A/N: Many thanks to everyone who's stuck with the story through all the delays. I appreciate every single follow, favorite, review and read! Thanks so much for your support!
I could not do this without Katmom. Well, maybe I could try but it'd be ugly. And where would I be without Sherryola, who brings her unique and thorough view of the canon universe. Big hugs to you both!
Disclaimer: To Stephenie Meyer, all rights to Twilight and the characters belong; borrow her clones, do we, in pursuit of entertainment. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter 29 – Fledgling
Dear Mom and Dad,
The first thing I want to say is that I love you both very much. At one time I thought nineteen was a long way off. But now that I'm here I feel like we had so little time together. If time flies when you're having fun, I must have had a ball growing up, because it feels like I just blinked and it was already time to move out of the house.
I'm so sorry we missed Thanksgiving this year. I didn't realize that college would be this much work, and the next thing I knew it was the holidays, and I still had some papers to write and exams to study for. I promise we'll make it up to you at Christmas.
Mom, I'll always appreciate you letting me live my life, and being there to support me in everything I tried to do. Thank you for the ballet and piano lessons, the just you and me vacations and memories of toes in the sand. If there's anything I learned from you, it's that you have to follow your dreams, because without dreams the world can be a pretty boring place. Just do me a favor and don't try anymore hobbies that involve altitude.
Dad, the last couple years have been absolutely unforgettable, and not just because I met Edward when I came to Forks. I finally got a chance to get to know who you are, the best, most caring dad any girl has ever been lucky enough to have. I know I wasn't always the easiest to live with. Sorry you had to deal with my crazy teenage years. Mom will tell you I wasn't like that when I was in Phoenix. Sometimes I envied the girls in my class because they had a dad around and I didn't, but I see that it made me who I am now, so I have no regrets. I'm glad we got the chance to spend more time together and you'll be happy to know that I've come to love living in Forks. Thank you for trying to teach me how to fish and to ride a bike.
Meeting and marrying Edward is one of the high points in my life and I'm so thankful that you both were able to share that day with me. Dad, I know you didn't always approve of him, but thank you for giving him a chance and trusting my judgment. I don't have the words to tell you how happy he makes me. I just want you both to know that, no matter where I end up after Dartmouth, whether it's back in Forks or somewhere else, I'm truly happy.
You're probably wondering why I'm writing this long-winded, sentimental letter to both of you at once. Well, I remember hearing both of you say at one time or another that you wished you could have done things differently. Please don't feel that way, either of you. I think things turned out just fine, and I wanted to make sure you both know that I appreciate all you've done for me. Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad. I love you both so very, very much, and I can't wait to see you both at Christmas. Take care of yourselves.
Lots of love,
Bella
= = CR = = CR = = CR = =
As I stood in the woods behind the Olympia Presbyterian Church, I thought about what I had said in my last letter to my parents. It wasn't a suicide letter, but the fact that I had never written anything like that to them before was bound to raise questions. And when Edward and I didn't answer the phone, well, it all just snowballed from there. I didn't think I could cover everything in it, but the most important thing was to tell them how much I loved them. That would be the last thought that they would have from me. Hopefully that would be enough to carry them through the years.
As usual, Forks provided the perfect weather for a funeral: heavy overcast and rain that alternated with mist but never truly let up. The soft notes of "Amazing Grace" wafted from the organ and filled the air around the church. When the music stopped, I heard Angela's father begin to speak, giving the eulogy. I sighed; it was sad but I had cried myself out months ago, when I had first decided to cut myself off from my parents' world. I wondered who had spoken at the service for Mike and Jessica. At least their parents had something to lay to rest.
Edward crept quietly to my side. Water made his hair cling together in spikes and dripped off his glorious face that was filled with his concern for me. I felt better that my defense mechanisms didn't immediately go crazy anymore. I'd heard his footsteps long ago, and the air brought his scent to where I leaned against a cypress tree. If I expanded my field to its full extent, I was certain no one could sneak up on me, but pushing it out for long periods of time was still tiring.
"I knew I'd find you here," he said, his voice velvet soft. "This isn't good for you, you know."
"I know, but I couldn't help myself. I had to see them."
Edward didn't speak for a time, while he rubbed my back gently. "Eventually, they'll be okay. It's not easy to lose a loved one." He put his arms around my waist, while I placed my hands over his strong arms, leaning back into him as we both listened to the service. Pastor Weber was talking about the tragedy of two souls being joined in matrimony, only to be taken up to heaven so shortly after.
"What are my mom and dad thinking?" I asked.
"One minute." He let go of me for a moment. He frowned in concentration as he focused on my parents, whose thoughts were not as distinct as most people's. "Renee is thinking you had so little time together. But she's glad you were happy in the life you chose."
I pressed my lips together and nodded. "And Charlie?"
"He's thinking it's not right for parents to outlive their children. But he's grateful he got to walk you down the aisle."
The rain dripped off the leaves and branches above us and splashed off our already waterlogged clothes. I wasn't dressed in camouflage to blend in with the forest, but I thought a dark shirt and pants were appropriate for the occasion. "Is this the first time Carlisle and Esme have done this?"
"To this level of complexity, yes. When Rosalie and Emmett were turned, people disappeared all the time and were harder to trace. It was a bit more complicated with Rose, because she came from a prominent family. Bad enough that she disappeared, but then there was the slight detail of her fiancé and all his friends being murdered shortly after her disappearance. With Alice and Jasper, all the people they knew had given them up for dead long ago."
In hindsight, dying as a human was easy. Faking it was not. Just after the fight, and the deluge of phone calls to Carlisle, he had called both Renee and Charlie, and told them not to worry. He explained that we had planned to fly back to surprise them since we had missed Thanksgiving. The only hitch was Edward was eager to use his newly earned pilot's license, and had rented a private, single-engine Cessna to fly us back from New Hampshire. He told them that we were likely en route so that's why they hadn't heard from us. Carlisle had apologized for spoiling the surprise but he didn't want them to continue worrying.
