Prompt: An idea- the resistance is celebrating some large scale victory, Kylo is Ben after having defected and providing useful first order info. Poe is back on base for the celebration and spots his childhood friend, who has been shying away from crowds and others since he started to show(u had to know that was coming), and decides it's time to reconnect. Cue insecure and self conscious Ben who wants to fix things but doesn't know how, and Poe who's just relieved it's all over and they can rebuild
I seem to be developing this rule of thumb that Kylo doesn't really show all that much throughout his pregnancy so it let me push this a bit further back then I would with any other character. Also vague father is vague and whoever you want him to be.
Warnings: mpreg, some problematic statements,
The whole camp is excited. The years of being constantly afraid that tomorrow might be their last finally broken and the high from that knowledge intoxicating everyone it touches. There are more feats of bravery now then there had been in the final battle. If they had managed to defeat the Empire then there was a chance the girl would like you back. A chance that you could reconcile with the person who seemed to hate you. A chance that you could totally do that stupid stunt that you had only heard about in rumours.
There were kisses and drunken stunts (that either succeeded spectacularly or failed just as spectacularly) and Poe could see the General and her brother watching it all joyfully, smiling and laughing at the antics of those who considered them heroes.
Poe did not escape the high of the victory himself. He could feel it rushing through his veins telling him he could totally do all those impossible things that he previously would never attempt.
It is probably why he approaches Ben. Approaches him where he stands to the side of it all, watching everyone enjoy themselves but not joining in (and not seeming to get his own enjoyment from merely viewing like his mother and uncle).
"Not going to join in?"
"I can't," Ben indicates at his stomach and the bulge that is barely visible. It is only slightly larger than a size that could be easily confused with a pudge from a large meal, only just making clear what was actually happening within Ben's body.
"I'll give you that you can't drink but that doesn't mean you can't join in on the rest of it. I am sure there are plenty of people who'd love to see what things the Force can do."
Ben gives him a look and Poe half expects to be forced to endure a reminder about the importance of the Force and those who wield it and how they shouldn't squander their talents on trivial matters. He had certainly listened to enough of them as a child when he tried to convince Ben to use it to get some treat down that had been hidden on top shelves (which even back then he was sure Luke had placed up there as an incentive for his nephew to try and bring down with his powers). No lecture comes; instead Ben just sighs and looks away. "I doubt they would want me to join them, and anyway they have my cousin to show off my family's powers for their entertainment."
"I don't think any of them would mind much if you joined in."
"I disagree."
Poe didn't come to him in order to argue (he isn't entirely sure what he actually came over for but he knows it isn't an argument) so he lets the conversation drop.
"You can go back and join the rest of them. I don't need to be watched."
"I'm not here to watch you." Of course Ben didn't need to be watched. There was no reason to fear that he would cause anyone else harm (he had more than proven himself loyal to their side) and no reason to believe he would intentionally try to cause himself harm while the child was so dependent on his body for its life.
"Then what are you here for?"
"I just wanted to see how you were. I haven't seen you in a while. And the little one I guess." It is a concept he is still trying to get his head around, although it is slightly easier now there is a visible sign. Not an entirely foreign or impossible concept, just different, and not what Poe had expected when he finally met Ben Solo again after years of him being Kylo Ren. If he had been asked only months before which of the two of them would first have children Poe would have answered himself.
"I'm fine. They're fine. We're both fine."
"Just fine?"
"I don't think I'll ever be able to be anything better then 'fine'."
"Why not?" Ben answers the question with a darkening look that reminds Poe so much of Kylo Ren and, oh. "You know that stuff's in the past right."
"That doesn't change the fact the Hosnian system no longer exists."
"That wasn't actually you though."
"I helped them obtains the Death Star designs upon which they based it off of. I helped them gather materials. I stood by and watched as the order was made to fire it and did nothing. The blame of it rests on my shoulders." Poe guesses he does have a point. The destruction of the Hosnian system was a horrible loss of life, there was no way around it, but he still cannot find himself placing the blame for it on Ben. At least, not anymore.
"I think enough people have paid for that crime."
"Why do you defend me? I tortured you in order to find the location of your droid that carried the map to my uncle in my attempts to kill him and the rest of my family."
