"You know less than you think, as usual, Scully," Alex Krycek's rasping voice had a hard edge. "Like it or not we're on the same team here. We need each other. When can you meet me?" It was more a demand than a question and I bristled further.
"We will never be on the same team. You sent Mulder into that forest and it nearly cost him his life. I don't need a damn thing from you," I said, nearly yelling the last bit. I could feel the venom in my voice and let it have full reign. Krycek's response was hushed and brisk.
"I gave Mulder exactly what he's been looking for. I didn't know what I was doing, but I'm well aware of the situation now. I don't like you and Mulder any more than you like me, but, trust me on this, Agent Scully, you need to know what I've learned. There are other women out there, just like you. We need to find them. I need your help and you need my information."
That took me aback and memories swam into my mind: the pale face of a friend imploring me not to give up, not to give in to the same cancer that was taking Betsy's life before my eyes. So, I took the bait. How could I not? "What other women?"
Krycek sighed in annoyance. "Other women who were taken, used for experiments, implanted with chips, left barren from the theft of their ovaries. They were given false hope of motherhood from a group of doctors who thought they got the gene sequence right; women who gave up, but now find themselves miraculously pregnant. Does that ring a bell, Agent Scully?"
I didn't bother asking how or why he knew, but obviously, this piece of shit, Alex Krycek really did have information that I would like to be privy to. Dammit to hell, I thought furiously. But, my fury was receding in favor of inevitable curiosity. I wanted to believe the conception of this child was just what Mulder had promised: a miracle. The thought of learning that our miracle would become part of the annals of the X-Files made my hands turn cold and shake.
"Where," was my only reply to his litany of tragedies that had befallen me and apparently others as well. I tightened my grip on the phone and squeezed my eyes closed to shut out the shifting, tilting room before me.
"Rock Creek, by the Beltway. What time?"
"Two am," I breathed before disconnecting the line.
…..
When Mulder returned, I wasn't sure I would be able to eat. I had been pacing my apartment, stomach in knots, thoughts whirling in my mind. But, the smell of the Pad Thai Mulder opened and slid across the table to me sealed the deal. I could eat and did so with abandon until I remembered my earlier mental note not to eat like an animal. I slowed my pace and my thoughts returned to whirl of faces of women, resigned and holding up small containers with tiny chips inside. But, there were dead. The MUFON women of Allentown, as far I could tell, had all perished of the cancer that had threatened my own life.
Then I recalled my investigations into Diana Fowley's work during her overseas sojourn. There were plenty of other MUFON groups. Had those women removed the chips in their necks? What had happened to them? I hadn't wanted to believe it at the time, but since my recovery, I had to admit that it appeared Mulder was right. The replacement of the chip had saved my life. But, did curing cancer have to do with unlikely pregnancies? I couldn't believe I was about to rely on Alex Krycek for answers. I replayed our conversation in my head yet again. He had said we were all given false hope by doctors. I had to assume that he meant Dr. Parenti and his colleagues. Doctors who would be in a position to treat women with fertility problems, doctors who thought they got the gene sequence right. That tidbit stuck in my head this time around. That sounded as if they were attempting to alter DNA.
"Earth to Scully!" Mulder's voice broke into my thoughts and my head snapped up from the morsel of pork I had been pushing around my plate.
"Eh?" I responded vaguely, illogical connections slowly fading to a dull buzz. I focused in on his face and saw that his eyebrows were drawn together. He was looking down his nose at me and I could tell he was a bit put off.
"You haven't heard a word I've said, have you?" The tone of his voice told me he wasn't so much put off as a bit hurt that I had been sitting across the small table from him and quite obviously ignoring him. I immediately felt guilty.
"I'm so sorry, Mulder, I haven't been listening at all. I've been lost in my head. What were you saying?" I couldn't help but look down at my half empty plate in shame. Not only was I completely oblivious to him speaking to me, but I felt guilty about not feeling like I could share my concerns with him. If anyone on this planet could understand what was going on in my head, it would have been Mulder.
"It's alright, Scully, I was just asking about the house in Rhode Island that we're going to. I was thinking we would probably need some supplies, since the house has been empty for a while…."
I saw his mouth moving but the words faded away and all I heard were my incredibly loud thoughts and memories of people's voices. Skinner, How long are we going to do this, Dana? Byers, Does Mulder know? Dr. Cenetta, I think he'd benefit from knowing that. My mother, I assume you haven't told Fox. Krycek, they gave up but find themselves miraculously pregnant. Miracles. And Mulder, Never give up on a miracle.
"…Its too long of a drive, we should fly. Don't you think?" Mulder finished and look at me with an eyebrow up while passing a fried donut hole to me.