We had driven two cars east – Edward and I in his Volvo, Alice driving my truck. We had stashed the truck in the Rocky Mountains, in a wilderness area about four miles out of Darby, Montana, and had marked the spot in our GPS. Alice, Edward and I had taken turns driving across country to a small airport near Hanover, New Hampshire, where we had picked up the plane. Then Alice had driven back home to Forks in Edward's car. I had taken our bags and put them on board the plane while Edward had filed our flight plan. The timing was a little tricky, because our filed plan would show a departure date after my parents had begun trying to find me. But there was nothing we could do about it so we just forged ahead. The man at the airport was concerned by Edward's youth, and cautioned us about some bad weather coming down into Montana and Wyoming from Canada. With his customary self-confidence, Edward reassured him he had plenty of flight time under his belt.
Like everything else, Edward was a very skilled pilot. I had only been in large aircraft before, but his takeoff and attention to protocol were very smooth. I also found myself enjoying the greater sensation of speed that came with a small plane.
Following our flight plan, we stopped at a number of air fields to refuel during our journey west. We cruised at our assigned altitude, on course, sometimes conversing quietly, sometimes just enjoying the ride. It was quite pleasant, spending time alone with him, and completely at odds with the enormity of our task. Once or twice he gazed at me intently, the question apparent in his eyes. I smiled and nodded to reassure him. Like my decision to come live in Forks, my decision to love him no matter what he was, and my decision to let Jacob go, this decision was made, and I wasn't going back.
As we crossed central Montana, a weather front loomed and would have forced us to detour from our flight plan. But that suited our scheme just fine as we got closer to the location marked in the GPS. If we did this right, it should look like the plane went down in bad weather — a tragic, but understandable, accident.
We had steered straight into the thickening clouds. Turbulence began to knock the small plane around, but Edward kept control quite easily. When we were maybe twenty-five miles away from our destination, Edward nodded to me. I reached into the back and pulled out the two parachutes he had packed. I'd never jumped out of a plane before and thought that I would be terrified. But it seemed that the vampire equivalent of adrenaline blotted it out and I found myself eager for the experience, just like with mountain climbing before.
Reclining my seat, I strapped the chute on as Edward had shown me. In the space behind the seats was a duffel bag with some clothes. My backpack with textbooks and wallet sat on the floor in front of me. I double-checked to make sure my car keys were zipped in one of my jacket pockets. Edward put the plane on autopilot while he buckled his chute on. When he resumed control of the plane he gave me a meaningful look.
"Let's do it," I said, grinning as the excitement built in me.
Edward gave me a countdown, and we both reached for our doors. The pressure of the passing wind would have made it difficult for a human to push the doors open, but we had no problem.
"Try to stay close!" Edward yelled over the roar of the wind. He made sure the auto pilot was off, and we jumped.
I thought I would be disoriented as we tumbled out of the plane, but vampire senses kept track of everything. I knew which way was up, and where the plane was. Tiny ice crystals and moisture in the air pattered against my clothing as I fell. The sensation of falling didn't faze me as it once had while riding roller coasters. I counted to five to get clear of the plane, as Edward had instructed, then pulled the rip cord.
The rip cord released a pilot chute, which pulled out the main chute, and my canopy blossomed out above me. With a jerk, I came out of free-fall. I felt a brief moment of disappointment that the ride was over. We would have to do this again sometime, from a higher altitude. But then I remembered that sky-diving was usually done in clear skies, so that might not be possible for us. Oh well.
Edward's chute was also open and he dangled roughly forty yards away from me. He gave me a quick thumbs up and a smile. I reached up, and with a little experimental pulling on the harness, was able to steer. Edward headed for the landing site he had marked in the GPS. It was on the side of a mountain somewhere below us. I couldn't see it so I followed Edward's chute. I kept half an eye on the plane as it nosed down, rolled side-to-side a bit, and disappeared into the angry clouds. Before long I heard a crash that echoed off the sides of the mountains and the terrain below.
The rest of the operation was fairly anti-climactic. If we got separated, I had an avalanche transceiver in my jacket that would allow Edward to find me. But while snow still fell as we drifted lower, it wasn't falling hard enough to keep me from seeing Edward, so I was able to follow him. We landed safely in a snow covered meadow and took off our equipment. After gathering the chutes and bundling them up, we uprooted a tree and buried them under it. According to the GPS, we were only about fifteen miles away from my truck. The hardest part was running through some deep snow drifts, because we hadn't brought snow shoes. We had regular outerwear and a parka in case we encountered humans, but no other special equipment. Other than that, the trek through snowbound, unmarked forest was uneventful. In fact, if we weren't doing something urgent, I wouldn't have minded enjoying the rugged winter landscape. The snowy crags of the Rocky Mountain ranges soared up toward the heavy clouds and reminded me a lot of Denali.
In about an hour, we were inside the truck and on our way home. Using a prepaid cell phone, we let Carlisle know we were on the ground. Then I broke the phone into little pieces and discarded the bits as we went. By the time we crossed the state line into Washington, Carlisle had called emergency services to report that our plane had never landed at Sea-Tac airport. Days later, when the weather cleared, searchers from the Montana Civil Air Patrol spotted our plane from the air, broken and scattered near Trapper Peak in the Bitterroot National Forest.
As I listened to the memorial service, I thought back to the really difficult part — waiting until the search was called off and we were declared dead. Technically, we didn't really need to wait; the deed had been done and we could disappear for real now. The only thing that might derail the operation would be if we were discovered in Forks, but our comatose siblings needed our care. It didn't feel right to leave just yet.
Charlie had decided to go to Montana, to help with the search if he could, and to be near the crash site. Deputy Mark was placed in charge of the police station in Charlie's absence. Before he left, he had come over to the house to talk and commiserate with Carlisle and Esme. Unfortunately, I had told Charlie of Edward's replacement for my old truck, and had sent him a picture. It wasn't as flashy as some of the family cars, but it was still unique, and sure to raise questions if seen. So one of the first things we had done on our return to Forks was to put my truck in storage.
While it was unlikely that Charlie would come upstairs to the bedrooms, we couldn't take the chance that he might see Emmett and the girls. There was no sign of venom seeping from their wounds, so Carlisle deemed it safe to move them. Just in case, we carried them up to the attic, and placed them on spare mattresses.
