A/N: So I'd like to just point out… (I know what you guys are thinking! Why does this person always bore us with her story or feelings of the day?) Anyway, I happened to fail miserably at staying up all night. I got bored of playing Majora's mask and fell asleep around 5:30. Bleh :D Here's chapter 23. Link and Dark meet the sexy ladies of the desert. Hoo-ra.

I want to thank Ray-Kat-Hollows, Sarah, KarinHitsugaya, and Kiwasaki-chan3 for your wonderful reviews! I love when you guys tell me specific details or emotions of the story that you love. Then I know I'm doing a good job. Thank you so much guys! Aw, Sarah's review made me smile because she brought up old chapter memories. D'awwww. Dark and Link are so cute. _

I don't own Legend of Zelda.

Chapter 23: Breaking Into the Fortress

"Are you sure this is such a good idea?" Dark asked nervously holding onto Link tightly.

"She'll make it." Link assured Dark referring to Epona and the large gap she was about to jump in order to get on the other side of the bridge that led to the Gerudo Fortress, "We could use the longshot… but that's no fun!" Link said with a wild grin.

"Since when are you the dangerous one?" Dark accused harshly squeezing on to Link even harder, "Last time we were supposed to check this place out you gave up instantly whenever you found out the bridge was busted. Now you want to jump across via horse?"

"Are you ready?" Link asked ignoring Dark completely

"Would it matter if I wasn't?" Dark replied solemnly. Link shook his head with a grin and reared Epona back a couple of yards so she could pick up speed to leap across the canyon. He then kicked her sides a bit harder than usual to get her to a steady trot then again for a quick run.

"Hi-ya!" Link shouted as they approached the end of the broken panels and ropes. Epona bent her legs to jump into the air and Dark's eyes grew wide as he stared at the flowing river about 100 feet below them. He wouldn't be afraid to fall if he had been by himself since he had jumped off of the cliff before. He was scared that Epona wouldn't make the leap and possibly drown or worse, crushing Link or himself under her weight. Dark sighed with relief when he felt her back hoofs come in contact with the ground on the other side of the bridge and relaxed his grip on Link who was now laughing tremendously.

"That was so much fun!" He shouted with glee. Dark couldn't help but roll his eyes at the sudden change in the hero but then smiled knowing that Link was actually capable of having as much fun as he was. They dismounted the horse and noticed a tent set up a couple of yards ahead of them and saw a familiar bald figure shouting curses towards the sky. They took a couple of steps towards the angry yelling man, Link recognized as Mutoh. Eventually he caught sight of the two men and called them over.

"Hey you! If you're going to the fortress would you mind finding out what my workers are doing over there?" the babbling man with a wide mouth asked, "They said being a carpenter isn't cool and they wanted to become thieves. If you could go find those lazy men and bring them back here that would be great. That way we can fix the broken bridge."

"We don't have time to find your lazy workers!" Dark shouted angrily, "We have a world to save."

"Dark…" Link shushed while holding up a hand to silence him, "How long have they been gone?" Link asked worriedly for he knew of the bad reputations of the Gerudos that roamed just beyond these hills.

"They've been missing for days and I haven't heard a word from them since." Mutoh replied with his huge arms crossed, "No good men… no work ethic… their worthless…"

Link and Dark slowly walked away and left the man to mumble in his own thoughts.

"You think they're alright?" Dark asked Link noticing the look of concern that came over him when they were told the workers had been missing for a couple days.

"I'm not sure… Hopefully they are still alive." Link replied walking up the trail that led to the infamous fortress, "Those men must have no sense if they thought the Gerudos would just let them join their tribe. They are an all women group and very feminist." Link added.

"So how do you suppose we go about this? This trail probably leads right up to the entrance? It'll be kind of hard to sneak past any guards if we're right out in the open." Dark said while thinking thoughtfully about how they could distract the women if they needed to.

"We'll just have to be as stealthy as possible." Link assured him as they walked further up the steep dirt hill. They quickly noticed the change in temperature as they gradually approached the desert. It was ferociously hot and the sun was baking Dark's pale skin. Also, the slight wind kept blowing sand into their eyes which peeved Dark off even more.

