Chapter 24: The Stuff of Legends

As the head of the Barcelona House continued to prattle on about his house's recent success over breeding a pair of rare fire salamanders Watson uncharacteristically stabbed his right fingernails into his left palm to vent his annoyance. His handsome face held its calm appearance though the sideways glance Helen had aimed his way told him she wasn't fooled. He wasn't fooled by the firm set of her left jaw either. She was as bored with this Head of Household conference as he was.

Wickedly, he raised an eyebrow at her and winked. His face was turned enough that those on screen wouldn't see his intimate gesture. Despite her brief glare back that clearly said "behave" Helen was unable to prevent a small dimpled half smile from tugging up at the left side of her naturally rosy lips.

"Ah, you agree, Doctor Magnus," Pablo proclaimed at the sight of her famous dimpled smile. "This breeding program has been conducted with such scientific perfection that it could be of benefit to the entire Sanctuary Network. If we can save a creature so rare as the Sabine Salamanders from extinction imagine what we could do with other difficult to breed creatures. The possibilities are endless."

"I agree," she quickly consented, mostly in the hopes of preventing the young man from launching into another round of thinly disguised boasting. As the youngest head of household member he was determined to prove himself to the others and tended to go a bit overboard. "Your staff has done an excellent job and I read their entire technical report with rapt attention," she praised. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Watson's mouth turn up in a smirk and ignored him. "We have a pair of very reluctant Opaline Lizards who have rebuffed all of our attempts at encouraging their mating. Perhaps one of your scientists would be so good as to look over our past protocol and make any suggestions for improvement?" She knew before the words had completely left her mouth that he would be thrilled with her request.

"Absolutely!" Pablo preened and ran an excited hand over his luxuriously waxed moustache. "The Barcelona Sanctuary would be honored to help."

"Wonderful! The collaboration of brilliant minds is the backbone of our network," James pompously added and clapped his hands enthusiastically as he fully faced the screen. "And now ladies and gentleman may we conclude this most productive meeting?"

"One moment, if you please," Selim, head of the Cairo household, interrupted from the far right screen. "There have been a few odd incidents that I thought you might want to be aware of," he began hesitantly.

"What's wrong, Selim?" James asked of the old man for whom Watson held a great deal of respect.

"It may be nothing…" Selim said as if embarrassed to broach the subject.

"But?" Helen prompted. Like Watson, she held Selim in high regards and knew he was not one to worry unnecessarily.

The old man twisted his hand nervously around the cane propped against his high backed chair. "There have been a few strange break-ins recently of Egyptian museums in the last three weeks. Several sacred religious objects were stolen."

"Stolen antiquities are not really our area of concern," the head of the Johannesburg household inserted.

Selim continued as if he hadn't heard the other man. It was well known that the two men disliked one another immensely. "Thanks to a tip to Interpol the stolen pieces were intercepted before they could leave the country. In going through the recovered pieces it was discovered four items were missing. Four very rare, sacred artifacts."

"There must be something important about these artifacts, old friend, to have you this worried," Helen kindly surmised. "Tell us what's bothering you."

"It's not so much the artifacts as the legend attached to the mirrors that worries me," the old man admitted.

"Legends are tales told by silly old women around the campfire," Nigel sniffed. Catching the glare from Dr. Magnus at his offhand slur of women the younger man mumbled, "But of course, some legends do contain morsels of truth in them."

"I love legends," James cordially declared and smiled at the others on the multitude of flat screens. "As does the good doctor beside me. However, there's no reason for our love of tall tales to hold up everyone's busy schedules. Selim, please stay and tell your story to Helen and myself. If we feel that the need arises to share the information with the other heads of household we can arrange a future conference call."

Dismissed, the other heads of household gladly departed, their screens fading to black. When the acting head of the London household stayed on screen James gave him a stern look. "I love legends too," Declan declare impishly. "It runs in the family. We English are a nosy and superstitious lot." He grinned defiantly back at his mentor.

