Author's Note: Thanks to all that have left feedback on this little crackfic of mine. It's been a lot of fun to write.
Five Hours in Ye Old London
Chapter 5: Tea Gone Awry
The housekeeper, Mrs. Hudson, was surprised when her mistress entered the kitchen holding the hand of an unknown child. Dr. Magnus, who generally only came into the kitchen to give instructions for meals or other household duties, was smiling at the child and seemed to be glowing in happiness. It was nice to see the good doctor happy and smiling, something a bit rare these days.
"Ma'am," older woman asked, unable to stop staring at the strangely dressed girl. She was rather clean for a beggared, but her clothing was certainly a mess. Was the child wearing only her undergarments? It was rather cool outside, being that it was late October. And what was that pink frilly thing around her waist? And good gracious, the three ponytails?
Helen smiled at her housekeeper, who had been a faithful servant with her for several years. "Hello, Mrs. Hudson. I have a little guest today and she is a little famished."
Waving, the child said, "Hi, I'm Ashley" in strange voice.
Mrs. Hudson peered at the girl closer. "You are not English, are you, child?" she asked, glancing back at her employer in astonishment. Where in the world would the doctor have found such a creature?
Helen had forgotten about her daughter's lack of accent. She racked her head to come up with a believable explanation. "Oh, her parents are English but they do a lot of traveling. They are, um… missionaries."
"Ah, spreading the good word of the Lord," the older woman said approvingly. "Your parents have some of the most important jobs in the world," the kindly housekeeper told the child. Missionaries were generally penniless, which would explain the child's lack of proper clothing. Perhaps she could find something among her granddaughter's belongings to donate to the little waif.
Ashley wrinkled up her nose. "Huh? My parents aren't miss-on-airies. My mommy is a doctor and my dad's the brawn."
The housekeeper looked questioningly at her employer, who clapped a hand to her mouth to stop the giggles that escaped her. "Brawn?" the older woman said. She wondered what that meant. The child sure did talk funny.
Nodding, Ashley continued. "Uh huh. And my Uncle Nikola's the creator and my other uncle, James, is the thinker. And Nigel can disappear… I never meet him though. Oh, and the Big Guy makes the best chocolate chip cookies! I sure wish I had one right now," she said wistfully.
Mrs. Hudson just nodded and looked to the doctor. She had no idea what was just said by the strange girl.
"She has a large, unique family," Helen said, her eyes dancing with amusement. John was right. Their daughter said anything that popped into her head with little thought as to what it meant. "Anyway, we are here to make something to eat," she looked down as a little rumble came from the girl's tummy. "My goodness, you really are hungry, aren't you?"
Hands clamped to her stomach, Ashley nodded her head hard. "Do you have any candy?" she asked hopefully
"No candy. We are going to have proper food," Helen insisted. "It will be time for afternoon tea in a bit so I see no harm in having it a little early today." She may have only been a mother for the last hour but Helen was finding the role to fit her naturally.
"Ughhhh," the child pouted. "I'd rather have candy."
Helen just smiled as Mrs. Hudson worriedly confessed, "I have not yet prepared much of an afternoon tea. Would you like me to do that now?" Her employer generally only took a light tea except when receiving guests. There did not seem to be anyone else here except the child.
"It is fine, Mrs. Hudson. Ashley and I will prepare the tea," Helen said, keeping her eyes on the child as she wandered around the kitchen to check things out. "A few more guests will be joining us in a bit."
"Oh my. Shall I prepare the parlor for the guests? How many are expected?" the housekeeper inquired, her mind racing with all the things that would need to be done.
Shaking her head, Helen tried to reassure the older woman. "Do not trouble yourself. It is just a small gathering of close friends. We will be taking tea in the library and the child and I can prepare most of the repast." Seeing Ashley start to reach for the handle on the metal stove, Helen ordered, "Do not touch that! It's hot."
The child dropped her hands to her side, instead taking turns stretching up alternately on each foot in an attempt to see what was cooking. "What's cooking? It smells good. Is it cookies?"