"God damn desert!" Dark shouted while rubbing his eyes fiercely causing them to become bloodshot and irritated. Link put a hand to his chest to stop him from walking when he saw a rope in the distance connected between two stone walls with a sign dangling in the middle.

"We're here. It's just beyond that mark." Link whispered. He glanced up the road as far as his eyes could see and saw a stair set to his right that led to a higher area of ground and a gradual hill just ahead that he assumed led to the same place dubbing the stairs completely useless and were obviously just there for aesthetic purposes, "Let's just sneak past those stairs and keep heading up the hill. Then we can glance around the corner and see it there are any guards on patrol." Dark nodded and they tip-toed quietly along a rock wall making sure they didn't step on a sticks or trip over any rocks that could cause any kind of commotion. Once, the wall sloped to an end and they could no longer hide behind it Dark curiously glanced around the corner and saw about five Gerudo guards. His eyes widened with adoration as he took in the details of their outfits. They wore a purple veil that covered the lower portion of their face as well as a thin piece of fabric the same color that was only large enough to cover their breasts and sheer pair of harem pants. They might as well have just walked around naked with all of that skin showing. Dark continued to stare as he noticed their wild red hair tied up in a long pony tail and their deeply tanned skin.

"Farore, these ladies are hot!" Dark spoke in a hushed whisper. Link looked to him with bewilderment then glanced over Dark's head to see what he was drooling over. He then began to blush profusely at the women and their lack of clothing. He gazed with narrow eyes at Dark who continued to stare and pant like a horny dog. He kneed him hard from behind which caused him to topple over in pain.

"What was that for?" Dark screeched. Link didn't respond but continued to glare. He shook his head shamefully and began to scan their surroundings trying hard to not to stop to look at any Gerudos.

"There's multiple entry ways along those stone buildings." Link said pointing to their hideout on the east side of the fortress, "I think our best bet is to make a run for it."

Dark just looked at him like he was crazy, "That's your plan? THAT'S your plan?" Link just nodded with approval.

"What do you suggest?" Link asked with a hand on his hip.

"I suggest we at least come up with some sort of distraction!" Dark said waving his arms in the air.

"Like what?"

"Got any deku nuts?" Dark asked holding out his palm.

"Where are you going with this…" Link asked hesitant to give Dark any sort of ammunition.

"Just let me see one! Trust me!" Dark pleaded with an evil grin. Link didn't like the devious look on Dark's face but whatever he had planned had to be a better idea than running out in the open in an attempt to not get seen. He dug inside of his pouch until he found a small nut with a magical orange orb that lay in the midst of two brown shells. He handed it to Dark who accepted it with a wide smile then put a finger to his lips. He glanced once more around the corner and then reared his arm back as far as he could and chunked it to the south side of the fortress. As soon as the deku nut hit the ground it emitted a large 'bang' and a shot of light. The guards then grew frantic glancing at each other and running towards the noise. Dark took this opportunity to grab Link's hand and run as fast as their legs could carry them to the nearest entry way.

They were only a mere couple of feet from entering the security of the building when they heard a shrill whistle come from behind them. Dark didn't stop running but Link froze turning to come face to face with a Gerudo in a white outfit instead of purple and sporting a short bob-like haircut. He threw his hands to the air in surrender as a couple of more guards came running towards him. They then placed Link's hands behind his back and kicked him in the back of his legs to force him to his knees. Dark had since made it inside the dim corridor and turned to make sure Link was still behind him only to find out he wasn't.

He growled in frustration and peaked outside of the doorway to see him on his knees with his wrists bound behind his back and multiple guards surrounding him. Dark's eyes narrowed in rage and he was about to go back out to fight them off but stopped himself. He would wait to see where they were taking Link and go to retrieve him later. If he had tried to go and save him and ended up being captured too, it wouldn't do them any good in trying to escape if they didn't have somebody on the outside. He smacked his forehead in frustration and shook his head rigorously. Link, you're so stupid… why did you stop running…

Dark watched in horror as they smacked him in the back of his head asking him questions in a language he couldn't understand. They then raised Link to his feet and began kicking him along, taking him behind a wall and to somewhere Dark could not see. He punched the wall behind him agitated with himself that he hadn't come to his rescue. He sighed and waited until he saw the guards return… without Link. They hadn't been gone that long so he was satisfied that they weren't taking the time to torture him. He knew they hadn't killed him off because if they'd wanted to they would have done it right then.

