Thank you as always for taking the time to read and review, your support means the world!
Hope you enjoy!
Goodbye Is Never Forever
Chapter Fifteen: Late Night Talks
Impala - 6:02AM
It was as Dean turned onto the highway, and the stretch of dark, towering trees at each side of the road seemed to stretch on forever, that he finally decided it was time for one of them to break the silence that had long since fallen over the car. It wasn't necessarily uncomfortable, but with the thousand things he wanted to say swimming around his mind on an unending loop, it only seemed to grow louder each minute that passed. A part of him knew, it was now or never, because, once they were out of that car again, it was unlikely his sister would sit down and have a full conversation with him about what had happened that night. He had a feeling she was expecting him to say something eventually, and he knew there was no point in prolonging the inevitable. He sighed and adjusted himself in his seat a little, thinking hard.
Where was he supposed to start?
"I wasn't kidding around tonight, you know." he stated simply, as though he could have been referring to anything. But, judging by the way she didn't react at all, as though she hadn't heard him, he had a feeling she knew what he was getting at, and it was more than obvious that, if she had the choice, she would have pretended he hadn't spoken at all. "I let it drop because there was still that thing in the woods, but you need to listen to me, Alison."
"I've heard it all before, Dean." she murmured, tired. "A million times."
He simply shook his head. "No," he disagreed. "You're not hearing me. You think I'm trying to stop you, I'm not. You don't understand what it is I'm trying to say to you, because you're not listening."
Alison offered an exasperated sigh. "Dean, I understand."
"No, I don't think that you do." he countered. "Ali, you could have died tonight. Do you get that? Just, hear me out, please?" He shot a look her way, she looked annoyed, but she said nothing, and he took that as an invitation to speak. "You take one of these hunts, you lie to mom and dad about where you are, what if something happens? What happens when you don't come home? Alison, they wouldn't have the first clue what had happened to you. I mean, they think you're up in Cali when really you're lying in a ditch somewhere in Nevada with your guts missing."
Alison scoffed, incredulous. "Let's not exaggerate, Dean." she deadpanned, remaining unconcerned.
"Look," he stopped her firmly. "I'm not saying don't do it. I'm saying don't do it alone."
Admittedly, that comment caught her by surprise, but that still didn't change the fact that it was a conversation she really didn't want to have. Her head ached, her body ached, and the only thing that could interest her at that point was her own bed. "Can we not have this argument right now?" she asked, almost pleading. "I'm not in the mood."
Dean huffed, annoyed. Sometimes he thought it would be easier to talk to a brick wall. "You're unbelievable." he muttered, more to himself than to her, but she heard him all the same.
"Stop lecturing me, Dean." she snapped. "I mean it this time. I've told you why I do what I do, I've told you everything you could possibly want to know about it, what more do you want from me? I don't know what you want me to say to you." She sighed, shaking her head, and she could see that he was more than a little taken aback by her sudden change in tone. "You know, you were always the one person I thought I could share everything with. I could show you my ugly side, the side where I didn't make the smartest choices, and you would never judge me for it, you always had my back. What's so different this time? Huh?" He opened and closed his mouth, admittedly struggling for a response, but said nothing. "Please," she continued. "Just drop it."
Dean thought over her words for a long moment. Maybe she was right. Maybe he was being too pushy with her. She had to have heard him by now, the amount of times he had given her the same speech, she had to have taken at least some of it in, she had to understand what it was he was trying to say to her. Maybe she just needed time to think on it, the same way he needed time to think on her responses. Maybe it was time to drop it. At least for now.
Once again, the silence had fallen over the car. This time thick, uncomfortable, almost awkward, and he knew that she wasn't in the mood to chat. She didn't look as though she was in the mood for anything, and, in the quick glances he took of her when his eyes took a short break from the long road ahead, he noticed how she seemed to be thinking hard about something. He dared to hope that she was thinking over his words, that she understood the dangerous and dark path she was walking, but he didn't want to ask. Any attempt at bringing it up again would only lead them to a fight, and he wasn't prepared for that. Not tonight.
"Hey," he began, his tone brighter, as if in attempt to lighten the mood. "You think next time we road-trip dad would let us take his car?"
Alison simply huffed in response. "Probably not, no." she said bluntly. It came out a little harsher than she had meant. She was tired, cranky, sore, and, in all honesty, she was thinking harder on her brother's words than she had intended to. She sat up a little straighter and pulled her knees up to her chest, wincing a little in pain, and softening her voice a little. "Wasn't that the whole point of getting another car when we all passed our tests? So we wouldn't have to drive his? You know he hates the thought of one of us breaking it."
