"In the depth of the anxiety of having to die
is the anxiety of being eternally forgotten."
- Paul Tillich

Chapter Three:

"Please return trays to upright positions and buckle up. We are about fifteen minutes outside of Florence, where the temperature is a balmy sixty four degrees Celsius and the time is four thirty in the afternoon. We at Delta thank you for flying with us and hope your stay in Florence is enjoyable. Don't forget to –"

I plugged my earbud back into my ear and despite the fear pumping through my veins, I couldn't help but smile as I looked out of my little window and down onto Italy. The layover in Paris had been wonderful and the few hours I had to spend there were not enough, but Italy. How I wanted to be able to peruse Florence and it's brightly colored streets. I had never wanted anything like I wanted to be able to forget the danger back home and lose myself in the Italian culture.

I wanted to learn the language and meet the people. I wanted to explore Rome and drink wine toss a coin into the famous Trevi Fountain. Above all, I just wanted to be able to enjoy the romance and the beauty of it all. But I wouldn't even have a night to see and explore the beauty of it all. It was already almost five and by the time I found a cab and made it Volterra, it'd be dark and prime vampire hunting time. My lip trembled with each step I made to exit the plane and make my way out of the airport. My limbs were heavy and I walked slowly, too burdened to enjoy the smell of coffee or the lilt of Italian coming from all around me.

In a place so beautiful and exotic, I was left bereft of all its majesty even as I climbed into a taxi and stuttered out the word Volterra. I was a woman going to die, marching to my death – on my way to sacrifice myself so that those I loved would live. The cab driver looked as if he understood my grief because his warm smile that he'd had when I climbed in had vanished and he kept glancing at me through the rearview mirror. To my relief, however, either his poor English or my grim frown kept him from attempting any conversation. He drove and I watched the beautiful landscape rush by me, too quick for me to cherish properly.

It was the walls that pulled me from my fear. The remains of the great Etruscan walls around Volterra were so striking in their size. The pulled my attention and seemed to pull me forward as we slowly drove past them and then the beauty of Volterra swept me away. Driving past the gates was like driving back in time. Volterra was absolutely medieval and captivating with its cinnamon-colored sienna stone buildings. There were no giant metal buildings or smooth pavement streets. Old stone streets jostled the cab as we slowly rolled by small shops glowing in soft orange lights. The roads curved upwards as we drove higher up the hill and when I leaned forward to peer out ahead of us my mouth dropped open in wonder. At the top of the city was an enormous castle that city had been built around.

I couldn't make out where the castle ended and the city began but when the cab rolled slowly around the bend and a great fountain appeared in an enormous courtyard I couldn't stop myself from crying out to the cab driver. "Stop!" I cried, unable to tear my eyes away from the magnificence of what I was seeing. "Please stop!"

The cab pulled to a stop on the side of the road and I quickly made to pay my fair and climbed out. I could have stood there for minutes or hours, I wouldn't have noticed the difference as I studied the great fountain of carved marble angles, the massive dark wood doors on the other side of the square, and the enormous towers that rose up into the sky over my head. I felt so small and so full of awe as I stood there, gaping at the sight huge clock tower as it seemed to stretch miles into the air.

"Parli Italiano?" I turned from the castle to see an older man holding hands with a little girl. In his other arm, he held a bag of groceries.

I shook my head, trying to convey that I did not speak Italian. He nodded and said, "The castle is beautiful, have you seen it before?"

His accent was rich and warm and lovely, I fell in love with it almost immediately. "No, I haven't. But I would love to see more of it. Is it open for viewing?"

At this, the man's expression darkened a bit and he looked down at his daughter, then he smiled as if something amusing had just happened. "It is privately owned but its open for private tours, foreigners come on huge busses all the time, for a guided tour, but it's expensive."

"Well," He readjusted his grocery bag and swung his daughter's hand lightly, "I must get her to bed, Buonasera."

"Good night!" I called after him and turned back to the castle, regarding it with a suspicious gaze.

A privately owned castle screamed vampire but as much as I knew I needed to slink into the shadows and heft open one of those heavy looking doors, my feet wouldn't move. I was rooted to the spot and to my horror, my eyes began to water. My tears flowed and I knew my eyes were going red and starting to swell, but I couldn't make them stop. I couldn't stop my hands from trembling.