James rolled his eyes as a familiar chuckle tickled his eardrums. He didn't have to look at her to know Helen was thinking like father like son. Only Helen and John were privy to the knowledge that the cheeky young man on the screen was in fact his biological offspring. Watson had been very careful to cover up the details of Declan's parentage and the boy had only learned of the truth upon his aged mother's deathbed five years ago.

Confronted by the angry young man, James had muttered an unhappy "damn" and proceeded to explain the necessity for the subterfuge. It had been one of the most emotionally draining discussions of Watson's long life. Declan had reluctantly agreed to continue the charade, largely in part because he didn't want others to accuse him of being Watson's next in command due solely to being his relation. It had taken quite some time to slowly repair their damaged relationship. Whereas once Watson had been in control of the relationship the power had shifted into Declan's court once he learned of his true identity.

To Declan's credit he didn't try to hold it over Watson's head or use it against him. He simply became a tad bit bolder in his stubbornness or willingness to disagree with his mentor. As the boy had been apprenticed to the London Sanctuary since he was ten James had been able to watch over his only offspring without drawing attention to their relationship. Declan's mother had married another member of Watson's staff and the boy had grown up surrounded by the Sanctuary way of life in a happy household full of love and rambunctious siblings. James never regretted giving his son the happy childhood he himself could never offer Declan, but he did regret not being able to openly acknowledge that they were father and son. It would be the big regret of his life and there were times when he felt small pangs of jealously as he observed John's delight at being a father to Ashley. Declan had only once addressed James as "father" and that was when the lad had confronted him with his mother's confession. The little smart ass then took to teasingly calling him "old man" now and then in place of father. It amused John tremendously until Watson pointed out that Ashley in her first incarnation had nicknamed him "baldy."

Giving his head a little shake to brush away his unrelated flurry of recollections, James gave his son a reprimanding look that didn't quite reach his eyes. Declan returned it with a little smirk, knowing full well his father was amused at his audacity. Meekness was not a trait James admired in others. "So, Selim, tells us about this legend. We're all ears," Declan encouraged as he settled back in his chair to hear what he suspected would be a good story.

Helen was in the midst of assuring Selim that she would send out some feelers about the missing ancient Egyptian mirrors as she agreed with him that it was curious that the artifacts were so easily recovered with the exception of the mirrors when a series of muffled bangs sounded outside her office window. Curious, James stood up and ambled toward the windows while his colleague wrapped up their teleconference. Peering out the windows he saw nothing out of the ordinary. Cautiously, he cracked opened one of the windows and pushed the 9-paned window outward an inch. He was relieved to hear familiar voices below.

"My turn, my turn!" Ashley declared excitedly. "I wanna go next!"

"Alright," Nikola consented. "Don't forget to keep it pointed up like I showed you. And step back quickly or you'll get a face full of stickiness."

James pushed the window panel further outward and had just started turning his head downward to see what was going on when Henry looked up, caught sight of Watson, and yelled out, "Ashley, wait!"

The next second there was a loud popping sound and James got nailed in the forehead by something hard. His cry of pain was accompanied by another cry of surprise as he was sprayed in the face by a cold, unknown substance.

"James!" Helen exclaimed near his left ear and reached for him. She had approached his side seconds before he was assaulted by an unknown entity. Her old friend had pulled back into the room groaning and was pressing his palm against his forehead. "Are you alright? What happened? Are you bleeding?

Lowering his hand, James stared at his palm for signs of blood and frowned at the dark, sticky substance that coated his face, hair and chest area. "Bloody hell," he growled and swiped at the dripping liquid running down his face.

"What is that stuff?" Helen asked as she brushed his hair from his forehead and leaned in closer to inspect the angry red splotch in the center of his forehead. She was relieved to note there was no blood thank goodness.

Sniffing his palm, the affronted man licked it and declared, "Diet Coke."

Her surprise was cut short as a familiar voice below exclaimed, "Crap, now we're in for it! This is entirely your fault! I told you not to do it under Magnus' office window." Leaning out the window she looked down upon the culprits responsible for Watson's attack.