Edward and I locked ourselves upstairs in the attic, but I could easily hear the absolute anguish in Charlie's voice as he talked with the rest of the family, updating them on what he had heard of the search, any promising leads the searchers had come up with, and the next plan of attack. Markings on the fuselage confirmed the plane was ours. My wallet with ID had been found fairly quickly, and our baggage was found near the shattered cabin, but there was no sign of us. Only Charlie's iron determination to find us kept him going, and it took all the resolve I had to stay quiet and let him suffer. I clung tightly to Edward and he comforted me until Charlie left.
The family didn't need to feign sorrow to fool my grieving father. In the Cullen residence, a pall had fallen. Rosalie was a little self-centered, but she was still family and a beloved daughter. She had her own way of showing love, and it was missed. The absence of Emmett's giant personality left a huge vacuum. Our Denali relatives were rather subdued as they tended to our sisters. Over a week had passed since the battle, and none of our patients in the attic had shown any sign of improvement. Every so often, I would hear Esme stop what she was doing and cry for a little while. Kate was very quiet, even more than usual. Jasper was busy trying to keep spirits from falling too low, and I could tell that both he and Edward missed Emmett's presence.
I didn't realize it, but I was more affected than I thought. Once, after I finished a shower, Alice came to play with my hair as she sometimes liked to do. But I snapped at her, and she left in a huff. When I came to my senses I realized what was bothering me. Alice must be missing Rosalie, too. I found Alice in her room and apologized.
"I'm sorry, Alice, I'm just so worried," I said as I hugged her. Her short hair tickled my nose and I had to lift my head a little bit.
"Everybody's pretty down," she agreed. "Jasper's really getting a workout."
"Can you see if they're going to be okay?" I asked hopefully.
She shook her head in apology. "There's nothing in them to make a decision now, so I can't really see anything. All we can do is wait."
Alice was always so Zen about things, sometimes I wanted to scream. This time I just sighed. "I just wish we knew for sure…"
"I know, Bella." Alice patted me on the back. "I know. Look on the bright side. Carlisle is starting to get some real sensation in his hand, and so is Esme in her arm. Even if they can't move them, that's some kind of progress. So we can only hope the same is going on with Emmett, Rose and Tanya."
"I suppose," I admitted. That was something to be cheerful about, that Carlisle and Esme wouldn't be maimed for life.
"Now sit down. Let's see what we can do with this hair," she said as she steered me into her bathroom.
Carlisle kept an eye on his patients, and regularly administered doses of venom to them. At two weeks after the battle, I couldn't be sure, but I thought maybe their color was a little less pale. Carlisle decided that we should try feeding them. It was about the time they would have become thirsty anyway, and if their bodies were well-fed it might help the healing process. All of us went hunting with instructions to bring back freshly killed, but intact, prey. Edward and I thought to get a bear for Emmett, but we couldn't find any. We settled for a mountain lion and an elk and killed them by breaking their necks.
When we arrived at home with our kills, we found that the garage had been transformed into a macabre slaughterhouse: animals were suspended from the rafters and from Rosalie's engine hoist, their blood being collected into containers. The combined smell of all the different kinds of blood was almost too much for me, and I had to drop my kill and dash into the house to apply a healthy dose of ointment before I could help. When we had drained a number of carcasses, some of the blood we took immediately up to the attic. The rest we put in containers with some additives to keep the blood from clotting while in storage.
Carlisle pushed a feeding tube into Emmett's mouth and down his esophagus, then fed him from pouches hung on an IV stand. At first I wasn't sure anything different was happening. But after about ten pints of blood, Emmett's skin seemed to have achieved a faint flush. So maybe we were onto something. We continued the process with Rosalie and Tanya.
Edward and I tried to get back into some kind of routine while we waited for news that the search had been called off. Since we were dead, there wasn't any point in completing the homework for our classes. But the material was still new and interesting to me so I kept reading through the textbooks. Unfortunately, we had to get new copies of our books. I had left our original set on the plane to stage the accident, and because Edward and I had registered for the same classes we only bothered to buy one set. For once being thrifty proved to be short-sighted.
Just to keep in practice, and break up the monotony, we threw in some sparring sessions, sometimes by ourselves, sometimes with Jasper and Eleazar. Kate had contacted Irina to let her know what had happened, and that they were staying with us a little longer to help care for our downed siblings. We also packed some of our non-essential things, in preparation for our eventual move, and staged our room as if we'd moved off to college. The bed and the leather couch remained, but the bookshelves and closet were mostly empty as part of the charade.
I really wished there was something I could do to help our fallen. For lack of anything better to contribute, I took a book up to the attic and started reading out loud to them. I'd heard stories of people in comas being able to hear, even though there was no outward evidence that they were aware. The first time I began reading, I hoped the sound of my voice might spur some kind of movement or awareness — any kind of indication they weren't merely unresponsive stone. But their faces still showed no signs of life. I felt a little awkward, reading aloud to a collection of statues, but I kept at it.
After three weeks, Carlisle and Esme began sensing even more feeling in their re-attached limbs. Carlisle could move his fingers, so he removed the cast. On examination, his hand was back to normal. He checked Esme and Carmen's injuries and pronounced them healed. Only the closest examination with vampire vision could find the evidence of a break, and only if you knew where to look.
With all the events of the past few months, it was easy for me to forget the season, just as I had missed the passing of Thanksgiving. So I was dismayed when Alice began putting up a Christmas tree. I hadn't thought about getting something for Edward yet. I had thought that Christmas might have become just part of the human charade, but Carlisle had stayed true to his religious upbringing. While we didn't attend church, Carlisle still observed the birth of Jesus. The tree, decorations, and Nativity scene were more than simply props in the human façade.
And yet, it wasn't easy. This would be the first year they had observed Christmas without Emmett or Rosalie. Esme tried to be cheerful, but by her sighs and the heaviness of her step, the loss of her children weighed on her.
I wanted to commemorate the occasion for Edward as the last year I was human, and also hoped I could cheer him up. Then I thought, why not cheer the whole family up? I enlisted Alice's help, since it was impossible to surprise her anyway, and we went on a clandestine shopping trip.
On Christmas Eve, I hid myself in the laundry room with wrapping paper and ribbons. When I was finished, I put everything under the tree, except for Edward's. I wanted to present those myself.
After midnight on Christmas morning, I found Edward sitting on the couch in our room, reading a book. Handel was playing softly on the sound system. I was doubly thankful that he couldn't read my thoughts when I presented him with a number of small, brightly wrapped packages.