Dean shook his head. "Hey, as the oldest, that's my rightful inheritance. I should be allowed to drive it."
Despite herself, Alison couldn't hold back a laugh. "Well, you tell him that. See how far you get."
"No, think about it, ghost hunting in an Impala." He threw her a grin. "That not sound cool to you?"
Alison toyed with the idea of bringing up the speech he had given just five minutes earlier, about how ghost hunting was a bad idea all together, about how she needed to stop, about how she was going to get herself killed, but she didn't. "I guess there's more room for a dead body in his car." she responded thoughtfully, and she glanced back over her shoulder. "I doubt you'd fit one in the trunk of this car. Unless you, you know, cut it up, obviously."
"Wow." Dean commented. "You're dark. I can't tell if it's just that you watch too many movies or you're actually deranged."
She scoffed. "You know you thought it."
"Yeah, maybe, but you said it." Dean chuckled. "Besides, might be better if you asked him, he's more likely to say yes to you."
Her eyebrows raised, curious. "And, why is that?" she pressed.
"Come on," he smirked. "You've always been his favorite. Daddy's little girl. You do no wrong in his eyes. Face it, Ali, he's been wrapped around your finger from day one."
"Yeah," Alison scoffed. "Says the mommy's boy."
"Well, it's not mom's car we're trying to drive, is it?" he countered, smug.
Alison rolled her eyes at him, and she looked ahead out of the window. Dean watched her once again shift uncomfortably, she seemed stiff, and he didn't miss the way she once again winced in pain as she moved. It was the same as she had done when he had found her in the woods, and he was starting to think that she was more hurt than she had let on. It was subtle things, things that would probably go unnoticed by anyone else, including herself, but he had been seeing them since they had gotten in the car.
"Hey, are you sure you're alright?" he asked, concerned. "Do you want me to pull over? I can find us a hospital before we go home." he offered.
But Alison waved him off. "I'm fine, honestly." she said, her voice light, unconcerned. "Don't worry about me."
"You know, you don't have to play your little act with me, Ali." he said knowingly.
She looked to him, one brow raised. "I'll bite. What act would that be?"
"This tough chick act you put on." he stated. "I know you better than anyone else in this world, kid. I can see right through you."
Alison shook her head, bemused. "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm fine."
But Dean shot her a look, one that said he knew different. "Ali, you act like you're this big tough badass, you're really not." he smirked at her.
"Actually, I think I am." she said, defensive.
"You read books about murderers for kicks, you can list every serial killer out there by their number of kills or how many years they got in prison, yet I also happen to know you're partial to a Nicholas Sparks novel now and again." At that, she looked shocked, and he smirked when she didn't reply. "You want more? Okay. You've watched every horror movie out there, but I've seen you watching your chick flicks when you think everyone's asleep. You left school and all your friends got jobs serving in bars, or restaurants, you went to a nursing home, I mean, what does that say about you? And, I don't care what you say, you cried for hours when we watched that movie about the dog."
"You know what, I'm so over arguing about that movie. Yes, I cried. You cried. Sam cried. Mom cried. Even dad cried." she snapped. "No one with a soul has ever watched that movie and not cried." Alison threw him a look. "Now, are you done?"
"What? Did I touch a nerve?" he smirked. "See, you can't even handle being complimented. Ali, you're literally the sweetest kid on this planet, and yet you still try and play the big tough act."
"You've gone so off track from whatever the hell you were talking about I can't even remember what it was." she muttered. "And, by the way, I don't think the sweetest kid on this planet would spend her time chasing down Wendigos and digging up corpses. Just a thought."
But Dean ignored her. "I was saying you can drop your little tough act." he said, a little smug. "My point was, as much as you like to pretend nothing bothers you, I know when you're upset, I know you get hurt, just like I know you're in pain right now. So, the offer still stands, do you wanna go and get checked out before we get home?"
Alison shook her head. "No," she said simply. "As much as you don't believe me, I'm good. Honest."
Dean threw her a skeptical glance, but seemed to accept her answer. "Okay."
It was a long drive home, and she didn't want to take the conversation back to that place she had been trying her hardest to avoid, but there was still a thought lingering in the back of her mind, a question she wanted the answer to. She hadn't dared bring it up while they had been on the hunt, but now, she wanted to know. "Look, I didn't wanna push my luck on this, but," She paused, as though tentative, and shrugged. "Why are we here, Dean?"
