a/n: a little fix for the MSR junkies. There's more of that to come. And more mythology to the story too. I'm trying to mix it up a bit to keep both aspects of the story moving. How am I doing? Tell me what you want more of!
I called Mulder on the way to tell him to meet me at the street. We were running late, which I despise, though the rest of the world seems content to never keep to a schedule. I was a bit apprehensive about our next meeting considering last night's revelations. I was upset with myself, really. After my experience with Daniel several months before, I had been determined to turn over a new leaf. It was second nature to me to compartmentalize my life and my emotions. Upon examining where all that had led, I swore to myself that I would be honest with people about my feelings. That oath had led to me to Mulder's bed. The thought of the last several months together, and together in a sense we had never been made the ghost of desire crop up. I had missed him and I was still missing him. My Mulder. He was mine and I was his and I desperately wanted that connection to return, to share his mind, his memories, and his bed. But, he was so fragile. I was afraid of overwhelming him with the responsibility of a relationship. I didn't want him to feel obligated to me. In his current state, he didn't even know me. Was the honesty of my feelings for him a help or a hindrance? I didn't know, but I intended to talk it out with Mulder and Dr. Cenetta.
As I approached my last turn, I steeled myself against my desires once again, hopefully for Mulder's good. I could not have him push me away out of fear. He stood on the stoop of his building in jeans and a gray long sleeved shirt. He nearly took my breath away. From a distance, the marks on his face weren't visible. With no trace of what he had recently endured, he looked like he had when he had left me that fateful morning. It seemed like a lifetime ago. It's incredible that fear and loss and more fear and frustration can make just five weeks seem such a terribly long time.
When he got in the car he gave me a customary, yet still unfamiliar sounding,
"Hi, Dana." I contemplated telling him to call me Scully, like he always had, but when the thought formed fully, it seemed trivial.
"I really appreciate you taking time out of work to do this." I braced myself to make an honest reply, not just courteous, but truly honest.
"It's no trouble Mulder. I'm pretty sure Skinner doesn't really want me around much right now." Dammit, Dana, say it! "And this is important to me too Mulder. I… I need to help you because I have a stake in this too. You weren't wrong last night. But, its… it's much more than that…" my voice faded and I was praying that I hadn't said the wrong thing when he took my hand from my lap and held it between his two large, warm hands.
"I'm glad it's more than that. I've been afraid that I'm just a lonely sonovabitch with no sense whatsoever." I smiled faintly, feeling suddenly much more comfortable with him than I had since his return.
"Well, you were a lonely sonovabitch with no sense whatsoever for a long time. But, I was pretty senseless for a lot of that time too." Mulder took the hand he was still holding and brought to his lips. The touch of his breath on the back of my hand, his fingers curled under mine and the soft brush of lips brought tears to my eyes. I would have happily melted right then and there, except there was business to take care. We had an appointment to keep: an appointment that would be one more step in regaining our shared life.
"We need to go, Mulder," my voice was nearly a whisper.
"Yeah, we do, I need to remember everything about you, Dana." I let out a small laugh and he was clearly surprised by it.
"Well, there a few choice moments I wouldn't mind you having forgotten." With that, I put the car in the gear and departed for the next destination on our new journey together.