"Thank you, love," he said with a warm smile. "But you didn't have to get me anything. You're the greatest gift I could ever ask for."
I nestled up against his shoulder and returned his gentle kiss. "I feel the same way about you," I said. "But it's just a little something. Go on, open it."
I was very gratified by his look of appreciation when he opened two sets of books – the complete works of Hegel, and the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu – and a CD of a local band that hadn't made the big time yet. Alice had helped me pick them out and assured me he would like them.
"Thank you, sweetheart," he repeated. "Unfortunately, I'm feeling a little remiss, having adhered to your original injunction against gifts. As far as you're concerned, have the rules changed on gift giving?" His eyes were quite wistful as he asked me that, and I fought back a giggle as I looked at him.
"You've given me eternal life," I said, making my eyes wide and my face as solemn as I could manage. "There's no way I'll ever be able to match that for as long as I live."
Edward looked rather crestfallen and began to sigh in resignation. He gave me more regard than he had any business doing. I put my arms around his neck and nuzzled his cheek. "All right, if it'll make you happy." I was suddenly smothered as he crushed me to his chest, laughing. "But don't go overboard, okay?" I managed to say before he silenced my objections with a kiss.
I was just starting to focus on the silky feel of his lips sliding gently on mine, when a low commotion and some laughter from downstairs came to our attention. Despite not needing the air, my chest was still moving quickly as Edward stopped and listened.
"They must be opening presents," I explained. "Alice and I got a few little things to cheer everybody up. Should we join them?"
"No, let them enjoy themselves," Edward said, with a warm, liquid smile. "They're opening their presents, I'm opening mine."
I wasn't about to argue with him and with a languid smile, pressed his face closer to me.
= = CR = = CR = = CR = =
Down in La Push, things were as back to normal as could be after the death of six tribe members. The stunt with the van had gone off without a hitch. It was still a tragedy to the tribe, but nobody was suspicious of it being anything other than a horrible accident. Jacob, Quil and Seth's survival on being ejected from the van was viewed as a minor miracle, despite their injuries.
Edward and Alice both kept an ear and an eye open to see if any suspicions had been raised by the noises that took place the night of the battle. With the exception of us having to play dead, it would have been any other holiday season in Forks. I felt bad that the timing of our "death" would forever taint the holidays for my parents, but there was nothing we could do for that either.
One month after they found our plane, the local search and rescue crew called off the active search operations. The emphasis of the search had been changed from 'rescue' to 'recovery.' They would investigate reports of any new signs of us but for now the chances of us surviving both the crash, and a month in the frozen wilderness was considered too remote to be possible.
Renee had also traveled to Montana to be near the last place we had been on earth. I couldn't imagine what my parents must have been feeling at that point. Charlie stayed on for several weeks longer, aided by volunteers from the local emergency workers who wanted to aid a fellow law officer. Carlisle sent money to keep the search operations going. Renee started to get a little hysterical with not much to keep her mind off the anguish, so Phil took her home. But after a while, even the volunteer searchers had to get back to their own lives. At that point Carlisle sent enough money to hire local people familiar with the backwoods of the Bitterroots to help with the search. Even then, there was only so much they could do. Eventually, Charlie's responsibilities at home began to conflict with his desires as a father and he, too, gave up. Through the phone, I could hear his heart breaking when he called Carlisle to say that he was coming home. Carlisle offered to pick him up from the airport and Charlie was so distraught he accepted. It was nine weeks after the battle with the Volturi and eight weeks since we had been reported missing.
Since Charlie was coming over to the house, I got things put away so we could hide in the attic. But Edward surprised me with a suggestion.
"Why don't you go down to La Push and see Jacob?"
I was so shocked I stared at him as if he'd sprouted an extra head.
"Listening to Charlie suffer distresses you. I thought you might want a break." Edward shrugged, his amber eyes sincere and not troubled at all. "And besides, it might be the last time you see him for a while."
And then I understood — with Charlie giving up and coming home, we might be moving on sooner, rather than later. Wordlessly, I raised my hand to caress Edward's cheek. It never ceased to amaze me how understanding and thoughtful he could be.
He also had fewer anxieties about me visiting the reservation. After the battle, Jacob and Carlisle had re-negotiated the treaty to one of mutual support and co-existence; now we could come and go as we pleased. Out of habit, the wolves stayed on their land but at least we didn't have the territorial drama to deal with anymore. Because of this, Edward no longer worried about me coming to harm on werewolf land. While his concern for my well-being was gratifying, it was a relief to be free from his over-protective tendencies.
According to Carlisle, Jacob's broken back had healed correctly within a week. But not his spinal cord – he still couldn't walk and was using one of Billy's old wheelchairs. Despite his disability, he wasn't staying at home in front of the TV. He still got around, still worked on his car; his unusual upper body strength allowing him to maneuver himself.
I had seen this myself, the last time I had visited Jacob at La Push, a week before Charlie's decision to return to Forks. As I drew closer to Jacob's garage, I'd heard voices. From the sound of it, Leah was with him. I'd stopped for a moment, wondering if I shouldn't intrude, and Jake's voice came to me clearly in the evening air.
"So what are you going to do if the vamps leave town?" he asked. "You still thinking of school?"
Leah answered him. "Yeah, I wanted to get off the Rez. I was thinking about that until I got sucked into this wolf thing.
"So after Sam, you were gonna…"
"Yeah."
They both fell silent for a while, until Jacob's sigh sounded through the garage. "This wolf crap sure screwed things up."
"Yeah, but look on the bright side. If you were normal, you'd be way too wimpy to be a mechanic."
Jake laughed at that, then there was another silence. "You sure you don't mind hanging out here? I know I wasn't Mr. Congeniality to you…"
"Don't worry about it, Jake, neither was I." There was a clink of tools. "Besides, I'm starting to like working on cars. They don't talk back."
Jacob gave another snort of laughter. "Like that'd stop you?"
I was beginning to think I had come at a bad time, but before I could leave the sound of work stopped.
"Someone's there," Jacob whispered and I heard a sniff. Crap, the wind had shifted, blowing my scent toward the open garage door. "Bella, is that you?" Jacob called. Of course, he would recognize the smell of ointment mixed with my scent.