He turned around from the door way and eased down the corridor peering around corners to watch out for any provocative security guards. He noticed a large room down the hall that seemed to be empty and ran out into the open to check it out. As soon as he entered the room he could hear somebody shout from beside him.

"Hey you! Young man! Look over here, inside the cell!" Dark turned to his left and drew his sword to see a pudgy man with a moustache locked inside a jail-like cell. He assumed this was one of the many workers that had come in hopes to become thieves.

"Hey you?" Dark sneered with a smirk. He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at the frightened carpenter, "For somebody that looks like they need my help, you sure don't have any manners. Tsk Tsk." Dark added while shaking his head.

"I have no idea where you come from but you must have a lot of guts to make it past all the guards around here! All of my fellow carpenters are imprisoned somewhere in here." The man told Dark frantically clasping his hands together, "If you can get us out of here we'll repay the favor somehow!" He begged while grabbing at the bars that confined him.

"Pathetic man," Dark muttered.

"Be careful… There are sure to be Gerudo guards somewhere… around… here…" The man trailed off while staring at something behind Dark, "Woo! Watch out!"

Dark turned around instantly with his sword still drawn in his hand to face a Gerudo, this time wearing orange and bearing two large scimitars. She immediately began to attack Dark slashing with one sword and protecting herself with the other. Dark had to admit that she was a good fighter but nothing compared to the speed and agility of himself. The woman came wailing in a jump attack slashing down with both her swords but Dark rolled underneath her turning to side swipe her in the back. She fell to her face and quickly retreated from the room knowing she would soon be defeated. Dark did not chase after her but instead was distracted by something small and shiny left behind on the floor. He walked over to the object and noticed it was a small key.

He picked it up and looked it over in his hand. He assumed that it had fallen out of the Gerudo's pocket when she fell to the floor. Dark shrugged and walked over to the man inside the cell.

"I suppose I hold the key to your freedom." He said mockingly dangling the key in front of the carpenters face. He noticed the disturbed and panicked look in the workers eyes and rolled his own his annoyance. He thought it would be entertaining to have a little fun and tease the man but he looked as if he were about to piss his pants. He unlocked the door and released him, "Get out of here."

"Did you come here to save me? Well that's just swell! I'm Ichiro the carpenter." The worker shouted excitedly, obviously happy with his new bound freedom.

"Not exactly… I don't care to know your name." Dark groaned waving the man off. However, Ichiro didn't leave and continued to tell his story.

"We were really interested in joining their all-female group but they locked us up like this just because we're men!"

"Perverts."

"We don't care about the Gerudo anymore! They're so rude! Three of my fellows have also been captured so please help them escape too!" The man pleaded before fleeing the area.

"Yeah, I don't know about this—" Dark shouted after him as he left. He growled in irritation at his sudden duty to save all of these sissy men who'd managed to get themselves trapped her by a bunch of women. Then he remembered Link happened to be one of those sissy men and took it back, "Ugh!" He groaned to the air, "Is this what Link has to go through on a regular basis? It's so annoying…" He sighed upon thinking of Link and began to be overcome with worry.

He approached the exit and peaked around the corner before proceeding. He made his way cautiously throughout the hideout making sure to not be seen by any Gerudos. Dark managed to free two more carpenters named Jiro and Sabooro, who always managed to say the exact same lines about how they had wanted to become thieves but were taken prisoner and to please save the rest of their friends. Dark soon found his way to a large room where there were two guards lying in wait.