But I knew I had to stop. I had to go in there and the sooner I did, the better chance the Volturi had of stopping Victoria's army before it was too late. Before my death was for nothing. I clenched my eyes shut and tried to think of Charlie, Billy, Jacob, Sam, and even Angela, Jessica, and Eric. I tried to think of everyone that I knew, everyone that was in danger because of me and the Cullens and Victoria. If the Cullens wouldn't admit their wrongs and stop this, then I would. I would be strong enough for that, for saving my family and preventing their deaths and the secrets destruction.

I never wanted any human to know of vampires. I never wanted any of them to feel the adoration I felt, the love I coveted, or the inequality I suffered. It wasn't right, humans and vampires mixing. If I could stop Victoria from leaving any more evidence behind and prevent rumors of vampires becoming reality, then I had to.

I wiped the tears away with determination and forced myself forward, through the square. I had to do this. I could do this. I would do this. I repeated that as the great doors seemed to grow in size as I drew closer. To my surprise, the door – despite its heavy wood – gave way under my shove and revealed a dimly lit richly decorated hallway. I wondered as I tried to shut the door behind me and it squeaked loudly, how long it would be before a vampire would heartbeat or the sound of my breathing or even the squeak of my shoes on the marble floor.

However, even with the suspicion of vampires in the near vicinity, my death looming overhead, and the absurd fear of an Italian cop catching me trespassing, I couldn't help but stop and admire the exquisite paintings on the walls in gold plated frames. Angels and demons, men with swords and women with snakes for hair, victory and defeat – these paintings had stories, I was sure of it. My inquisitiveness died as I heard heels clacking on the marble and before I could even think of what to do a beautiful blonde woman who almost dropped the thick manila folders in her arms. "Oh," she stopped dead in her tracks and stared at me. "Buonasera."

I didn't know what she said or how to respond to her. A human was the last thing on earth I had expected to find in the castle and I began doubting I had the right place. Maybe a castle was a stupid place to look for a vampire, what did I know about them other than their coven name, their job description, and their diet? I sighed in a defeated manner and shook my head, "Sorry I think I have the wrong place. I was just looking for someone."

Even though she didn't move I was comforted by her next words. "Who were you looking for?" Her English was thickly accented but beautiful and relieving nonetheless.

Did I dare utter a vampire name to a human? Would they find out I had asked about them and be angry? I decided it was better to ask and stir up some noise, let them know I'm looking for them than to say nothing. "I'm looking for a – well I'm looking for anyone named Volturi."

The blonde's eyes went rather wide but then she smiled pleasantly, but it didn't reach her eyes. "You've come to the right place. Which Volturi are you looking for?"

I tried to recall Edwards story. I tried desperately to see Carlisle's painting that hung over his fireplace, to see the faces of the men, but all I could recall was Carlisle's blonde hair and the humorous lace in his clothes. I remembered being so tickled by his old clothes that I had laughed and Edward hadn't understood, he loved the lace and pomp. Of the other three men in the portrait, I couldn't recall what they looked like or their names even though I knew at one point Edward had told me each of their names.

"Not just one," I told her slowly, "but the three leaders."

"Right," she didn't seem surprised but rather hesitant. She made a gesture for me to follow her and led me back around the corner she had come from and to a desk in a very grand room. "Are you sure?"

She implored me silently as if I could walk right out of here and she would let me and she would not tell. That she knew these vampires and was trying to warn me. I nodded to her and looked at the red woven rug beneath my feet. "It's an emergency."

She set the large stack of files in her arms on the desk and picked up her phone before hitting a single button and waiting. She gestured for me to sit on one of the velvet sitting chairs. Almost immediately she began talking in such rapid Italian that I could not make out a single word, only a long musical string of sounds that I found both soothing and distressing.

She set her phone back down and hung up before looking at me with open curiosity, though she didn't ask whatever questions were going through her mind. Instead she said, "Miss Jane will be down momentarily to escort you to the throne room."

"Thanks," I answered and tried to quell the urge to fidget under her curious gaze.

"When you meet her –"

"Yes, Gianna?" I turned to see a beautiful, cherubic face of a child just on the cusp of womanhood. Her small stature had just the slightest curves that left her perpetually beautiful and innocent. Jane had face a painter like Botticelli would have spent years trying to capture the delicate mix of innocence and sinfulness that made-up Jane's delicate features and striking eyes. However, all of that almost paled in comparison to the thick, solid gold chain that wrapped around her neck and clasped to the two top points of a solid gold, emerald-encrusted 'V'. It was stunning and intricately carved and I longed to be able to hold it close and examine it.

