Author's Note: My thanks go out to my beta UntilNeverDawns. You're a great help and I'm glad to have you on board for this!

Punk81: Thanks for your extremely kind and flattering review. You made my day. (And I'm not just saying that to be nice). I really appreciate it. Hope you will enjoy the rest of the story as well.


Nina was standing inside the break room at work and pouring herself a coffee.

"So where have you been during your little break? Have you checked in on Sheamus?" the casual question came from behind her. She recognized Mike's voice and turned around immediately. Her colleague was standing behind her with his coffee mug in hand. The way he looked at her indicated that he was yet again annoyed with her. Perhaps she hadn't gotten out of his way fast enough. Perhaps he didn't like the shirt she was wearing. But quite frankly she didn't care.

"We're not friends, Mike," she announced in a chilly voice. "You're a colleague. And that's it. So I don't have to answer that question."

"What's the matter with you, Nina?" the way he pronounced her name sounded like he was pronouncing the name of some disgusting slimy creature. "Haven't gotten laid in a while or is it that time of the month? Relax. Nothing but a friendly question among colleagues."

"I had a nice time. Thank you," she replied in any icy tone of voice and breezed out of the room.

For some reason his comments had gotten to her, but not because they were rude and out of line. What he had said was actually true. She hadn't had a lasting relationship in two years. From the moment she had quit her job at university, a period of stress and personal change had started. While she was looking out for herself, it had been kind of hard to make room for somebody else in her life. Now that she had found her bearings again and her life had regained stability, things were different.

Still, even though she was a fiercely independent woman, she needed someone to spill her guts to. There was, for one thing, her relationship with Stephen. The level of intensity and seriousness it had acquired in such a short time scared her sometimes. And that thing with Tim was also still occupying her mind. Tim had never called her back. He had however written her an email in which he tried to calm her and tell her he would try to work things out on his own. He had sent the email one week ago. So right now she was trying to be patient and respect the fact that he needed some time and space to work through whatever problem he seemed to have. One more day. She'd leave him one more day and then she'd give him a call again.

She had reached the office she shared with Luke and Maria. For once both of them were present. They acknowledged her arrival in their own idiosyncratic ways. Maria nodded at her and then focused back on her work. Luke grinned and spun around once in his swivel chair before he shot up and exclaimed "Coffee break!" There was only one acceptable response to that battle cry. Maria and Nina raised their cups in unison. "Cheers!" they chorused.

Nina slumped down in her chair which bounced up and down once when her full weight hit it. At the thought of Tim, actually she never stopped thinking of him; a listless sigh left her lips.

"What's going on?" Maria asked her, throwing her a preoccupied look over the edge of her computer screen.

"Life," was Nina's enigmatic reply.

"Care to be a bit more precise...," Maria raised one of her delicate eyebrows.

Nina spent a few seconds reflecting on what to tell Maria. It seemed too risky talking about Stephen. Sure, Maria was her friend, but she was also her colleague, so she decided to tell her about Tim. In the long run, her messed up family life would only have minimal repercussions on her career if word got out.

"It's my brother. He called a couple of days ago to tell me he's dropped out of university. Since then I've been dodging my mum's phone calls, because I don't want to lie to her. She doesn't know yet," Nina sighed.

"Sounds serious," Maria leaned back in her chair.

"It is. With Tim you never know. I'm not even sure I want to know his reasons for dropping out of university. Could be anything from him wanting to run away with the circus to the sudden compulsion to start a microbrewery. On second thought... I definitely don't want to know. It's always worse than I imagine." Nina banged her head against the desktop. Not hard enough to hurt herself, but enough to convey her profound frustration.

"Have you talked to him? It's obviously still on your mind," Maria said in a sympathetic tone of voice.

"I keep calling him, but I always end up talking to the answering machine. He won't return my calls."

"Awesome," Maria said in an ironic tone of voice.

"Yeah, just awesome."