"Fuck…" Dark muttered under his breath. He had no idea of how he was supposed to get past them. He didn't have any deku nuts to distract them and he knew there was no way around. Dark decided he would attempt to be one with the shadows and use his speed to his advantage to surpass the Gerudos. When their backs were turned he eased his way along the wall, occasionally hiding behind crates when they were available and was about to approach the exit while walking behind a nearby guard when he heard that shrill whistle again, coming from the guard at the far end.

He instinctively grabbed the Gerudo in front of him and wrapped his arm around her neck cutting off her oxygen supply.

"Halt! Let her go!" The other guard ordered while pointing her spear in Dark's direction. Dark only increased his grip on the woman's neck causing her to gasp for breath.

"Where's Link?" He shouted drawing his sword with his free hand and pointing it in return at the Gerudo.

"Unhand her!"

"Tell me where he is!"

"Why I oughtta!" She screeched while charging at him intending to impale him with that spear whether he had her fellow tribe member as a body shield or not. She was inches away from attacking when she suddenly exhaled as if the breath had been knocked out of her. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head as she fell to the floor in an awkward position. Dark's eyes widened at the passed out woman and then he raised his gaze to see a familiar figure in green holding a deku stick and breathing heavily.

"Link! Way to go buddy! You knocked that bitch out!" Dark applauded while still squeezing the Gerudo's neck. She too eventually fainted from the lack of air and he dropped her to the ground. Link scratched the back of his head and smiled nervously.

"I didn't want to…" He muttered through a grin. Dark knew that Link had been proud of his valiant efforts.

"How did you escape?" Dark asked running to his other half and placing his hands on either side of his cheeks and examining him to make sure he wasn't hurt.

"Well… they threw me into some sort of dungeon… but there was a window, with a wooden windowsill and I just used my longshot to get up there and jumped down to the ground." He explained while shrugging, "There is a bunch of empty cells around here. Do you think that they've killed the carpenters?" He asked with a look of worry.

Dark shook his head and rolled his eyes, "No… I saved those sorry fools. They better be grateful too." He muttered while crossing his arms.

"Aww… that's so unlike you!" Link cried with excitement and a wide smile.

"Yeah well… I was thinking 'What would the hero of time do?'" Dark cooed mimicking Link's voice and batting his eyelashes. One of the unconscious women began to come to and looked up at the two men who were catching up.

"Hey… you… stop where you are…" She groaned while pointing a finger from the floor. Link smacked her again in the head with his deku stick and her head hit the floor with a thunk. Dark looked to Link with eyes filled with disbelief and a huge grin.

"What?" Link asked, "Was that wrong?" Dark couldn't help but laugh hysterically.

"No… not at all… she'll live." He managed through fits of giggles. He clutched his stomach and agony, "It's… just so 'unlike you'." He said mimicking the hero. Link frowned and Dark took his hand, "Come on, there's still one more worker imprisoned here."

It became much easier for the young men to ease their way throughout the hideout with Link back in tow. He had deku nuts and deku sticks to temporarily stun the women without killing them. Dark didn't ask why they didn't just kill them off but he assumed it was because they were human and Link just didn't kill humans. However he was going to have to start whenever it came to defeating Ganondorf; although, he was more of a demon than anything. They soon found another large room with another trapped man begging for help.

"Woo! Watch out!" The man shouted and Dark turned around instantly to fend off the Gerudo warrior. Link too drew his sword and prepared for the attack.

"You! How did you escape?" The woman asked with a thick accent, "And you, how did you manage to get past all of our guards?" She hissed facing Dark.

"Why don't you take this one hero," Dark forced through a yawn while stretching his arms, "I'm tired of fighting these floozies." He then sat down with his back against the wall and put his arms behind his head. Link and the imprisoned man just stared at him in disbelief and the Gerudo woman looked outraged, "Don't mind me. Continue."

