Have I mentioned lately that I love reviews? Do ya hate it, do ya love it? Is there something I'm leaving out that you think MUST be told? Tell me. Heck, I'll even take suggestions. Tell me whatchya want whatchya really, really want. Okay, now that that's out of the way. There's a bit of a cliff hanger (dundundun!) moment at the end here. Don't panic, it'll be in the next chapter... soon.


I didn't tell the good doctor about my little nap-mare, nonetheless, we had a good, if not quite as enlightening as I would have liked, conversation. I gave her more background information on my relationship with Mulder. She was surprised to know that we had really only been together, in the non-platonic sense, for several months.

"Doctor Cenetta, you told us to be honest with each other and I don't at all disagree with that, but there is information that I've kept from Mulder. I'm hesitant to share this with him for a few reasons. I know very little about his psychological condition and I wouldn't want news of this nature to set him back or cause further difficulties for him. I've only shared this information with two people, one out of necessity, the other out of courtesy as I'm concerned that my superiors at the FBI could potentially use it against me to end my involvement in the investigation into Mulder's abd… disappearance," I could tell that I was rambling and in order to keep from clamming up or having regrets about having opened my mouth in the first place, I continued. "I would like your input on whether or not I should disclose this information to Mulder at this particular juncture. If Mulder shouldn't recover from his dissociative state sooner rather than later, as you suggested, I feel that my silence could be a betrayal of our relationship." I finally stopped so that she could take in my statements and I waited, very much on edge, for her reply.

I wished she would hurry up, after my deluge of word vomit, the silence made the room feel empty. I could feel my heart beating and had butterflies flitting around my stomach and chest. When she finally spoke, her questions were more or less expected.

"Well, Dana, is this information something that directly affects your personal relationship with Fox? You mentioned concern for him and concern for your ability to help him through your work. Do you have a more personal stake this revelation than that?"

"Yes," the word the came out in a breathless hiss but I, once again, gathered my faculties and pushed forward. "This very much affects our personal relationship and under normal circumstances, he would have the very first person I went to," I could feel the tears pricking at my eyes. I couldn't stop. I knew I shouldn't stop for my own sake. I needed to have someone know how alone and afraid I had been. I felt my face crumble and through the emotion that clogged my throat I said, "But, he was gone."

Tears slid down my face, one by one. I hadn't cried for him them, I had had to be strong: to face Kersch's ridiculous taskforce, the blundering manhunt. I had to focus on finding Mulder. I had to find him, I had to tell him. I didn't give up on a miracle.

"I'm sorry," I told the doctor when I was able to look her in the eye again.

"Dana, it's okay. You're completely entitled to your feelings and it's very good that you're sharing them. I can tell it's not easy for you to let people in. But, I encourage you to continue to talk about your feelings. You don't have to be alone through this and you shouldn't be. Do you have anyone else, any family you can go to for support?"

"Yes, my mother," I sniffed and smiled at the thought of my mom's reaction to her stoic daughter opening up about feelings. She'd be thrilled beyond belief.

"Good. Utilize that support system. Let the people who love you help you. Now, about this information that you're conflicted about disclosing; everything we say here is confidential, I won't tell Fox and I certainly won't be in contact with the FBI. Can you tell me what it is?"

A smile tugged at the corners of mouth. I took a deep breath and let the smile take over my face. I was happy, after all. Even with the circumstances being mysterious, the timing being much less than ideal and the man I shared my life with having been abducted, and tortured to the point of having temporary amnesia: I was thrilled. I allowed a gesture that I refused myself in the company of others up until now. With a thrill of once again being able to say it out loud, I splayed a hand over my belly in affection for the tiny life residing there.

"I'm pregnant." I let out the deep breath I had taken in a sigh that sounded surprisingly contented. Dr. Cenetta smiled back at me over the steeple of fingers on which her slightly pointed chin rested.

"Congratulations, Dana. I can see you're happy with this and I can understand why you're conflicted about telling Fox." She opened her mouth to continue, but as long as I was sharing feelings, I was going to go all out. So I jumped in.

"I feel like I would be telling a man who has no past with me that I'm having his child. And having a child with a man who doesn't know me is what I wanted to avoid in the first place."

At her understandably puzzled look, I told her in as few details as possible about the diagnoses I received two years ago and our failed attempts at IVF.

"So, Fox knew about your desire to have children and was a willing participant in your efforts to become pregnant before you became romantically involved. I think that speaks to his desire to do what he can to help you to be happy. I think he would benefit from knowing that. Right now, he's not sure what kind of person he is and I think you've observed, as well as I have, that he fears he wasn't the man he should have been or wants to be."

I sighed again and said, "So, I should tell him." I paused for moment to arrange the order of my next words, "The thing is the Mulder I'm telling this to now, isn't the Mulder who would understand how much this baby means to me."

"I believe you've stumbled upon the most personal reason you've given yet for your reluctance to share with Fox that you're pregnant."

I couldn't tell her my fears and my suspicions about exactly how I had conceived. I couldn't expect her to be quite that understanding. Aliens aside, even stolen ova was probably out her realm of comprehension. So, without getting into abductions, subdural microchips or genetic experiments with unknown and most likely nefarious motives, I had reached the end of what I could I share.

"But, he is still the same man. There's another point of order I would like to address with you regarding Fox's state. And, Dana, this really needs to stay between us, for Fox's sake."

….