Dean glanced at her, confused. "What?"
"I mean, you were all dead set against me never doing this again, right? Last week it was dangerous, it was reckless, it was gonna get me killed, and then you just up and decided you wanted to take a hunt with me? And I know you said it's because you thought I was going to do it anyway, but you know if I'd have said I was you could have stopped me, easily. Hell, there was no way I could have sneaked out of the house right under your nose, you know that. If you wanted me to stop, you could have made me." She paused, expectant. "You brought it up again, why?"
Dean offered her a shrug, as though it wasn't a big deal. "I don't know, Ali." he answered, honest. "I really don't. I guess, maybe I was telling the truth, maybe I was just trying to take an interest in your hobbies. I mean, is it so hard to believe? I went to your dance recitals when you were a kid, I went to your cheerleader tournaments, I went to your soccer games. I even went to watch those debate things when you had that weird phase at sixteen. It's the same thing, only these days instead of pom-poms and shouting about politics, it's hunting creepy monsters in the woods and digging up graves."
"Okay, for the record, you went to my dance recitals because you were eight and mom made you. You went to my cheerleader tournaments so you could ogle the pretty girls in little skirts, you went to my soccer games because Miss Rivers used to buy that please, miss, I can't have detention tonight my baby sister is counting on me to see her soccer game from you." He snickered, and she shot him a glare. "And, by the way, there was nothing weird about me joining a debate team."
"Ali, you got kicked out of debate for starting a fight." he told her pointedly. "Hardly the peaceful discussion they advertise on the leaflets."
"That guy was a bitch, and his opinion was so backwards." she countered. "I was defending women's rights."
"You threw a dictionary at him." he stated, bewildered.
"Yes," she nodded. "So he could look up feminism and maybe learn something. I probably did him a service." Dean rolled his eyes, still as baffled now as he was the day he had watched it happen. "Besides, that's not what we're talking about. I don't buy that's all it is."
"Alright," Dean challenged, glancing between her and the road. "If I'm not taking an interest in your hobbies, what do you think I'm doing?"
"I think you liked it." she said, smug, watching carefully for his reaction. "I think, despite what you're saying, and despite the performance you gave after Ohio, you actually enjoyed yourself."
Dean huffed a laugh. "Let's not go nuts." he quipped, but she seemed unconvinced. "I think it's interesting, I'll give you that. I just, I wanna know what you're seeing out there. I wanna understand it. I can't even imagine some of the things you've probably seen doing this, I'm not so sure that I want to, and I'm not for a second saying that I condone this, because I don't, but I do wanna understand it. I think, after all the crap I gave you, after following you, doubting you, I owe it to you to at least try and understand. Let's face it, you were never gonna stop just because I said so, and, if you're gonna do this, I wanna do it with you. At least before—"
But he stopped himself, and she could tell by the look on his face that he had said too much. Whatever he had been about to say, he didn't want her to hear it, and she could see him inwardly yelling at himself for even opening his mouth in the first place.
"Before?" she pushed, frowning. "Before what?"
Dean sighed deeply. "This has gone on for long enough." he muttered. "Look, Ali, there's something I've gotta tell you, and you're not gonna like it." He paused, and he could feel the gaze of her eyes burning into him as she waited on edge for him to finish. "I gotta go back."
"What?" She frowned harder, and for a long moment she didn't understand what he had meant. But then it clicked, and he saw the realization wash though her. She shook her head the slightest bit. "Dean, you've only just come home. They can't do that."
"They can." he said, apologetic. "It's my job, kid. I was never gonna be home for long. Not this time."
Alison was silent for a few minutes, her face was unreadable, and he wasn't sure he wanted to know what was going through her mind. For a moment, he was sure she looked close to tears, but she took a shaky breath, her face turned towards the window beside her, and she composed herself. "When?" she finally asked, her voice calm, steady.
This time it was Dean's turn to struggle for an answer. There was a long moment of silence, where he just couldn't bring himself to say anything at all, but he sighed, and he gave a small shrug. "Couple weeks." he murmured, as though the quieter he said it, the less real it would be.
Those words hit her like a punch to the chest. A couple of weeks? That was barely any time at all. "Do mom and dad know?" she asked, and he could tell by the tone of her voice that she wasn't going to like his answer.
"Yeah," He nodded slowly. "Yeah, they know. We talked about it, and we thought—"
"Wait," Alison scoffed, as though in disbelief, offended. "We talked about it? Who's we? As in, you all got together and had a little family meeting about lying to me? Oh, you know what's a good idea? Let's all keep Alison in the dark, won't that be fun."