The two men were standing on the terrace below her window. "Hi, Magnus," Henry stammered as she stared down at them with a stern look on her face. Nervously, he shuffled from foot to the other and tried to look as innocent as possible. Easier said than done considering he had a two liter bottle of Coke in his hand and he was standing behind a long table that held three other 2 liter bottles… all of which were now empty. Darn it. He knew he shouldn't have listened to the crazy old bat when the idea was first suggested.

"Hello, Helen," Nikola cheerfully waved and flashed the beautiful brunette a toothy, mischievous grin. He ignored the anxious look from the worried werewolf to his right. "Beautiful day, isn't it?"

"What in the world is going on?" Helen demanded as she slapped her hands on the window sill and leaned further out. She had a pretty good idea as she eyed the evidence but she was still stymied. Henry she could see playing with soda rockets but Tesla? The scientist was well known to dislike anything that involved getting dirty. She then spied a little face peaking out behind Henry and her mouth dropped open. "Ashley!"

"Hi, mommy," Ashley said as she came out from hiding behind her big brother and gave her mother a wide fake smile in an attempt to hide the fact that she just shot her uncle James in the face with a soda rocket. Like her fellow "scientists" she was wearing a rain coat buttoned up over her clothes and Welles on her feet.

Seeing the guilty look on her daughter's face Helen quickly figured out what had taken place and who was responsible. "You could have seriously hurt someone, young lady," she angrily admonished the trio. "Had the hardened candy struck James in the eye he could have suffered serious physical injury. What do you have to say for yourself, young lady?"

"I'm sorry, mommy. I didn't mean to hurt Uncle James. We were just playing scientist," Ashley apologized and bit her bottom lip as she scooted back against Henry, who placed the soda bottle down on the table and wrapped both arms around the child to reassure her.

"We were carrying out an experiment to see which soda flavor would produce the tallest soda stream," Henry explained and motioned toward the other man. "It was his idea."

"Why am I not surprised," James grumbled.

"Well, I'm surprised," Helen declared flatly as she turned to stare at him briefly. "This is Tesla we're talking about. Not only is it not normal for him to 'play' scientist with a child it's quite unusual for him to do an experiment with such messy ingredients."

"He did it on purpose," James accused and glared down at his old school mate. "He deliberate chose that spot to hit one of us in the face with exploding soda." His frown deepened as the vampire grinned up at him unapologetically.

"Why, my good James, whatever do you mean?" Nikola sweetly called up. "I was merely trying to bond with my godchild and pass on my love of science to her. She's receiving valuable training from a scientist of legendary standing. What could be a better way for me to bond with my godchild?" He reveled in his emphasis on Ashley being his godchild this go-round to rub in the fact that Watson had lost his exalted position as Ashley's godfather.

"You're only a legend in your own mind, you old windbag," James grouchily retorted as he grabbed a tea towel from the nearby tea tray and tried to wipe the soda from his person. The sticky wetness did nothing to temper his bad mood.

"To be fair, that's not actually true," Helen offered as she tried not to openly laugh at James, who looked like he wanted to jump over the balcony to get at their old friend who was only one floor below. "Tesla is technically a legendary scientist. There are numerous web pages dedicated to him."

"They also proclaim he died in 1943 and was entirely human. Obviously they're flawed and full of inaccuracies," James huffed and glared at her. "And why am I not surprised you're taking up for him? You always had a soft spot for short, fanged and snarky."

"Now, James," she said gently, "it was purely an accident and I suspect that Ashley was the true culprit of your injury. Let bygones be bygones." She tugged on bottom of his shirt. "Plotting revenge is a wasted effort of your brilliant mental capabilities."

"Says who?" he growled back at her and moved away from the window.

Catching snippets of the conversation above Henry's brow wrinkled up in confusion. "Are they arguing about us?"