As if on cue Luke strolled back in. The smell of freshly brewed coffee was wafting from his cup. "Awesome? Is this a secret The Miz fan club meeting?"

Nina let out a snort. "No, we're talking about my stupid little brother."

"What's he done?"

"Dropped out of university?" Nina gave Luke an unnerved look.

"Congrats."

"Yeah, definitely," she rolled her eyes. "Mom is going to kill us both when she finds out... It's not going be pretty." Quite inevitably her eyes wandered over to the family picture that was standing on her desktop. Happy toothy grins, mother, father, daughter, son - the average American family. They looked perfect in a picture, but underneath the surface there was quite some conflict potential.

"Why?" Maria asked in concern. Since she had a very close relationship to her own family- her mom called her every day-she was perturbed by the news that other families were less harmonic.

"My mom is some kind of overachiever when it comes to us kids. She still dreams of a knight in shining armor for me. Preferably someone with a doctorate who is educated and wealthy. She used to love watching Frasier. If she could fix me up with a real life Frasier, she would. From my brother she wants nothing less than for him to turn into a rich, cultured little prince. Not a lot to ask, right?" Nina looked at her colleagues with something akin to challenging expression on her face, secretly daring them to tell her that their families were more messed up than hers. After all that would make her feel slightly better. No such luck!

"Somehow I can't help but be thankful for the fact that my parents never were that ambitious," Luke told her. "Chocolate bar orgy during lunch break?" he suggested. It was his way of showing his sympathy, since he wasn't someone who enjoyed talking about emotional problems. Nevertheless Nina was grateful for his suggestion and nodded.

Maria however was his polar opposite when it came to things like that. "That's terrible. She sets the bar far too high and makes things way too difficult for you and your brother."

Nina shrugged. "She doesn't do it to be mean. It's just her way of showing she cares."

"There are different ways to do that," Maria frowned at her. "Has she ever tried telling you kids she loves you?"

"She has," Nina smirked, "but our family is not big on the emotional talk. That's not how we Stewarts roll... We like to bottle things up and only come out with them at the very last moment, when we can no longer keep them in."

"You seem awfully down. Are you sure this is just about your brother?" Maria asked.

Nina gave her an odd look. She had walked right into this one. She shouldn't have complained about her family's inability to deal with emotions. Since she was a part of that family, of course that deficit also extended to her. She regarded Maria a little bit longer. If she was honest with herself, she desperately needed someone to talk to about Stephen. Perhaps if she left out the fact that they were talking about one of the WWE's superstars and gave her as little information about him as possible, she could talk to Maria about what was on her mind. She made a decision.

"No, it's not only about my brother," Nina finally admitted, her shoulders slumped, her head hanging in defeat.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Maria suggested rolling her chair in her direction, so she could lay her hand on Nina's shoulder.

"If you're willing to listen…"

"What about after work? I'm free. Rodrigo is out of town on a business trip. I can make us dinner over at my place," Maria suggested.

"Okay," Nina agreed.


Nina entered Maria's and Rodrigo's apartment. It was obvious Rodrigo had picked out the place. Even though she believed Maria's taste to be equally impeccable, she could imagine all too well that the architectural elegance of the rooms was something that would immediately enchant someone working in that field. The apartment had a lot of windows and since it was on the topmost floor of the building, it had a lot of floodlights as well. So basically the whole place was light-flooded, which was even more accentuated by the interior decoration. Lots of whites, wood floors, and wide open spaces.

The kitchen was modern, just like the rest of the apartment. It slightly reminded Nina of those kitchens you saw on cooking shows on TV. Clearly it belonged to someone who enjoyed a home-cooked meal and good food in general, since it came equipped with all sorts of useful utensils: knife blocks, mixers, pans… She took a seat on one of the stools around the kitchen island while Maria rummaged inside the fridge for some soft drinks.