Gianna paled beside me as I fought to keep my composure under Jane's bewildered gaze. "A human?"

I stood, feeling like I was towering over her petite frame, and tried not to feel ugly and bumbling next to this exquisite child. "Hi, I'm Bella." I held my hand out for her to take but she made no move to accept it.

Jane seemed far from satisfied from my lack of information and I sensed she, like Gianna, didn't seem keen on asking. "Follow me," she ordered tersely and span around, disappearing through the door she had come in from.

I didn't look back as I took off after her into the dim hallway. Already she was halfway down it and didn't seem interested if I followed her or not. I ran to catch up with her small, quick steps. Despite her not being thrilled I was human I couldn't help but smile at such a small, beautiful child dressed her thick black tights, skirt, and crème blouse. Her long golden hair curled in ringlets down her back and I silently admired her charm. She was the sweetest thing I'd ever seen and yet her eyes, her crimson eyes so hard and full of blood. Jane was sweet and dangerous – I'd never quite met anyone like her.

"Here we are," her sweet musical voice trilled softly as we reached another set of large heavy looking doors after many, many turns and hallways. There was so much to take in that I couldn't help but feel a little overwhelmed by it all.

My heart beat erratically in my chest and I could feel Jane watching me as I stared ahead, willing myself to be ready, to accept death only after I had pleaded my case. When I turned to Jane she was watching me with an almost illuminating curiosity. She nodded and turned to push open the doors. Inside was nothing how I imagined it would be. With the name throne room being tossed around I had expected a grandeur so resplendent that what little I had seen so far would pale in comparison. Instead, the room was remarkably bare, positively Spartan. The enormous throne room was a wide circular room with tall marble columns neatly standing near three feet apart from each other and going all around the room, hiding doors and archways in inky shadows.

I felt a shudder crawl down my spine as I looked away from the symmetrical pillars, to the center of the room – where three giant stone thrones, each carved differently but beautifully. The man to the left, with chocolate brown hair and absent red eyes, rested on the throne carved with ivy and roses. The man in the middle, with raven hair that fell to his shoulders, sat on a throne gilded and engraved with a crown on top with stags and doves below. The final man, the one on the right with shocking snowy hair that laid messily around his crimson eyes, sat on the throne with great beasts carved into the arms. At first, I had thought they were bears, but upon closer inspection, as Jane and I drew forward, I realized that they looked like werewolf heads. Not like Jacob or Sam's wolf but of an oddly humanistic head warped with wolf features.

All three of them, despite being so old I couldn't even fathom it, looked only a few years older than me – maybe nineteen or twenty. There was intelligence and curiosity in their bright crimson eyes and I almost breathed a sigh of relief when I could finally put the demons from my nightmares out of mind. They were old, yes, and they obviously didn't follow the Cullens diet – but I could find no malice in their eyes. The moment the nomads in Forks had smelled me their hunt had begun – they'd refused to listen to reason or argument. My blood in their mouths was all they had cared about.

To my relief, the Volturi looked at me as a mystery that they wanted to solve, not kill. At least not immediately anyway.

It was the man with a crown on his throne to speak first, his beautiful voice rolling and lilting with excitement. "It has been a very time since we have received a human." He sighed almost dreamily as if he were whisked away to another time and his lips quirked into a loving smile. "I do so miss my Bianca."

"I'm Bella Swan," I didn't know what else to say and I was too self-conscious to offer my hand in greeting. Apart of me couldn't help but think that of all the people to kill me when I had pleaded my case, that I'd like for it to be him. He seemed so…personable or charming. Like when he killed you he would do it with love or tenderness. A love bite and a soft falling into darkness – and that's how I wanted to go, softly and slowly…slipping away with a quiet gasp. I had had enough violence.

"Ciao, mia bella," the lovely man replied. He gracefully rose and came towards me holding his outstretched hand towards me. I laid my hand in his and watched as he brought it to his lips and kissed my knuckles gently. I watched with a pleased feeling as he inhaled deeply and looked up at me, his eyes darkening ever so slightly. "You are bewitching, my child."