The woman charged at Dark and leapt into the air to come back down with her blades in an aerial attack. Dark didn't flinch and before she could reach him Link swiped his sword in her direction. She managed to dodge the blow and turned her attention to the blonde. She came towards him in a sprint and jumped into the air coming down with her swords spinning in a tornado of blades. Link gracefully performed a back flip to dodge the attack and jumped forward to slash downwards on the attacking Gerudo. She tried to back up but was wounded with a slight gash along the front of her body causing her top to tear and reveal more of her tanned skin. Link blushed and for an instant was distracted by her wardrobe malfunction until she came back at him full force wailing a horrific battle cry. Link tensed up and barely avoided a near fatal attack and tripped over his feet and fell to the ground. The Gerudo took her chance to thrash down with both of her blades but Link luckily rolled out of the way and swiped at her legs cutting a tendon in her right foot which caused her to fall to the ground. She looked to the men in disgust and hobbled away injured. In slicing at her foot Link happened to cut a rope bearing a key the woman was wearing as an anklet. He picked it up and let the prisoner free.

"I was afraid you were going to forget about me! Now I'm free! Thanks! I'm Shiro the carpenter." The man babbled while shaking Link's hand violently in appreciation, "For rescuing me I'll tell you something interesting about the desert that I overheard the Gerudos talking about. They said 'In order to cross the haunted wasteland, you'll need the 'eye of truth.' The colossus is on the far side of the wasteland…' Okay, now I'm going back to my tent near Gerudo Valley so drop by sometime. You may find something useful there. Bye!" He added frantically and then ran quickly out the door to escape this notorious fortress. Link looked to Dark who was still sitting against the wall with a look as if he were about to bust out laughing any second.

"I know…" Dark chuckled, "They're a special little group, aren't they?"

The two men were startled when they heard a feminine voice suddenly speak to them from the far corner of the room.

"I've seen your fine work. To get past the guards here you must have good thieving skills. I used to think that all men besides the great Ganondorf were useless… but now that I've seen you, I don't think so anymore." A Gerudo in red purred with a smirk.

"Hey, back up hoochie." Dark shouted standing to his feet and taking a few steps closer to them. She just ignored him and focused her attention on Link, even though it was Dark that had conquered in saving most of the men.

"The exalted Nabooru, our leader put me in charge of this fortress… Nabooru is the second in command to the great Ganondorf, King of The Gerudo Thieves." The woman added taking a step closer to Link and stroking his jaw-line with her middle finger. He shuddered and pulled away slightly, "Her headquarters are in the Spirit Temple which is at the end of the desert. Say, you must want to become one of us eh? Alright then! You're in from now on." She began fumbling in her top and pulled out a piece of paper, "Take this. With it, you will have access to all areas of the fortress." Link reached out to grab it but Dark beat him to it and snatched the paper hastily out of her hand.

"Gerudo's membership card?" Dark said aloud as he looked over the note in his hands, "Well, Link I guess we're part of the club." He bragged elbowing Link in the sides.

"Wrong, boy. Only the blondy is in. Got it?" The Gerudo hissed pointing a finger at Dark.

"Listen Trampy! I'm the one who got us this far to begin with!" Dark argued. The two began to go at it like Dark and Navi would until Link interrupted.

"Um, actually he is right." Link said nervously, "If anything he deserves the credit." Link added with a smile and a shrug.

"Fine," The Gerudo stated angrily, "What are you two boyfriends or something?"

Dark and Link both glanced to each other blushing profusely which caused the woman to burst into giggles.

"Cute. I'll see you around." She muttered then began to walk out the exit. Dark glared at her until she disappeared into the blinding desert light. He then turned to face Link with an irritated stare and his arms crossed.

"What a bitch."

A/N: Haaaa! I have to say this was like… the most boring chapter ever. I hate the Gerudo Fortress but… it had to be done. I do like the music though. :D Oh by the way I didn't have the guys shoot them with arrows to make them faint like in the game… because in my mind when I think of arrow to the head… I think death? Or is that just me.

By the way I'm writing a new story. I already posted the first chapter but I must warn you that it is a present day Hyrule. I know, I know a lot of people freak out at the thought of LOZ characters having a regular life instead of slaying monsters and saving the world. But I read a couple of fics that take place in present day and I actually liked them so I decided to give it a try. You don't have to read it if you don't wish to. It won't hurt my feelers. It's a Sheik/Dark Link story… WOW way different from this one, huh? Lol oh and it's in first person… also way different. In Sheik's POV. Alright enough babble.