I gave a mental sigh. "Yeah, it's me." I heard tools being picked up again as I trudged the rest of the way to the garage. When I entered the door, Jacob was leaning against the side of his car. For once he wasn't shirtless, and his biceps strained the sleeves of the t-shirt he wore. As I watched, he bent forward on his hands and, like an orangutan, hitched himself sideways a couple inches and rested his hips on the fender of the car, leaning on his elbows. Leah was on the other side of the car, reaching into the engine compartment.
"Hey, Bella," he said, wiping his hands on a rag.
"Hi, Jake. Hi, Leah," I answered. The corner of Leah's mouth twitched in a hint of a smile as she nodded at me.
"Shouldn't you be resting?" I asked him.
"What for?" He snorted. "Dr. Fang said my back is healed as well as it can be. I can't really hurt it any more than it is, so what's the point in sitting around?"
I had to agree he had a point. And as I watched him work I realized that he was coping and doing a pretty good job of it. Most other people who had just lost the ability to walk might be depressed or angry about it. Not Jacob.
"What brings you out here?" He squinted up at me.
I shrugged. "I just wanted to see how you were doing. You seem to be getting around pretty well, all things considered."
"It's not so bad," Jake muttered. "Except when I really have to put my body weight into something. Then it's kind of a pain in the butt. Hunh," he grunted. "Leah, could you hand me that plug wrench? Yeah, that one. Thanks." He reached in and began tightening or loosening something in the bowels of the engine.
"I also wanted to let you know that we're eventually going to move." I made a face. "Since we're dead, Edward and I are going to leave first. The rest of the family might come afterwards."
"Where you guys going?"
"Not sure yet," I said. "We were originally going to wait until Charlie declares me legally dead. Just to make sure nothing goes wrong. But since we're starting over, we might just leave earlier."
"Will you come back?" Leah asked, her beautiful eyes curious.
"I…don't know. I've never done this before," I admitted.
"Are you okay with it?" Jake asked.
"Sure," I shrugged. "It's part of what we do."
Jake continued to work on something, and eventually removed what I recognized as a sparkplug. He tossed it into a pan holding various small parts. "You know the last time the Cullens moved away, they didn't come back for seventy years."
"Yeah, I know." The first time, they had met Jacob's great-grandfather. If we left now, we might not come back for a long time, too. Long enough that all the people I knew here would be dead. Trust Jacob to see right to the heart of the matter. Billy, Charlie and everybody I knew from high school. They'd either be dead or really, really old. But not Jacob.
"You'll still be alive, right? Taha Aki outlived three wives, didn't he?" I asked, recalling the legend.
"You're talking about a legend, you know. And the third one didn't really count, considering what she did," he retorted.
"You know what I mean."
"I do. But it may be that when the vampires move away, we won't need to phase anymore. Remember?"
I did remember. "And if you stop phasing you'll begin to age again."
Jacob nodded. So it was possible that the next time we returned to this region, he and the rest of the tribe could be very old. If they were alive at all.
I could feel my voice getting thick, but cleared my throat and shook it off. Leah was watching me, and I hesitated about what I was going to say, then realized this was for her ears, too. "Jake, if I'm not going to see you again, I wanted to say thank you. You're my best friend. You picked me up when I was down. You saved my life. I'll never forget that."
"I think we're even on that last one." He grunted again, and hitched himself across the fender of the car, then let himself fall into the wheelchair. "I really hope this was all worth it."
"Don't start, Jake," I muttered, and looked away. "It was worth it." I didn't want to argue about anything just now. I looked around the garage. It was pretty sparse, considering it belonged to a mechanic. I always was amazed at what he could do with so few tools. My eyes fell on my old motorcycle. "You're going to sell my bike, right? You should get something out of it."
Jake wiped his face with the back of his hand. "I dunno. Don't you want it?"
I shook my head. "I don't really have a use for it anymore. I can run faster than it can go now."
Jacob gazed at me for a long moment, seeming to let my words sink in. Then he pursed his lips and nodded. "We'll see." Then his eyes brightened and he looked over at Leah. "Maybe I'll give it to Leah. Hey Lee, you wanna learn to ride?"
Leah rolled her eyes at him. "And just how are you going to teach me?"
"If I can teach the klutz here how to ride, I can teach you. I don't have to be able to walk."
"You don't have to prove anything, you know," Leah said with an acerbic shake of her head.
"Not proving anything," he said with a smile, something I hadn't seen from him in a while.
"No thanks," Leah said, her eyes holding Jacob with a steady gaze. "I don't need to learn. I can run faster than it can go, too."
I thought I could sense an undercurrent in the garage, and was beginning to feel my first instinct was right. I decided to make my escape. "Anyway, I should get going," I said. "Take care of him, Leah."
"Not my job," Leah had said with a smirk. "He's too hard-headed to listen to me anyway."
I'd caught Jacob's gaze and chuckled at Leah's remarks. "I know how that is." He'd rolled his eyes at me. "See you guys around." With a final wave, I'd turned and walked out of Jacob's garage.
I realized that Edward was still waiting for an answer to his incredibly selfless offer, watching me patiently with his calm amber eyes. As always, he would do whatever he felt I needed, no matter the cost to him. Well, it was high time I returned the favor.
"You know what?" I began slowly. "I've already said my goodbyes to them. It's not something I need to drag on. I'll just call him when we leave. In fact—" I sat up straighter as the idea came to me. "We haven't been to our meadow in a while. Why don't we go there?"
"Really?"
A smile slowly took shape on Edward's lips, and when the twinkle reached his eyes, he looked like I'd given him the best gift in the world. He unfolded his legs and stood, reaching down for my hand. "I thought you'd never ask."
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After Charlie returned to Forks, he still dragged his feet over having us declared dead. Billy once tried to broach the subject of moving on, and that brought an almost violent reaction from Charlie. After that Billy didn't bother to bring it up again.
The rest of February dragged into March without Charlie showing any signs of moving on. I knew he needed time to work through his grief, and it seemed he was picking up his life again. He went back to work, but he didn't seem to be fishing much. Hoping to comfort him, and to perhaps give him a nudge, Esme played the mourning mother and invited Charlie over to the house for dinner. I took advantage of the opportunity to make dinner for Charlie one more time. I thought about making Grandma Swan's beef stroganoff, but that would be a dead giveaway. I settled for making lasagna instead, which could be done ahead of time, and Esme just had to take it out of the oven.