"It would seem so," a highly amused Nikola shrugged. This was going even better than he could have hoped for.

"Mommy's gonna ground me," Ashley whimpered and looked up at the two men with a worried face. "If I go hide now maybe she won't be able to find me until she's no longer mad. Henry, will you sneak me dinner?"

"Oh, there's no need for that, little one," Nikola assured her as he placed a hand on her shoulder to prevent her from bolting. "I predict that not only will your mother not be angry when she joins us she'll also participate in our little experiment."

"Really?" Henry and Ashley said in doubtful unison.

"Really," Nikola repeated confidently. "I have known Helen Magnus longer than you two put together and trust me when I say she has a playful side to her. She'll join in on the fun once she's soothed Detective Snoozevillle's ruffled feathers."

"If he shoots dead you I get your lab and all your new equipment," Henry declared smugly.

Tesla snorted. "Yeah, like shooting me is going to work. Dream on, Fido."

"Where there's a will there's a way," Henry taunted. He was well aware that killing the arrogant vampire was a difficult task but there was always hope. If nothing else it would be entertaining to watch Tesla scurrying through the mansion with a gun happy Watson tracking after him. Add in a large tub of popcorn, a beer and a good seat at the top of the stairs and it would be better than watching Star Trek on the IMAX.

"Not going to happen, Wolfgang," Nikola retorted over his shoulder as he removed the three empty bottles to set up for the next round of experiments. "Did you write down the distance and velocity of Ashley's Diet Coke gusher?"

"No," Henry replied defensively. "I saw James' face in the window and I forgot to take the measurement."

Tesla sighed. "Then we'll have to do it again. Really, Heinrich, your one assignment was to take the reading and call out the numbers for me to write down. How do you expect to be a world class scientist if you cannot do a simple task as read off numbers from the recording device?"

"Yeah, Henry," Ashley fussed and glared up at him looking so much like a miniature version of her mother that Henry was momentarily at a loss for words.

"Hey, whose side are you on, shortcake?" Henry squeaked back.

"I believe that would be mine," Nikola replied as he held up a triumphant finger. This whole godfather thing did have its good moments he thought happily. First nailing Watson in the face and now telling off Foss. Ashley might prove to be his favorite godchild after all. Sure she was his only one but who was counting?

Back upstairs, Helen followed in Watson's wake as he trudged toward the elevator. "James," she warned as they came to a stop before the elevator and James banged on the call button. "Whatever you're plotting think twice. You know it's next to impossible to kill Nikola and since he's one of us you wouldn't be able to go through with it anyway."

"Oh, but where there's a will there's a way," James snarled. He didn't actually want to kill Tesla. Throttle him yes but not actually kill him. Maybe pour honey over him and tie him down on top of a fire ant bed. Watson smiled at that evil thought. At Helen's narrowing of her eyes at him, he suggested, "Shooting him might not work but I venture adding decapitation on top of shooting him would do the trick. I bet I could get John to hold him down while I do the dirty deed."

"Don't you dare give John any ideas," she commanded as she poked him in the chest. She removed her finger and flicked it in distaste due to the tackiness of the soda remnants that had transferred to her finger.

"Silly woman, I don't have to give John any ideas," James crowed as he entered the elevator and turned to face her while pressing the second floor button. "He's got plenty of imagination going on in that department."

"James Watson…" she began to threaten only to have the elevator doors close in her face. Throwing her head back, she growled "Men!" in agitation. "I am surrounded by juvenile men." Recalling her sticky finger, Helen turned and headed down the hall towards the kitchen to wash her hands. After that, she had some naughty children to tend to.

By the time Helen made it onto the terrace the trio had completed another round of soda explosions and were removing the three empty soda bottles from the rectangular table. Ashley was helping Henry squeegee the spilt liquid off the table top when she caught sight of her mother heading their way. Letting out a loud squawk, she dropped her plastic tool and hid behind Tesla's back. Feeling the child pressing herself against him, Nikola frowned and turned toward the direction of her concern. His frown immediately turned upside down as the voluptuous Doctor Magnus stepped closer. His sharp mind noticed that Helen looked even more curvy then usual but he dismissed the thought as she stopped before him and crossed her arms like a disapproving school marm. A very sexy, disapproving school marm.