During the drive over Maria had carefully avoided asking Nina about what the other problem was, something for which Nina would be eternally grateful.. But now she could tell Maria was finding it more and more difficult to avoid the topic, because her attempts of conversation grew clumsier and clumsier. They had already covered her upcoming wedding and the difficulties she had encountered organizing it. It had been enough to keep them entertained the way over from the office and the last half an hour, but now conversation was dwindling down.

It wasn't like Nina didn't want to tell Maria. She only had certain reservations about what to tell her and what not. She trusted her, but as she had said earlier, she was not accustomed to telling people about her most private thoughts. Talking about Stephen without mentioning his name, anything specific about his looks or what he did for a living was difficult. It meant she had to immediately cut right to the chase of the matter. Her feelings.

She had a choice now. She could either keep it bottled up, like her parents had taught her, or she could come out with it and get some of those things off her chest that were bothering her. If there was one thing she had learned the hard way in the last couple of years, it was that asking for help wasn't a crime. She needed to cut herself some slack. She wasn't an island. She couldn't do everything on her own. Maria was willing to listen, so it would be foolish to not take up that offer.

"I'm seeing someone," Nina blurted out abruptly.

Maria stopped rummaging inside the fridge and turned around with two bottles of Coke in her hands. The expression on her face was surprised, but in a positive way. "Finally! I thought you would never admit it. What's his name? What's he like?"

Nina cringed when she was confronted with those questions. What was she to tell her friend? If she answered those questions, she would give everything away, so she decided to compromise. "He's not from Stamford. He's a…businessman, does a lot of travelling," she answered evasively.

"So that's where you went when you took those two days off," Maria concluded and Nina confirmed her suspicion with a cautious nod. Maria's curiosity, however, didn't seem to be sated thanks to those two little morsels of information. "Come on! You have to give me a little more! What does he look like?" Her friend was leaning with her upper body on the kitchen counter. She pushed the Coke across the island towards Nina. It slid smoothly over the polished stone surface. She caught it and looked down at the glass bottle. As if she needed more caffeine and sugar now. She was already nervous.

"I suppose he's handsome…," she started hesitantly.

"You suppose?" Her friend grinned. "What does that mean?" Maria enquired, talking the first sip of her drink.

Nina thought for a moment. "He's handsome, but absolutely not the guy I would have pictured myself going for if you had asked me a couple of months ago."

Maria propped up her chin on her hand. "How so?"

"You remember how I told you that I didn't have a type?" Maria nodded. "That's not strictly true. I guess you can say I've always had a thing for slightly nerdy guys…," she admitted embarrassedly.

"Seriously?" Maria laughed. "Then I can't help but wonder why you didn't fall for Luke…"

"Yikes! Maria! Luke? No, that would be like incest. He's like the little goofball of a brother I always wanted, but never got." Maria had to grin at her friend's concise, but spot-on evaluation of Luke's character. "Don't get me wrong, I love Tim, but we've grown apart since we were children," Nina continued with a slightly depressed tone to her voice. "He's a party animal. I was a loner during my college years. Always wore black and wrote depressing little poems. He's tan and charming. I'm pale and talk a mile a minute."

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Ninetta. You're a good person. Believe me," Maria told her with a kind smile.

"Thanks," Nina smiled back at her before she took a drink from the bottle herself. She hadn't drank Coke in a while, so at first it tasted almost disgustingly sweet until her taste buds grew accustomed to the amount of sugar in it again.

"You were going to tell me some more about that mystery man of yours...," Maria tried to get the conversation back on track. "So he's good looking, but not your type. Makes me wonder how you two actually ended up together."

"He's got this thing about him. It's hard to describe," Nina sighed in exasperation. "There's something about his personality. It's like he's always teasing me, challenging me, provoking me, but then again he manages to be the sweetest kind of person without even trying… I think the bottom line is I fell for him because of one of his smiles."

Maria chuckled. "Sounds like you got it bad."

"Yeah," Nina grimaced and as she thought of Stephen that grimace turned into a smile. Oh, God! She was so lost and in over her head it wasn't even funny. "So bad actually that I blurted out an 'I love you' before he did."