The only problem was — my taste buds had definitely changed. My sense of taste was heightened, and I could detect the individual essences of salt, pepper, oregano, basil and crushed pepper as well as a few that I'd not tasted before. But I couldn't season to taste because human food now tasted disgusting. No amount of seasoning could bring it to the point I liked. This was a peculiar development I hadn't considered when I thought about joining Edward. I just followed the recipe I remembered as closely as I could and hoped for the best.
Edward and I hid in the attic again when Charlie arrived for dinner. As Carlisle and Esme sat down with him in the dining room, I heard him sniff the air.
"Lord, Esme, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear that was Bella's cooking," Charlie said.
"It should, Charlie. This is her recipe," Esme improvised. I should have known better. Charlie had paid more attention to my cooking than I thought he did.
There was a moment of quiet, then I heard the noise of a fork against a plate and the sound of chewing. Suddenly the fork fell and I could hear quiet sniffles followed by the loud blowing of Charlie's nose.
"I'm sorry," came Charlie's broken voice. "It tastes like hers, too. Oh god." The sound of more sniffing drifted upstairs, then a chair pushed back and somebody walked over and the sound of gentle patting started.
"I'm sorry, Charlie. I didn't mean to make you feel bad," Esme's quiet voice said.
"Not your fault." Charlie cleared his throat a few times. "Everything reminds me of her, these days." After a time, Charlie eventually settled down again. I heard him pick up his fork again and resume eating. "I wish I could be as calm as you are, Carlisle."
"I'm not calm," Carlisle said. "I wish they were in this room right here and now. But that didn't work out. I truly wish it had. Do you...do you think we could have done anything more?" Carlisle put a wealth of yearning into that question.
"Mmm, I don't think so," Charlie mused. "The terrain where the plane crashed was fairly rugged, but the search patterns were very thorough. Even after the county sheriff called off the search, we brought in the best-trained search and rescue people we could find. The best search personnel, equipment, and dog teams combed those hills for weeks. If there was any trace, they would have found it.
"So I have to believe that we did everything that was humanly possible to bring them home. And if you count the dogs, everything inhumanly possible as well. If I didn't believe that…I…I don't think I'd be able to function."
I could hear the pragmatic police officer taking over in Charlie's voice, and realized what Carlisle was trying to do.
Carlisle sighed heavily. "Do you think there's any chance…"
There came another long silence. "I wish I could say yes," Charlie finally said. "But it's been over twelve weeks." We heard the sound of liquid being poured into a glass. "The area where the plane went down, even though it was rugged, it was only five miles from the nearest road."
"You're right." Carlisle sighed. "I know Edward. I'm sure he would have done everything in his power to keep Bella safe."
Silence fell, and Edward and I exchanged a glance. Then a light thump on the table sounded.
"God, I wish things had turned out differently," Charlie growled.
"As do I, Charlie. As do I."
There was a long stretch of just eating. A little small talk about goings on in town broke the quiet here and there. I began thinking that we should build some kind of secret compartments into the table, for just such occasions when we had a human visitor. It would make hiding the food much easier.
Finally, Charlie set his fork down and took a sip of his drink. "Well, Esme, that was amazing. You did Bella's recipe proud. I'm really glad she passed it on to you."
"Thank you, you're very kind."
The clink of plates announced the dishes were being removed. Charlie cleared his throat. "Carlisle, you probably noticed that Bella and I weren't really touchy-feely people." A low chuckle came from Carlisle, and Charlie joined him. "She was here with you the last week before they left. Did she seem all right to you? Was she sad in any way?"
"I don't think so," Carlisle replied. "Perhaps a little nervous to be going off to college, and moving so far away from home for the first time. But she was going with Edward, so I don't believe she was sad."
"What I'm getting at was, in the last e-mail I got from her, she seemed…I don't know…unusually emotional. Like she knew something was going to happen."
Carlisle seemed to think for a while. "It could have been the approaching holidays. This was the first time she was so far away from you or Renee at Thanksgiving, so she was bound to miss you. What did she say in her message?"
"In case she never got the chance, she wanted to say that she loved us. And she was happy."
I could hear the smile in Carlisle's voice. "What more could a father ask for? For their good regard, and for them to be happy. Though it's still a sad occasion, I take comfort in that our children were together, and they were happy."
Charlie exhaled, long and low. "I suppose you're right," he said slowly. Another long silence stretched out while he thought things over. The tapping sound could only be his fingers on the side of his knee.
"Carlisle, I'm glad I came over today," Charlie said. "I've been putting something off, and I wanted to know what you felt about it."
"What is it?" Carlisle asked. "Is it for the children?"
"Mm-hm. I was thinking of a memorial service." Charlie broke off again, his voice rough. After a while he cleared his throat and sounded more like himself again. "Just an occasion to remember them. Lots of people have been really supportive through this whole thing. And it would give their friends a chance to say goodbye."
"That would be an excellent idea," said Carlisle.
"Do you have any relatives to invite?"
"Only our cousins from Alaska. You met them at the wedding."
"Yeah, I think I remember them." From the impressed tone of Charlie's voice, I had an idea why Tanya and Kate might have stuck in his memory.
"Some of them are coming down here for a visit, so the timing will work out."
"Okay. Well, there's only one funeral home in town, but then…we didn't find them so it doesn't make sense…" Charlie trailed off again.
"Charlie, why don't we have it at the church?" Esme suggested. She must have re-entered the room sometime during the conversation. "You seem a little uncomfortable with the idea of the funeral home."
"Thanks, Esme," Charlie answered. "I don't know why. It's been so long since I buried my parents. I shouldn't feel this way but I do."
"There's no rush," Esme said. "You don't need to do anything you're not comfortable with."
"Uhh, yeah." Charlie sounded a little embarrassed. "Billy and I talked about that some. He said I should let them rest. I guess I feel like, if I do this, that's it. I've given up for good. And as much as I know it makes sense, part of me just doesn't want to."
"We understand how you feel, Charlie," Carlisle said quietly. "Do you want to try again with another team of searchers?"