"No," He shook his head, his voice firm. "It wasn't like that."
She shook her head at him, and this time he was sure she was going to cry. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?"
"Because I knew that you'd react like this." he said, defensive. "I knew you'd get upset."
Her eyebrows shot up, and he knew he'd said the wrong thing. "Upset?!" she exclaimed. "Can you blame me? How the hell couldn't you tell me?!"
"Alison." He stopped her, his voice hard, urging her to listen to him. "Listen to me," He sighed, because he didn't know how to explain what had been going through his head when he had decided not to tell her. It had made so much sense to him at the time, and now he was leaning towards agreeing with her that he had been in the wrong. "These past couple of weeks being home, they've been great. I've missed you, kid, I missed hanging out with you. And, I don't know, I just didn't wanna see you get so wrapped up in the idea of me going back that you forgot I was home in the first place."
For a long moment she said nothing, simply sat back in her seat, and she was inclined to believe him. The last time, once she had known that he was counting down the days to leaving, things had been different. There had always been something hanging over their heads, something that reminded them that the time they had left as a family was short, maybe he had been right in not telling her. It all felt surreal. She was hurt, she was scared, and there was a feeling of dread somewhere in the pit of her stomach that she knew wouldn't go away now she knew.
"Hey," Dean reached over and squeezed her shoulder. "I'll be home again before you know it, kiddo, I promise. Goodbye is never forever."
Alison nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I know." Her voice was thick, quiet, and he knew she was holding tears back with everything she had in her. "I just, I miss you. It's not the same being home when you're gone, and now Sam's gone, too..." she trailed off, not knowing how to finish.
Dean thought for a moment, and he sighed. "Look, while we're knee deep in painful conversation already, I know you don't wanna talk about this, and I know you don't wanna hear it, but I need you to hear me out this time. You don't have to say anything, I just need to you listen."
The look on her face told him she didn't want to, but she nodded all the same, he wasn't asking for a conversation about it, she just had to listen. She could do that.
The truth was, he didn't even know where to begin. "You know something, Ali, when we were growing up, I always tried to let you be you. Whatever you wanted to do, whoever you wanted to be, whether you wanted to go to college or not, I always said to myself that I'd let you be that person, that I wouldn't get involved, and I wouldn't be the kind of brother to lecture you, or Sammy. I always knew, whoever you were going to be, you were going to be great at it. And I was right." Alison narrowed her eyes at him, as if to ask where he was going with it. "You, uh, you remember that day we cut school? And you made me go with you to get your nose pierced? Mom freaked when she saw it. And, I told her you were just trying to be yourself, that it was okay. I always wanted to be that kind of brother to you. And, I hate to tell you what to do, I hate telling you that you can't do something, because I always promised myself that I wouldn't, but I wasn't joking, Ali, while I'm gone, this needs to stop."
Alison looked away. "Dean—"
"No." he stopped her before she could argue. "Just, hear me out. You know when I was coming home, I sat on that plane, sat on that bus, and the whole time I was just thinking about hanging out with my kid sister again. I don't ever wanna have to make that trip back knowing you're not gonna be there for me to come home to. I don't want anything to happen to you, Alison. I get why you do it, and, I'm not saying it's smart, but it's not... bad. That much I do know. I think what you do out there is amazing. And, despite what I said, I do think you're pretty badass." he quipped. "But, I also know that tonight could have been a completely different story. We weren't guaranteed to come out of those woods alive, and deep down I know that you know that. I know that you don't wanna stop, and I know you're gonna find it hard. I'm not saying for a second that you can never do it again, just, please, Ali, don't do it by yourself. I promise I'm not gonna nag you on this, I'll leave it alone, but just think about it, that's all I'm gonna ask, okay?"
Alison was silent for a long moment, and he could see her trying to work through his words in her head. "Okay."
That was all she said, and that was all he needed to hear. "I meant what I said, you know." he stated, his voice sounding far off.
She glanced to him, brow furrowed. "Which bit?"
Dean looked down to her and offered a smile. "I picked an idiot for a best friend." he said simply. "Only, she's not so much of an idiot."
Alison smiled. "I think I picked a pretty good best friend myself." she said softly. "I don't think I could have asked for a better one."
Lawrence, Kansas - Home - 03:12PM.
Dean glanced down at his watch as he closed the car door behind himself. "You know," he began, voice light. "If we're lucky, we might just get away with this."
