"When we feel love kindness towards others,
it not only makes other feel loved and cared for,
but it also helps us to develop inner happiness and peace."
- Dalai Lama

Chapter Two:

I didn't sleep much that night with the heavy looming thoughts of my impending death and what little I did, was plagued by nightmares. A few times I saw myself, once as the spitting image of my second-grade school photo with a large, warm smile and another time as a middle-aged woman with icy eyes and an embittered frown. But mostly I kept seeing demons and monsters with bright red eyes and awful bloody mouths and clothes. They swung and jumped out at me, trying to grab me and claw at me, but they were nearly feral and couldn't stand being out the inky shadows they lurked in. I could only run away from these animalistic monsters they wouldn't listen to my shouts or pleas for help. They wanted only the blood in my veins and either couldn't or wouldn't comprehend anything more than their bloodlust.

Just as one with chocolate brown hair leaped at me with a large snarling mouth, I sat up so fast the room spun and my head pounded furiously. I couldn't quite control my rapid, shallow gasps or the churning of my stomach. I launched myself out of bed with the heroic will of one who doesn't want to clean puke off their carpet and vaulted inside the bathroom with little care of the startled Charlie in the shower. It felt like my whole stomach was trying to heave itself out of my body after the abuse I had put it through. "Jesus Bells," Charlie had his head poked out and around the shower curtain, his dark hair lathered in bubbles. "You reek."

My head fell uselessly against my arm that was resting on the toilet and I tried to will my stomach to settle. "Sorry dad," I tried to sound contrite but even to my own ears, the pain was clear in my voice.

When I peered up at him, however, Charlie had a small and triumphant smile. His head disappeared back behind the shower curtain as I listened to his quiet laughter. After a while, he said, "I can't wait to tell Renee. She'll be so proud – our daughter's first hangover."

"Shouldn't you be yelling at me?" I growled at him as my brain pounded furiously against my skull. "Or ground me? You are the Chief of Police."

"Monday through Friday, nine to five." Charlie countered happily and I could almost see his stupid grin. It was so wrong and I wanted to slap it off his face. I knew what he thought – that I had been down at a La Push bonfire, partying with friends and finally showing some spark of life after the Cullens – but it was so wrong. There had been no bonfire and there was no hope of any spark of life within me. I had only hours left in my hourglass of life. By this time tomorrow I would be in Florence and in eight hours I would be at the Seattle airport.

Charlie was so happy and he had no idea of just how much pain was in store for him. His only daughter, disappeared one afternoon and never came home. It was the same story for each and every missing kid on the flyers and files on the kitchen table. He had no idea that I had drained over half of my college savings or that my passport was safely tucked into my carry-on. But worst of all, Charlie would have not a single clue before his world crumbled. I closed my eyes and tried not to sob right there.

"You didn't drive home did you, Bella?" Charlie peered around the curtain seriously, this time the soap in his hair had been washed away.

"No, Dad," I replied honestly. "Sam Uley drove me home, he's not one for big parties."

"That's good – er, responsible." Charlie started to flush and disappeared back behind the curtain. "Just remember that if you ever need a ride, you can call me. I promise I won't freak out or anything."

"Thanks, Dad," He didn't seem to notice the agony that seized my heart and shook my voice.

When I was sure that my stomach had agreed to stay in my body I spent ten minutes in the kitchen, brushing my teeth and drinking straight from the faucet. I must have looked terribly disturbed to Mrs. Kline – the neighbor to the east of us. I looked up once I couldn't hold another drop of water in my body and found her gaping at me through her own kitchen window, with a ceramic mug in her hands.

But the embarrassment never came and I found myself peculiarly numb. My impending death loomed over me like a giant spirit I couldn't quite conceive. What would happen to me? Would I just cease to exist, my entire being fade out of existence? Or would I continue on in some ghostly afterlife? Was heaven or hell real? Could I be reincarnated? I wanted so desperately to believe in some sort afterlife but I had never been religious or even spiritual and the thought of just ceasing to exist loomed heavily on my thoughts.

Everything that I ever was or would be all gone with no meaning or purpose. I would just die and the world would continue on as if nothing had happened.

The sound of the phone broke my troubled thoughts and I went back to the kitchen. "Hello?" I answered wearily, my body still jittery and sick.

"It's me, Bella," Billy replied, sounding just as awful as I felt.

"Hey Billy, Charlie's still here but I suspect he'll leave within the hour."

"That's good, we're going fishing. Hopefully, the weather stays nice." He paused and heaved a great sigh as if he were frustrated. "Sam has offered to drive you to the airport."

"And Jacob?" I asked, wondering if my best friend had found out yet.

"Sam hasn't changed since last night, he's keeping the pack in the dark about everything until you're safely in the air." It hurt to do this Jacob. I knew how distraught he would be and I wished desperately for some way to spare him the heartache to come.

"Good," I rested my head beside the phone, "My plane leaves at four but I have to be there by two, to get through security. I'll need to leave here around eleven."

"Bella, listen – I must –" But I never found out what Billy must do because at that moment Charlie's footsteps could be heard coming down the stairs and I knew I had to wrap up the call.