There was a long, silence as Charlie thought about that. I could hear him shifting uncomfortably in his chair. Finally he spoke. "No. As much as I'd like to, it's been almost three months. Even with all the outdoors experience your family has, the kids weren't equipped for winter survival." Charlie sighed, long and slow. "I think it's time."
"Are you sure?" asked Esme.
"I think so. Bells wouldn't have wanted me to hold on to her like this."
"We'll leave the decision to you," Carlisle said. "If we can help in any way, let us know."
"Thanks, Carlisle. I think all that needs to be done is schedule the church, ask a few people to speak, and post a notice in the paper. I'll need to talk to Renee, too." The tapping of Charlie's fingertips drifted upstairs again. "Guess that's how life works sometimes," he muttered, but it sounded like he was talking more to himself. "At least she was happy."
"What was that?" asked Carlisle, though I know he heard just fine. He played the faux human to perfection. I took some mental notes just in case I needed to interact with humans later.
"Oh, nothing," Charlie said. "Well, thanks for the excellent dinner, Esme. I need to be at the station early tomorrow, so I should get going."
"Are you sure?" Esme asked. "I could make some coffee."
"No, that's all right. Although, if Bella passed on anymore recipes to you, I wouldn't mind seeing how they turn out." I could almost see the twinkle returning to his eyes.
"I think that would be fine," Esme said. "I do have a few more I wanted to try."
"Great." There came the sound of chairs being pushed back. "Carlisle, Esme. Thanks for having me over tonight. You helped me a lot."
"We share your pain, Charlie," Carlisle said. "Anything we can do, just ask."
"Same here."
The footsteps sounded out toward the door, and then there was a round of goodnights.
The tires of the police cruiser scuffed on the gravel of the drive as Charlie pulled away. Up in the attic, I covered my face with my hands and felt a twist of guilt in my stomach as I thought about what my father was going through. But there was nothing to be done for it now. Edward reached over, pulled me next to him and gently rubbed my back. He'd been listening with both of his senses.
"Back when I still had to fight against the call of your blood, Alice told me that your death would really hit Charlie hard," Edward murmured. "Sometimes I hate it when she's right."
"I know what you mean." I swallowed against the lump in my throat, and nestled my head against his shoulder. "Well, at least he's starting to try to move on. Once we're declared legally dead, we can move on, too."
"Technically, we don't need to wait. We have all the papers we need to start over, right now. But we had to help with Emmett and the girls, and I thought you might want to stay and say your own goodbyes."
He was right about that. While I couldn't do it in person, I wanted to at least see it through. How well he knew me.
"Did you have your shield down earlier, love?" Edward stood with his head cocked to the side, his brows knitted in confusion.
His question came from nowhere. "No, I didn't think I needed to. Is anything wrong?" I wondered what he was hearing that I might have interfered with.
Edward pursed his lips. "I thought I heard something, but I thought it was from your father, who is a little indistinct to me. Just a moment." He let go of me, ignoring my murmur of protest, then closed his eyes in concentration, though I knew it was mental rather than auditory.
After a while, I couldn't wait anymore. "What do you hear?" I asked.
Edward held up his hands. "Ssshhh!"
I bit my lip while I watched him. Was Charlie coming back? Was it Jacob again?
Then Edward's eyes snapped open, and he turned in the direction of the supine forms of our siblings. "Ohmigod. That's Emmett!"
"What? I don't hear anything!"
An excited grin on his face, Edward turned back to me. "It's like a person's sleeping thoughts, but that's definitely Emmett. Esme! Carlisle! Come quick!" He jumped to his feet and ran to Emmett's bedside with me close behind.
Emmett's eyes were still closed, face reposed as in sleep. If he were human, at least the great barrel chest would rise and fall with breathing. Instead, he lay motionless, like one of the fallen, giant redwoods in the forest. A quick glance showed me that Tanya and Rosalie were still in the same state.
"Emmett? Can you hear me?" Edward called, kneeling next to Emmett's mattress. I didn't think he would answer. I had been up here reading to them with no outward change at all.
Edward's eyes lit up. "Yes! There it is again! Nothing coherent, but those are his thoughts."
Esme and Carlisle opened the attic door and came in.
Edward and I remained where we were. "Esme, we have good news!" Edward exclaimed, with a grin. "Emmett's not dead! Not his brain, anyway. I'm seeing images and hearing sounds in his mind." Edward's eyes widened. "There! I just caught an image of Demetri and Rosalie!"
Esme flashed to Emmett's bedside. "He's dreaming!" She grasped his huge hand and chafed it. "Emmett? Emmett! Wake up!" She shook his shoulder, but there was no response.
Edward frowned. "No, there's no change. But at least I'm still getting something from him. It wasn't a fluke."
Carlisle took Esme by the shoulders. "Let him rest, dear. At least we know he isn't brain dead, and we're on the right track with the treatments."
Esme turned and threw her arms around Carlisle's neck. "You're right, of course. And you're brilliant!"
Even though Emmett wasn't moving, at least he wasn't a vegetable. His signs of recovery boded well for Rosalie and Tanya, too. And yet we still couldn't display any outward signs of celebration. The memorial service was scheduled for the following week. Alice asked Charlie if there was anything he wanted her to do for the service, but he declined. He figured I would want things to be simple, and she agreed. She did post the announcement for the memorial service in the paper for him, as he was busy contacting people to speak at the service.
= = CR = = CR = = CR = =
The organ began playing again, which must have been the signal that the service was over. People started filing out of the church, and making their way to the parking lot in back of the building. At first I was surprised at who was there, because Edward and I didn't know them personally. I didn't think I had touched that many lives when I came to Forks. Then I realized that many people in Forks would want to pay their respects, since Charlie was the chief of police, and Carlisle was a prominent doctor in a small town. Toward the end, we started seeing people we knew. I was surprised to see that Angela Weber and Ben Cheney had come back from school for this, as well as a number of our other friends. Tyler Crowley and his mother stood clustered with Mr. and Mrs. Newton, as well as Mr. and Mrs. Stanley. They hugged my parents extra hard, and I clenched my teeth against the reminder of my guilt.
There wasn't going to be a procession to the cemetery after the service, because no bodies had been recovered from the wreckage of our plane. And it had been a hard thing for Charlie to take when they changed the emphasis of the search from "rescue" to "recovery." Even now, he had still not taken the next step and declared us legally dead. But at least he had taken one step further with the memorial service. It eased my ache to see that Billy and Sue were spending time helping him through this.