Alison nodded, following his actions and closing her own door as as she climbed out, slinging her bag over her shoulder. The sun was high in the sky, and, although their father's car was parked on the drive, they knew that it didn't necessarily mean that their parents were home. It was probably the first time in a long time their parents had been child free for the weekend, and she liked to think they'd used the time to do something together. More than that, she simply hoped that they weren't home.
They headed towards the front door of their home, and, through the living room window they could see that the lights were turned off. The TV wasn't on, and there was definitely no one occupying the couch. There was hope that their parents wouldn't be home, and it would give them the escape of explaining the state they were returning home in. Dean opened the door, and, for a moment, it looked as though they were going to get away with it, but he heard the sound of voices talking in the kitchen, and he just knew that their luck from the weekend had run it's course.
"Dean?!" A voice called down the hallway. "Alison? Is that you?"
Alison shot him a look, a smirk on her face. "Yeah, mom, it's just us." she called back, closing the door behind herself.
Automatically, they held up their fists, eyes glued to the others in warning. "On three." Dean muttered.
And, on three, they played their own game. They looked down, Dean's palm was flat, and Alison's was balled into a fist. She groaned. "Best of three?" she asked, hopeful.
But Dean scoffed, and made his way towards the kitchen. "Fat chance." he threw back at her. And that meant she was going to be the one to explain to their parents why they were returning home covered in dirt and blood.
They headed through to the kitchen to find their parents waiting, expectant. They both sat at the counter, their dad with a beer in front of him and their mother with a glass of white wine. Clearly they had been enjoying their child free weekend. The radio that their mom played while she cooked was on, playing and old song as the sun blared into the room from the open window before them. Alison almost felt like she was standing in a spotlight, just waiting to be interrogated.
Their dad barely even glanced up from his beer as they entered. "Are you two just getting home?" he asked, more out of obligation than actual annoyance. They knew, as long as they'd had fun, and as long as they were okay, he didn't mind.
"Erm, yeah, drive was longer than we thought." Dean answered, giving a shrug, it seemed a plausible excuse.
But it was then that their mother turned to look at them, and her face dropped at the sight. "Wow." she commented, eyes wide with concern. "What happened to you two? Are you alright?"
"Erm..." Alison opened and closed her mouth, fumbling over her words. She didn't know what to tell her. "We, uh, you know, we..."
Her eyes narrowed in suspicion, and the concern was written all over her face. "You're both bleeding." she stated. "And you've covered in mud, what happened to you?"
"Yeah," She nodded, looking down pointedly at the blood on her shirt. "I, uh, fell."
Dean inwardly groaned, and he wasn't sure what had possessed him to let his sister deal with the cover up. She had never been good at it.
And, as predicted, their mother looked anything but convinced by her story. "You fell?"
"Yeah, I, well, uh, we fell." she mumbled, looking nowhere but the floor.
"Down a hill." Dean added, his voice a little more hopeful that she might believe them. "Branches."
Alison nodded vigorously. "Pointy twigs."
"Yeah," Dean stated. "That kinda thing."
"Pointy things." she encouraged. "Leaves and, you know... stuff."
Dean cleared his throat, and there was a long, awkward moment of silence throughout the kitchen. It was clear that she wasn't accepting of their lame and unimaginative, and, to say the least, unconvincing story. He didn't blame her. He wouldn't have bought it, either. But their dad looked as though he realized they didn't want to tell them the truth, and, on the most part, he would let them get away with their little white lies if it would stop their mother from worrying.
He looked between them slowly, shaking his head in amusement. He wouldn't ask them what had really happened, but he would've given anything to see it. "Like I said, I would have paid good money to see the two of you camping."
Alison rolled her eyes, a smile playing on her face. "I'm gonna go get cleaned up."
Dean watched her go, and he made a move to follow her out of the room, but something stopped him. There was a thoughtful look on his face, and a sense of bravery washed over him. "Hey, now might be a bad time to ask, but can we drive your car?" he asked, looking straight at his dad, face stone cold serious.
Alison turned around, eyes wide, as if she couldn't believe he'd even asked him. She looked stunned, as did their mother. Their dad glanced between them, and he laughed, really laughed, but neither of his children so much as cracked a smile. They looked confused. They glanced between each other, and they looked back to him with raised eyebrows, expressions mirroring the others. "You're not kidding." he concluded, and they both shook their heads, looking on at him, waiting. "No." he said firmly. "Absolutely not. You came back from a simply camping trip covered in blood. You think you're getting behind the wheel of that car? No."
Dean shrugged. "Worth a try."