"Of course, Billy – Charlie's just about to leave now. I'll tell him to hold off on the beer and bring veggie burgers and lemonade for lunch." Billy seemed to understand and said a quick goodbye. I hung up and turned to Charlie who was grinning at me from the table.

"Veggie burgers and lemonade, huh?" Charlie let out small bark of a laugh and opened the paper. "Sounds like the old man finally went senile."

"You're the same age, dad." I rolled my eyes at him and tried my hardest to concentrate on this moment, to burn it into my mind so that I would always have it.

"If I ever eat a veggie burger, Bells, it's time to have me committed." He grumbled playfully at me. "Obviously, my taste buds died and the rest of me isn't too far off."

"Well," Charlie sighed as he folded the paper up and took his coffee mug to the sink, "the world still sucks and Seattle's still fucked, but the weather's nice and I plan to enjoy it."

"Have fun, Dad," he kissed the top of my head and squeezed my shoulder. I almost fell apart, almost dissolved into hysteria and begged him to hide me. But there was no manic terror left in me, I had cried it all out of me the night before on the porch. I was terrified, but I was calm and determined because deep down, I knew that everyone – at some point – was going to and had died. The only tragedy was that it was all ending so soon. I'd be leaving in two hours.

I didn't pack a suitcase, I wouldn't be needing it. But I did pack a carry-on, large cross body bohemian bag that could easily fit a few books, my mp3 player, my wallet, tickets, and a change of clothes. I had taken a quick shower and finished off the last of Charlie's coffee. I had wanted to spend my last few hours in the tub or even on the lawn enjoying the sun and plush green grass, but I sat at the kitchen table – combing through files and fliers. I pulled every name and case and every shred of evidence I could find that would help give my story credence.

I was still manically adding reports of exsanguination with no obvious wounds when Sam knocked on the door and the bottom fell out from beneath me. "C-come in," I stuttered quietly, unable to call out. I took a large, shaky breath as Sam opened the door and stepped into the hall.

"Hey Bella," he was dressed in cutoffs and a wife beater with his tattoo on his right bicep proudly displayed. "Billy tell you I was coming?"

I nodded mutely and turned to shove the thick file I had put together into my carry-on. "Y-yeah, I'm – well let's go."

Sam nodded and I followed him quietly to his car, my entire body shaking. "How'd you manage a flight so soon?" He asked as he turned the key and the engine purred to life.

"Oh, it was easy really, but really expensive."

Sam nodded and let his arm hang lazily over the steering wheel as he cruised through town. "I want – well when this all over, will you give Billy this – to give to Charlie?" I grabbed the thick envelope from my bag.

"Bella – you can't – "

"I know," I interrupted him patiently, "It doesn't tell him anything. It's just – goodbye. He deserves one."

Sam took the envelope from me and put it in the glove box as if he couldn't stand to even look at it. "Are you sure – I mean," He paused and his hand on the steering wheel clenched. "Are you sure this will work?"

I wanted to assure him, to soothe his worry and the guilt that lined his face, but I didn't know how. I didn't know for sure this would work. The Volturi could just kill me before even listening to me and Victoria would still come and everyone would still die. "No, they could just kill me where I stand but I'm hoping that either curiosity or reason still exist within them. After all, it can't be like a human goes looking for them every day."

Our conversation died for quite some time but Sam never lost the thoughtful and reluctant expression. After about an hour of silence, I cracked. "Just say it Sam, there's no time for hesitation."

A slow ripple went down Sam's arms and I cursed myself. I shouldn't anger the werewolf sitting not two feet from me. But instead of lashing out or anything Sam took a long, deep breath and his muscles relaxed. "What if they don't kill you," he asked without looking at me. "I mean, what if you don't stay dead?"

"You mean what if they turn me?" Sam nodded and I bit my lip nervously. I couldn't say I hadn't entertained the idea, late at night when the thought of death was just too much to bear. But I couldn't fool myself for long, even the Cullens hadn't wanted me – I highly doubted the world's most powerful vampire coven would have any want for me.

I shrugged finally and looked out the window. "I don't know why they would ever want me, Sam. I'm nobody, nothing special. I'm just a human who got caught up in a vampire. I'm sure I'm not the only one in history."

"But if they did – "

I cut him off with an anger that bordered on hysteria. "Then I wouldn't come back here. What? Did you hope I'll only be gone a week or two and come back and live like the Cullens did and live with Charlie as if nothing ever happened?"

"No, Bella that's not –" Sam stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Even if I was turned, I'd never come back. I hate it here and I hate who I became here." I said the last part mostly to myself and looked down at my hands.

"I just meant, do you think you could be happy as a vampire?" He asked it with such hope that I nodded even though I wasn't sure. All I was sure of was that I didn't want to break him with the truth. So I nodded and forced my lips into a small smile. "Sure, I'd feed off animals and find a nice third shift job and make a home for myself."

Sam was so eager to believe my words that I had to look away. "If they do – you know – and you ever need help or anything, you know where we are."

I nodded, knowing that it was unlikely but unwilling to make him as miserable as I was. If this was how he lived with it, then who was I to take it away from him.

The rest of the drive I spent watching the green landscape fly by me and repeating the same question over and over again. Had they ever actually cared?