"You know, there's a bright side to all this," Edward's voice briefly drew my attention away from the mourners.
"What's that?" I glanced up at him.
Edward gave me his one-sided smile. "You'll be seventeen again."
I gave a half-hearted smile and thought about the new ID hiding in my wallet. Edward and I had retrieved the papers that had been stored for me in the vault. The name Isabella Masen brought bittersweet feelings to mind. It was the final stage: truly leaving my parents behind, and moving on with Edward in my new life. I would always have a soft spot for Cullen, as that's who Edward was when I first met him. Edward assured me that I could go back to Swan or Cullen after a few decades, but that wasn't important to me. I was getting more accustomed to the charade we played for human society.
We would be starting over again once we moved, most likely in high school. But once we were started we could continue on through college this time. Hopefully I would have enough control of myself to attend classes in person. Nursing school was still the goal at the moment, but I would need self-control to rival Carlisle's. That could be a long time, considering I was still more sensitive to blood than the rest of the family. But as long as I had life with Edward to look forward to, I could think of worse ways to pass the time.
The mourners were almost all gone now, climbing into their cars to return home. All that remained were the closest friends and relatives. We watched as Carlisle, Esme and the rest of the family said their goodbyes to Charlie, Renee and Phil. I heard Esme sniff and wondered how she would hide not having tears. Renee's voice broke as she said goodbye, and she held onto Esme for a very long time. Phil stood close by, rubbing Renee's back. Charlie reached up and scrubbed at his eyes, sniffed and cleared his throat a few times. Billy wheeled himself closer, reached up and clapped Charlie on the shoulder, while Sue patted him on the back. Leah stood behind Jake's wheelchair. I saw him briefly scan the trees behind the church before turning back to Charlie and Renee.
Edward's arms tightened, holding me comfortingly as he understood that I really wanted to run out there and console them myself. "They'll be all right later," he whispered. "Alice checked. They'll be all right. Your father dealt with a lot, when your mother left and his parents died shortly after. He's a survivor."
"I know." I reached up and found the back of his neck with my hand. I ran my fingers through his hair for the comforting feeling it gave me. "It's not easy to watch, though, knowing I'm the cause of it."
One by one, they got into their respective vehicles. As we watched them drive away, I let out a long breath and began to shift my weight to move out of Edward's arms and start the trip back home.
Edward pulled me back against him, gave me another squeeze and murmured in my ear. "Do you ever regret joining me, love?"
I turned around in the circle of his arms and lay my hands on his chest. "I'm a little sad, because it's a big step. But I'm learning not to dwell on regrets. Mom wouldn't like that," I said. "And it's done now. We've come a long way in two years."
"True. When I first met you, you were a light snack," Edward joked.
"And you were this mysterious bad boy that all the girls wanted to date." Oddly, now that the service was over, I felt a sense of lightness and relief. It made me respond to his teasing.
"It's a good thing for you I had no desire to kill any of them. We would've had to leave before I met you."
"At least you don't have to worry about killing me by accident anymore."
"Yes, now you're like me." Edward pursed his lips, pensive for a moment. "I've made the most of this life, but I didn't know if you'd consider it a happy existence. That's why I fought so hard on changing you. I was afraid you would be miserable, like Rosalie was at first."
"You should know better than that." I smiled up at him. "All of the happiest moments in my life happened after I met you. And now I'll have more time to enjoy them."
"Are there many happy moments?" Edward gazed down at me with eyes of dark-ochre bordering on brown. He would need to hunt soon. He also seemed rather unsure of himself. I raised a hand, stroked my fingers down his cheek and smiled.
"Absolutely." I closed my eyes and lay my forehead against his chest, exhaled and pulled my field in. When it rested tight in the center of me, I began thinking of my most treasured memories: our first visit to the meadow with the sun shining on his skin, when he told me he loved me for the first time. The night after we returned from Volterra, when I realized he truly loved me and always would. I remembered the look on his face the night he asked me to marry him. I recalled the absolute joy I felt on our wedding day after we both said 'I do.' The feeling of peace and contentment we had shared on Isle Esme, basking in the shade under the tropical sun.
I shifted from hazy human memories to crystal clear ones: the first time I saw his face with vampire eyes, and he had kissed me for real. The feeling of power and freedom I had discovered on our first hunt. I re-experienced the sense of fulfillment and sheer ecstasy I felt after I rediscovered my love for him in the mountains of Denali. And now, as I looked up at him, the feeling of warmth that welled up and spread as I took his face between my hands…the tingle that washed over me and left me giddy was breathtaking. I hoped he had felt that, too.
He had. Edward's eyes were glowing with answering joy as he pulled me close, rocking me back and forth as my arms curled around the back of his neck. "You see?" I asked. "You've given me lots to be happy about."
"Thank you, Bella," he said. It was so sweet; his voice was choking up. I smiled as a flood of warmth tickled at my ears. "I've always wondered about that. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I just wasn't sure if I'd done as well by you, for bringing you into my world." And he claimed my lips in a kiss that was long and deep and heavy with the joy of his new understanding.
"It's my world too, now. And you've never been a monster to me," I said when I took a breath from kissing him. "No matter what life throws at us from now on, I want you to know that I'm happy. And I love you more than anything in the world."
Edward's laugh rippled out of him softly, a little breathless himself. He smiled his brilliant smile. "I see that now. Well, I suppose that will be good enough for forever."
"Just forever?" I said with mock disappointment. "Every moment of forever with you still won't be enough."
He laughed again, and another thrill ran through me as he brushed my hair back from my face and caressed my neck. "We'll just have to get started on that, shall we? It's a good thing we have long memories."
Smiling happily, I took his hand and we began the trek home. After the many months of struggle we were finally both at the place where we belonged. The future stretched out like a shining stairway to the stars once again, and we would walk that path for the rest of our days. Together at long last.
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A/N: Aaaaand except for the epilogue, that's all folks! I'd like to thank each and every one of you for following along on this journey, as it's been a long trip. I've learned a lot about writing, and a lot about myself. Thank you all for making this a memorable experience. As always, love to hear your thoughts!
