Next one! Sorry I can't update as quickly as other people seem to, but I try my best to get a new chapter up every week. This is a bit of a dialogue chapter I'm afraid, but hopefully it's interesting.
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Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin.
There is someone holding onto her hand, she is aware of that much. Curious, she opens her eyes.
Everything is bright. Too bright. It hurts her eyes as they try to adjust to her surroundings. And it smells like disinfectant. She can almost taste it, it's so strong.
"I hate hospitals," she says suddenly.
There is a gasp and scrambling beside her.
"Morgana! You're awake?"
"No, I'm sleep talking." She turns to the person next to her and is immediately thankful to see Merlin and not Arthur or Gwen.
"I always knew you were talented."
She sits up slowly, her back square with the headrest.
"Why am I here again?"
He sits forward slightly, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.
"You were- you complained about - well, you had stomach pains, but - then you said - and then you collapsed, and Gwen - she-"
Morgana gives an overly dramatic sigh and rolls her eyes at him.
"Morgana, I don't think I should be the one to tell you," he says dejectedly.
She huffs impatiently. She'd just woken up in a hospital; at the least she deserved to know why.
"Where's Gwen? She'll tell me."
"She had to go and start her shift. Only left about 15 minutes ago. She really wanted to be here when you woke up," he says, leading her away from the orignal question.
"She thinks it's her fault," Merlin continues quickly. "She feels awful, keeps blaming herself."
"Did you tell her what really happened? With Alvarr?"
He shifts uncomfortably. "You don't mind, do you? It's just, she kept asking questions and I wanted to save you the trouble of telling her when you woke up."
She nods, her fingers playing with his hand. "What's that? On your hand. What does it say?" She traces over the smudged letters with her fingertip.
"Scan."
"For what?"
She watches as he pulls his hand away from hers and rests it on her lower stomach, the warmth of his fingers burning through her t-shirt and spreading over her skin.
"Oh."
"I'm so sorry," Merlin apologises.
"So, do they think I've lost it?"
"They're not sure. But, given what's happened, they think it's very likely."
"Right."
They sit quietly for the next few minutes as she processes the information.
"So," Merlin starts. "How come you hate hospitals so much?"
She looks around the room, at the three other women tucked up in hospital beds.
"I think I spent half of my life in here when I was younger. They've probably got a ward named after me somewhere. Most of the time I was in here because of school. In my first week of secondary school, I tripped over a chair and split my head open on a table."
"I'm beginning to think you're very accident prone," Merlin admits.
"I'm not! I'm just... unlucky."
"Says the woman who blew up my microwave," Merlin counters and frowns when she smiles at the memory.
"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"
"No, nothing. It's just, do you feel okay? I just told you that you've possibly suffered a miscarriage and you seem remarkably well," he points out.
She looks away, ashamed. "If I tell you what I'm thinking, will you promise not to hate me and think I'm a horrible person?"
Merlin blinks, taken aback by her words. "I promise."
"I've never felt more relieved about anything in my entire life."
Merlin nods slowly. "I understand."
Her eyes dart up to meet his. "You do?"
"Of course. If I'm being completely honest, I'm quite relieved, too. I feel horrible saying it because it is a horrible thing to say, but it hurt. Knowing that he still had some kind of control over you. That there was still this tiny part of him of him inside you, even though you didn't love him." He stops, a look of uncertainty passing over his features. "You don't love him, do you?"
"Merlin, if I had the energy to slap you right now, I would," Morgana tells him, fixing him with a deathly glare.
He clears his throat. "Right. Yes. Of course."
"But I do know what you mean. Even if we both go to hell for thinking it," she says with a small smile.
"How reassuring," Merlin comments sarcastically, but returns the gesture.
Her smile fades as she looks down at their joined hands.
"You still love me, don't you? Because ever since we met, all I've managed to do is mess up your life in some shape or form."
"Oh, please."
"I'm serious! The night we met you got punched in the face. A few days after, you got stuck with me when I invaded your home. You had to buy me things like hairdryers and shampoo. Two weeks after we met I crept into your bed-"
"Now, Morgana-" Merlin tries to interrupt.
"I-I blew up your microwave. I found out I was pregnant with a man we both hate. You lost your job because of me! And now I've probably just had a miscarriage and we're both unemployed and- and," she throws her hands up in the air as she runs out of things to say.
Merlin just looks at her, listening intently now.
"I guess what I'm trying to say," Morgana continues when he doesn't reply. "Is that I have no idea why you put up with me. Because, lets face it, I haven't exactly had a positive impact on your life."
He pauses for a moment, taking all of this in.
"That's the biggest I've ever heard and you know it," he says bluntly.
She opens her mouth to argue with him, but Gwen walks into the room so she swallows her words.
"Miss LeFay?" She asks so formally that Morgana gets the strange urge to laugh. "If you'd like to come for your scan now?"
Morgana nods, following her out of the room and into another, much more private one, with only the two of them.
As soon as they are on their own, Gwen hugs her tightly and then steps away quickly.
"Sorry. Last time I did that you passed out."
"It's okay, Gwen. It's not your fault."
Gwen leads her over to a bed next to something that resembled a computer screen.
"I've been so worried about you," Gwen admits as she lies her back, pulling her t-shirt up over her ribs. "You need to eat more," she orders as she pokes at the bones.
"I'd rather be skinny than weigh 30 stone," Morgana retorts.
"Nah, I think that would be rather fun. We could roll you around everywhere. Like a giant beach ball or something. You'd be great for bowling. Or we could put in the sea and you'd just float away and they'd find you in the Caribbean," Gwen says, sending both of them into fits of giggles.
"I didn't know you worked in the Women's Hospital," Morgana says with a frown.
"I didn't know you were pregnant."
"Sorry."
Gwen smiles and turns around with a bottle of gel in her hand. "This will probably be cold," she says as she spreads it across her stomach.
"It's alright. It was just a bit of a shock to the system, that's all."
"It caught me off guard, too," Morgana says quietly as Gwen starts to move something that looked a bit like a razor over her belly. She watches as her friend stares at the screen.
"I'm not getting anything."
"Huh?"
"I'm not picking up on anything. Maybe if we-" she moves the 'zapper thing' as Morgana was now going to call it, downwards slightly.
"What is it? Have I lost-"
"Hang on. I'll just go and get a doctor," Gwen says and then disappears.
Morgana sighs impatiently, slumping back against the pillows. She taps her thighs with her hands in an attempt to relieve her boredom.
About 10 minutes later Gwen returns, with a familiar faced ginger man behind her.
Anyone remember the ginger man in Alvarr's house from what seems like a trillion chapters ago? No? Okay. Well, that's him.
Yeah, I don't really know much about miscarriages and pregnancies so I just put what I know from a few films I've watched. Not the best resource I know, but I thought my family would find it a little strange if they found their teenage daughter Googling things like: "How do you know when you've had a miscarriage?" and "What happens at a pregnancy scan?"
Oh and also, the thing about Morgana splitting her head open on a table actually happened to one of my friends, so she can claim copyright for that bit :D
Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter and please tell me your thoughts!
Thank you for reading!