"Stop it," she ordered.

"Stop what?" he asked.

"Whatever cheeky thoughts you're thinking," she perceptively retorted.

"Why Helen, what a suspicious mind you have," he purred back. She did know him well he thought proudly.

Twirling her finger around she commanded "Explain" and listened as he explained that Ashley and Henry had been bored and so, being the good and caring guy that he was, he came up with a fun exercise for the three to test a scientific theory.

"Actually, I was running an anti-virus program on one of the backup servers when he showed up with Ashley," Henry inserted and nervously ran a hand through his spiky hair.

"Like I said, he was bored," Nikola rolled his eyes. "Can you honestly say you were having fun running the anti-virus program?"

"I could have been…" Henry answered weakly and sighed. Tesla was right. He was bored and this was the most fun he'd had in two weeks.

Staring at the small pair of feet behind Tesla Helen called out, "Ashley, are you going to hide behind your godfather all day or are you going to come out and say hello to your mother?"

"Are you going to ground me?" came the worried reply as the little feet shuffled back further behind the vampire as he turned toward her.

"That depends," her amused mother said. "Did you purposely hit James in the face with the soda explosion or was it an accident?"

"It was an accident!" the child exclaimed emphatically and peered around Tesla's legs to look at her mother. "Honest! I would never hurt Uncle James on purpose!"

"An accident," Helen repeated. "I suppose I shouldn't ground you for an accident, now should I?"

"No, you shouldn't," Nikola agreed and reached behind him to pry the child's hands free from his coat. Stepping aside he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her in front of him. "Ashley, say hello to your mother. Helen, there's a spare raincoat on the plant ledge behind you. Put it on and let's perform round three of our fun little experiment."

"What?" Helen laughed in surprise as Ashley squealed excitedly "Do it, mommy! Put on the coat and play with us!" Giving her head a shake, Helen replied she was not going to join in on this nonsense.

"Uh, come on, mommy!" Ashley whined and pulled on her mother's right hand. "It's fun. I want you to play with me."

"Oh you know you want to," Nikola taunted her as he adjusted his hat, causing Helen to giggle aloud.

"I do not. And you look ridiculous," she giggled again.

"I look adorable," he shot back pompously, "and you know it." At her continued hesitancy, he added, "Don't be such a stick in the mud, Doctor Magnus. Young Heinrich and I are showing Ashley that science can be fun and exciting. Isn't it important to encourage females to partake of science? How can you discourage such a worthy cause? For once put your hair down and let your inner child free. It's probably unconscious and drooling after yet another long and boring conference call."

"You are incorrigible," she accused with grin.

"I know. You love it," he retorted and, sensing her weakening, turned back to the table. Rubbing his hands together, he asked, "What sodas are up next?"

"Sunkist, Dr. Pepper, and 7UP," Henry replied and reached for two of the bottles. To Helen he encouraged, "Come on, Magnus. It really is fun."

"Yeah, mommy!" Ashley agreed and hugged the Sunkist to her chest.

"Tesla currently holds the record for the tallest gusher so far," Henry recapped as he placed the bottles on the table and evenly spaced them out. "You wouldn't want to pass up the opportunity to whip his uppity butt now would you?" he teased.

"Oh, what the heck," she sighed and reached for the raincoat. Ashley squealed again and plopped the bottle loudly on the table before rushing over to hug her mother, whom she had not seen for the better part of the day due to numerous business meetings.

"Don't forget to take your hair down," the vampire cheekily instructed and grinned broadly as she unpinned her hair and tossed it over her shoulders haughtily before slipping on the raincoat.

Pulling the hood over her head she joined them at the table. "Okay. What are the rules and who gets to go first?"

