Prompt (well, thing I turned into a prompt): is there any chance of your headcanons on Kylo being pregnant during the final battle/miscarrying (the ones from the "he's actually in pain" gif) being turned into a fic? Or like even as a side story? Bc I need more haha. Zero pressure though, it's just such an interesting interpretation and that scene lends itself so well to it, it would be cool to see that explored a little more

It's been a while since I watched the movie so IDK how accurate this is to the actual fight (probably why I skimmed it).

Warnings: miscarriage, a few problematic statements throughout

His own pain shoots through him first.

The power within the Wookie's weapon is strong and Kylo nearly goes tumbling over the edge of the catwalk like his father. He braces himself, both with his body and the Force in order to stop himself from plummeting. The hit still does damage, still tears into his body. He survives it, so he can keep going and remove the other threats to the First Order that still are on the planet (and then he will work on getting to his uncle).

Them slipping hits him second.

It is after he has braced himself and returned the energy to where it usually rests. The Force has always been drawn to them. Had been drawn to them from the second it first felt them those months ago and seemed to constantly flow around them. So it goes back there only to find that something is wrong.

At first it feels like nothing worthy of concern, just an idle aches that means the blow hit closer than he would want it to. Then they start to fade. The consciousness that is more a flutter then a mind starts to slow disappear from his awareness.

He knows it is not his powers weakening.

It is clear what he has to do next.

He has to retreat. He cannot stay there where more blows might come that will do damage to the already fading presence. If he can get himself somewhere safe he can meditate and save them. His grandfather kept himself alive for years with his powers alone. Kylo Ren can keep a foetus alive for a few months before they can be born (or hopefully, until his body has healed enough to support them without any added help). He will retreat and deal with the others later.

It is as the base shudders with the echo of an explosion that he realises that all hope is lost.

They are fading too much, fading too quickly. He will not be able to find a place to shut everything out and focus on them fast enough.

There is nothing he can do so save them. Despite his strength and training he has failed to protect them. Failed to keep them from harm caused by outside forces. He had believed he could continue battling despite them being nestled inside him. Believed that his power would be enough to protect them no matter what risk they were currently under. He was wrong.

He cannot seem to stop focusing on it. Cannot stop himself from feeling their presence fade further and further away. Cannot stop himself from feeling his failure to protect them in their slow but rapid removal from existence. Cannot block out awareness of his weakness.

He strikes the place the hit landed. Strikes the place that signifies his body's failure to protect them. Strikes it and feels pain shoot through him. He deserves to suffer for his failure. The child isn't going to survive anyway, it doesn't matter that the blow is causing damage to them as well.

He will return to the battle.

He can feel where the traitor and the girl are. Their presences burn bright in the Force. He knows where they are and knows where they are going and knows a path that will allow him to cut them off.

If he can at least get them then he will have done something right. If he can get them without losing himself to his weakness he will at least know the Supreme Leader's teachings weren't for nothing.

He keeps hitting the spot.

Keeps hitting it and tries to gain strength from the pain. Tries to turn his grief and anger into sources of power.

He manages to cut the traitor down. Despite the pain and grief he feels he manages to win that fight. Manages to win the battle despite the fact he can barely feel the presence anymore. That he knows his unborn child's life will end in the snowy fields he is currently fighting in.

It only gets worse as he fights the girl. He has to focus, truly focus, to feel them at all and he cannot afford to do that with her attacking.

He wants to just sit down and feel them. Feel their presence as it fades, try and cement the memory of them (not that there is much of them to remember) in his mind. Instead he has to fight. Has to keep fighting despite his want to curl up and cry. He cannot disappoint the Supreme Leader. Not now. Not after everything else appears to be falling apart. He must claim at least one victory from it all.

He loses.

Loses them both at the same time. He watches the girl on the other side of the crevice that is the planet attempting to cave in on itself. Watches her walk away, out of his reach. Watches it as he feels the internal presence finally fade to nothing.

He is left with nothing.

He is left with no victory and no family and the sickening feeling of emptiness inside him.

He doesn't know if he will recover from it.

He doesn't know if he is talking about his physical injuries or the one in his heart.