"Um, well yeah, I had planned on it. But I…" the strong scent of greasy dough covered in sugar assaulted my nose and writhed in my sinuses like a thick yellow snake. The room seemed to shift on its axis. I clapped a hand to my mouth, bolted from the table and hit the bathroom door at a run having barely the presence of mind or time to slam it shut behind me before my stomach turned inside out. And it kept on and on attempting to empty itself of the objectionable pseudo-ethic food. Thank God it wasn't too spicey, I sent a brief prayer up to whoever might be listening.
After what seemed an eternity, I leaned against the tile wall, eyes closed, the cool ceramic a comfort to my hot, sweat sheened cheek. I thought I could have sat there, huddled in the corner of my bathroom forever. Standing up was out of the question, every muscle felt like Jello. I groaned, "Oh, Christ, no Jello." A cool, wet cloth was put to my face and I heard a low chuckle.
"No, no Jello, or anything else for you for a while." I cracked an eye open to see Mulder sitting on the lid of the toilet I had just desecrated. "And definitely not Pad Thai. You gonna make it?"
I tried to say, "yes," but only croaked a bit. I settled for clearing my throat and giving a shallow nod. I took the cool cloth and draped it over my face. I quickly realized I couldn't breathe with a wet washcloth over my face and removed it, instead using it to wipe at my mouth and chin. I looked up at Mulder who was wearing a sympathetic if a tad worried expression.
"Go get into bed," he ordered. "I'll get you some ice to suck on."
I shook my head and muttered a decisive, "huh uh. Not moving. Ever," and let my head rest again the wall again. My declaration was met with a snort and a sigh that came from directly above me. Mulder knelt down beside me and picked up my unresisting hand, which he promptly swung over his shoulder. In a surprisingly efficient motion he picked me up off the floor and made for the bedroom.
After depositing me, gently, on top of my neatly made bed, Mulder clicked on the bedside lamp. "Lay there for a bit, I'll get that ice and then help you get into pajamas." He spotted the package of club crackers I had taken to keeping on the nightstand and picked them up, offering them to me. I shook my head again and smiled weakly up at him.
"Thanks for the ride," I said, feeling a tad embarrassed. Mulder simply leaned down, planted a kiss on my forehead and as he turned toward the door said,
"Close your eyes for a while, I'll be back soon."
I lay back on my pillows and did close my eyes. Good as his word, Mulder was back soon enough. I had dozed off, but woke with a start when he brushed my hair behind my ear. I had gotten cold while I dozed and shivered. Mulder, with deft hands, scooped me into his arms and pulled down the covers. I huddled under the thick comforter and shivered again. Mulder kicked his shoes off and climbed into bed with me, wrapping me in his long, lanky arms and sharing the heat of his body with me.
"Better?" Mulder asked into my ear. I moved closer to him, giving my back maximum contact with his lean chest. He held me closer and lightly kissed the tender skin behind my ear. We both gave contented sighs and I smiled into the pillow.
"Mulder?" I said tentatively.
"Mmm, yeah, Scully?"
"I'm pregnant," I felt shock stiffen his muscles and I extricated myself enough to turn toward him. The look on his face was momentarily blank, but then softened and his mouth broke out into a huge grin. I thought my heart had stopped beating, but as his smile warmed his eyes, I breathed a deep sigh of relief. Mulder put a hand to my cheek and kissed me, gently at first and then with a passion I had never seen or felt in him before. I reciprocated and let his passion echo through me.
Mulder pulled away from me, his hand hovering over my midsection. "Can I...?" He hesitated, but I didn't. I pulled his hand to the swell of our child. I stared at his face, trying to reading it and failing. I knew him so well, but I could not see his thoughts reflected in his eyes. My heart beat was loud in my ears and my breathing was quick and shallow. If he didn't say something soon, I might die of anticipation.
My hand involuntarily tightened over his, which seemed to have reminded him that I was still there. He put his forehead to mine, hand still resting on my abdomen, his fingers splayed as if trying to hold the child in his hand.
"I love you," he whispered and I felt the warmth of his tears mingle with my own. How long? How long had I waited to hear those three words from him? How long had I waited to say them myself? Years of wanting, weeks of loneliness and fear, weeks of confusion and secrecy and pent up emotion melted away with our salty kisses.
On the verge of sleep sometime later, I lay with Mulder once again at my back, his large, warm hand a protective shield over my vulnerable belly. "I love you too," I said into the darkness. He smoothed the fabric of my silk pajamas under his hand and nuzzled into my hair. I let myself drift off to sleep, wrapped in Mulder's safe arms, for a few hours of blissful sleep before my meeting with the devil.