"You then defected and came home to your mother. Brining with you a wealth of information about the First Order that not even Finn could give us. Which you then used to bring them down at great risk to yourself." And the child. It is probably part of the reason Poe struggles to believe Ben is as far along as he is. Until recently he had been acting as if there was no child inside him, had been cutting through Stormtroopers as if one stray blaster shot wouldn't end a life growing inside him (as if he wasn't putting two lives on the line instead of one).
"That doesn't change what I've done."
"You were tricked by Snoke." As far as Poe understood (and he had taken a great deal of time in trying to understand), Snoke had come to a young Ben Solo and, preying on his insecurities, convinced him that Snoke had the means of making him more powerfully then Luke did.
"That doesn't change the fact I believed him in the first place."
"You were young." Poe doesn't want to be arguing with him. He didn't come over to him to argue about whether or not Ben deserved to be redeemed or not. He didn't want to think about it, he just wanted to see if he could regain something of the relationship he used to have with his friend.
"I was old enough to know better."
Poe knows that Ben isn't actually trying to be argumentative but he cannot help the want to scream in frustration at his constant attempts to build a wall between himself and everyone else. Poe knows he isn't the only one, he had talked to the General about it and Leia felt just as lost as to how to help her son (which broke Poe's heart). He wants to help Ben but it hurts to try and make (or more accurately remake) a relationship with him only to be closed off at every attempt.
He is saved from having to rebut the point. Saved from having to continue the argument when Ben's attention is distracted from him and apparently onto the child within from the way his hand comes to brush against his stomach and his eyes turn downwards.
As much as Poe is glad not to have to try and redirect the conversation away from Ben's self-hatred he cannot help but worry about something going wrong with either him or the child (despite the recklessness they had both already survived). "You okay?"
"Yes, they're just moving."
"You can feel it?" Poe doesn't know all that much about pregnancy (never had the need or want) so he really has no clue as to when the child should start moving. Still, he cannot help but feel wonder at the idea of there being evidence that they were more than a slowly growing mass inside another.
"Yes."
Poe reaches his hand out but pauses before it reaches Ben's stomach, their relationship still so fractured he is not sure where he stands with the other. "May I?"
"You may, I doubt you will feel anything though," Ben removes his hand and Poe's takes its place. He is right, there is nothing to feel but the bulge in the stomach that Poe swears is smaller than possible for how far along he knows Ben is (not that he would exactly know how large he should be).
"What does it feel like? For you?"
"It's just movement. Nothing specific, just a fluttering. It's like how they feel in the Force but physical."
Poe doesn't really understand the Force and figures he never will. He certainly doesn't know what a person (or foetus) feels like within the Force but judging by the small smile that is on Ben's face it is a good thing. "They must be healthy then." Despite everything Ben had done to himself since defecting both he and the child seem to have survived and flourished.
"Yes, they are." There is a pride to the words that Poe has not heard for a while. A pride that is not tinged with self-hatred or doubt (nor with the self-glorification of Kylo Ren).
"You love them."
"Of course I do. Doesn't every mother love their child?"
Poe knew his mother had loved him, and he knows Leia loves Ben and had loved him even when they were on opposing sides. However he is also sure there are mothers in the galaxy who don't love their children. He isn't about to say that though. "They're lucky to have you as their mother," he says instead, removing his hand from Ben's stomach.
"I doubt that highly. I have no idea how to be a mother."
"You're not alone in this. You have Leia to teach you the things you don't know. You have the rest of your family to support you and… me. If you'll let me that is."
Ben snorts and Poe fears that it will be followed by denial and the wall turned permanent. "Why would you want to help me?"
"Because we're friends?" Were friends, and Poe hopes still are friends. Hopes that he can rebuild the friendship that was lost all those years ago. The one that was destroyed by Snoke and his whispering's in Ben's ears.
"Are we?"
"I hope so."
"Even after everything?" Ben looks confused. It is strange, an expression that Poe most associates with Ben before Snoke on the face of the man now. Strange but makes him hope that the Ben he knew is still there under all the guilt and self-hatred.
"That's all the in past. We won. The First Order is no more. I was hoping we could try again?"
There is a hopefully expression on Ben's face, one where he looks like he cannot believe Poe is even real in front of him. It is quickly gone though, disappeared back under the passive melancholic expression he seems to constantly have. "If that is what you want then I'll be willing to try as well."
"Yes. It is."