"Really?" Maria's eyebrows nearly disappeared in her hairline when she heard that. "Did he say it back?"

"Yes, but the point is that we've known each other for like… like… I don't know, this comparatively short amount of time and I start springing out the 'I love yous' already. Don't you get it? That's completely crazy!"

"It would have been crazy if he hadn't said it back. But since he did, I think it's okay. He obviously feels the same about you," Maria said carefully.

A slow smile started spreading on Nina's face, but it just as quickly evaporated again as more pessimistic thoughts manifested in her head. "Yeah, but Maria, you don't get what type of person I am. I tend to obsess about things. You show me a movie about Beethoven. If I like the movie, I will start listening to Beethoven's music all the time until the next thing comes along. I'm afraid it's going to be the same with him. What if this feeling goes away? I would be leading him on. That would make me a liar. The worst kind of scum on the planet..."

"Hmmm," Maria let out a long pensive hum and took a drink from her bottle. She placed it down on the kitchen counter and rounded it to come to stand next to Nina. She placed her hand on her shoulder. Nina looked at her questioningly and Maria smiled at her. Nina reciprocated that smile with one of her own that was slightly more insecure and sad. At this point Maria came to the only correct conclusion. Her friend needed a hug, so hug her she did.

"Thank you," Nina said in a shaky voice when they let go of each other again.

"You're welcome. I think you're being too hard on yourself. And I don't think you're the type of person who throws around declarations of love like they don't mean anything. Just ask yourself this: When have you last told anyone that you love him?"

Nina thought hard. She thought back to her previous relationships. Some of those memories left her with an unpleasant aftertaste in her mouth. Those relationships hadn't always ended on amicable terms. When had her last 'I love you' been? She couldn't even remember it. "It's been a long time," she finally said.

"See? So it's safe to assume you've been serious about it. As for how long it will last? Who can tell at this point? I mean you haven't been seeing each other for very long, right? The only thing for sure at this point is that you're both serious about it and that it's not some kind of fling to both of you," Maria told her. Thanks to the fact that she was more detached from the issue, she was able to see the bigger picture, something for which Nina was extremely thankful, because she wasn't able to.

"Maybe you're right," she said finally.

"Maybe?" Maria asked with a skeptically raised eyebrow. "It's extremely likely that I'm right!"

Nina grinned. "Okay," she confirmed.

"Can I ask you something?" Maria suddenly wanted to know. The overall casualness of her tone and the way she so abruptly asked the question caused Nina to be on her toes immediately.

"Sure," she said cautiously.

"Have you already slept with him?"

Nina blushed profusely, in fact all the way up to the roots of her hair. Her reaction made Maria giggle, which Nina commented with a disgruntled "Stop it!"

"Does that mean 'yes' or 'no'?" Maria decided to ask.

"No," Nina muttered gruffly, while she attempted to peel off the label of her glass bottle to hide her embarrassment. "I'm not some kind of idiot. I know that you're supposed to take it slow in that department when you're not sure about things."

"But you've been tempted?" Maria grinned.

"Are you kidding me? Tempted is the understatement of the century!"

"What stopped you? You're a grown woman. You're allowed to take what you want," Maria pointed out to her somewhat unnecessarily.

"Have you ever seen that "Sex and the City" episode where Samantha suggests to the girls to try having sex like a man?"

Maria grinned. "You watch "Sex and the City"?"

"I do," Nina smirked. "Now get over yourself and answer my question!"

"Yeah, I think I have. But don't ask me about any details. It's been a long time ago."

Nina waved her off impatiently. "It's not about the plot. The point is that having sex like a man is complete nonsense. Sure, sex can be impersonal, but not for the average person. It nearly always leads to complications, because it's a tool created by Mother Nature to make sure we populate the planet. Sleep with someone and you get the ultimate reward: an orgasm. Well, most of the time," Nina added her voice laced with so much irony it made Maria laugh. "Seen from a biological and anthropological point of view it's supposed to create a connection to enable you to raise your progeny together. So please tell me how that doesn't create a complication?"