Forty-five minutes later, John and Kate were walking down the hallway looking for their housemates when they heard several loud popping sounds followed by shouts. The pair, who had recently returned from a day mission, raced towards the noise and bumped into one another as they stopped to open the door to the terrace. "After you," Kate offered and stepped back to let the big man yank the door inward. Together they stepped out onto the stone terrace just in time to see the celebratory group let out another round of shouts. Only this time the shouts were more of the angry variety. Mouths dropped opened, the two newcomers stared in disbelief at the sight before them.

"How long have we been gone?" Kate asked out of the side of her mouth as her mind tried to register the freaky scene before her. "Everyone's lost their minds."

"So it appears," John replied with a small laugh.

At the far side of the terrace there were a lot of indignant howls as the loud hissing of the water finally diminished. Ripping the hood of her raincoat back off her head, Helen swiped at her wet face and glared angrily at her attacker. "James Watson! What in the bloody hell do you think you're doing?"

James smiled broadly at her and began to roll the water hose back up into its wall holder. "Why, I am merely cleaning up the big mess, my dear Helen."

Around her there were grumblings and growls as her fellow experimenters repeated her actions and tried to dry themselves off. The raincoats had kept part of their chest and waist areas dry but Watson's unexpected attacked left their faces, hands, and lower limbs drenched.

"My underwear's wet!" Ashley complained and visibly pouted as she pulled at her bottom. She'd been bent at the waist reaching for another Mentos candy to eat off the table when the water attack began. "Uncle James, look what you did!" She cried, stomping up and down irately, and splattering Tesla who groused about his pants being completely ruined.

"Not to mention my shoes!" Helen exclaimed as her hands came to her hips and she stared daggers at her old friend.

The smug look on James' face grew. The reaction to his revenge was as he hoped and he planned to savor the moment. Before, he was the soaking wet one. Now, he was the only dry one. Tucking the faucet head into the hose coil James informed them that the Big Guy said dinner would be ready in an hour. "Best get dry and redressed for dinner," James gloated. "Its Italian night and you know how fast the Sasquatch's famous eggplant parmesan disappears."

"You… are a dead man," Nikola hissed and glared murderously at his old classmate.

"Been there, done that," James cackled over his shoulder and calmed strolled back into the door nearby.

Unnoticed at the other end of the terrace Kate looked up at Druitt. "Last one in gets a cold bath."

"Definitely," he agreed and disappeared in a flash of red.

"Son of a…," she began in annoyance and turned on her heel to rush back inside. Cold showers were one of Kate's pet peeves and she wasn't about to have to endure one after working all day in the field.

"Mommy, my butt's wet!" Ashley whined again.

"Come on," her mother sighed and wrapped an arm around her unhappy child. "Let's go clean up and get ready for dinner."

"I'll get even," Nikola continued to mutter under his breath as he stalked behind them. "Somehow, someway, I'll get my revenge."

"We got hosed because of you purposely set up shop underneath Magnus' office," Henry crankily reminded him. "This is all your fault."

Tesla shot him a sideways frown. "You smell like wet dog."

"Says the overgrown drenched rodent!" Henry snarked back.

"Bats are not rodents!"

"And I'm not a dog!"

"What happened to you lot?" the Sasquatch gruffly asked as the four made their way down the hall towards the staircase.

"Uncle James got us with the water hose!" Ashley blabbed. "He was being really naughty!"

Surprised by her answer, the Sasquatch looked at her mother for explanation. "Don't ask," Helen sighed and maneuvered her daughter past her old friend and up the stairs.

"You're dripping all over my clean floors," the tall creature fussed.

"Have James clean it up," Nikola snorted as he passed by. "He's in a cleaning mood."

Silently the Sasquatch watched the four tromp up the stairs, and then stared back down at the wet footprints and puddles on the dark wooden floor. Sighing, he shook his head and walked in the opposite direction. "I live with a bunch of crazy people," he muttered to himself. "Humans," he snorted derisively, "not a lick of sense among them."