As psychiatrists go, Mulder's doctor was quite optimistic about the fugue state ending sooner rather than later. She gave us tips and had some cautions for us. I could tell Mulder was drinking in the information, occasionally taking notes and occasionally passing looks at me ranging from knowing to shy. What I considered her most important piece of advice was,
"Be honest with each other. Fox, you can't expect Dana to help you to the best of her ability if you're not honest. And, Dana, Fox needs to know that you're committed to him. I know it's a lot of pressure, but you are his support system." I nodded and glanced at Mulder, his eyes, those beautiful eyes were clouded with pain.
"It's true, Dana. You're the only one who knows me, the real me, anymore. My family, my parents they're gone. But, if I'm being too needy or you're just sick of me, please tell me. I don't want you to continue this with me because you feel trapped by obligation." He looked at the doctor for confirmation that his feelings were acceptable.
"That's good Fox, you recognize that Dana could need some space to deal with her own feelings. Dana, how do you feel about that?" I wanted to laugh. Typical counseling: tell me about your feelings. Well I never was good with feelings. But, I was learning.
"I am here with you because I feel obligated to, Mulder. But, obligation and love are not mutually exclusive. I want to be with you through this. I need to be with you." I couldn't help it, I blushed at my own declaration and my eyes slid away from his to my hands in my lap. I was learning about expressing feelings, but I was still a long way from competent.
The silence that followed my statement was deafening. Dr. Cenetta had chosen this uncomfortable moment to stay silent and let Mulder and I communicate with each other. I caught Mulder's eye again, I couldn't really help it as he was staring at me.
"So this is love? I'm glad. I don't want to be that lonely man. I caught just a glimpse of it and I don't want it."
"Mulder, it's not that you were a sad and lonely person. Your work is your life. It has been since before I met you. Your quest for the truth was your solace, your belief in the certainty of finding the truth is what makes you tick. You can't lose that for fear of loneliness. And you don't have to. I'm there with you, we share that too." He took my hand from lap and enveloped in his much larger, smooth hand.
"I have a lot of questions about my work. And I have a lot of questions about us. Please, be patient with me."
"I will, Mulder, I promise."
After a few more exchanges in which Dr. Cenetta, thankfully, elected to participate, I left the room to allow them time to speak privately. My turn would come and I was glad to have the opportunity to order my thoughts beforehand.
However when I sat down in the waiting room and attempted to make a mental list of questions, my mind began wandering. The third (maybe fourth?) late night in row was catching up with me. Instead of looking like a dazed owl, I chose to lean my head against the wall and close my eyes for a bit.
When I opened my eyes again, it was to a dark room. I could see men in the shadows coming toward me, I looked to their faces to see if I recognized them. I did and the recognition turned my blood cold. They all had the same face; the face of the alien bounty hunter. They had come for me. God, where was Mulder? I tried to call out to him, but my throat was too tight with fear and I managed only a strangle grunt. I wanted to run, to flee, but I couldn't see anywhere to go. The doors and windows of the waiting room had faded into black walls. Three of them came to me and held me down. They stared at me with menacing, unblinking eyes. A fourth clone came out of the darkness before me. He held a scalpel in his hand and advanced on me pointing the tip of the sharp metal at me. I struggled against the grip of the other three men and found my voice.
"Leave me alone! What do you want from me? Haven't you done enough to us?!"
The man with scalpel put a finger to his lips in a shushing gesture.
"It has to be this way, Agent Scully. We must continue." He put the scalpel to my face and I jerked and bucked trying desperately to find purchase on some surface but I couldn't out muscle them.
"Please, don't do this, I'm pregnant. Please don't hurt me, don't hurt my baby." At my pleading, the man's expression finally changed, but it changed to a look of amusement.
"This baby is not yours. It never was and never will be. It's ours." The man didn't hesitate another second. He pushed the gleaming scalpel into my bared stomach and made a clean, but viscous incision from my naval down. I tried to scream again, but all that escaped my lips was a silent, "No!" Then I heard Mulder calling my name in the distance. I wanted to call out for him but…
When he touched my shoulder I jerked upright and my hands flew to my belly. I was gasping for air, my heart pounding and I think I continued whispering, "No, no, no."
"Dana? It's alright, Dana. You fell asleep." He took me in his arms and held me close until I stopped shaking. I managed to pull it together and shifted to look up at him. Concern was written all over his face.
"Must have been some dream. You okay?"
"I'm fine, Mulder. Are we ready to go?" I could tell he was having a hard time believing me. "It was just a dream. I'm alright."
Mulder sighed with resignation, "It's your turn with Dr. Cenetta. You might tell her about that dream."
