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Goodbye Is Never Forever
Chapter Sixteen: Our Choices Brought Us Here
"I'll be home again before you know it, kiddo." Dean said, his voice sincere, and, for the most part, Alison was inclined to believe him. Rather, she wanted to believe him, and she knew he meant what he said, that was never in question, she just knew there was so much out of his control, and that was what scared her. If it was up to Dean, he would be back, sooner rather than later, but she knew, the universe often had other ideas.
Alison simply nodded in response, just about noticeable, and took a shaky breath. "You better be." Her voice wavered, and he could see the effort she was making to remain strong.
Dean stepped closer, and he pulled her into a tight hug. Her hands gripped to the back of his jacket, as though she could hold him there and prevent him from ever leaving. He knew, if she had the choice, she would. If him leaving the first time had been hard, it was nothing compared to how she felt now. The last time she had been wishing him luck as he entered into the unknown. This time, however, she knew exactly where he was going. She knew how bad it could be for him, and, he knew, that was his own fault. He had told her things about his time away that she was now regretting hearing about. Her brother had been shot, he had watched his friends die before his eyes, and she knew that it could just as easily have been him. Knowing that made it all so much harder.
He heard a sob escape her, one that he was sure she had tried to hide, and he pulled her closer still. In that moment, there was nothing else in the world but the two of them. Family.
"No going to Disney Land while I'm gone, alright?" he said, his voice low, soft, almost pleading, but she was sure he had said it to ensure she was the only one who heard him. "Please, Alison."
Alison once again nodded. He wanted her to promise him, and she knew that, but it was a promise she wasn't sure she would be able to keep. And so she didn't comment on it. "Be careful, Dean." she urged, her voice desperate. "Please."
"Always am." He pulled back to face her. "You, too, sis. Goodbye is never forever, remember that."
Three months later
Alison opened her eyes, and her body gave a violent shudder against the cold air that whipped around her. That day seemed to play through her mind on repeat, it was a memory that she just couldn't escape. Dean's words wouldn't leave her, and she knew now that he had been right all along. About everything. Maybe had she made a different choice that day, things would have worked out differently for her. Maybe, had she made a promise to him that day, the way she knew he had wanted her to, she wouldn't have ended up where she was.
That day seemed so long ago. The conversation had taken place over three months ago, and yet it remained so fresh in her mind, as if it had only been days ago. Although, she couldn't be sure, because she was very quickly losing track of the days as they ran past. It hadn't been that long ago since she had spoken to her brother on the phone, yet, to her, everyday now felt like an antagonizing lifetime. And every day she considered it would be her last.
These days, everything was so different, and the only thought on her mind was her brother. He was who she needed, and he was so far out of reach it seemed impossible to think that they would ever see each other again. Some days, she would think about Dean leaving, and the pain she had felt as she had watched him walk away, knowing deep down that it might be the last time she ever saw him, and it always brought that same feeling of dread back to the pit of her stomach. But it wasn't the waking thoughts that were the worst, it was the ones that came at night that haunted her. Sometimes she dreamed things, nightmares, about what was happening over there, about where he could be, or the worst thing imaginable happening to him.
But Alison had never imagined, that day she had watched him walk away, that the thought of them not seeing each other again would be on her. She never could have thought that she would be the one to disappear, to not come home again.
Lately, all she had time to do was think. Her trembling fingers rubbed at her bare arm in vein, the white vest she wore, dirty and ripped and stained with blood, did nothing to shield her from the icy wind that seemed to constantly blow around her. She squeezed her eyes closed and a single, helpless tear ran down her cheek, leaving a clear track in the midst of dirt and blood that otherwise covered her. Was this the place she was going to die?
Alison was trapped, and she couldn't see a way out of it this time.
Meanwhile
Dean took a short breath in some attempt to compose himself. He reached up and knocked on the door in front of him, not knowing what to expect on the other side. Whatever this was about, he already knew that it wasn't going to be good. No one went to see their boss for good reason, that much he did know. He had seen it in the eyes of his friends when he had been sent to the office, he had felt it in his chest that something was wrong. Maybe they were extending his tour? Maybe something had gone wrong? Maybe he had done something wrong? Or maybe it was something else entirely. Was someone hurt? Were they under threat?
Before he had the time to continue his thoughts, he heard someone call for him to enter on the other side of the door. He pulled a hand down his face and took a breath before he pushed the door open and stepped inside. "You wanted to see me?" he asked, his voice calm, stoic, as though there was nothing out of the ordinary going on.
"Hello, Dean." The man behind the desk stood from his seat. David Matthews. He had been Dean's boss since the day he had joined the army, and he had a lot of respect for him, as did everyone, it reflected in the way people spoke to him, in the way he walked—chest out with the many earned medals pinned to his uniform shining in the sun—but never once had he called him into his office, and never once had he addressed him as Dean. Something was definitely wrong. There was something about the expression on his face that didn't fill Dean with confidence. It was a look he had never seen him wear before, and he wasn't sure what it meant. "Please, Dean, take a seat." he said, gesturing to the chair on the opposite side of his desk.
Dean frowned, but did as instructed. "Sir, what's going on?" he pressed, curious, impatient, concerned.
David sighed heavily, for a moment he looked unsure of what to say, as though he was struggling for an answer. "Dean, this isn't easy to tell you." He paused, as though searching for the right words, and Dean's stomach was in knots. "We heard from your mother this morning. I'm very sorry, Dean, your sister, Alison, she's dead."
And, right there, in that moment, Dean's world came crumbling down around him.