Maria let out a sigh. "I wasn't asking about anthropology. Has anyone ever told you're the master of evasive tactics? Couldn't you have used simpler words to say you don't sleep around?"

"No," Nina crossed her arms over her chest and smiled. "Because I need you to understand that I'm a fucked up romantic. I know all those things and yet again I still believe you need to be in love with the person you want to have sex with."

"But that way it only hurts more if it doesn't work out," Maria pointed out the obvious flaw in Nina's logic to her.

"That's what's kept me hesitating."

"Kept?" Maria repeated.

"Yeah, I think it doesn't make any sense at this point to not do it. If this doesn't work out, I will suffer like a dog anyway."

"What makes you think it won't work out?"

Nina sighed. "I'm sure that we're both as sincere about our feelings as we can be, but I'm not so sure how to make this relationship work. He's travelling around a lot and we hardly get to spend any time together. I'm not after something conventional like the 2.5 kids and the white picket fence, but I want someone who's there for me. I want a partner in every sense of the word, which is a bit fucked up, because I'm not sure if I can take it. I have issues with relying on other people."

"Because you've been disappointed too often?"

Nina thought for a moment before she answered. "No, I think it's a personality thing. I am literally unable to ask for help. Well, most of the time. When I force myself, because I'm aware that it's not possible to always do things on my own, I can do it, like for example now, but the rest of the time it's me against the world. That's how it's always been. And it feels safe, because I know my own weaknesses and flaws. People don't get to disappoint me. I rarely give them the chance to. Usually the only one I end up disappointed with is myself."

"Wow," Maria said with a tiny bit of awe and shock in her voice.

"Yeah," Nina said dejectedly and with a little bit of sarcasm in the mix. "Surprise! I've got issues."

"You don't have issues. You're a human being. There's a difference," Maria correct her sternly.

"Thanks," Nina said, actually humbled by her friend's kindness and supportiveness.

"Don't mention it," Maria waved her off with a hand gesture. "Just answer me this: Is your guy aware that you're not looking for Prince Charming to rescue and protect you from the big, bad world, but a partner?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, don't take this the wrong way, you're my friend and I think you're an incredibly strong woman, but it must be hard for the average Joe to grow accustomed to the fact that he's dealing with a girl who doesn't want him to be her protector. After all, that's what men get told all their lives. That they need to be the strong ones, bring home the bacon, protect their woman," Maria rolled her eyes when she enumerated those things. After all, just like Nina, she worked in a male-dominated line of work and had to be tough in order to hold her own.

Maria did have a point. Would Steve be able to cope with her stubbornness and her need for independence? He was a man's man. That much anybody could tell without really getting to know him. He loved a good fight, small injuries only made him cock his eyebrow and carry on as if nothing had happened, he drank beer, went nuts over soccer… All in all the picture of someone oozing testosterone. Then again there was this other side to him he very rarely showed to anyone. When he wanted to, he could be thoughtful, sensitive and caring.

She concluded her thought process with a resigned "I don't know."

"Maybe you should talk to him about it…," Maria suggested.

"What am I supposed to say to him? Honey, I'm Miss Independent, I don't need you to fight my battles for me?" Nina asked her with a forlorn expression on her face.

"Tell him just like you told me," Maria shrugged her shoulders.

"Just like that?"

"Just like that," Maria confirmed.

"I don't know," Nina said. "Don't you think he would find that strange?"

"Depends on what sort of guy he is… Some guys need to be told straight to their faces. Others figure things out on their own, without having to be told. Subtle or straight-shooter?"

"Definitely straight-shooter," Nina laughed. "I've never seen him scandalized by anything that I've said yet, and that's quite something."

"Well, that's promising. Maybe you really should just come out and tell him," Maria suggested.

"Maybe I will," Nina said pensively.