The two ladies grinned. "It's a roast, for tonight's dinner," Mrs. Hudson explained. "It will be a few more hours before it is ready for eating."
The child's stomach grumbled again. "I'm hungry," Ashley whined and turned back to look at her 'cousin.'"
The housekeeper bustled out of the room to check on the state of the library as the doctor tended to the child. "Of course," Helen answered, quickly moving over to the small table set to the side of the room. "Come, sit here, and we will get you something to eat." She pulled out a chair and helped her daughter into it. The child's feet dangled off the ground and, due to her size, only her nose up could be seen.
Ashley placed both hands onto the table and pushed herself up on her knees. Good thing the chair was padded. "Can I have a grilled cheese?"
Helen frowned. "What is a grilled cheese?"
"It's a cheese sandwich. My mommy makes the best ones," the child informed her. She reached for some of the items resting in the center of the table, picking up two small silver salt and pepper shakers. The columnar shaped items had delicate flower carving on them.
Helen brightened. A cheese sandwich was easy enough to make and, according to her daughter, she made excellent ones. She moved about the room gathering the items as the child entertained herself.
Ashley traced the flowers with her small fingers, smiling to herself. She then shook them, trying to figure out what was inside. There was a muffled rattling noise. Candy, maybe? She then turned one over and poured some of the contents onto the table. She sniffed, stuck her finger into the translucent item and then put a little on her tongue. She immediately began spitting it out, making a loud "thhfpt!" noise. "Yuck," she proclaimed, her noise scrunched up. She then dumped some of the other contents onto the table, leaned in to sniff it and broke out into a round of loud sneezes. A loud bang sounded as the girl knocked both silver shakers onto the ground, still coughing and sneezing.
Helen came over to table quickly to find Ashley's eyes watered up and the child rubbing her nose violently. Picking up the child, she hustled over to the sink to wash her eyes and face with water. "Better?" she asked, looking worriedly down at her daughter, who was resting on her hip.
Ashley nodded, all red faced. "Uh huh," she mumbled in a stuffed up tone.
"Why did you do that?" she asked curiously as she brushed a few stray hairs out of the child's eyes. She laughed as girl responded, "I thought there was candy in there," and firmly told the mischievous girl, "There will be candy later. After we eat. Okay?"
Ashley sighed. "Okay. How about my sandwich?"
Her mother nodded at her as she carried the child back to the table, placing her in another chair, before bending down to pick up the shakers. Luckily neither was damaged. She placed both back on the table and returned to the counter to finish cutting up the items.
A moment later she returned to the table and placed a plate in front of the girl. Ashley's forehead creased and she looked skeptically at the plate. "It's not cooked," Ashley complained, poking at the cheese slices. "And apples don't come with a grilled cheese." She looked up at Helen. "Don't you know how to make a grilled cheese?"
"Apparently not," she murmured. "How exactly does one make them?" she asked.
Ashley perked up. "I can show you how. I help my mommy and the Big Guy all the time."
Helen recalled Druitt's words of "Whatever you do, for goodness sakes, do not let her do the cooking." Her mothering instincts took over, however. The child was fond of these sandwiches and said her mother made the best ones. And that was just what she was going to do. "Okay, but at least eat your apple slices while we make the sandwich, okay?"
Ashley nodded, grabbing a slice in each hand, and proceeded to tell Helen how to make the sandwich.
Five minutes later, Mrs. Hudson walked in to smell of burning cheese as Helen lifted the melting sandwich out of the frying pan and placed it onto a plate. "What is this?" she inquired, her mouth watering at the sight.
"A grilled cheese sandwich," the doctor pronounced proudly.
"You have to cut it up," a little muffled voice piped up from the kitchen table as Ashley finished off the last of the yummy apple slices.
Helen cut up the sandwich into smaller wedges and brought the plate over to her daughter. The housekeeper followed her and both women watched as the child reached for a piece. "Careful, it's hot," Helen warned.
Ashley's little eyes squeezed shut and she gave a dimpled smile as she savored the first bite. "Yummy! Just like how mommy makes it!" the little girl praised.
Helen's throat tightened in emotion as she took in the words. Her first task as a mother and she had done well.
