."
I didn't say anything more as I lifted my phone and called the hospital. Edward watched quietly and caressed the back of my hand with his thumb. Carlisle leaned back and laced his fingers behind his head.
After a few rings the attending nurse answered and put me through to Jake's room. When the line picked up, I was surprised to hear Leah's voice.
"Yeah?"
"Hi, Leah. It's Bella. How's Jake doing?"
"From what Carlisle told us, it could be worse. Looks like they're going to have two wheelchairs in the house, now."
I closed my eyes against that image. The Jacob in my mind was so super-human — lifting a motorcycle out of my truck, jumping from my second-floor window — the idea that he would go through life disabled was very upsetting. "Is he awake?"
"Sure. You wanna talk to him?" Leah's voice was free from any anger or animosity, so I felt reassured that I wasn't intruding.
"Yes, please."
There was a quick shuffling and a whispered, "it's Bella," before Jake came on the line.
"Hey, Stinkie. What's up?"
"Look who's talking," I retorted. "When's the last time you had a shower?"
"Well, considering I need help to go to the bathroom, it's going to be a while."
"Oh." Even though he was using his wisecracking voice, I felt instantly guilty for my gibe. "Are you in any pain?"
"Not as much as before, so I'll take it."
"That's good. Jake, I—" I tried and discarded a few ways to broach the subject, then decided to simply jump in. "Um, Jake, I have a favor to ask."
"Is it gonna get me killed?"
"No! Geez, Jake what kinda—"
Jacob's laugh interrupted me. "Kidding! Kidding! Sure, you name it. I'm keeping track, though. Last I remember, we were even on the slave-for-life thing."
I snorted at that comment. "Well, this might tip the scales in your favor." I took a quick breath and spoke deliberately. "I was hoping you and Billy could take care of Charlie for me. But if you can't do it, do you think Sue might look in on him?"
Jacob didn't speak for longer than was customary, although I could hear him breathing. I wished I had thought to do this in person so I could see his expression, but it couldn't wait. When he finally spoke, the tone of disapproval was unmistakable. "So, you're going to disappear?"
"No, Jake. It's time for me to die."
= = CR = = CR = = CR = =
To be continued...
A/N: So what was the big holdup? Just had to change something for Carlisle. Would the compassionate Carlisle really leave behind critically wounded patients, and take care of his own family first? Not if he had another family member, who just happened to have two medical degrees. Yet that's what I had Carlisle doing, in my first draft. That one little change triggered a re-write of over half the chapter. I hope it was worth the wait, in order to remain true to Carlisle's character.
Only one more chapter and an epilogue to go! As always, love to hear your thoughts!
