Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Just a little something I thought of when I was checking out Clue. This is unbeta'd unless you count me. I hope you like it!
Clue
Ariadne comes out of the bathroom with a frown. Arthur knows what it means. He meets her halfway and plucks the pregnancy test out of her hand. Wrapping his arms around her and letting her head rest on his chest, he whispers, "It's okay."
"No, it isn't." She groans. "I want a baby, Arthur."
"I know, I know. I do, too."
"We had our check-ups and we're both very fine. I don't get why I'm not getting pregnant! Is there some other way to have sex when you're making a baby?"
He doesn't reply. Instead, he continues to soothe her back and hold her gently against him. "We'll schedule another appointment soon and ask Dr. Giggins if artificial insemination is possible for us." He hates the idea and knows all too well that Ariadne does, too, but they've both agreed that if they really can't produce a baby through natural means then artificial insemination will have to do.
She shakes her head. "No. I'll only allow that when we're very sure that we can't have children the natural way. Besides," she looks up, "trying to have children has its bonuses, doesn't it?"
Arthur smirks and leans down to kiss her. "Yes, it does." When she's calmed down, he asks, "Do we really have to go to that dinner?"
"I miss them," she says, "and I want to talk to Professor Miles about my new idea."
He smiles. "Okay."
Arthur loves the company that he's with; his wife beside him and talking to Miles, his godchildren playing around, Dom and his mother-in-law talking to Yusuf and his family. On his other side, though, is Eames. Why did he have to get stuck with that madman?
"You and the little lady are trying for a baby, are you not?"
"Stay out of it, Eames."
"I want to help."
"I don't trust you."
"If you did you'd stop working with me."
"You and children don't mix."
"I want to be a godfather."
"I don't want you anywhere near my child."
"Ariadne would say otherwise and you know it."
"I'll do it for her."
"Then let me help you."
"I hate you."
"We both know that isn't true."
Arthur doesn't reply. It's true. He doesn't truly hate Eames, quite the opposite, really. He's thankful for the man and considers him as his best friend. He just hasn't admitted it to anyone but he knows that everyone knows anyway.
"Darling, not everything I do is for you. I'm doing this for her and not for you," the other man says. "The reason I got the two of you together is because I wanted her to be happy. You, too, you bloke, but mostly her. So do you or do you not want to hear the pitter patter of little architects or, God forbid, little Point Man…or Woman, in that house you bought for a family of four or six?"
Arthur glares at him. "Okay. Fine. Yes. We're trying to have a baby. We've been married for two years and we both think that it's a good time to have a baby. We're both retired extractors and since we're working for my parents' company we think we're safe enough."
"And you've been fucking her and still no?"
"Don't be so crude," Arthur says, eyeing the children on the other side. "Not here, at least."
"Fine, you've been expressing your love for each other and still no?"
He shakes his head.
"Maybe you haven't been doing it on fertility day."
"What do you know about that?"
"You don't know anything about it?" Eames chuckles. "You?"
"Of course I do. I just don't…it's a private thing! Ari never talks about it so I don't…I've never asked her. I'm assuming that she's keeping track and using it to help us conceive a baby."
Eames shakes his head. "You poor lad."
"What now?"
"Maybe it'll help if you know when her fertility days are."
Arthur nearly chokes on his food. Hesitantly, he turns his head to watch Ariadne talk enthusiastically with her professor. "Eames that is private!"
"Oh please, don't tell me you don't know where she keeps her girly necessities." Eames rolls his eyes. "And darling, you are too much of a gentleman. You're married. It shouldn't be awkward for you now. Fuck, even those who aren't married don't find that awkward."
"I am not going to keep track of my wife's ovulation time," he hisses.
"Give me your phone, darling."
"No."
"Too late, I already have it." Eames holds out Arthur's phone with a triumphant grin. Arthur doesn't even look for it in his breast pocket. "Let's see here…Android."
"What are you doing?"
"Helping you…aha! Good internet connection." He presses the screen a few times before looking up and turning to Arthur. "It's useless to ask you." Clearing his throat, he calls for the architect. "Love? May I ask you some questions?"
Ariadne pauses her conversation with her professor and turns to look at him. "Yes?"