"It smells delicious," Mrs. Hudson remarked as the child reached for the next piece.
Helen grinned, agreeing. "It does, doesn't it?"
"It's really good," Ashley said, a thin string of cheese sticking to her face. "You should try one."
Helen turned to the other lady. "We should." She returned to the stove and proceeded to make two more as Mrs. Hudson looked on with interest. A few minutes later both ladies joined the child at the table and took their first bites. "This is delicious," Helen moaned, savoring the taste.
"Indeed," Mrs. Hudson agreed. "Could use some tomato slices though."
Once sated, the trio set out to prepare the afternoon tea. Mrs. Hudson cut up the cucumbers, watercress, and ham and Helen and Ashley put the sandwiches together. The child entertained them with her non-stop chattering about cooking in the kitchen with her mother and someone called the "Big Guy."
Helen soaked up everything her child said, memorizing every detail she could. In a short time Ashley would be gone and Helen would be alone again… for another century. Her eyes started to water up and Helen bowed her head as she willed herself not to cry.
"How many cups do we need?" Mrs. Hudson asked as she opened the cupboard to pull out the china.
"Six," Helen said, standing up to inspect the snacks they had created so far. Three plates of cucumber, watercress, and ham sandwiches were neatly stacked. Everything would be perfect for her guests. All that was left was making the dessert. She carried the plates of sandwiches over to the counter and returned with a sponge cake.
Ashley eyed the cake. "It's missing the frosting," she noted. "Do you have chocolate frosting?"
Helen smiled. "That is not what goes on a Victoria Sponge," she said and walked away to get the toppings.
So busy were the trio preparing the tea items that they did not notice the short legged creature that had entered from the other door. Smelling food, it shuffled quickly over to table, going underneath right before Helen returned with the toppings.
"You're going to put jelly on the cake?" Ashley asked incredulously. "That's just weird."
Helen smiled. "It is not jelly. It's raspberry jam. And it is not weird." It seemed incredible to her that her daughter did not know much about traditional English cuisine. That could only mean that the child was not growing up in England or any of its territories.
"We put jam on scones," Ashley explained, "but not on cake. We put icing on cake."
"Well, this is a special kind of cake," Helen said, stopping again to stare at her beautiful child. How was she ever going to be able to let her go?
Meanwhile, under the table, the creature had discovered a pair of small pink ballet slippers. After a short sniff, it licked one, and then began chewing on it. Drool dripped off the one slipper in its mouth and splattered onto the other lying on the ground.
Above, Helen spooned several globs of the jam onto the sponge cake and together mother and child spread the jam.
Ashley, her tongue hanging a little out of the side of her mouth, concentrated on evenly spreading the jam with her spoon as her 'cousin' explained why it was called a Victoria Sponge.
Below, the creature spit out the chewed up slipper as it became fascinated with the moving flesh right above its head. Ten little toes wiggled tantalizingly. It slowly tried to stand up to get a taste.
Helen had just started to dust the top of the cake with caster sugar when Ashley screamed and tried to stand up, screaming again as her knees banged on the edge of the table. Startled, Helen lost her grip on the sugar, which went flying forward, as did cake, and all splattered onto the child.
"Ow!" the child bawled, falling backward into her chair and curled her knees into her chest. She rubbed at her knees as huge tears fell. "Ow, ow, ow!" Her high pitched crying caused Mrs. Hudson to rush back into the kitchen as Helen hurried over to see what had happened.
"Ashley, what's wrong?" her mother cried. Sugar and jam coated everything around the girl whose bawling got even louder. She bent and tried to exam the messy child. The cake had gotten squashed into the girl's shirt before falling to the side and hitting the ground.
"What in the world?" Mrs. Hudson cried and rushed over just as a sugar dusted creature crawled out from under the child's seat to sniff the cake.
Hearing the snuffling, Helen looked down to see it. "Winston!" Helen exclaimed, her heart pounding hard as she considered the possibility that the bulldog had bitten the child.
"Oh dear!" the housekeeper fussed. "Did he bite the child? He's never bitten anyone before." She looked under the table. "Ugh. The child's shoes are half eaten."
