NYLON ~ 58 ~ WHAT IF
Hanna pushed JT on the swingset and watched him fly high above her head. He giggled as the wind ruffled his fine unruly hair. All around her children were playing and laughing while parents or nannies looked on. Directly opposite JT she could see a young couple, probably no older than eighteen, kissing on a wooden bench. She remembered a similar bench in the center of Rosewood where she and Caleb could sometimes be found playing tonsil hockey.
"Higher!" JT squealed interrupting Hanna's daydream.
"Higher?" Hanna teased holding JT back for a moment to give him more leverage.
Then she let go sending JT up in the air in a fit of laughter. Again, she was lost in her thoughts while she watched couples kissing in the park and families enjoying a warm summer afternoon. Her thoughts drifted to the moments when Caleb had been a doting father over the past few months. He built JT's new bed and served as a perfect surrogate dad to Ben and Ali.
It's like he was made to be a father and she was so thankful that he was a part of JT's life. But something else nagged at her. The birthday gift. The way Caleb had chosen something he knew she wanted and offered to take her out even though he knew she had plans with Andrew. That behavior was not characteristic of someone who was essentially a roommate whom she once had a relationship with. Was he falling for her again? More importantly, was she falling for him? Maybe his actions were just indicative of his kind character but Hanna was reading into it, trying to assuage her own feelings and justify the urges she was feeling for someone she promised herself she could never be with.
Even in her daydreams she saw Caleb. She pictured his face on a man who was standing at a vendor's kiosk but tried to shake the idea that it was truly him. That is, until she squinted her eyes and got a better look. Was she crazy or was that actually him?
"Daddy!" JT squealed pointing at the man. Maybe she wasn't imagining it.
"Hey," Caleb approached holding out an iced coffee for her.
"Thanks," she accepted it. "What are you doing here?"
"My office is in that building," he pointed at the building opposite the park. Of course! How could she pick the park adjacent to his office? She wondered for a moment if it had been subconscious, and then remembered that JT had actually been in charge of choosing their destination. Was JT subconsciously trying to set up his parents like an amateur matchmaker. Caleb snapped her out of her own personal Freudian analysis. "I saw you guys in the window and thought I'd bring refreshments."
"You thought right," Hanna smiled as Caleb pulled a carton of chocolate milk from his pocket.
"For the little guy," he slowed down the swing and punched the straw in the drink before handing it to JT who sipped eagerly.
"I don't really want him eating that much sugar," she said.
"One time won't hurt," he replied.
"Is this what you do every time I'm away?" Hanna said accusingly.
"Let's not," Caleb told her. "I don't feel like fighting over chocolate milk."
"Mama!" JT interrupted.
"Okay," Hanna pulled him out of the swing and bounced him in her arms. "We should probably get home."
"I'll drive you," Caleb offered. "I was gonna take off work early anyway."
"It's fine," she replied. "We could use the walk."
"Please," Caleb sighed. "Let me do this."
"Sure," she smiled. "Let's go."
She followed him to the parking garage where they climbed into his car and buckled JT into the booster seat. Caleb drove them the few miles back to their apartment, during which time JT was lulled to sleep by the gentle motion of the car.
"He must be tired," Hanna laughed noticing the half empty carton in his hand.
"I'll get him," Caleb offered picking JT up and tossing the trash out.
They made their way upstairs and Caleb laid JT in his crib before closing the door. Hanna turned to Caleb once they were safely out of JT's hearing range.
"I'm sorry," she told him. "I overreacted earlier."
"It's okay," Caleb replied. "I'm not always with JT. I shouldn't have done that."
"It was nice," Hanna smiled. "You're a good dad. I should give you more credit."
"Thanks? I think?" he laughed.
"It was meant as a compliment," she assured him.
"I'll take what I can get," Caleb smirked.
He placed his hand on the counter next to hers. Their fingers brushed. Neither moved for a second but the room filled with a heavy tension as their eyes locked. Hanna bit her lip. Without wasting another second, Caleb's hand gripped her waist and he lowered his lips onto hers. Hanna slid her fingers up to his neck and deepened the kiss pulling them even closer together. As Caleb's fingers searched her body she came to the shocking realization that she was falling into a dangerous cycle.
"We can't," she pushed Caleb away.
"What do you mean?" he protested.
"I just ended things with Andrew," she explained. "It's not fair to you. This was impulsive and confusing."
"It doesn't have to be like that," he told her. "We can just..."
"We can just, what?" she snapped. "See where this goes? Caleb, we're not kids anymore. We have a kid to think about. The days of exploring and casual relationships are over."
"What if this isn't casual?" he asked. "What if...?"
"How do you know?" she cut him off. "You can't promise me that in ten years, one year, even a month, we'll still be together...and if we do this again, I don't know if I can pick myself back up again when it's over."
"You're right," he caved. "I can't promise you that."
He hung his head defeatedly and walked away leaving Hanna to ponder the events that had just transpired. She cursed herself for spending the morning letting herself get wrapped up in a fantasy that should never come to life.
Okay, like I said, tomorrow marks the one year anniversary since I started writing this story, and honestly, I don't like to spend more than a year working on the same project, thus I will be posting A LOT today and tomorrow to try and meet my personal deadlines for the end of this story. That means expect lots of chapters to go up today and I guarantee HALEB will be back before you go to bed tonight. No more teasing :)