"Are you regular or irregular?"
"Excuse me?"
"Your menstruation cycle. Are you regular or irregular?" Eames groans when he realizes that the whole table is looking at him, save for Phillipa and James. "Oh, don't give me that. We're all adults here and we all know that Ariadne is a lovely woman."
Blushing a little, Ariadne answers, "Irregular."
"I see." Eames nods. "And when was your last period?"
Ariadne opens her mouth and then closes it. "Eames, I don't understand."
"I'm helping you, love. Please answer."
"Two weeks ago. February seventh."
"And how long does your cycle usually last?"
"About five to seven days."
Eames raises an eyebrow but continues to play with the phone. "That's longer than most women. Hm. And your next cycle usually comes?"
"I'm irregular, Eames. I wouldn't know."
"Take a guess."
She sighs. "A month, I suppose."
"Mm-hm." He nods. "Last question, how long do you usually PMS?"
She has a smirk. "Why don't you answer that, Arthur?"
He coughs. "Three days."
"All right. That's all, thank you, love." Eames smiles and returns to the phone. "Now, Arthur, have a look at this."
In front of him is a calendar with different colors and on the side are a few categories labeled 'Period, Sex, Fluid, Pain, Mood, and Tags.'
"What is that?"
"This, darling, is Clue. It keeps track of women's cycle. It is not accurate and since Ariadne is irregular, it's hard to tell but I suppose you can use it. See here," he points to February seventh and drags his fingers until the thirteenth, "is Ariadne's menstruation for the month, and this," he points to this week, "is her fertility window and this snowflake thing you see is when she is fertile. And if you're smart, which you are, you can see that the snowflake is a few days away and that her fertility window starts tonight and therefore, you should…?"
"Try to make a baby tonight."
"Exactly. And all the nights until the window closes but try especially hard on fertility day." He returns to main page and chuckles at the wallpaper. "Who knew you're such a sucker?" Handing it back to him, he says, "Figure out the rest on your own. And you're welcome."
On their way back home, Ariadne asks, "Why did Eames ask me questions about my cycle?"
"He's just being Eames," Arthur replies without looking away from the road, "you know how he is. I'm sorry if you were uncomfortable."
She shrugs. "It's okay. At least I was comfortable with the people. Though letting your former professor know about it is kinda weird," she laughs.
He chuckles. "I doubt they'll make a big deal out of it." He squeezes her hand with his right before placing it back on the steering wheel. He remembers Eames suggestion of trying to make a baby tonight. "So…you wanna try conceiving a little boy or girl tonight?" he asks casually.
She looks at him. "Really?"
"Yeah. Why not?" He shrugs.
She smirks. "You just like me in this dress and you want to get laid."
He blushes. "I didn't…I mean—"
Ariadne laughs and he loves the way it sounds. She looks at him with a huge grin. "But if that's the way you want to ask, then sure. I'd love to try conceiving a little boy or girl tonight."
Damn Eames and his way of thinking.
He did take the Forger's advice though. He made love to her every night (and maybe fucked her thrice and honestly forgot the whole reason why they were getting it on) until even after her estimated fertility window. Maybe this time, it'll work.
One night, instead of their regular position of her head on his chest and his arms wrapped around her, his head is on the crook of her neck, his arm across her stomach and her hand playing with his hair, she says, "I think it'll work."
"Mm?" He groans.
"I think it'll work," she repeats. "Don't you think so?"
"You're irregular, we can't be so sure. But yes, I suppose." He kisses her neck, making her giggle. "I love kissing you there."
"You know that's my tickle spot."
"You're so cute," he murmurs. "I hope our baby gets that."
"You know Clue says I've been fertile this whole week."
He yawns and then mumbles, "I know."
"Is yours as good as my Clue app?"
"I doubt it," he replies, nuzzling her neck, "I don't have your past menstruation dates."
After a pause, Ariadne bursts out laughing. He opens his eyes just to watch her. Finally, she confirms, "So Eames did give you that Clue app!"
He groans. "Do I even want to ask why you know, princess?"
"He had your phone when he was asking me those questions in the restaurant." She continues to laugh. "Silly king."
He frowns. "Do you want me to delete it?"