The dog whimpered, knowing he was in trouble, and backed up under the chair again. "Bad dog," Mrs. Hudson reprimanded, shaking her finger at him. He whimpered again.
Helen turned back to her child and began inspecting the crying girl for bite marks. Her toes were wet from being licked. Helen managed to pull Ashley's hands away from her knees to inspect them. She found the girl's knees to be already bruising when she pulled the stained pants above her daughter's knees. "Oh dear," Helen murmured.
"I'll get some ice," the worried older lady said and rushed to cellar door.
Helen left the pants pushed up and stroked the child's face. "Did he bite you, darling?"
Ashley shook her head, still whimpering. "No, he licked my toes and then I hit the table with my knees." More tears fell. "Owie," she wailed again, clutching her knees to her chest. Underneath her chair, Winston echoed her by giving out a long, loud whimper.
Helen closed her eyes in relief. "Oh, thank God." She opened her eyes and her heart fell. The sugar she could shake off but there were globs of raspberry jam and sponge cake on the child's stomach, face and hair. Ashley's parents were going to have a fit when they saw her next. Helen's older self had initially been reluctant to turn over the care of Ashley to her younger version and this would only reconfirm that she had been right.
Mrs. Hudson returned with some ice wrapped into a hand towel and handed it to the doctor to apply on the child's fast bruising knees. She sighed as she took in the mess and began to clean up. "Do not even think about it!" she admonished the dog as he stuck his head out and tried to lick the piece of cake by the chair leg.
"Right," Helen said, pulling Ashley into her arms and standing upright. "Let's get you cleaned up, shall we?"
Going up the back steps, she carried her daughter to the bathroom and turned on the faucet to fill the tub. Helen convinced the child to take off her clothing and put her in the water. "We're going to have to wash your hair too," she decided and began undoing the ribbons and rubber bands.
"But Kate fixed my hair special for me," Ashley whined. Her face was splotchy and her eyes red and swollen.
Helen gave her a gentle smile. "I'll fix it special for you too,okay?"
Ashley nodded and reached for the bubble bath bottle. She squeezed a large helping of the liquid under the faucet before Helen took it away from her and then swayed her arms back and forth to make the bubbles bigger.
By the time Mrs. Hudson entered the bath, Ashley had been scrubbed down and she was having fun chasing and popping bubbles. Helen's heart had returned to its normal rate and she was marveling how resilient children were. Fifteen minutes ago she was bawling her eyes out and now she was laughing and smiling.
Snuffling behind the housekeeper announced the dog's arrival. "Doggie!" Ashley cooed, stopping her bubble play and leaning over the tub to pet the dog. The housekeeper had wiped him down after cleaning up the cake disaster.
"Bad doggie," Mrs. Hudson commented half-heartedly. Truthfully, she was rather fond of the little butterball. She looked at the clothing hanging off the tub. The doctor must have soaked the shirt and pants in the tub water to remove the sticky jam and wrung them out to dry.
From her kneeling spot by the tub, Helen looked up at her hopefully. "You wouldn't happen to have any of your grandchildren's clothing handy, would you Mrs. Hudson?"
"As it so happens, I do have the dress I just purchased for my littlest one, Rebecca." She looked back over at Ashley, who was now putting a bubble hair do on the top of the dog's head, and shook her head at the child's antics. "They are about the same size," she appraised.
Downstairs twenty minutes later, footsteps echoed along the wooden hallway as the group made their way towards the library. Watson had pushed the door open only to stop dead in his tracks at the sight before him. "Oh my God!" he intoned in a long, drawn out voice.
John, coming up behind him, peered over his head and did a double take. "Dear Lord!" he repeated in his deep voice.
A high pitched squeal from his daughter proceeded the clicking of nails racing across the wooden floor.
Helen, behind Druitt, heard her daughter's squeal. "Ashley?" she called but could not see anything due to the two men standing stock still in the doorway.
Author's Note: This chapter didn't turn out as funny as the previous one. The next one should be funnier as the gang is all back together again and you know how much fun John, James and Nikola are when they get together.
