Lestrade jerked awake as his phone went off. He opened it and put it to his ear.
"Hello?" he muttered sleepily.
"Hello, Lestrade? I need your help." The baritone has him wide awake and stumbling out of the chair he's curled up on.
"Shit, Sherlock!" Lestrade shouted, "What is it? Oh fuck! What have you done?! Drugs?! Is it drugs?! Dammit, Sherlock if you've-."
"No, no, it's nothing like that," Sherlock said sharply, "I'm courting John and I require information on how to go about it."
Lestrade paused halfway through struggling to get his shoes on.
"What?!" Lestrade shouted, "That's what you're calling for?! Dammit Sherlock! I can't help you with that!"
He heard distant giggling through the phone and knew it was John. He scowled, John probably told him to call me, the prat.
"You have to help me!" Sherlock said in an annoyed voice, "I help you all the time! Social rules say that if someone does you a favor you owe them one in return."
Lestrade rolled his eyes.
"What about all those times I pulled you out of the gutter when you were strung out?" Lestrade pointed out.
There was a pause and Lestrade could practically see the scowl on Sherlock's face.
"That doesn't count," Sherlock said quietly.
"Yeah, it kinda does," Lestrade answered.
He sighed heavily.
"Ok, first things first," Lestrade started, "When you ask him on a date, don't tell him to go with you. Say "John, would you like to have dinner with me on Friday?" or whatever. It doesn't count if you just tell him to go. Second thing, be polite. If he turns you down or say he can't go a certain day, don't get pissed and yell at him, because that will just make him less likely to go with you. When he does accept, don't act like a prat, just say "thank you for the honor". When you go on the date, be punctual and friendly. Don't do any of that deducing crap. Bring him a gift. Something nice, but not too nice. You don't want him to think you're trying to buy him. Flowers work for girls, but I don't know about guys. Now when you're on the actual date, be courteous and kind. Ask him things about himself. If you get bored, don't act like you're bored, it will make him think that you think he's boring. Do not interrupt the date for anything."
"Ah, but what if-," Sherlock started, but Lestrade cut him off.
"No buts Sherlock!" Lestrade snapped, "You want him to feel like he's the most important thing at that moment, because he should be. Now when the date is over, don't try to have sex with him. It's the first date, there's time for that later."
"Well, how many-," Sherlock started to demand.
"Don't Sherlock," Lestrade said firmly, "Makes you sound like a horny teenager. You wait until John makes a move on you, because I don't trust you to realize when the appropriate time is. It's usually about the third or fourth date that people say they're officially a couple. Don't say it until John says it. Also, when you kiss him, be light about it. Match him. If he deepens the kiss, you go with it, if he backs off, you back off. Sometimes it's ok to take the initiative, but if you see that John isn't comfortable, then don't push it."
"Is that all?" Sherlock questioned.
"Sherlock, don't be a prat," Lestrade said, "Just remember, if John says no or stop, you stop."
"Obviously," Sherlock said, snorting.
"Seriously, Sherlock," Lestrade said in warning, "I know you tend to get carried away, but in this situation you have to put John before yourself. Anyway, good luck with the courting and all that."
"Ah, thank you, Lestrade!" Sherlock exclaimed, "You have been most helpful! Do not call me for a case until I say otherwise. Thank you very much!"
The line went dead and Lestrade was rather shocked. Not only had Sherlock said thank you, he'd said it twice! Hmm, Lestrade thought, I guess John really is changing him for the better. He shrugged his shoulders and relaxed back into his chair. Now, if only his own advice worked on a certain someone…
"Go on a date with me," Sherlock stated.
The tone was friendly, but it was still a command.
"Sherlock…" John trailed off, not sure what to say.
Sherlock cleared his throat and tired again.
"John, will you go on a date with me?" Sherlock said in a rather pained tone, "On Friday."
John smiled slightly at Sherlock's effort.
"I dunno," John said, playing coy, "What would we do?"
"Have a drink," Sherlock stated flatly.
"Where?" John pressed.
"Muriel," Sherlock stated, "I know the owner."
"I haven't ever been there before," John commented thoughtfully.
Sherlock looked like he was in pain as John "thought" about it.
"Ok, sure," John finally said, "What time will you pick me up?"
Sherlock frowned and John grinned. Then Sherlock's face cleared and he smiled.
"Eight o'clock sharp," Sherlock said.
"I'm looking forward to it," John said, beaming at Sherlock.
Sherlock then left the kitchen and John continued about making his cup of tea.
"Oh, don't wear a suit," Sherlock said, poking his head back around the corner, "Where comfortable clothes. But not that hideo-."
Sherlock cleared his throat.
"But not the jumpers," Sherlock corrected himself, "You will get too hot if you do."
"As you wish," John said, laughing a bit.
Sherlock looked as though he wanted to say something else. John waited, but Sherlock just let out a frustrated sound and went back around the corner. John couldn't help but feel rather elated at this new development of Sherlock "courting" him. Sometimes he'd stop and remember the reason why it was happening and his eyes would tear up, but for the most part he just relished in Sherlock's new consideration towards him.
The kettle whistled at him and he was brought out of his contented staring into space. He quickly poured his tea and went to sit in his favorite chair. He was trying to decide between blogging and reading when his phone chimed. He looked at it in confusion. It was a text from Lestrade.
How's "courting" going, mate?
Sherlock's asked me to get a drink with him on Friday. Clearly whatever you said affected him because he's being incredibly nice.
Sherlock nice? Well, I'm pretty incredible then!
John laughed lightly before responding.
And how are you still single, Greg?
Well, my pursuit is a mite more stubborn than you…
Oooh! Someone I know?
Yes….
John squinted at the phone. Who could it possibly be? He wondered briefly.
Going to give me a hint?
There was a long pause and John imagined Lestrade debating about what sort of hint wouldn't reveal too much.
Well…it's a bloke for one. And he's intelligent.
John wasn't half as surprised as he should've been to hear that it was a bloke. But intelligent? What did that mean?
Really intelligent or just vaguely intelligent?
Really intelligent. There are only two people in the world who are on this level.
MYCOFT HOLMES?! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?!
Yeah…he's surprisingly charming sometimes…
Wow. Ok. I was not expecting that. But he's rejecting your advances? Maybe he just doesn't realize you're making a move. You know these Holmes' are rather stupid sometimes.
I guess that's true. I think he wants me to do something extraordinary before he considers me.
So save his life.
Ha ha. Very funny. I can't save someone's life unless they're in danger.
Oh, well, I'd be happy to point a gun at his head…
Haha! I appreciate the sentiment, but if you did, I'd have to break your face.
Wow, so I guess it's serious. :P
Is that a tongue face?
Yes, yes it is. And I am not ashamed.
John, you've gone loony.
Well you can blame Sherlock for that.
Oh, I do. So you want to grab a pint later?
Careful, Greg, you don't want Sherlock thinking he's got competition! Though I'm sure Mycroft would come to his sense if he saw you with someone else.
You think he's the jealous type?
Holmes' aren't jealous. They merely know what belongs to them.
Now you sound like them.
They've rubbed off on me. Can't help it. Anyway, 8 sound good to you?
Sure. I'll meet you at O'Malley's.
It's a date! :P
You're going to get in trouble for your flirting Dr. Watson.:)
Good.
After that John laid his phone on the end table and happily went to reading his book.
Little note: I have no idea why I do Mystrade all the time. It's not even that believable. But I like writing scenes where Lestrade and John gossip about their Holmeses. :P THANK YOU ALL FOR REVIEWS, FOLLOWS AND FAVORITES!