She shakes her head and shifts a little. "No, I think I need help with my fertility week."
Arthur smirks. "I will gladly help out."
She grins and kisses him. "Maybe we should stop using pregnancy tests, too."
"Mm? Why?"
She shrugs. "It might be nice to find out naturally."
He nods. "Okay. I'll stop buying them for you."
Three months later...
"I hate check-ups," Ariadne declares.
Arthur intertwines his hand with hers and says, "No, you love them. You said so last month."
"Last month, Arthur. That's different from today." He gives her a sympathetic smile. She's been cranky the whole day, whining about how much she reeks of wasted food. Arthur doesn't think so. "I've been throwing up, all because of that stupid chili dog we ate last night."
"I told you getting more than two was too much," he says. He logs them in and then sits on the waiting chair, picking up a few magazines for them to read on the table beside them. "Look, the latest issue of Architectural Digest, why don't you check it out? I'll get you your own copy when we have dinner later."
Ariadne sighs and leans against her husband as she flips through it. "I like this," she says, pointing at a floorplan. "I think we can re-work this one," she runs her finger down a pillar, "don't you think so?" Her fingers twitch, fisting them and then releasing.
"I'll get you your own copy," Arthur promises, "just don't start writing on it while we have dinner, okay?"
There's a knock on the sliding glass and the nurse inside signals them in. "Mr. and Mrs. Brandon? Dr. Giggins is ready for you."
For the next two hours, the two are led around the hospital. Needles, x-rays, stethoscopes and the like touch their skin, making Ariadne crankier than this morning. Arthur squeezes her hands every so often. When they reach Dr. Giggins, they couldn't have been more surprised.
"What?"
"What?"
"I thought you two keep track," the man in front of them assumed.
"We kind of stopped a few months ago," Arthur says.
Dr. Giggins grins. "Am I supposed to congratulate you?"
"Yes!" Ariadne exclaims, her frown is immediately replaced. "Yes! Yes! Yes!"
Arthur looks at his wife with a huge grin on his face. "You're pregnant!"
"We're pregnant!"
Dr. Giggins raises his eyes. "Well technically—"
"We're pregnant!" Ariadne cuts him off. "Arthur!" She hugs with vigor and he returns it without hesitation. "Oh, Arthur."
Arthur kisses her temple. "We're pregnant."
"Maybe we shouldn't tell them yet," Arthur suggests as Ariadne fixes his tie.
"It's been a few months," Ariadne raises her eyebrows, "my body isn't proportionate anymore, Arthur. And I'm sure Dom and his father skills would know."
Arthur pats her growing belly. "You're right. I guess I'm just a little bit nervous. And don't."
She laughs. She likes to joke about Arthur and his nervousness. "King Arthur, the fearless Point Man, nervous?"
He kisses her. "Hush, princess, before I change my mind about meeting up with them."
"Oh please, you know we're refraining."
About an hour later, the two are joined by their Extraction teammates. Eames is beside Arthur with Yusuf on the other side and then Dom and the kids. Arthur is smiling the whole way through, something Eames likes to tease him about.
"You've been getting laid way too often," the Forger says once.
"Shut up, Eames," he replies, his smile still not wiping off.
By the time champagne is served (and grape soda for the kids), Arthur announces that he and Ariadne have something to say. Ariadne grins and tells them, "We're pregnant."
Everyone bursts into congratulations and claps. Phillipa screams and runs down to her aunt and hugs her. "We're having a baby cousin!"
Arthur pats her head. "You and James are having two baby cousins. A boy and a girl."
Philippa jumps for joy. "Did you hear that, James?"
James claps his hands. "Now I have someone to take care off, too!"
Eames chuckles. "Looks like you to overdid it."
Yusuf and Dom burst into laughter. Arthur doesn't even glare at him, instead, giving out a soft laugh. Ariadne tugs his hand and kisses his cheek. "Just a few more months."
Arthur nods. "Just a few more months."
And there we go. I know what Eames said isn't true but I think that was also one of the first few things that went in my mind while making this fic, haha. Hope you enjoyed it! It was quite fun to make. My headcanon is that Arthur and Ariadne's children are named Casey (boy) and Spencer (girl).
